Does Our Society Work Marriage-Wise?

[JohnWesleyMethodist]

I was reading the thread: "Christian singles age 30 and above" and decided to throw this post out there.

Is our society today set up in a healthy way that encourages sexual purity until marriage? I don't think that it is. When people enter puberty and start having the hormones raging at 12-14 or whatever the age is now-a-days, is it wise for our society to discourage marriage until people are 20+?

I think it is little wonder that there is so much teen fornication and pregnancy when people are not allowed a natural response for their hormones. Does God give hormones at 13 and not approve of marriage until 20? I doubt it. What does the Bible say?

1 Cor 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.



Our society says however they ought to burn until 20+ and then it's acceptable to get married.


I really think that our society is set up in a harmful way. I believe people should be graduating from school at 14 or 15 at the latest, and then it being considered normal to be married by 16. This isn't going to change though anytime soon, but it's interesting to debate.


And don't tell me that people are too immature at that age. Yes, in Western countries they are too immature, but I have seen TV shows about children 9 years old working for a living to support families in poor countries. If they are that mature at that age in those countries, then it's clear something isn't right in our countries.


Furthermore, what about teenagers and their rebellion from parents? Look at all the trouble teens get into and all the fights with their parents. Isn't it clear that God didn't intend for them to be living with mommy and daddy at 15?



That's my opinion. What's yours?

 

[ariannaaa]

I understand what you mean about God creating us so that our hormones kick in at such a young age, but i dont think that that necessarily means that its at that point that he wants us to get married. at such a young age we lack wisdom and full understanding of concepts that need to be understood before one is mature enough to make a decision to commit their lives to another. i think we may begin feeling 'hormonal' at such a young age so that we have the opportunity to practice self control and also to serve only God while we're single, as opposed to also serving a spouse. The claim can't really be made that we had a chance to serve God as a single person before the age of puberty bc when we're 12 and younger, many of us don't fully understand our Christian beliefs yet let alone really pursue God's will for our lives. So yeah. I think its smart to wait until you're older and wiser in order to make such an important decision. i appreciate your post, though! interesting to think about.

 

[JohnWesleyMethodist]

I understand what you mean about God creating us so that our hormones kick in at such a young age, but i dont think that that necessarily means that its at that point that he wants us to get married. at such a young age we lack wisdom and full understanding of concepts that need to be understood before one is mature enough to make a decision to commit their lives to another. i think we may begin feeling 'hormonal' at such a young age so that we have the opportunity to practice self control and also to serve only God while we're single, as opposed to also serving a spouse. The claim can't really be made that we had a chance to serve God as a single person before the age of puberty bc when we're 12 and younger, many of us don't fully understand our Christian beliefs yet let alone really pursue God's will for our lives. So yeah. I think its smart to wait until you're older and wiser in order to make such an important decision. i appreciate your post, though! interesting to think about.

Thanks for your response!

I do agree that people need to practice self-control and serve God when we are single. I also agree with you that people in our society are not mature enough to make these decisions at a young age, but I think that is the fault of our society. I heard once a statistic - and I may not remember it correctly - but I believe I heard that the average 12 year old has as much knowledge as the top scientists did 500 years ago. If this is the case then there is something really wrong with our school system because 12 year olds needn't have that much general knowledge. They ought to be gaining knowledge towards a career and not a bunch of information that they will forget in 10 years. I think people ought to be training for a profession much earlier.

This is a topic that upsets me because I was adopted myself. I have heard how back in the old days - 60s and backwards - that if a teenage girl got pregnant, the families would hide the pregnancy and then give the child away for adoption like it was some piece of meat. Then of course abortion came in and that became another method to dispose of unwanted children for teenagers. This hiding of pregnancy was due to us living in a "Christian Society" as well, though it clearly wasn't Christian. Christians can't be that uncaring and therefore we know they weren't Christians.

I just think so many problems would be averted if people got married earlier, and if teenagers went to work earlier, etc.. I think we'd have a healthier society where marriage would be revered.

But anyway...

 

[lil-rush]

I don't think any man should be considering marriage unless he is of an age that he can support a family. Typically at 18 or younger(unless one joins the military or is wealthy by birth) a man does not really have the means to support a family. It is for this main reason I think people should wait until older to get married.

Yes, God can provide for any person's needs, but that does not mean one need be fool-hardy and trust God to help him out of any scrap he gets himself in.

Furthermore, in most (probably all) 1st world countries, secondary education is not complete until one is 17-18 years of age. I do not think one should be embarking on marriage when one has not even finished school yet. Once again, it would be fool-hardy to focus on marriage and starting a family when you don't even have a highschool diploma.

Yes, I am aware many teens have to start families at an early age because they could not keep their hormones under control, but in that case they are forced into a family while still in high school, and not choosing that life style.

Last, as you pointed out, most teens in 1st world countries are not particularly mature enough to marry as teens. Obviously, it is possible, and can work. A couple in my Bible Study class at church married very nearly right out of high school, and I have a friend who will be marrying next year at age 19. The thing with both these couples, though, is that neither even had sex outside of marriage, so that negates your whole argument of why people should be allowed to marry as teens.

Also, you state that because teens "become adults" at such young ages then marriage should be allowed then. You do realize that most of the early physical maturing is due to the additives and such put into our food? It used to be that females did not become "women" until the age of 14 -or older. And boys have never been expected to marry young. Society has always accepted that boys need to be grown men who can support and sustain a family before they get married.

Think about it, if you were a parent of a 14 year old daughter would you want her throwing away her life to get married to a 14 year old boy with no job, no high school diploma, and not even a facial hair to call his own? Why do you want children to grow up so swiftly? Let children be children, and let adults be adults.

 

[RoboOp]

Yes, the way society is set up with college education and everything being required during the peak of their raging hormones does cause a problem.

And society doesn't encourage them to burn, rather it encourages them to indulge in immorality. Even at the high school level and before. (Here's a condom -- take one.)

 

[chrisbk]

Nowadays kids are encouraged to date at such young ages.My kids are not allowed to date till 16,and my daughter still hasn't dated yet and she is almost 19.I don't encourage her to,when she meets a boy,I must meet him first.We get to know him as a person and friend,then if he wants to date he knows our family and how to respect my daughter.I grew up without the love and support I needed and that is how most kids do today too.It's so sad to see a 12 yr old girl trying to get the love she doesn't get at home from someone she doesn't even know and who sees her as just way to get sex.It's the parents job to teach the kids how to control themselves and to show them the love they need to grow into mature,healthy adults.To many parents just think of themselves and what they want,not about what is best for their children.

 

[jaylynn83]

I pity the man that would have even considered marrying me at 13 or even 14

 

[MahogonySnail]

I think the marriagable age of 18 is even too young in many cases. So I voted 20. Females dont' fully mature and personalities stabilise until about 23 and males until about 25 or something. Ages younger than 18 are impractica, particularly in our societyl. Imagine two 14 year olds raising a family but not being able to drive their child to school because they can't get a license yet. If schooling finished by age 14 (which it did, my grandparents leave school at 14) it might be a possibility, but there's so much stuff to learn these days.

 

[MahogonySnail]

Dating should start at 20, engagements age 23 for women and 25 for men, and marriage closer to 30 when both or either have established their career, have saved enough money and have taken enough time going through whatever counselling , eg anger management, conversation classes, alcoholics anonymous, conflict resolution classes , or other courses they might need.

 

[missy2shoes]

If I had a daughter......dating might start at 38........engaged at 45.....married....maybeeeeeee 57................and that's as long as he passed my rigorous tests....haha

 

[JohnWesleyMethodist]

If I had a daughter......dating might start at 38........engaged at 45.....married....maybeeeeeee 57................and that's as long as he passed my rigorous tests....haha

lol, don't wait too long or you'll die before the wedding!

 

[JohnWesleyMethodist]

I don't think any man should be considering marriage unless he is of an age that he can support a family. Typically at 18 or younger(unless one joins the military or is wealthy by birth) a man does not really have the means to support a family. It is for this main reason I think people should wait until older to get married.

Good argument! Very good!

Yes, I have heard that people mature earlier now than in the past and it's due to who knows what exactly, but yes it's happening crazy early in comparison. I heard something like 17 for boys going into puberty in the past, hundreds of years ago. That makes me think too of the Victorian style beds that were so short the people must have been so tiny compared to today.

 

[Pheonix]

This will probably set off World War III, but here it goes. Please feel free to disagree.

In our society freedom, rights and priviledges are held up and championed at every corner. You have the right to education, you have the right to freedom and happiness, etc.... The one thing that is not mentioned however is that all these rights and priviledges must be earned. They also come with responsibility. That part of the bargin is what is ignored by our society. "If it feels good do it" I believe is the common belief. Well from what I hear sex feels good, but the consequences are high. Everything from babies to STD's. People ignore them at their peril. This is just an example.

Remember the "No Fear" and "No Surrender" shirts that were the rage a few years ago? How about rules were meant to be broken? Rules are in place to maintain an orderly society and if they are based on God's law, that society will flourish. If they are based on men's law, Society crumbles and falls apart because it is rotten at the core. This is why our 25 year olds are immature and in poorer countries 9 year olds are ready for marriage. A difference in attitude, and the harsh realities of life. They posses a sense of responsibility that is sadly lacking here in the West. Our life is too easy. There are no lions to kill, and the guys in the next valley aren't going to try and kill us just because.

At the same time our society protects the criminal and punishes the victim more often than not to the frustration of the police force. Children are not taught NO. They are taught they should have no boundries of any kind, and if they have a dissagreement with mom or dad, all they have to do is scream abuse and children's services says okay here you go, you don't have to live with those horrible people anymore.

We are raising a generation of Children instead of adults. This is not only sad but shameful. I'm not dissing those parents who are trying to set limits and raise responsible adults. You should all be congratulated for your hard work and sacrifice every day of the week.

The point of all this rambling is that I believe people should not get married until they are capable and willing to put others over themselves. In the case of the Western world, that means until well into their 20's. Some people never reach that point.

By the way, those child soldiers everyone here screams about, they aren't children. In that world, they are adults. By 13 we are capable of producing children. That makes us physically mature even if we are still growing. And no, I believe it is wrong to force children to fight.

So, let WW3 commences shall we.

 

[MahogonySnail]

Child soldiers are not adults they are children, not even in that world. They still like to play with their toys in between killing people with guns. Reaching puberty doesn't make anyone physically mature either. It means your body has started to become an adult. That's why most boys (and some girls, hey i dont want to discriminate against gender) can't grow a beard until much older.

 

[Ancilla]

Well, the brain doesn't finish developing until some time in the twenties, which is why it's a good idea to put off marriage until then. Why is the discrepency between sexual maturity and mental maturity so big? I don't know, but you're right that puberty is getting earlier.

Secondly, I don't think it's such a crime that one has to go so long between sexual maturity and marriage. Well, it does suck, let's face it. But I don't think that change is possible, even in theory. See, the upside to waiting all those years when you don't want to is that learning to control one's sexual impulses is part of being an adult. This is why I worry about teenagers who start having sex so soon. I mean one of the reasons why I worry about them.

 

[Ancilla]

Oh, and what's with saying that a nine year old supporting their family in a developing country mature???? They don't do that because they're ready, they do it because they have no other choice. I mean, yes they are more mature than their wealthier counterparts but that's seen as a terrible thing that one would have their childhood robbed from them like that. Like in terms of all sorts of ways that psychologists measure maturity, they're still very much children, just becuase they've had this responsibilty thrust upon them and therefore forced to behave in mature and responsible ways. Hmm... I don't know if I'm making myself clear. I'll have to think about this one.

 

[Ancilla]

Yes, the way society is set up with college education and everything being required during the peak of their raging hormones does cause a problem.

Agree. And I also agree with whoever said that a man shouldn't consider marriage until he can support a family. Although I don't see anything wrong with dating if a guy thinks their only a few years away from being able to support a family, marriage should come when he has a steady income. This is really the deciding factor for when marriage is. I think we have a perception that the average age of first marriage has been steadily rising throughout the 20th century, but that's not entirly true. In the 1950s the age at first marriage was actually lower than it was during the 30s, when it was surprisingly high. Because of the Great Depression, couples in love had to wait a really long time before they had enough money for marriage and (inevitably, since there wasn't much birth control) kids. See, while puberty is coming at a younger age, the age at which one has enough steady money to raise a family just keeps going up. That would be a good thing to work on if we want to be more pro-family.

 

[jaylynn83]

Dating should start at 20, engagements age 23 for women and 25 for men, and marriage closer to 30 when both or either have established their career, have saved enough money and have taken enough time going through whatever counselling , eg anger management, conversation classes, alcoholics anonymous, conflict resolution classes , or other courses they might need.

ballet classes....... cooking classes....... how to change a babys diaper classes..... spanish classes (or not depending on if you wanna understand what your spouse is saying... sooo maybe not)

 

[BrokenAndBeautiful]

Ok...I have a question. If the legal age 2 marry waz lowered 2, what, 15 or 16, isnt that giving really sick, evil ppl a chance 2 easily corrupt children? I mean, there r ppl out there who would just love 2 take advantage of such a thing! And thats the last thing this world needs...giving perverted pedophiles a legal opportunity 2 prey on innocent kids...& with all due respect, thats all 15 & 16 year olds are...KIDS! And just because the would b a license & ring involved, does that really make it ok?

 

[MahogonySnail]

Kids are sleeping together as soon as they hit puberty (or earlier) anyway, lowering marriage ages isnt going to do anything about that. And if a person is a christian and can't wait and control their hormones until they reach marriageable age which is 17/18, there's something wrong with them.