More afraid of my mom than God

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selenah

Guest
#1
#1
Okay this is super long but this is really a problem for me. Ever since I started highschool mom has really pressured me to get good grades with my school. Just the other day I got a 95 and a 97 on on two of my tests without cheating. When my mom sees it she's like "study longer and pay closer attention to definitions." She tells me to get a 100 on everything. It's so difficult not to cheat. Like I'll be given one day to learn 40 new words in Spanish and their spellings for vocab quiz the next day. I know it's wrong to cheat, but I'm more afraid of my mom than God.



Another thing, my mom expects me to be super duper model delicate and skinny.......like one of my relatives and my sister. I've looked at all the height and weight charts, and I'm not overweight. She tells me I need to go on a diet. She calls me fat in front of people. Like the other day I was in someonse's way, and she's like "move your fat ***." I avoid high-fat foods and exercise two and a half hours every day, but she's always talking about how much more skinny and pretty this one relative and my sister are than me. I don't understand her or know what she wants from me.




I don't want to cheat in school because I know it's wrong and I can't have any peace with God when I do but I have to exercise and I have to get super good grades. I want to do right and not cheat, but I'm more afraid of her than God. I'm so tired of everything. What am I supposed to do?
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#2
Sep 5, 2011
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Why are you afraid of her, what will she do if you don't get what she wants? Just so I can help I hope.
 
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selenah

Guest
#3
#3
leelee said:
Why are you afraid of her, what will she do if you don't get what she wants? Just so I can help I hope.
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I don't know it's just the way she says stuff and keeps pushing it. I don't have enough guts to say no to her.
 
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Possum

Guest
#4
#4
That's incredibly scary that your mum would say those things to you. You'll end up with an eating disorder if you have a certain type of personality. It happened to me.
You should be comfortable in who you are and how you were made. You don't need 100% on everything. 80% is a really good mark! And don't exercise so much honey, or you'll get ill.
I'll pray for you tonight. Your mum needs to understand that you're wonderful just how you are. I can't imagine her reasoning behind saying such nasty things for you, but it's an insecurity in her and not you.
My mum was similar for a long time. Always with the "you don't need that" any time I had a biscuit or something. I ended up having a bit of a blow up at her telling her how I understood just wanted me to be happy with my shape but she drove me to bulimia and sneaking food and I avoid telling her anything. It used to be that I'd call up telling her of a lovely meal I had and she'd criticise me for having a small dessert.

I pray your mum will understand soon that if she carries this on she will ruin her relationship with you forever.
Can you explain to her that her constant need for perfection makes you feel inadequate and unloved for who you are? It may be that she just doesn't know that she's done it or the effect it's having.

May Jesus be with you,
Rosi
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
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Sep 5, 2011
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Rosi is absolutely right. On a side note...cheating can ruin your whole future, far more than slightly lower marks. You need to speak to your mum and tell her you can't be everything she wants you to be, you have to be the person you want to be. xx
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#6
#6
I don't know but there's some smart Christian ladies on this forum that I'm sure can offer some helpful advice to you. My only comment is that what your mother is doing sounds like the asian "Tiger Mom" approach I read about.
 
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BrittanyJones

Guest
#7
#7
People like that are not happy with who they are inside. It doesn't matter what you do or won't do she'll treat you the same. She has to fix how she feels about herself. Just do your best, and know that God loves you for who you are no matter what!! You won't have to live with her forever :)
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#8
#8
I'm asking God to give you wisdom, depth and insite. But most of all for your mom to gain understanding and be filled with Jesus perfect love that drives out fear. She wants the best for you...just maybe she wants the best for herself too. And that would be a wrong motive for wanting you to succeed.
So she can feel better about herself. I will pray for you both, be strong and wait on the Lord.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#9
Apr 20, 2009
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Praying in Jesus that your mom will be convicted in Jesus to all that is His truth and care.
You are in my prayers as well for all you need and the courage to do all that is the will of God in Jesus, and that Jesus will cover you in His protection.

Selenah, saddly sometimes some parents mesure their worth and value through their children.
Praying that Jesus will heal this in your mom.

Huge hugs and God bless.
pickles
 
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selenah

Guest
#10
#10
shekaniah said:
I'm asking God to give you wisdom, depth and insite. But most of all for your mom to gain understanding and be filled with Jesus perfect love that drives out fear. She wants the best for you...just maybe she wants the best for herself too. And that would be a wrong motive for wanting you to succeed.
So she can feel better about herself. I will pray for you both, be strong and wait on the Lord.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
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I don't know. If she really wants the best for me than why did she let me get really bad grades before 8th grade and highschool and not say anything to me or do anything about it? It's like sometimes she acts super protective, but then other times she could care less. Like she used to always talk about protecting me from perverts, but then she kept putting me in situations that made me uncomfortable. All she cares about is having fun and trying to compete with her in-laws.
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#11
Sep 5, 2011
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selenah said:
I don't know. If she really wants the best for me than why did she let me get really bad grades before 8th grade and highschool and not say anything to me or do anything about it? It's like sometimes she acts super protective, but then other times she could care less. Like she used to always talk about protecting me from perverts, but then she kept putting me in situations that made me uncomfortable. All she cares about is having fun and trying to compete with her in-laws.
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Although it might feel that way ^ I think your mum is a deeply unhappy person. I know from experience that having a parent who is very unhappy with themselves has a negative effect on you. The best thing that you can do is achieve for yourself and know that even when things are tough you are never alone and Jesus loves you more that you can even imagine. If you need a chat or anything pm me, I am sure plenty of the others feel the same. If you feel alone know that we love you too. xxx
 
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selenah

Guest
#12
#12
I just can't stop thinking that there's no way out of this. There's one class that, because I wasn't paying enough attention in the last half of the class last year, I can't make the grades even close to what my mom wants in the class this year. I can try to blame my mom or whatever, but it's still my fault and responsibility and I don't have enough character to deal with it. I can pray about it, but both God and I know I'm not going to do anything about it. Nothing's going to change. I can't pray to God or read the Bible without feeling guilty and a hypocrite because I know I'm willfully sinning against Him. I know God is angry with me so in a way I am alone. Life has absolutely no meaning without God, but I don't have the courage and character to do what's right.
 
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Tobby17

Guest
#13
#13
selenah, it's just her nature.. Maybe you should try talking to her about this. But pray first..:)
 
Deadtosin

Deadtosin

Banned
#14
Mar 18, 2011
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selenah said:
I just can't stop thinking that there's no way out of this. There's one class that, because I wasn't paying enough attention in the last half of the class last year, I can't make the grades even close to what my mom wants in the class this year. I can try to blame my mom or whatever, but it's still my fault and responsibility and I don't have enough character to deal with it. I can pray about it, but both God and I know I'm not going to do anything about it. Nothing's going to change. I can't pray to God or read the Bible without feeling guilty and a hypocrite because I know I'm willfully sinning against Him. I know God is angry with me so in a way I am alone. Life has absolutely no meaning without God, but I don't have the courage and character to do what's right.
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willfully sinning against Him? surely you aren't talking about this current situation. Falling grades and feeling pressured and upset isn't sinning against God. Your mom's blindness and flaws are raining down on you, its not your fault. Do not think you can't read the bible or pray to God, thats not what God wants. When you pray to Him and ask for forgiveness, trust Him. When your mom is reigning down on you, think about God, focus on doing for Him.. don't do for you or your mom or anybody, but in all you do, do it for God. Then when people persecute you, for whatever, health, grades or whatever, you did your best and you did it for God and thats all there is and thats all that matters. Lower your head and think about the beauty of the Lord, and life will carry on. He will be your strength, not to oppose, but to endure. In all things you do unto Him and in all things you will be the best you that you could possibly be, and nothing else matters, Amen.

God bless and good luck
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#15
Sep 5, 2011
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selenah said:
I just can't stop thinking that there's no way out of this. There's one class that, because I wasn't paying enough attention in the last half of the class last year, I can't make the grades even close to what my mom wants in the class this year. I can try to blame my mom or whatever, but it's still my fault and responsibility and I don't have enough character to deal with it. I can pray about it, but both God and I know I'm not going to do anything about it. Nothing's going to change. I can't pray to God or read the Bible without feeling guilty and a hypocrite because I know I'm willfully sinning against Him. I know God is angry with me so in a way I am alone. Life has absolutely no meaning without God, but I don't have the courage and character to do what's right.
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Aww honey, I don't think you need to feel bad. I can see why your attention slipped. I don't think the situation is hopeless and the fact that you have realized you didn't do your best is good. If you try your best now you feel proud of whatever you achieve. God isn't judging us on our grades and even if you sin he will never stop loving you. He loves everyone even the ones who haven't come to him yet. You really are never alone. I think that you should read the poem footprints in the sand xx
 
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selenah

Guest
#16
#16
But I am willfully sinning. I can't stop cheating in that one class :_(
 
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leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#17
Sep 5, 2011
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selenah said:
But I am willfully sinning. I can't stop cheating in that one class :_(
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Why not? As far as cheating goes it is never a good idea. Getting caught could ruin your entire future. God will forgive you if you stop and ask him to but your school may not. I had a friend who got caught cheating in his final year at school. He was expelled and lost his Uni place. It wasn't worth it. I am not trying to scare you I only want you to think about the consequences.
 
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selenah

Guest
#18
#18
leelee said:
Why not? As far as cheating goes it is never a good idea. Getting caught could ruin your entire future. God will forgive you if you stop and ask him to but your school may not. I had a friend who got caught cheating in his final year at school. He was expelled and lost his Uni place. It wasn't worth it. I am not trying to scare you I only want you to think about the consequences.
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It's just that I wouldn't be able to make the grades that my mom wants me to get. I don't care about my future because making money and all that doesn't matter. I'm just afraid of my mom. I hate that I'm this way, but I'm too scared to do what's right.
 
TalentedPoet

TalentedPoet

Member
#20
Sep 18, 2011
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Selena, my daughter is 17 and is a senior in High School, just 3 weeks ago we had an incident here in my home... she told me she lies to me because she is afraid of me... that really hurt my feelings because I am always trying to keep the lines of communication open... but I try not to put too much pressure on my children... I ask them to do their absolute best and when I know that they are not I encourage them and push them even... my daughter is having trouble in her Pre-Calculus class, she has had 2 failing grades so I told her to shut off the cellphone and turn the radio off no distractions, then if she fails the next one she should see if she could get a tutor (some kind of extra help) and if she still has trouble drop the class and pick up a new math class before it's too late too...

I said all of this to show you that as parents we are concerned (not just with your well-being, but also with your future & happiness) however it seems that your mother is more concern with her own satisfaction and goals... nobody's perfect not even your mother, however, God has given us a command to honor our parents... whatever you do don't be disrespectful, don't roll your eyes and shut her out... do pray on it... do speak to a counselor at school and perhaps they can talk to your mother on your behalf on what are some REALISTIC goals are... they can show where you are in reality and you can make a plan and as long as you keep your end, she can only encourage you...

Negotiate!!!
 
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