New User! - Here to Ask for Help Surrounding Being a Woman & Future Motherhood

[kaylawright]

Hi! I'm a young woman from Australia. I'll be honest with you, I, myself am not Christian, or even religious. But I've come here to learn more about Christianity and your morals and views. I've always heard the church and God is a good place to go when you're feeling lost and confused and was hoping you guys could help me out!

My whole life I've wanted to be a mother, but now, through TikTok and Twitter, I feel like the whole world is telling me that it's a horrible idea and will ruin my life. Single mothers and divorced women seem to be screaming that motherhood is awful and will rip you of your sense of self and happiness. Hearing stories of incompetent men, men cheating, I'm worried one day I'll unknowingly make the wrong choice of who to be with, and if I have kids, it'll just be too late and I would have ruined my life. Is having kids really that bad? I love my mum, but I can't trust her to give me an honest answer. I feel like I'm being fed a lot of content from radical misandrist feminists, and as much as I am a feminist myself, I feel like I'm lacking the viewpoint from the opposite end of the spectrum, which I consider to be family oriented Christian women. Can any mums or really just anyone help me see the potential good in having children again? You don't even have to be a mother or a woman, really. Just looking for some advice and alternative views.

Thank you!

 

[CraigChamberlin]

I have two children and can say it is both the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

That being said, I've found one of the best questions to ask yourself is this: "If not children, then what else?"

Is it "wasting more time on streaming, doom scrolling and chasing pleasures?" I would bet money those on TikTok and many in the anti-children movement inherently buys into materialism = happiness... when it simply is not true for most people. Generally, the more we have, the more we want... and the less it satisfies. Especially above a certain level of comfort.

At the end of the day, i've found true self esteem comes from responsibility. From "carrying a load". What that responsibility looks like in your life will depend wholly on you. Your gifts, goals and even attitude.

Will that be Children? Maybe. As I said, it is not easy and can be the most challenging thing you ever do... it has been for me. But it's also been the most rewarding. I've grown in ways I never thought possible.

But it doesn't have to be children. I would encourage one to dedicate themselves to some form of responsibility though - whatever that might look at in your life. That's where your self esteem will come from.

As for Christianity and Churches. It's best to simply walk into several of them and experience their specific culture and denomination. You can read more about them before you go in, particularly their core values and principles. A church is a collection of believers trying to learn how to do life well together. It's the basic idea that life is better together than alone. Try to remember that Churches are full of broken and fallen people too, so don't expect them all to be saints... generally most of them are trying to be better. I suppose all I'm saying is "start" on that front, you'll learn a lot along the way.

 

[kaylawright]

I have two children and can say it is both the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

That being said, I've found one of the best questions to ask yourself is this: "If not children, then what else?"

Is it "wasting more time on streaming, doom scrolling and chasing pleasures?" I would bet money those on TikTok and many in the anti-children movement inherently buys into materialism = happiness... when it simply is not true for most people. Generally, the more we have, the more we want... and the less it satisfies. Especially above a certain level of comfort.

At the end of the day, i've found true self esteem comes from responsibility. From "carrying a load". What that responsibility looks like in your life will depend wholly on you. Your gifts, goals and even attitude.

Will that be Children? Maybe. As I said, it is not easy and can be the most challenging thing you ever do... it has been for me. But it's also been the most rewarding. I've grown in ways I never thought possible.

But it doesn't have to be children. I would encourage one to dedicate themselves to some form of responsibility though - whatever that might look at in your life. That's where your self esteem will come from.

As for Christianity and Churches. It's best to simply walk into several of them and experience their specific culture and denomination. You can read more about them before you go in, particularly their core values and principles. A church is a collection of believers trying to learn how to do life well together. It's the basic idea that life is better together than alone. Try to remember that Churches are full of broken and fallen people too, so don't expect them all to be saints... generally most of them are trying to be better. I suppose all I'm saying is "start" on that front, you'll learn a lot along the way.

I like that, "If not children, then what else?". I agree that you should find something to dedicate your efforts to, and to me children has always seemed like the right thing for me.

And honestly, at least for some of these anti-child people, I think we're better off as a society having them not be parents. Because they seem to like engaging solely in consumerism, likes on TikTok and spending their money on the latest trends or whatever, a lot of them admit they are very selfish and would make bad parents. So maybe they're making the right choice, at least for themselves.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

Hi! I'm a young woman from Australia. I'll be honest with you, I, myself am not Christian, or even religious. But I've come here to learn more about Christianity and your morals and views. I've always heard the church and God is a good place to go when you're feeling lost and confused and was hoping you guys could help me out!

My whole life I've wanted to be a mother, but now, through TikTok and Twitter, I feel like the whole world is telling me that it's a horrible idea and will ruin my life. Single mothers and divorced women seem to be screaming that motherhood is awful and will rip you of your sense of self and happiness. Hearing stories of incompetent men, men cheating, I'm worried one day I'll unknowingly make the wrong choice of who to be with, and if I have kids, it'll just be too late and I would have ruined my life. Is having kids really that bad? I love my mum, but I can't trust her to give me an honest answer. I feel like I'm being fed a lot of content from radical misandrist feminists, and as much as I am a feminist myself, I feel like I'm lacking the viewpoint from the opposite end of the spectrum, which I consider to be family oriented Christian women. Can any mums or really just anyone help me see the potential good in having children again? You don't even have to be a mother or a woman, really. Just looking for some advice and alternative views.

Thank you!

Good afternoon Kayla,

You are very wise to even challenge your worldview. Remember you are only hearing opinions within a echo chamber. There are plenty if not more mothers who will tell you it is the greatest joy of all.

1. No you do not have to be a mother.

2. But you are designed and created to be a mother and unless under mental illness, your body is equipped to enjoy motherhood.
It is natural as evident to the dependence on children to the survival of the human race. We need mothers, loving mothers.

Those against motherhood typically lists financial reasons, career, or just not ready yet to be a mom.

Which is no legit reason to hate motherhood. In many cases, the real haters of motherhood just want sexual freedom without consequences.

God's perfect plan for family is to be in a one man, one woman, loving home, for life. But when sin disrupts this balance, you see the pain of single moms, divorced parents, the pain that sticks with the children. Going against the design of God will bring hardship.

BUT even then God has still brought happiness in motherhood. A mothers bond with her children has endured much in human history. Women are very strong In this area and where men would often fold, women have raised children through the worst conditions.

Why? Because of love. It will not be without hardship or sacrifice. But a greater love is worth the sacrifice.

This is actually why Jesus whom we ChChristians look to as Lord and Savior came and sacrificed His life on our behalf. Our sin carried a burden we could not pay. But because of a greater love, He sacrificed Himself to save us, to save you.

Our love in the marriage, the family, or the church represents this sacrificial love.

Motherhood is a wonderful blessing but salvation is the greatest gift through faith in Jesus. Love isn't just caring for the physical and the mental but also the spiritual.

Build a home up on Jesus and give your children the best guidance for life on Earth but also life eternal in Heaven.

 

[MsMediator]

Not a mom, but I have a positive view of motherhood and believe children are blessings as the Bible says. Motherhood is a big responsibility. It is said that one feels no greater joy or sorrow than a mother. You do not have to be a mother if you are Christian, as you are fulfilled in Christ. This is something you should be keenly aware of as you are not Christian, as you may see motherhood as source of ultimate fulfillment or look elsewhere to fill emptiness. You should look for feedback from real-life moms rather than social media, as people who complain online can be loud. Motherhood can be very stressful especially for single moms.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Hi kaylawright, glad you are joining the fellowship and fun here, welcome to CC! Yes, children are a blessing whether they're a bio baby or adopted. I have children and it is a huge blessing and challenge to be on top of things with them. I rely on the Holy Spirit to live life right and help me discern things. Married or single(adoption), bringing up littles in this world is a feat, but with God on our side, he'll guide us through. God bless you and your endeavors✝

 

[Magenta]

Welcome!

 

[Tall_Timbers]

Welcome, kaylawright!

From Proverbs 31:

10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17She dresses herselfe with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.f
22She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.