I've recently gotten back into,are not,worthy of God's Christianity, however I no longer feel worthy of God's mercy.
God thought you were when by his grace he led you into his covenant of Salvation.
Of all the father gives him, Jesus will lose none. No one will take us out of his hand. We are sealed by the Holy Spirit.
https://www.christianity.com/wiki/bible/what-does-it-mean-to-be-sealed-by-the-holy-spirit.html
I fell out of my faith when I was around 15-16 and made some terrible choices/decisions. I feel incredibly ashamed and frustrated at myself for being so easily tempted to fall back into a life of sin.
I've been feeling really convicted and I've recently began praying and reading the word of God again. But I still don't feel... right with myself? I don't feel comfortable with myself anymore. I wish there was some way where I could go back in time and tell my younger self to never have done those things, to have never been so easily influenced. Again, I'm just incredibly frustrated with myself.
I want to rebuild my relationship with God. I want to get back into Chruch. I want to do good. But I don't feel worthy anymore. I feel like I already messed up and there's no going back. It's gotten to the point where I believe I won't make it into the kingdom of heaven once the time comes.
Is God still with me, even after I fell right back into a life of sin?
Yes.
All that you experienced as a teenager is due to your youth and inexperience.
Many think if they become Christian and are reborn into a new life in Christ their worldly appetites vanish.
That's not how it works.
Step by step as that new believer you learn how to trust God's leading,teaching you, the way of holiness.
For some it's easy to let go and let God do that. For others it takes time to trust,to discern,the right voice to follow. The right way to travel.
Follow the leading of your old comfortable self that enjoyed those things you were use to,and seek adventure in other things as well. Or, realize those things do not bring glory to God and refrain from them.
Of course God doesn't need us to glorify him.
What glorifying God means is,we put on the armor of God that sets us apart from the carnal world and its threats,and put on also the work part,the example in action,of the teachings of Christ.
We walk his talk.
In so doing we bring an example into the world of the truth of Christ and how following his teachings sets us apart from the mundane in this world.
Never think you are not worthy of God's mercies.
You are.
That's what his grace was when he called you to him. And you are still his. You know that when you feel led to return home to him.
God's grace and Salvation,your faith,are gifts of a d from God. And they are irrevocable.
Think back to the parable of the prodigal son.
He took his riches,parallel that with, taking the seal and assurance of eternal irrevocable Salvation, and went into the world. He thought he could spend his fortune and be happy. Parallel,sin with impunity and without consequence.
And then realized he was bankrupt and lost at rock bottom. Parallel that with how you feel now.
Having done so many things you can't forgive yourself for.
However,in the parable,the prodigal takes a chance and returns home. Unsure if his father will want him back.
The father was overjoyed to see his son return home. Repent of his past. And return to the fold of the everlasting irrevocable love of his father.
The father celebrated. Just as angels do when a sinner first comes to repentance through God's grace.
The prodigals older brother though was mad that his father received his younger brother back into his house.
Because,as he could see,his father never stopped loving his wayward son.
Parallel that angry brother with those today who will say,you can't return to the Father if you left like you did as a teen. The older brother was wrong about that. And so too are they.
Now,you have to forgive yourself for what you did all that time you thought you left the faith. Because God has. And he's never let you go.
That's why now you feel,like that prodigal son,called to return home.
Your past is passed.
God remembers your sins no more. And he knows everything about you and all that you experienced when you walked away. And why you left.
Repent.
What is that?
That is taking an inventory of what is haunting you now about those times you described as something that you're ashamed of.
God knows it all
Repentance allows you to recall it all,and give your shame,guilt,sorrow,etc ... over to God . In doing this you release the weight of those regrets that plague your mind now. Release it all.
Wash yourself clean of the past.
Some I know repent by writing down what they want to confess to God.
Again,it isn't that God doesn't already know those things.
What confession does,even if it is done in a silent prayer,or out loud in the privacy of a safe space, is allow for those past acts to be re-called into that moment of confession and channeled out of you and onto paper as you write. Or,into the ether as you pray or speak aloud.
And this then in a sense exorcises the power of guilt,regret,sorrow,mourning,
etc...from bearing their weight upon your soul and mind. It releases it all so that it is then figuratively put under the blood of Christ because you are repenting of those sins God forgave the moment they occured.
Because no matter where you went,or go,you are eternally,irrevocably,his.
And he loves you.
And is ecstatic that you are home.
I know people who,after repenting in any one of the ways I mentioned, take a long hot bath afterward.
A cleansing,if you will,another baptism,to wash themselves clean of what in the recall of those sins made them feel dirty and lost.
They cleanse themselves on the inside through repentance. And on the outside in the bath.
Some I know go swim in living water. The ocean or a river. A full on symbolic ritual.
Cleansing themselves in earthly living water,as a recall,a union,with Christ who is the water of life.
Those who wrote their repentance down either burned them and then released the ash into the tub of water after their bath,so that all that was washed away goes away down the drain. Or,they cast the ash into the ocean or river.
It was always personal of course. And they did as they were led.
As shall you.
God loves you.
You are in his mercy because he knew you before the womb.
Let go of what's passed.
You don't live there anymore.
(
Hugs)
Welcome home.
Kinda frustrating because I live in a small town and these two churches were the closest to me. Still looking though!