struggling with porn and masturbation...

[ijustwanttheTruth]

hey.
i know this is a topic that gets addressed a lot and hopefully if i can discuss it here in a respectful manner i won't get banned. i'm having a hard time separating what i do with who i am. i know we're sexual beings and that we need to learn to trust God with our sexuality, and that he will guide us in all righteousness and give us the desires of our hearts when we put him first.

but... why do i feel so lonely and sexually frustrated?
it's definitely been worse this last year as i haven't had a good congregation to attend and haven't many christian friends. it's why i popped on here. because i'm losing touch with what the word of God might say about modern issues. i know the bible says "don't have sex with the same gender, don't have sex with animals, don't have sex with relatives, and don't have sex with a women on her period" but it doesn't say "don't have sex with yourself" HOWEVER,

the word says that in the end people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, greedy, proud, etc, etc. and the lovers of themselves part sticks out to me. how can i get this monkey off my back? so to speak. i feel like i'm not just craving sex. i'm craving friendship and intimacy. and i'm using this vice as a filler to almost try and replace that. there's a part of my heart that is satisfied more than my body in the things i am watching. but i also know how guilty i feel for trying to fill my "love bucket" that way.

my love language is physical touch. and i guess i really don't get much touch or fellowship in general.
i feel needy.
i feel greedy.
i feel lost.
i'm having trouble trusting God with my life, my safety, my desires, and my heart.

and i wish i knew how to really put this behind me. because even though i've only been giving into it in more recent months, it's been something i've dealt with, thought about, and wanted for years and years.
i feel like it's not just a bad habit, it's part of who i am. i've been dealing with this issue since i was a child. not the soft-core pron. but the masturbation since i was 5.

i just. i don't know how to accept what my desires are in a healthy way, that will allow me to actually let go of it. bury it until the time when i can meet them in a covenant relationship. i know my desires are mostly normal. but. i don't know how to deal with them.

sorry if this is too long <3
Bless you.

 

[Ell]

[FONT=&quot]Yes, masturbation is wrong. . .but DON’T FREAK OUT! There is a way to get rid of the hold it seems to have on you. First, let me explain why it is wrong. Masturbating is giving you the same feelings or experience you would have with your spouse and since masturbating doesn’t include your spouse that makes it wrong. It falls under sexual immorality. I know it may seem harmless enough, but what you have to see is that it’s like leaving a window open for evil to climb through. This then allows it to open the door for other perversions to make their way in. Once they make their way to the door, they say what they can to coheres you to let them stay too and be a part of your life, promising they possess what you seek. You may only let a few stay in the beginning, but as time goes on the evil that resides inside starts to vouch for the others who come to the door and you may end up letting in evil you otherwise wouldn’t have before. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Here is my advice: Pray to Our Lord for help and the ability to overcome your desires to do these things. From that prayer on, every time you have an urge to masturbate or watch porn immediately try to get your mind off it. What I have done in the past when things I don’t want to think about enter my mind, is look around the room and start to name all the objects I can in it. This actually works after a few moments, but the key is to find something else to do or occupy your mind with. Try replacing those thoughts with thoughts of Our Lord Father God(don’t focus on him not liking what you are doing, but focus on all that is magnificent and good about Him). Don’t forget that he is always there when you need him. You just have to ask and let him lead. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It sounds like to me you are at a point in your life where maybe you should think about finding someone to settle down with. This is one of the reasons God made Eve for Adam. Maybe what you feel you are missing in your life is a partner to share it with. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Remember:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“[/FONT]No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”(1st Corinthians 10:13; NKJV)
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I hope this helps and if you ever need to talk you can always send me a message.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-Ell[/FONT]

 

[Ramon]

MAY JESUS BLESS YOU!!!

There are so many things that I would like to share with you, but it would take me an ETERNITY TO DO IT!!!

My friend, this struggle you feel is the struggle of sin v.s Jesus. And this is a struggle that all face. It is a desire to do good, but evil is present. Don't you see just how little control people actually have? Even to say they cannot stop sinning? Doesn't it make you wonder, WHY!!???

I asked Jesus WHY!! and WHAT! and WHO! and WHEN! And WHERE!! And the answer was...

''In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...

AND I LEARNED MUCH ABOUT THE WHY WHAT WHO WHEN WHERE HOW...

Oh my friend this is a fight you will fight as long as you are alive, but the weapons you fight with have to change. Firstly, Jesus Christ will forgive every dark deed you did when you thought no one was looking. This is the nature of those born into a dark world.

So, you don't have to worry he will forgive you. Then you know what happens, those old voices again, ''Yeah right, you can't be forgiven, you have done too much!!''

DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE LIES!!! YOU ARE FORGIVEN THE MOMENT YOU CRY OUT TO JESUS FOR MERCY!!! ALL SINS ARE WIPED AWAY AND ALL THINGS BECOME NEW!!

Then Jesus says, ''My dear child, is there anyone left to condemn you?'' And you say, ''No Lord,'' And he says NEITHER DO I CONDEMN YOU!! Go and sin no more.

See how merciful he is??

But guess what? YOU WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT!! Satan will try to bring in doubt in what Jesus said, and guilt, but tell him, ''GET BEHIND ME SATAN!! BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW THE THINGS THAT ARE OF GOD, BUT THOSE THAT ARE OF MEN!!!''

Faith is a hard fight my friend. Nevertheless, where there is heavy sin, there is a free forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ, and He will give you the weapons to fight that old nature and all the people in your life who want to tempt you to go back into the bondage of that old nature.

WHOEVER THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED!! DON'T LET SATAN KEEP YOU IN BONDAGE TO SIN!!

May Jesus bless you much much much!!!

 

[shemaiah]

Hey there, am just gonna add on to what everyone has said. The first step from being freed from anytype of sin, is that of surrendering your life to God and letting Him be Lord of your life by giving Him full control of your life so that He can change you. You also need to ask God to give you the wisdom and and guidance in order for you to be free in your mind and body. Remember Christ freed you from all sin and death two thousand years ago.
Start spending time with God in prayer, reading of the Word and worship, when you draw closer to Him, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Whenever you feel tempted to sin just confess the word of God and claim your freedom in Christ that you are His bride and you will not bow down to sin. Lastly just continue to cast your burdens and cares on Him, He loves you and will guide you through it all if you let Him. God bless you sister and I'll be praying for you

 

[Rheod]

This thread is so useful. Thank you all. I have the same struggles

 

[Cassie84]

Jesus can fill the desires of your heart. Make Him the Lover of your heart. &#8220;Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Mt 11:28 You also need to attend a church regularly. If you don't like the one you're attending now, ask the Lord to lead you to another. Get involved in church, make friends and maybe look for and pray for a wife , I guess it could be about time. God bless you!

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

i really appreciate your answers, guys <3
thank you!

i guess the hardest part to my head/heart is that i can't figure out the line between what is healthy desire, what is unhealthy desire, and what is sin. maybe acting on any sexual desire is wrong outside of covenant.

like. obviously our desires are a part of us. but there's a lot of different people with a lot of different wounds and they act on them in a wide variety of ways. like. ok. let's take the sexuality out of it for a second.

what if someone had a gender wound based on a parent's abuse or something. let's say that they only felt normal being a transvestite. obviously a perversion of normal God-glorifying humanity. and yet, it's a part of them. ya know? like they can either dress like the correct gender and feel awkward about it, or get healing.

i feel like maybe i need healing for something but i can't tell. i don't know if the way i am is wrong or normal. but i just know it's in my thoughts like all the time.

i don't know. i'm just talking. if you have any thoughts i appreciate hearing them. and if you think i'm nuts, it's okay. you don't have to keep answering me.

i'm just trying to figure some things out. it's like i can't shut the door on this sin until i figure out why it's there. yeah. that makes sense to me. i have too many unanswered questions.

 

[jimmydiggs]

I have found this to be personally helpful when dealing with porn/masturbation/everything that goes along with that.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/taste-see-articles/anthem-strategies-for-fighting-lust <--- click

Especially the first two, the A and the N.

 

[meak]

Friend,
The battle is in our mind, but one thing is that we become more selfish and self sufficient when we do these things even we are not aware of it. The root is not just desire of the flesh but sometimes because of some hurt in the past .... . I was struggling with this and many times it's just hard to control myself. some married people still do masturbation, so it's not about being single or not, it's something deeper in our personality, soul etc..., I went to ask people to pray for me and put everything in the light. It helped when you talk about it to others who could pray honestly with you.
God is so gracious .
May God bless you , thanks sharing it .

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

I can't shut the door on this sin until i figure out why it's there.

The answer is simple: it's there because you gave in to temptation and the more you indulge in it the harder it will be to get rid of it. So instead of trying to explain sin, I think it would be wiser to pray for strength to overcome it.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

The answer is simple: it's there because you gave in to temptation and the more you indulge in it the harder it will be to get rid of it. So instead of trying to explain sin, I think it would be wiser to pray for strength to overcome it.

well that makes sense. but i didn't mean why is the desire for sex there. i understand that lust grows when you feed it. i meant i have a deeper issue that's been there since i was a kid and i am trying to search it out but i have not found all the pieces yet. sometimes i read stuff online and someone wiill say something and it'll click inside me "THAT'S one of the puzzle pieces! THAT makes sense!" but i am not okay yet. i still feel deep inside that there is something wrong with me for wanting what i want or missing what i am missing. and until i feel i am ok with my desires, i probably won't be able to beat this. because there is an aspect to my sexuality that maybe isn't supposed to be there. not sure. something that maybe shouldn't be sexual, is to me. i just need to search it out. because it's in most of my thoughts. and it pops up in most of my relationships. and it haunts me. when i see it or hear about it. it haunts me. i can't hide from this part of me. i can either find healing or embrace and then bury this. because it's not going away. years of repression have done nothing for me. so i'm expressing it.

 

[jimmydiggs]

because it's not going away. years of repression have done nothing for me. so i'm expressing it.

Fight the good fight.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

Fight the good fight.

thanks jimmy

 

[jimmydiggs]

thanks jimmy

Kill sin, or it will be killing you.

I think Zac Poonen address this issue quite well.


[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calc2RMTVGQ[/video]

 

[Michelle94]

Am I alone in feeling there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation and it is actually very healthy for you, both physically and mentally?

 

[jandian]

If any man be in Christ he is a new creature ( II Cor 5:17)......So it is not part of who you are. It is sin and you are probably susceptible to it because of your history with it. Repenting is the part I'm sure you know; and once you do its in the sea of forgetfulness again 70x7....
But, you may need some practical application.ask God for wisdom..for example take note of the times you are susceptible to this act, is it when you are alone at home, or when you feel sad or when you feel rejected.....find a replacement act that you enjoy, (one that doesn't hurt God ) so that when these situations arise you have a plan to deviate to... Sometimes we have to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12)

 

[Brandon777]

I need to read this post later, I'm having major issues with this too.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

I need to read this post later, I'm having major issues with this too.

i love love love when something one of us talks about and the advice from dear brothers and sisters helps everyone <3

nice to meet you Brandon. there's a handful of posts on this topic. i wanna go back and read them too.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

Kill sin, or it will be killing you.

I think Zac Poonen address this issue quite well.


[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calc2RMTVGQ[/video]

i like this teaching a lot. thanks.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

you know what i think?
i think all pet sins have a root. i think that we can talk about the actual act and physical desires all we want but if we don't let God expose and destroy the root, we are fighting an uphill battle.

i KNOW what the root is of me actually giving into the act of masturbation. that is bitterness towards a friend who masturbated in my bed last year. i have tried to forgive her, but her sin is still a snare to me. there must be a root there.

the root of my desires though. my very nature. the tings that make me tick. each person's individual likes and dislikes. they're part of what makes us human. i started last night to go through and remember every incident in my life related to the issue i am struggling with and how i reacted to it. i have decided to journal about it and thoroughly analyze. and figure out when was it a sexual thing.

because most children touch themselves. and it's up to the parents to decide wither to avoid that talk with their kids altogether, or to teach them about their bodies, and that they are sexual beings. and that eventually those desires will be for reproducing.

but maybe it's not a sexual act at age 5. maybe it is at age 11. and maybe we always knew it was wrong, but never knew why we were doing it.