I rely on understanding, and now, i no longer understand

[NickV]

it seems to be my understanding that if faith does not beget actions, aka following the commandments of Christ, then it really isn't faith. because if you truly loved Christ you would act. so if i don't act it means i don't love, because i would do it for my father or my partner, but i wouldn't do it for Christ, its not that i don't want to in my mind, but i just don't or wont follow the commandments. I have always held a faith because i understood God, in what little way that i could. Now i don't know, i trust in God but i don't agree with him i cant get past the discrepancies in the old testament and new, i don't know what to trust or who to ask, because if the bible is the word of God why doesn't it speak to me anymore I have feelings and questions the bible doesn't come closer to answering and prayers that receive nothing but silence. I know i am not being abandoned by God, i don't think that, but what do i do when my Faith is based on understanding and now nothing makes sense. I know we should move forward and we cant possibly understand God, but if that's the case... why cant I why wont he meet me half way i know in the struggle comes understanding so I've let it go, I've told myself that i will just trust in him and live my life and when i come to understand in the future( which i will i always do) it will be ok. I feel like a hypocrite, and I've seen Christians who are completely hypocritical in their faith, a lot of them... but if i do the things i do then I'm a hypocrite too, i cant stand that... I'm not sure if its some twisted sort of perfectionism but i feel like if i don't go all out in my faith, drop everything to follow Jesus and all his commandments and spend my life spreading his word then I'm not doing as he commanded and if I'm not doing that then i have so little faith and can i even really call myself Christian. he said if we have the faith the size of a mustard seed then a mountain would move for us... i cant even make myself move towards him with my faith so how abysmally small must it be? I know the bible says Believe in the son and that's all you need to get to heaven... but i don't care about heaven I care about being what Christ wanted me to be, the bible also says that he who know what he ought to do and dosnt do it is worse than a person who dosnt know. so that means I'm worse than a person that doesn't know Christ... than means I'm even more dammed right? I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this, i guess somebody who will help me by thinking about these subject from a different view point than the echo chamber of my mind. no i I'm not trying to be perfect to earn faith, no i don't think any Christian is perfect or that being perfect is what christ asks, and no im not saying that i think i have to be perfect, I'm saying this simply. if i do not act for the thing i say i love then i am a Liar, and if i am but cannot or will not change it then what's the point? sorry if this is incoherent rambling! if it is then just let me know all the same

 

[Gideon300]

Faith is another word for trust. One of the better known Bible verses is Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

Stay out of the Old Testament for now. Read Ephesians and Colossians. You have not yet realised what it means to be born again. You are everything that God wants you to be - in Christ. Do a word study. I use Bible Hub. Check out how many times the NT says, "In Christ........" I got to 50 and I decided that was enough.

You are looking at everything outside of Christ. You will see nothing good there. God expects nothing from you. He knows that we can do nothing apart from Jesus. Too often, we don't agree. We imagine that we can do something to please God. Wrong. Jesus is the Beloved Son in whom God is well pleased. Let Jesus live in place of you.

It is not your job to change yourself. You can't. To save also means to deliver. Jesus wants to set you free. Let Him do it.

 

[hornetguy]

welcome to the forum... first, a suggestion.... break up your post into paragraphs... it's difficult to read when it's just a wall of text like that...
Now.... faith is not something that you simply "get" when you are joined to Christ. It is something that grows and gets stronger over time. It is enhanced and strengthened through our day to day living.... seeing God's hand in life.

i cant get past the discrepancies in the old testament and new,

i do not believe there are discrepancies.... what do you see that strikes you that way?

I feel like a hypocrite, and I've seen Christians who are completely hypocritical in their faith, a lot of them... but if i do the things i do then I'm a hypocrite too, i cant stand that...

Hypocritical, or simply human? ALL of us do things that are "hypocritical" in nature... it doesn't necessarily mean that we ARE hypocrites... but we all ARE human, and we make mistakes... our walk with God is a series of ups and downs, because we are flawed humans.... the idea is to stay connected to Jesus, and he will help us through our stupidity and mistakes, and hopefully, over time, we get progressively more like him...

This is what Paul wrote about himself... not what he WAS, but what he IS....

14 For we know that the law is spiritual—but I am unspiritual, sold into slavery to sin.[u] 15 For I don’t understand what I am doing. For I do not do what I want—instead, I do what I hate.[v] 16 But if I do what I don’t want, I agree that the law is good.[w] 17 But now it is no longer me doing it, but sin that lives in me. 18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For I want to do the good, but I cannot do it.[x] 19 For I do not do the good I want, but I do the very evil I do not want! 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer me doing it but sin that lives in me.

21 So, I find the law that when I want to do good, evil is present with me. 22 For I delight in the law of God in my inner being. 23 But I see a different law in my members waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be[y] to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then,[z] I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but[aa] with my flesh I serve[ab] the law of sin.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[a] 2 For the law of the life-giving Spirit[b] in Christ Jesus has set you[c] free from the law of sin and death. 3 For God achieved what the law could not do because[d] it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.