trust. or lackthereof

[ijustwanttheTruth]

hey. i'm hurting about something.
a while ago, i was home alone in my apartment during the daytime. and some guys knocked on my door for a while. and i didn't answer it because i was home alone. and that'd be stupid. but then they came back in a few minutes with a crowbar or something and i saw them stick it through the crack of my door, trying to get in. i ran to the door and slid the golden chain into place, and they ran away. i called the police and reported them and all. and it's over and done with.

i definitely dealt with the post traumatic stress thing for a while. and i'm currently in my third location since it happened. but the fear didn't stay in that apartment. it follows me.
and it's been over 6 months now! but the fear is still there. i never really got over it. i feel like i lost my faith that day. my faith in God. we're supposed to trust God to take care of us. and i know you're probably thinking "He DID take care of you. your thieves fled like little girls!"

but in all seriousness. God doesn't promise us anything. christians are raped, beaten, abused, and killed. every day. christians starve. christians are victims of horrible crimes. and it's just.

How can i truly rely on God to take care of me when i believe in my heart he might "let" any of the above things happen to me? i feel like maybe life is nothing more than coincidences that God lets happen until the end.

i'm so lost!!!
every night i go to bed really really scared something will happen to me. and nothing ever has! any time i'm home alone i get really freaked out! i SHOULD, one might argue, be OVER this by now.

i SHOULD find solace IN God. and not run away from Him. but i have. i have run kinda far from God in my pain and my fear. and i don't trust Him.

and it's a really really depressing way to live. cut off from God. because i'm afraid of life and mad at the God who put me here.

 

[shemaiah]

First of all, remove fear from within yourself. The bible says "For God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind (2 Tim. 1: 7); Fear has torment, but perfect love casteth out fear (1 John 4: 18); God is love (1 John 4: 16b), So command that fear to go because Jesus gave you love!
Concerning your question on protection, I have come to realise that we usually never involve God in most of our activities. In Psalm 91: 9- 13 the bible tells us that we must make God our habitation and let Him be Lord of lives, and whenever something may seem to go wrong, we can always run to Him, and He will always take care of everything.
If you remember well Jonah got in trouble only when He chose to go the other way. God keeps His promises and He said He has plans for us to give us hope and a future.
(Read Psalm 91)
If I haven't answered your question, I'll be happy to try again. Just send me a private message!!

 

[Ugly]

Sometimes when things happen we need an extra bit of help coping. If you have a pastor trained in counseling, or can find a counselor or therapist to help you work through this, then i suggest doing it. i can relate though, i used to be pretty paranoid about things like that myself, and can still be sometimes, though not as bad as i used to.
We can climb out on the ledge, so to speak, when scary or bad things happen.. our mind has trouble letting go and we occasionally need some outside help to talk us down and bring us back to normal thinking. also, remember the more you think about something the more it feeds what you're feeling. if you're scared and keep thinking about it, it will only fuel that fear. try to replace the fearful thoughts with good thoughts. scripture, inspirational sayings, funny movie lines, whatever works.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

but in all seriousness. God doesn't promise us anything. christians are raped, beaten, abused, and killed. every day. christians starve. christians are victims of horrible crimes.

"In the world you will have good tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) God has in fact promised you something; eternal life. Christians are not the only ones that are faced with tribulation. I hope you understand that crimes such as these - and then some - are more so the result of Godless people, because those who live a Christian life are not prone to do these things! I recently had a discussion with a fellow member on here about adversity and tribulation; we both agreed that - on the whole, as a society - we want to somehow sidestep trials and the accompanying pain. Alas, it's adversity that shapes us (whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?).

How can i truly rely on God to take care of me when i believe in my heart he might "let" any of the above things happen to me? i feel like maybe life is nothing more than coincidences that God lets happen until the end.

This is a normal feeling. But there is a difference in doubting God, and refusing God. It sounds like you're on the fence, but teetering towards the former. I see it like this: without our God given freewill, we would be drones, even slaves, arguably. So these men that tried to break into your house - they will go about their ways because they can. Nevertheless, it remains your decision alone to let these men destroy your convictions or not. Faith is not about seeing God smite your enemies and working miracles for you. Faith hangs on to intangible things, like love and hope. I implore you not to allow your faith go defunct because the world is wicked and the flesh is weak!

i'm so lost!!!
every night i go to bed really really scared something will happen to me. and nothing ever has! any time i'm home alone i get really freaked out! i SHOULD, one might argue, be OVER this by now.

i SHOULD find solace IN God. and not run away from Him. but i have. i have run kinda far from God in my pain and my fear. and i don't trust Him.

and it's a really really depressing way to live. cut off from God. because i'm afraid of life and mad at the God who put me here.

It saddens me to see you like this. And it makes me livid to see Man responsible for instilling fear and causing you to turn from God. Food for thought: Have you considered that God did not "put you here", where "here" refers to your emotional and spiritual state? Look at your screen. You are on a Christian forum, seeking advice. Did you stop to think that perhaps God put you here, and rather, the Enemy put you in your stupor? God does not want you cursed. And you coming here for guidance and a shoulder should be a sign that you actually haven't lost all your faith. I and other members of the community - not just the online community, but the Christian community as a whole - will be here for you. That goes double for God. You will be in my prayers!

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

but how do you really know that God will take care of us.
and what does that mean? "take care" of us.
what can i actually rest my hope in what can i actually believe about life in relation to God? GOD is good. but life SUCKS. where's the balance? where's the line to walk on, knowing that??
<3
how do i live if i feel like i'm not safe?

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

Sometimes when things happen we need an extra bit of help coping. If you have a pastor trained in counseling, or can find a counselor or therapist to help you work through this, then i suggest doing it. i can relate though, i used to be pretty paranoid about things like that myself, and can still be sometimes, though not as bad as i used to.
We can climb out on the ledge, so to speak, when scary or bad things happen.. our mind has trouble letting go and we occasionally need some outside help to talk us down and bring us back to normal thinking. also, remember the more you think about something the more it feeds what you're feeling. if you're scared and keep thinking about it, it will only fuel that fear. try to replace the fearful thoughts with good thoughts. scripture, inspirational sayings, funny movie lines, whatever works.

that's good advice, but i don't have a pastor or a church right now. i just have you guys. lol.
what is normal thinking though? my fearful thoughts feel like the truth about life right now.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

It saddens me to see you like this. And it makes me livid to see Man responsible for instilling fear and causing you to turn from God. Food for thought: Have you considered that God did not "put you here", where "here" refers to your emotional and spiritual state? Look at your screen. You are on a Christian forum, seeking advice. Did you stop to think that perhaps God put you here, and rather, the Enemy put you in your stupor? God does not want you cursed. And you coming here for guidance and a shoulder should be a sign that you actually haven't lost all your faith. I and other members of the community - not just the online community, but the Christian community as a whole - will be here for you. That goes double for God. You will be in my prayers!

thanks for taking the time to answer me.
it means a lot that you're praying for me. it's true. i'm on this forum bc i want to have a reason to hold onto my faith. and to fight for my faith. when my heart kinda want to abandon ship. of course there is no other ship to be in except God's. but i don't know what to believe about stuff.

true. it's probably not God's will for me to be miserable. but He put me on earth. and i have been pretty miserable. not my whole 25 years consecutively. but a frikkin lot of it! why do i have to be here if i hate it? what's the point?

it sucks because i don't have a choice. i AM here. so i basically just have to deal with it. but.
i don't know how. to cope. i don't know what to believe. the word says that when times get hard that the love of most will grow cold. but look at me! i'm already cold!
i don't believe in life. and i don't believe in myself.

 

[Ugly]

that's good advice, but i don't have a pastor or a church right now. i just have you guys. lol.
what is normal thinking though? my fearful thoughts feel like the truth about life right now.

Well its normal for a person to be 'stuck' on a thought after something scary happens. The key is learning to control your thoughts, not let your thoughts control you.

Also, God doesn't necessarily promise to protect us from bad things, but to give us what's best for us, and what's best for us isn't always what we want. Sometimes it's the bad things in life that brings about the good things. The trust in God isn't that He'll spare you from bad, but that He'll be with you when the bad happens and that He will find a way to bring about good through the bad. If you're looking at God as someone to spare you from bad things then you don't really have the right view of God.

 

[TheAristocat]

hey. i'm hurting about something.
a while ago, i was home alone in my apartment during the daytime. and some guys knocked on my door for a while. and i didn't answer it because i was home alone. and that'd be stupid. but then they came back in a few minutes with a crowbar or something and i saw them stick it through the crack of my door, trying to get in. i ran to the door and slid the golden chain into place, and they ran away. i called the police and reported them and all. and it's over and done with.

i definitely dealt with the post traumatic stress thing for a while. and i'm currently in my third location since it happened. but the fear didn't stay in that apartment. it follows me.
and it's been over 6 months now! but the fear is still there. i never really got over it. i feel like i lost my faith that day. my faith in God. we're supposed to trust God to take care of us. and i know you're probably thinking "He DID take care of you. your thieves fled like little girls!"

but in all seriousness. God doesn't promise us anything. christians are raped, beaten, abused, and killed. every day. christians starve. christians are victims of horrible crimes. and it's just.

How can i truly rely on God to take care of me when i believe in my heart he might "let" any of the above things happen to me? i feel like maybe life is nothing more than coincidences that God lets happen until the end.

i'm so lost!!!
every night i go to bed really really scared something will happen to me. and nothing ever has! any time i'm home alone i get really freaked out! i SHOULD, one might argue, be OVER this by now.

i SHOULD find solace IN God. and not run away from Him. but i have. i have run kinda far from God in my pain and my fear. and i don't trust Him.

and it's a really really depressing way to live. cut off from God. because i'm afraid of life and mad at the God who put me here.

Wow, I didn't know that. My dad is in the same boat as you, except I don't think it affects his faith. He understands Christians were martyred in the past and is against the idea that God protects all Christians. I'm the same way. I think that maybe he protected you there, because these guys really did bolt like a couple of school girls. lol

But I would caution you to have a couple bottles of mace on your person while living at home and walking through the streets by yourself. If you think about it I think you did exactly the right thing whether or not you planned it that way. You tested them long enough to see what their motives were and then, when you found out, you locked the door indicating you knew what their intentions were. They, then not knowing who was behind the door or if they had a gun (because you had not revealed yourself), decided to flee. So I think the situation went perfectly even if totally random decisions were made. If you opened the door they could just have easily seen no one but you was home and if they were inclined to violence maybe they would have done something to you.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Well its normal for a person to be 'stuck' on a thought after something scary happens. The key is learning to control your thoughts, not let your thoughts control you.

Also, God doesn't necessarily promise to protect us from bad things, but to give us what's best for us, and what's best for us isn't always what we want.The trust in God isn't that He'll spare you from bad, but that He'll be with you when the bad happens and that He will find a way to bring about good through the bad.

I second that. God is not a holy concierge. It would be like, you giving birth, then tethering your child to your wrist, and warding off all the "bad" things of the world so that your child never faces pain. This experience of yours is dreadful. I remember when our house was broken into when I was still in high school, and much of our belongings were stolen. I almost stayed home that day on account of being sick, but I decided to tough it out. One could very well construe that as God's doing. Had I stayed home, I may have been injured, or worse. "Good begotten from the bad".

It's certainly a nicer way to view the world. After all, the world is what you make of it; despite how cliche that sounds, I've come to learn how much gravity that saying holds.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

I second that. God is not a holy concierge. It would be like, you giving birth, then tethering your child to your wrist, and warding off all the "bad" things of the world so that your child never faces pain. This experience of yours is dreadful. I remember when our house was broken into when I was still in high school, and much of our belongings were stolen. I almost stayed home that day on account of being sick, but I decided to tough it out. One could very well construe that as God's doing. Had I stayed home, I may have been injured, or worse. "Good begotten from the bad".

It's certainly a nicer way to view the world. After all, the world is what you make of it; despite how cliche that sounds, I've come to learn how much gravity that saying holds.

but i wish i COULD keep my child from experiencing any pain... (which i don't have one yet)
I'm glad God made that the perfect timing as well for you. i kept thinking, if i hadn't been home, they could have taken everything. but in your case it's probably really good that you weren't. <3 i'm sorry you can relate to the experience. it's just the fear of the moment is so ridiculously powerful.

you're absolutely right. that's a much better worldview. i like it.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

Well its normal for a person to be 'stuck' on a thought after something scary happens. The key is learning to control your thoughts, not let your thoughts control you.

Also, God doesn't necessarily promise to protect us from bad things, but to give us what's best for us, and what's best for us isn't always what we want. Sometimes it's the bad things in life that brings about the good things. The trust in God isn't that He'll spare you from bad, but that He'll be with you when the bad happens and that He will find a way to bring about good through the bad. If you're looking at God as someone to spare you from bad things then you don't really have the right view of God.

thank you. i needed to hear that. <3

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

Wow, I didn't know that. My dad is in the same boat as you, except I don't think it affects his faith. He understands Christians were martyred in the past and is against the idea that God protects all Christians. I'm the same way. I think that maybe he protected you there, because these guys really did bolt like a couple of school girls. lol

But I would caution you to have a couple bottles of mace on your person while living at home and walking through the streets by yourself. If you think about it I think you did exactly the right thing whether or not you planned it that way. You tested them long enough to see what their motives were and then, when you found out, you locked the door indicating you knew what their intentions were. They, then not knowing who was behind the door or if they had a gun (because you had not revealed yourself), decided to flee. So I think the situation went perfectly even if totally random decisions were made. If you opened the door they could just have easily seen no one but you was home and if they were inclined to violence maybe they would have done something to you.

thank you. that helps. you know. i feel like i talked about it a lot when it happened. but i don't think i got a ton of feedback about it. or at least, not feedback about my faith. maybe i got "what you're feeling is normal" but it planted a seed in my heart that no one knew how to address. i feel like talking about how horrible it made me feel, made others feel uncomfortable. and maybe they just wanted to chalk it up to "God protected you" and move on.

but you know the worst part? the part that i think hurt my heart the most. was in that moment of panic. where the adrenaline rushes, and it's fight or flight. and i ran to the door where a tool is coming through crack. as i slid the gold chain in place (with hands shaking mind you) do you want to know what rose up in my heart?? or rather in my throat actually. "DAMN YOU!" it was so close. i was so close to screaming that through the door. the loudest expression of those words you might ever hear. an angry. fearful. yet pitiful self defense against two young men who would not have been intimidated by it. i stopped it from coming out of my mouth. but i'm telling you that it was physically in my throat. a ball that contained those words was in my throat. and they would have done zero good.

it BREAKS my heart. completely breaks my heart that that's what wanted to come out of me in self defense. because Jesus didn't say 'Damn you' when the romans came and arrested him. and he didn't say 'damn you' as they beat the snot out of him. he didn't say 'damn you' as he suffocated on the cross. he said bless you. and may God forgive you. if anyone has the right to damn someone it's him, and he didn't!

if i'm really his..... WHY is that what came out of me. in that moment.
i don't want them in hell! i just wanted them to get the hell away from me!

(oh i really hope i don't get banned for swearing)

 

[TheAristocat]

thank you. that helps. you know. i feel like i talked about it a lot when it happened. but i don't think i got a ton of feedback about it. or at least, not feedback about my faith. maybe i got "what you're feeling is normal" but it planted a seed in my heart that no one knew how to address. i feel like talking about how horrible it made me feel, made others feel uncomfortable. and maybe they just wanted to chalk it up to "God protected you" and move on.

but you know the worst part? the part that i think hurt my heart the most. was in that moment of panic. where the adrenaline rushes, and it's fight or flight. and i ran to the door where a tool is coming through crack. as i slid the gold chain in place (with hands shaking mind you) do you want to know what rose up in my heart?? or rather in my throat actually. "DAMN YOU!" it was so close. i was so close to screaming that through the door. the loudest expression of those words you might ever hear. an angry. fearful. yet pitiful self defense against two young men who would not have been intimidated by it. i stopped it from coming out of my mouth. but i'm telling you that it was physically in my throat. a ball that contained those words was in my throat. and they would have done zero good.

it BREAKS my heart. completely breaks my heart that that's what wanted to come out of me in self defense. because Jesus didn't say 'Damn you' when the romans came and arrested him. and he didn't say 'damn you' as they beat the snot out of him. he didn't say 'damn you' as he suffocated on the cross. he said bless you. and may God forgive you. if anyone has the right to damn someone it's him, and he didn't!

if i'm really his..... WHY is that what came out of me. in that moment.
i don't want them in hell! i just wanted them to get the hell away from me!

(oh i really hope i don't get banned for swearing)

Lady, I'm just glad you're okay. Not everything you went through needs to be addressed at once. I've been in situations where I was ashamed of myself. It didn't make me question my faith; it just humbled me. Sometimes I pray to God to let me know who I am. So in certain times when hate in my heart is revealed I am thankful for it because it lets me know where I stand and what needs to be fixed.

Thank you for letting us know about this, and I'm sorry it happened. Most importantly I'm sorry you live with fear. Being a guy, I know I can at least put up a scrap whether or not I win and that is comfort enough. But these days you have things like tazers, mace, rubber bullets, etc. You have a number of options for evening the odds. I'm just afraid that you'll be so taken by fear that you might not be able to use them.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

thanks Aristocat <3
you know. i often debated getting one of those rape whistles. that's really really loud and would possibly detract an offender due to the attention it would collect?

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

ijustwanttheTruth, I think you'll be okay. To quote a Rush song: "All of us get lost in the darkness. Dreamers learn to steer by the stars. All of us do time in the gutter. Dreamers turn to look at the cars." You MUST experience tribulation to grow. Wisdom doesn't come from age alone; it comes from the experiences you're dealt, and what you choose to take away from them.

If you have some free time, try reading The Shack (Preview the Shack), by William P. Young. It deals with a father who falls out of faith over a tragic incident, but eventually - through his mourning and cursing God - is reunited with Him. The book makes God seem so personal to the reader, and it may help you in rebuilding your faith, if that is in fact what you want. It helped me immensely after my ex-girlfriend broke my heart, and I think it may provide you with some answers as well!

You are more than welcome to P.M. or friend me here, as well. I'm online pretty much everyday.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

You MUST experience tribulation to grow. Wisdom doesn't come from age alone; it comes from the experiences you're dealt, and what you choose to take away from them.

that's really wise. you're right. i want to put down my offenses and grow. if only i could forgive myself for being human.

If you have some free time, try reading The Shack (Preview the Shack), by William P. Young. It deals with a father who falls out of faith over a tragic incident, but eventually - through his mourning and cursing God - is reunited with Him. The book makes God seem so personal to the reader, and it may help you in rebuilding your faith, if that is in fact what you want. It helped me immensely after my ex-girlfriend broke my heart, and I think it may provide you with some answers as well!

You are more than welcome to P.M. or friend me here, as well. I'm online pretty much everyday.

i'm so glad the shack blessed you. i have read it actually. and this probably sounds downright sacrilegious. but i hated it. BUT. i hate all fiction books. i'm not sure why. but i think because it's not real, i don't trust it. that sounds so stupid as i write it. but i can't follow the salvation of a fictitious character, unless it's based on a true story.and i don't really see God the way the book portrays him.
but. it would be really good if i could actually feel like God loves me. because right now i just have a really hard time believing that. does the bible really say that God loves us? i mean really?

i wanna friend you but your picture scares me

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

You MUST experience tribulation to grow. Wisdom doesn't come from age alone; it comes from the experiences you're dealt, and what you choose to take away from them.

that's really wise. you're right. i want to put down my offenses and grow. if only i could forgive myself for being human.

If you have some free time, try reading The Shack (Preview the Shack), by William P. Young. It deals with a father who falls out of faith over a tragic incident, but eventually - through his mourning and cursing God - is reunited with Him. The book makes God seem so personal to the reader, and it may help you in rebuilding your faith, if that is in fact what you want. It helped me immensely after my ex-girlfriend broke my heart, and I think it may provide you with some answers as well!

You are more than welcome to P.M. or friend me here, as well. I'm online pretty much everyday.

i'm so glad the shack blessed you. i have read it actually. and this probably sounds downright sacrilegious. but i hated it. BUT. i hate all fiction books. i'm not sure why. but i think because it's not real, i don't trust it. that sounds so stupid as i write it. but i can't follow the salvation of a fictitious character, unless it's based on a true story.and i don't really see God the way the book portrays him.
but. it would be really good if i could actually feel like God loves me. because right now i just have a really hard time believing that. does the bible really say that God loves us? i mean really?

i wanna friend you but your picture scares me

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

my internet's being weird. it posted it twice. oh well.....

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

my internet's being weird. it posted it twice. oh well.....

Suuure, blame the internet.

The Shack is actually not a fictional novel. The author is Willie - the character in the book. It was his friend, Mack, that went through those experiences, and then they collaborated to produce the book.

And yes, many times over does the Bible stress that He loves us; particularly in the New Testament.