false/rightious guilt

[kshine]

I am a single married women and when I talk to a man just conversation r even get on chat web site or chat line I feel sence of guilt. I'm not looking for romance but I feel guilty in regular setting. Should I feel bad if I'm talking to a single man(not married) or a single married man(seperated) is this sin. I don't talk to anyone not even my husband . How can God restore my marriage if I'm. Not praying anymore about it and if is heart is not willing well alest it look like that. I feel like I'm holding out but without real hope.

 

[Ronin]

If you are helping someone by talking about God and lending an ear to problems no. If in fact you are talking for the reasons to be led astary.....well then you know the answer

 

[ChristianVegan]

Well God will not restore it IMO, if you arent interested anymore, what would be the point?
You have to do your part as well

 

[kshine]

My husbandjust called me for months we haven't seen eye 2 eye on child support. The reason on my behalf is that at one point I was going to take cash from him but I changed my mind cause I felt I could not trust him and I did want to have to fill like I'm begging because how he treat me and hi reason is he just wanted me to suffer. Well we been up in down he said that if I called off child support he will help me get a car n pay the payments cus he don't trust me I said ok but I still had concern becus he talk for the moment bcus it feels good when the time came he didn't come through I called text when I finally spoke to him he said I was starting trouble I assured him I waas concered we where to meet the next day I told him to meet me at. ~0 am he came but I was late 30min I didn't see he called I was at work with the lady house I clean ihe left I ask him to come back he said no I felt that was not fare since he didn't call at all the day b4 but this is how is was in r marriage. Well after that I believe he was not my help n I was to stay away from him. He called a couple days agao n today askin about the child support then ask me if I want sex I said no but then said ok he said then somthing wrong with me I said why haven't u said its only sex. I. Asked him did he want the marriage he dacnced around with u know the answer to that I sid u tell me he said know. I then said well that's the answer to ur sex. I told myself I don't want to have sex as a why to hold on if Gods going to restore it will happen through communication then sex. So tell me what do I pray for and what is my part.?

 

[TheAristocat]

My husbandjust called me for months we haven't seen eye 2 eye on child support. The reason on my behalf is that at one point I was going to take cash from him but I changed my mind cause I felt I could not trust him and I did want to have to fill like I'm begging because how he treat me and hi reason is he just wanted me to suffer. Well we been up in down he said that if I called off child support he will help me get a car n pay the payments cus he don't trust me I said ok but I still had concern becus he talk for the moment bcus it feels good when the time came he didn't come through I called text when I finally spoke to him he said I was starting trouble I assured him I waas concered we where to meet the next day I told him to meet me at. ~0 am he came but I was late 30min I didn't see he called I was at work with the lady house I clean ihe left I ask him to come back he said no I felt that was not fare since he didn't call at all the day b4 but this is how is was in r marriage. Well after that I believe he was not my help n I was to stay away from him. He called a couple days agao n today askin about the child support then ask me if I want sex I said no but then said ok he said then somthing wrong with me I said why haven't u said its only sex. I. Asked him did he want the marriage he dacnced around with u know the answer to that I sid u tell me he said know. I then said well that's the answer to ur sex. I told myself I don't want to have sex as a why to hold on if Gods going to restore it will happen through communication then sex. So tell me what do I pray for and what is my part.?

If it were my wife I'd take the sex even if I were annoyed at her. You guys are separated but still married then? Someone's got to give-in in order for things to go forward. If you give in you can talk to him about your feelings about you guys and in an unaccusing manner. He might be more willing to listen. Address the hurt in conversation - not the people. Don't blame people; blame circumstances because people can always change (but not often when they're being blamed). And when they change the circumstances change with them.

There's obviously a lot of bitterness going on between you two. And I wouldn't ask you to change how you feel about him, but if you feel anything for God then someone has to stop acting on that bitterness and it might as well be you if it's not going to be him. Otherwise you can say goodbye to your marriage.

 

[Jullianna]

I am a single married women and when I talk to a man just conversation r even get on chat web site or chat line I feel sence of guilt. I'm not looking for romance but I feel guilty in regular setting. Should I feel bad if I'm talking to a single man(not married) or a single married man(seperated) is this sin. I don't talk to anyone not even my husband . How can God restore my marriage if I'm. Not praying anymore about it and if is heart is not willing well alest it look like that. I feel like I'm holding out but without real hope.

You seem to be so incredibly torn, kshine. You are in limbo, aren't you? Seems like the guilt you describe is your understanding that you are not "a single married woman". You are a married, lonely woman who is confused and hurt, right?

You really need to talk with your husband, whether it is difficult or not, and find out whether he is going to be a husband to you and a father to your child/children or not. You owe it to yourself and your child/children. If he isn't and he wants to walk away, the scriptures say we can let them go. There is more to being a husband than just making himself available for sex.

God is not a God of confusion. I've been praying for God to give you wisdom in your situation. I see your suffering in your words and my heart goes out to you.

 

[kshine]

If it were my wife I'd take the sex even if I were annoyed at her. You guys are separated but still married then? Someone's got to give-in in order for things to go forward. If you give in you can talk to him about your feelings about you guys and in an unaccusing manner. He might be more willing to listen. Address the hurt in conversation - not the people. Don't blame people; blame circumstances because people can always change (but not often when they're being blamed). And when they change the circumstances change with them.

There's obviously a lot of bitterness going on between you two. And I wouldn't ask you to change how you feel about him, but if you feel anything for God then someone has to stop acting on that bitterness and it might as well be you if it's not going to be him. Otherwise you can say goodbye to your marriage.

Ive done that.. that's why I have to opt out of the sex we been doing that sex then talk becaus the person is more willing but when the honeymoon is over back to normal. I have to come at it diffrent this time we need to see consistantcy in both of us I dont know what that mean in the long run but we need to communicate and it looks wright now as though communication is not on his mind.

 

[kshine]

If it were my wife I'd take the sex even if I were annoyed at her. You guys are separated but still married then? Someone's got to give-in in order for things to go forward. If you give in you can talk to him about your feelings about you guys and in an unaccusing manner. He might be more willing to listen. Address the hurt in conversation - not the people. Don't blame people; blame circumstances because people can always change (but not often when they're being blamed). And when they change the circumstances change with them.

There's obviously a lot of bitterness going on between you two. And I wouldn't ask you to change how you feel about him, but if you feel anything for God then someone has to stop acting on that bitterness and it might as well be you if it's not going to be him. Otherwise you can say goodbye to your marriage.

I agree with the bitterness on myside tho I saw some of that yesterday I noticed it and ask God to help me.

 

[kshine]

You seem to be so incredibly torn, kshine. You are in limbo, aren't you? Seems like the guilt you describe is your understanding that you are not "a single married woman". You are a married, lonely woman who is confused and hurt, right?

You really need to talk with your husband, whether it is difficult or not, and find out whether he is going to be a husband to you and a father to your child/children or not. You owe it to yourself and your child/children. If he isn't and he wants to walk away, the scriptures say we can let them go. There is more to being a husband than just making himself available for sex.

God is not a God of confusion. I've been praying for God to give you wisdom in your situation. I see your suffering in your words and my heart goes out to you.

Wow I didnt see that... I always felt like I was single because I flet by myself but lonely hit me hard right now... I cant speak to him without a third person cause I dont know if it me are him that lack the understanding and on both ends it would be more benificial but we never made it pass the intoduction in counsoling so talking with just the two wont work too much bitterness I can let go but he holds on and I know at this point he not going to counsloing.Im asking God to show me myself I got this job and the women I work for character is just like my husband and Im so willing to learn that I ask God to help me not to understand why which has been a big problem but to accept.

 

[kshine]

Tomarrow is my 8th anniversary.

 

[TheAristocat]

Wow I didnt see that... I always felt like I was single because I flet by myself but lonely hit me hard right now... I cant speak to him without a third person cause I dont know if it me are him that lack the understanding and on both ends it would be more benificial but we never made it pass the intoduction in counsoling so talking with just the two wont work too much bitterness I can let go but he holds on and I know at this point he not going to counsloing.Im asking God to show me myself I got this job and the women I work for character is just like my husband and Im so willing to learn that I ask God to help me not to understand why which has been a big problem but to accept.

Wow. That would be hard. I've been in a similar boat. People can be so stubborn and hold onto their bitterness in spite of your pursuit of them and your change of heart. But that doesn't mean they're stronger. It means they're weaker, and it's to their own shame. Try to make your marriage work - whether that means being stubborn like him or giving in.

I think you've thought this through a lot more than I have since you are dealing with it daily. I'm sure this bitterness came from somewhere. Is there something you can do differently? Do you know why this came about? You said he makes you feel like you're begging? Sounds like he's stubborn, been hurt and has insecurities. Although I wouldn't tell that to a guy. Would probably just make it worse.

I'm sorry to hear you've tried the communication and he just doesn't want to try that any more. When you guys talk does it usually end with both of you talking angrily with each other? Who knows. Maybe he is angry with himself more than you. Maybe he is envious of you, but I don't know at all. I'm just talking out of my rear-end. Throwing ideas out there.