How long have you been single?

[RodColeman]

And such desires are the root of all your agony and melancholy. Expectation minus reality equals disappointment, reality minus expectation equals happiness.

Well, that sounds rather idealistic. Lots of people have the desire for romance/marriage/sex. That stuff is just a normal part of being human. People don't choose to have those. Nor do people choose to be attracted to the opposite sex. You seem to be saying that if I just get rid of my expectations, I won't feel all these negative emotions around singleness anymore.

I'm sure lots of singles wish it were all that simple.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul mentions people who "burn with passion." However, Paul does not tell them to repress their desires or somehow purge themselves of their desires for romance, sex or marriage. Because, well, that's not really possible. What Paul tells those people to do is to get married. He even says it's better for people like that to marry than to stay single.

So what is "the root of all your agony and melancholy" as a single person, as you put it? Is it just your own expectations? I believe the problem is bigger and more fundamental than that.

Remember, God designed marriage at the beginning. Marriage happened in the Garden of Eden. While Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God. God looked at Adam and said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Isn’t that interesting? You mean even when he was totally with God, Adam still needed someone else? Whoops.

In the Garden of Eden, when the world was perfect, God gave Adam a wife. But then what happened? Mankind rebelled, sin entered the world, and everything has been screwed up ever since. I think this is important to note. In Paradise, when things were perfect, there was marriage. In the post-Fall world, there’s people who desire marriage, but it doesn’t work out for them. It’s one of the many genuine disappointments that we all have to deal with in a fallen, sinful world. It’s OK to recognize it as such.

I do believe that there's some people who lack the gift of celibacy who still won't be able to marry. I mean, I've often read that there's more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that's broadly true, it means that not everyone will be able to find someone to marry, even if they have strong desires. And in Matthew 19, when Jesus talks about people who don't marry, he mentions a few different types: people who choose to live that way, people who are made that way by God, and people who are made that way by "other men." So some people stay single, and it's not because they chose it or because God chose it. It's just how life turned out.

Yes, God is good. But we live in a world that is not good.

Are your expectations really "the root of all your agony and melancholy" as a single person? is that the only factor at play here? No, the problem is far bigger than that. You can't just talk people into liking their singleness. I'm sure we all wish it were that easy.

 

[JohnDB]

Interestingly, in Jewish and later feminist folklore, the first woman was called "lilith", created directly out of the dust like Adam, and thus equal with Adam; but then Adam was behaving like a pervert by throwing himself at her and taking her by force, she objected and fled. God sent angels to retrieve her, but found at the shore of the Red Sea totally possessed by demons, and breeding new demons, so God made a new woman, a more mild, more submissive one out of Adam, which was Eve. But it doesn't stop there, Lilith went back with vengeance, as a formidible figure, a mother of demons who hates all men, so she curses and obstracts all reproductive activities, including causing infertility, infant death, miscarriage, nocturnal ejeculation, etc.

Interesting to the depth of knowledge you have on this subject but yet,
You have not blindly quoted one set of Bible scriptures accurately, anywhere on this forum.....not a single one.
You have yet to relate so much as ONE commonly held theological view accurately yet either.

How does that happen?
Why are you on this forum?
Do you think yourself a teacher? Life Coach?

 

[JohnDB]

 

[Lovette]

Are your expectations really "the root of all your agony and melancholy" as a single person? is that the only factor at play here? No, the problem is far bigger than that. You can't just talk people into liking their singleness. I'm sure we all wish it were that easy.

That's a strawman, you've read it wrong. Realistic expectations within your power and control give you hope, it is unrealistic desires, especially sexual desires, are "the root of all your agony and melancholy". Go doomscroll the carefully curated and edited highlight reels of influencers all day, you'll know how true it is.

And I'm not trying to talk anybody into singleness, I'm simply telling you to accept it, that God doesn't make an Eve for every Adam or an Adam for every Eve. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul mentions in various ways that marriage is a distraction, those who're married will concern more about worldly things than godly things, he reminded the Corinthian church that time was short, the present age was passing away, they should be spiritually and eschatalogically minded, marriage was merely a concession. You don't sign up and get baptized for a mate, quite the contrary, you'll probably have to leave or lose your mate in order to truly follow Christ. If your expectation is to seek a mate in the church, instead of redemption of your soul, then that's an expectation that'll truly bring you agony and melancholy.

 

[Lovette]

Interesting to the depth of knowledge you have on this subject but yet,
You have not blindly quoted one set of Bible scriptures accurately, anywhere on this forum.....not a single one.
You have yet to relate so much as ONE commonly held theological view accurately yet either.

How does that happen?
Why are you on this forum?
Do you think yourself a teacher? Life Coach?

At lease I back every one of my arguments with bible verses, what about you? I don't see any scripture in your rants in any of your posts, not a single one.

View attachment 290288

Yeah, a different gospel such as God will reward your faith with mate, marriage and heavenly sex.

 

[Lovette]

Well, that sounds rather idealistic. Lots of people have the desire for romance/marriage/sex. That stuff is just a normal part of being human. People don't choose to have those. Nor do people choose to be attracted to the opposite sex. You seem to be saying that if I just get rid of my expectations, I won't feel all these negative emotions around singleness anymore.

I'm sure lots of singles wish it were all that simple.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul mentions people who "burn with passion." However, Paul does not tell them to repress their desires or somehow purge themselves of their desires for romance, sex or marriage. Because, well, that's not really possible. What Paul tells those people to do is to get married. He even says it's better for people like that to marry than to stay single.

So what is "the root of all your agony and melancholy" as a single person, as you put it? Is it just your own expectations? I believe the problem is bigger and more fundamental than that.

Remember, God designed marriage at the beginning. Marriage happened in the Garden of Eden. While Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God. God looked at Adam and said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Isn’t that interesting? You mean even when he was totally with God, Adam still needed someone else? Whoops.

In the Garden of Eden, when the world was perfect, God gave Adam a wife. But then what happened? Mankind rebelled, sin entered the world, and everything has been screwed up ever since. I think this is important to note. In Paradise, when things were perfect, there was marriage. In the post-Fall world, there’s people who desire marriage, but it doesn’t work out for them. It’s one of the many genuine disappointments that we all have to deal with in a fallen, sinful world. It’s OK to recognize it as such.

I do believe that there's some people who lack the gift of celibacy who still won't be able to marry. I mean, I've often read that there's more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that's broadly true, it means that not everyone will be able to find someone to marry, even if they have strong desires. And in Matthew 19, when Jesus talks about people who don't marry, he mentions a few different types: people who choose to live that way, people who are made that way by God, and people who are made that way by "other men." So some people stay single, and it's not because they chose it or because God chose it. It's just how life turned out.

Yes, God is good. But we live in a world that is not good.

Are your expectations really "the root of all your agony and melancholy" as a single person? is that the only factor at play here? No, the problem is far bigger than that. You can't just talk people into liking their singleness. I'm sure we all wish it were that easy.

And btw, when you claim, "lots of people have the desire for romance/marriage/sex," ask them to specify - romance with WHO? Marriage with WHO? Sex with WHO? If you're not already in an active relationship, if there's not even an acquaintance you're familiar with, then these are all just abstract concepts, all just unattainable idols that only exist in fictions, on screen, in other people's chitchats, and in your own fantasies, having no bearing in your own reality.

 

[RodColeman]

And btw, when you claim, "lots of people have the desire for romance/marriage/sex," ask them to specify - romance with WHO? Marriage with WHO? Sex with WHO? If you're not already in an active relationship, if there's not even an acquaintance you're familiar with, then these are all just abstract concepts, all just unattainable idols that only exist in fictions, on screen, in other people's chitchats, and in your own fantasies, having no bearing in your own reality.

I don't mean to make a strawman or to misquote you or anything. If I misread what you meant, my bad.

Still, I don't believe the desires for romance, marriage or sex are "unrealistic." These desires are all normal. They're just part of the human experience for many people, probably most people. And why would someone "accept" singleness if they'd rather want the other thing? It's OK to pursue marriage if that's what you desire.

You write that "you'll probably have to leave or lose your mate in order to truly follow Christ." Huh? You will? Maybe that was more true in Paul's day. Or more true for someone who comes to Jesus while married to an unbeliever. But there's good reasons for why a Christian should only marry another Christian.

"If your expectation is to seek a mate in the church, instead of redemption of your soul, then that's an expectation that'll truly bring you agony and melancholy." It's OK to seek a mate in the church. What's wrong with that? I mean, of course, we have to come to Jesus first. But we can still seek a mate afterwards. And where else would you look? I mean, we should only marry other Christians, after all. Why not look for a mate in a Christian community? I know dozens of good Christian friends who have strong marriages to people they met in church. They're not suffering from "agony and melancholy." The portrait you paint of marriage is rather bleak. Yikes.

Sometimes, when you're a Christian single and you express the desire for marriage, well-meaning Christians will often tell you something along the lines of "Remember, single folks ──── your number one priority is JESUS!" Hahaha! Oh, really? Wow! I didn't know that! What's my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha! I know it's well-meaning, but that sort of thing is just patronizing and condescending. Your pastor is, most likely, married. What, did he forget that his number one priority is Jesus? LOL.

And, yes, Paul calls marriage a distraction, basically. But Paul also admits that he's biased. In English, when we hear "distraction," that's a bad thing. In Greek Paul uses the word aperispastōs, which can be translated to "without being drawn away." Yes, if you have a wife and kids, that will divide your attention somewhat. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Your pastor is, most likely, married. What, did he make a mistake? Is he so distracted that he can't be an effective pastor?

Again, when considering the good things that Paul says about singleness, it's good to keep in mind that his message is fairly nuanced. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says he has no "commandment from God" about this. Paul says that he wishes that everyone was single like him ── not that God wishes it. He says that he, personally, is content with being single ── but he admits that not everyone is like that. He says that it's good to stay single, but that it's better to marry if you have strong desires. Paul "supposes" that it's better to stay single because of "the present distress," some crisis that the church in Corinth was dealing with at the time. He says you're not sinning by marrying. Paul says a widow would be happier if she stayed single, but he admits that this is just a personal opinion. Evidently, many people are not happier being single. In 1 Timothy 4:1-3 Paul also condemns people who forbid marriage. And if Paul wrote the Book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage is a good thing.

If you don't want to marry, well, great. Good for you. More power to you. Personally, I want to, and I'm going to pursue it. It might work out. It might not.

Why would I accept singleness if I don't want it? Where does the Bible say that this is what we're required to do? I mean, sure, maybe God calls some people to stay single for a lifetime. God has never called me that way.

You also write that the desires for romance/marriage/sex are, apparently, too abstract to be important. What do you mean? These are real desires that lots of people have, and many people have them quite intensely. That's just a normal part of being human. Of course, as Christians, we have to restrict our sex lives to marriage, which is partly what can make this so difficult, but that's for our own good. And if you're a Christian single in your twenties or thirties with strong sexual desires and yet have no marriage partner to satisfy these with, well, it can be pretty intense and lonely and difficult. There's nothing "abstract" about it. Maybe it is for you, I don't know. But I wouldn't assume that these things are easy for everyone, or should be easy. And it's not "idolatry" to simply have strong desires for romance, marriage, or sex. These are all normal. Nowhere does the Bible condemn these desires. Though we can certainly fulfill these desires in sinful ways.

 

[Snackersmom]

I don't mean to make a strawman or to misquote you or anything. If I misread what you meant, my bad.

Still, I don't believe the desires for romance, marriage or sex are "unrealistic." These desires are all normal. They're just part of the human experience for many people, probably most people. And why would someone "accept" singleness if they'd rather want the other thing? It's OK to pursue marriage if that's what you desire.

You write that "you'll probably have to leave or lose your mate in order to truly follow Christ." Huh? You will? Maybe that was more true in Paul's day. Or more true for someone who comes to Jesus while married to an unbeliever. But there's good reasons for why a Christian should only marry another Christian.

"If your expectation is to seek a mate in the church, instead of redemption of your soul, then that's an expectation that'll truly bring you agony and melancholy." It's OK to seek a mate in the church. What's wrong with that? I mean, of course, we have to come to Jesus first. But we can still seek a mate afterwards. And where else would you look? I mean, we should only marry other Christians, after all. Why not look for a mate in a Christian community? I know dozens of good Christian friends who have strong marriages to people they met in church. They're not suffering from "agony and melancholy." The portrait you paint of marriage is rather bleak. Yikes.

Sometimes, when you're a Christian single and you express the desire for marriage, well-meaning Christians will often tell you something along the lines of "Remember, single folks ──── your number one priority is JESUS!" Hahaha! Oh, really? Wow! I didn't know that! What's my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha! I know it's well-meaning, but that sort of thing is just patronizing and condescending. Your pastor is, most likely, married. What, did he forget that his number one priority is Jesus? LOL.

And, yes, Paul calls marriage a distraction, basically. But Paul also admits that he's biased. In English, when we hear "distraction," that's a bad thing. In Greek Paul uses the word aperispastōs, which can be translated to "without being drawn away." Yes, if you have a wife and kids, that will divide your attention somewhat. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Your pastor is, most likely, married. What, did he make a mistake? Is he so distracted that he can't be an effective pastor?

Again, when considering the good things that Paul says about singleness, it's good to keep in mind that his message is fairly nuanced. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says he has no "commandment from God" about this. Paul says that he wishes that everyone was single like him ── not that God wishes it. He says that he, personally, is content with being single ── but he admits that not everyone is like that. He says that it's good to stay single, but that it's better to marry if you have strong desires. Paul "supposes" that it's better to stay single because of "the present distress," some crisis that the church in Corinth was dealing with at the time. He says you're not sinning by marrying. Paul says a widow would be happier if she stayed single, but he admits that this is just a personal opinion. Evidently, many people are not happier being single. In 1 Timothy 4:1-3 Paul also condemns people who forbid marriage. And if Paul wrote the Book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage is a good thing.

If you don't want to marry, well, great. Good for you. More power to you. Personally, I want to, and I'm going to pursue it. It might work out. It might not.

Why would I accept singleness if I don't want it? Where does the Bible say that this is what we're required to do? I mean, sure, maybe God calls some people to stay single for a lifetime. God has never called me that way.

You also write that the desires for romance/marriage/sex are, apparently, too abstract to be important. What do you mean? These are real desires that lots of people have, and many people have them quite intensely. That's just a normal part of being human. Of course, as Christians, we have to restrict our sex lives to marriage, which is partly what can make this so difficult, but that's for our own good. And if you're a Christian single in your twenties or thirties with strong sexual desires and yet have no marriage partner to satisfy these with, well, it can be pretty intense and lonely and difficult. There's nothing "abstract" about it. Maybe it is for you, I don't know. But I wouldn't assume that these things are easy for everyone, or should be easy. And it's not "idolatry" to simply have strong desires for romance, marriage, or sex. These are all normal. Nowhere does the Bible condemn these desires. Though we can certainly fulfill these desires in sinful ways.

Hi @RodColeman, welcome to the site!

Since you are new here, I feel the need to tell you that Lovette isn't here to sharpen iron. His "interpretations" are uniquely his, and we are yet to see him change his mind about any of them. It doesn't really matter how reasonable and Biblical your arguments are, if he doesn't like what you say he will just go off on a bizarre extrabiblical tangent about Greek philosophy and Jewish mysticism.

It all follows a very familiar pattern. Looks like we have reached the point where he is about to start accusing you of beliefs you do not hold, and statements you did not make. It's just what he does; he admits to it openly and thinks it's a valid way to debate.

Anyways, just thought you should know!

 

[RodColeman]

Hi @RodColeman, welcome to the site!

Since you are new here, I feel the need to tell you that Lovette isn't here to sharpen iron. His "interpretations" are uniquely his, and we are yet to see him change his mind about any of them. It doesn't really matter how reasonable and Biblical your arguments are, if he doesn't like what you say he will just go off on a bizarre extrabiblical tangent about Greek philosophy and Jewish mysticism.

It all follows a very familiar pattern. Looks like we have reached the point where he is about to start accusing you of beliefs you do not hold, and statements you did not make. It's just what he does; he admits to it openly and thinks it's a valid way to debate.

Anyways, just thought you should know!

Oh. Interesting. I was kinda wondering if that was the direction this was going to go, haha.

 

[Lynx]

That's a strawman, you've read it wrong. Realistic expectations within your power and control give you hope, it is unrealistic desires, especially sexual desires, are "the root of all your agony and melancholy". Go doomscroll the carefully curated and edited highlight reels of influencers all day, you'll know how true it is.

And I'm not trying to talk anybody into singleness, I'm simply telling you to accept it, that God doesn't make an Eve for every Adam or an Adam for every Eve. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul mentions in various ways that marriage is a distraction, those who're married will concern more about worldly things than godly things, he reminded the Corinthian church that time was short, the present age was passing away, they should be spiritually and eschatalogically minded, marriage was merely a concession. You don't sign up and get baptized for a mate, quite the contrary, you'll probably have to leave or lose your mate in order to truly follow Christ. If your expectation is to seek a mate in the church, instead of redemption of your soul, then that's an expectation that'll truly bring you agony and melancholy.

We were all out in the garden hoeing weeds. but the row I chose with shorter, so I finished much faster. Then I spent my free time making fun of my neighbor who had a longer row.

You keep idolizing singleness and putting down marriage as if one is inferior to the other. But both can be a benefit or a detriment, depending on what you are built for.

The car makes fun of the truck for being bigger, slower and not being able to fit into tight parking spaces. The truck makes fun of the car for not being able to carry very much. But a whole lot of people would be very ticked off if either kind of vehicle went out of production. It takes both of them to power humanity's transportation needs in this world.

 

[Snackersmom]

Oh. Interesting. I was kinda wondering if that was the direction this was going to go, haha.

It definitely is. Many of us have tried to help him, but I think all the long-time members have given up at this point.

Anyways, no judgement if you decide to continue but if you actually get through to him I think you'll be the first one who ever did lol.

Best!

 

[RodColeman]

It definitely is. Many of us have tried to help him, but I think all the long-time members have given up at this point.

Anyways, no judgement if you decide to continue but if you actually get through to him I think you'll be the first one who ever did lol.

Best!

Hahaha, good to know! Wow.

 

[Kainos]

Hardly scriptural, but if I've gleaned anything from this thread, it's that I'd rather be married and squabbling with an actual wife, than flogging a dead horse stranger over the internet.

 

[RodColeman]

Hardly scriptural, but if I've gleaned anything from this thread, it's that I'd rather be married and squabbling with an actual wife, than flogging a dead horse stranger over the internet.

Fortunately for humanity, no matter how bad marriage or singleness is ― you can can always complain about it on the Internet!

 

[Anchorite]

Hi @RodColeman, welcome to the site!

Since you are new here, I feel the need to tell you that Lovette isn't here to sharpen iron. His "interpretations" are uniquely his, and we are yet to see him change his mind about any of them. It doesn't really matter how reasonable and Biblical your arguments are, if he doesn't like what you say he will just go off on a bizarre extrabiblical tangent about Greek philosophy and Jewish mysticism.

It all follows a very familiar pattern. Looks like we have reached the point where he is about to start accusing you of beliefs you do not hold, and statements you did not make. It's just what he does; he admits to it openly and thinks it's a valid way to debate.

Anyways, just thought you should know!

Yes, it is pointless to interact with the oddly nicknamed Lovette. He is not looking for advice or solutions. He enjoys complaining and attacking or dismissing any suggestions that might help him. He says things against dating and marriage to lure people into quarrels. It’s a common “chip on the shoulder” mode that some individuals enjoy engaging in on the internet. The only goal is to get attention and stir up strife.

 

[Lovette]

I don't mean to make a strawman or to misquote you or anything. If I misread what you meant, my bad.

Still, I don't believe the desires for romance, marriage or sex are "unrealistic." These desires are all normal. They're just part of the human experience for many people, probably most people. And why would someone "accept" singleness if they'd rather want the other thing? It's OK to pursue marriage if that's what you desire.

You write that "you'll probably have to leave or lose your mate in order to truly follow Christ." Huh? You will? Maybe that was more true in Paul's day. Or more true for someone who comes to Jesus while married to an unbeliever. But there's good reasons for why a Christian should only marry another Christian.

"If your expectation is to seek a mate in the church, instead of redemption of your soul, then that's an expectation that'll truly bring you agony and melancholy." It's OK to seek a mate in the church. What's wrong with that? I mean, of course, we have to come to Jesus first. But we can still seek a mate afterwards. And where else would you look? I mean, we should only marry other Christians, after all. Why not look for a mate in a Christian community? I know dozens of good Christian friends who have strong marriages to people they met in church. They're not suffering from "agony and melancholy." The portrait you paint of marriage is rather bleak. Yikes.

Sometimes, when you're a Christian single and you express the desire for marriage, well-meaning Christians will often tell you something along the lines of "Remember, single folks ──── your number one priority is JESUS!" Hahaha! Oh, really? Wow! I didn't know that! What's my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha! I know it's well-meaning, but that sort of thing is just patronizing and condescending. Your pastor is, most likely, married. What, did he forget that his number one priority is Jesus? LOL.

And, yes, Paul calls marriage a distraction, basically. But Paul also admits that he's biased. In English, when we hear "distraction," that's a bad thing. In Greek Paul uses the word aperispastōs, which can be translated to "without being drawn away." Yes, if you have a wife and kids, that will divide your attention somewhat. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Your pastor is, most likely, married. What, did he make a mistake? Is he so distracted that he can't be an effective pastor?

Again, when considering the good things that Paul says about singleness, it's good to keep in mind that his message is fairly nuanced. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says he has no "commandment from God" about this. Paul says that he wishes that everyone was single like him ── not that God wishes it. He says that he, personally, is content with being single ── but he admits that not everyone is like that. He says that it's good to stay single, but that it's better to marry if you have strong desires. Paul "supposes" that it's better to stay single because of "the present distress," some crisis that the church in Corinth was dealing with at the time. He says you're not sinning by marrying. Paul says a widow would be happier if she stayed single, but he admits that this is just a personal opinion. Evidently, many people are not happier being single. In 1 Timothy 4:1-3 Paul also condemns people who forbid marriage. And if Paul wrote the Book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage is a good thing.

If you don't want to marry, well, great. Good for you. More power to you. Personally, I want to, and I'm going to pursue it. It might work out. It might not.

Why would I accept singleness if I don't want it? Where does the Bible say that this is what we're required to do? I mean, sure, maybe God calls some people to stay single for a lifetime. God has never called me that way.

You also write that the desires for romance/marriage/sex are, apparently, too abstract to be important. What do you mean? These are real desires that lots of people have, and many people have them quite intensely. That's just a normal part of being human. Of course, as Christians, we have to restrict our sex lives to marriage, which is partly what can make this so difficult, but that's for our own good. And if you're a Christian single in your twenties or thirties with strong sexual desires and yet have no marriage partner to satisfy these with, well, it can be pretty intense and lonely and difficult. There's nothing "abstract" about it. Maybe it is for you, I don't know. But I wouldn't assume that these things are easy for everyone, or should be easy. And it's not "idolatry" to simply have strong desires for romance, marriage, or sex. These are all normal. Nowhere does the Bible condemn these desires. Though we can certainly fulfill these desires in sinful ways.

Thank you for your kind reply, it's really not that complicated. Of course we all have desires for romance, marriage or sex, but how are they portrayed? How exactly do you visualize them in your mind? Probably in one way or another on the screen, and that is all fictional, an idealized fantasy version, you'll never look like or act like that illusion you see, and that's "unrealistic."

Then you turn to "realistic“ sources for "realistic" advice, what do you get? I don't know about you, but in my culture and upbringing, this is a strictly taboo topic, nobody talks about it, nothing taught in school, they just expect you to "naturally' know all about it when you come of age; even if you turn to the bible, such desires are often condemned as lust of the flesh, adultery in the heart, directly leading up to fornication and adultery; the only neutral description is a matter of fact record of "who knows who and they begot a son."

And last but not least, as I've emphasized, romance/marriage/sex with WHO? I don't know anybody, never having the opportunity or time to meet anybody, and never really having interest in anybody, even if I did it's faded into oblivion long ago. So if such desires can't be imposed on a real person, how are they not abstract concept?

You know, there's a normal progression of relationship in this, you start with a stranger, than an aquaintance, a companion, friend, confidante, girlfriend, fiancee, bride, wife, than mother in a few years. If you're ridden with sexual desires, that implies you skip all the previous steps and assume a wife is readily available, since God's "design for marriage" reads, "man shall leave his parents and join his WIFE, and the two shall become one flesh."

There's an analogy for this called a "relationship escalator", which naively compares this progress as an escalator ride, you just step on it and you'll be carried onto the top, you don't even need to move your feet; but in reality, especially in this era, it's more like rock climbing, one misstep and you fall to the ground. So forgive for being mature and sober enough to recognize it as UNrealistic. The God I know won't scam me or tempt me.

 

[RodColeman]

Thank you for your kind reply, it's really not that complicated. Of course we all have desires for romance, marriage or sex, but how are they portrayed? How exactly do you visualize them in your mind? Probably in one way or another on the screen, and that is all fictional, an idealized fantasy version, you'll never look like or act like that illusion you see, and that's "unrealistic."

Then you turn to "realistic“ sources for "realistic" advice, what do you get? I don't know about you, but in my culture and upbringing, this is a strictly taboo topic, nobody talks about it, nothing taught in school, they just expect you to "naturally' know all about it when you come of age; even if you turn to the bible, such desires are often condemned as lust of the flesh, adultery in the heart, directly leading up to fornication and adultery; the only neutral description is a matter of fact record of "who knows who and they begot a son."

And last but not least, as I've emphasized, romance/marriage/sex with WHO? I don't know anybody, never having the opportunity or time to meet anybody, and never really having interest in anybody, even if I did it's faded into oblivion long ago. So if such desires can't be imposed on a real person, how are they not abstract concept?

You know, there's a normal progression of relationship in this, you start with a stranger, than an aquaintance, a companion, friend, confidante, girlfriend, fiancee, bride, wife, than mother in a few years. If you're ridden with sexual desires, that implies you skip all the previous steps and assume a wife is readily available, since God's "design for marriage" reads, "man shall leave his parents and join his WIFE, and the two shall become one flesh."

There's an analogy for this called a "relationship escalator", which naively compares this progress as an escalator ride, you just step on it and you'll be carried onto the top, you don't even need to move your feet; but in reality, especially in this era, it's more like rock climbing, one misstep and you fall to the ground. So forgive for being mature and sober enough to recognize it as UNrealistic. The God I know won't scam me or tempt me.

Well, sure, we can have unrealistic fantasies about romance or sex. That doesn't change the fact that romance and sex can still be pleasurable. That's one of the reasons many of us want it so badly. Nothing wrong with that.

The Bible does not condemn sex or sexual desire. There's sinful ways to have sex, yes. But sex between a married couple is what the original norm was. It's good, and it's supposed to be good. That's how God designed it. Are fornication and adultery the only possible ways to have sex?

And do you mean that you, personally have no desire for sex? If so, well, great. Good for you. Not everybody's like that. For you, they're abstract. For others, not so much. Some people have strong desires for sex. That's fine.

You seem to think that romance or marriage is inevitably doomed to failure. If so, I find that puzzling, to be honest.

 

[Lovette]

We were all out in the garden hoeing weeds. but the row I chose with shorter, so I finished much faster. Then I spent my free time making fun of my neighbor who had a longer row.

You keep idolizing singleness and putting down marriage as if one is inferior to the other. But both can be a benefit or a detriment, depending on what you are built for.

The car makes fun of the truck for being bigger, slower and not being able to fit into tight parking spaces. The truck makes fun of the car for not being able to carry very much. But a whole lot of people would be very ticked off if either kind of vehicle went out of production. It takes both of them to power humanity's transportation needs in this world.

Is it so? What does the word of God say on this matter? What I'm doing is to keep NOT playing mental gymnastics around what the Scripture plainly states.

So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better. (1 Cor. 7:38)

I assure you, by no means am I intentionally "putting down" marriage. If anybody's ‘putting down" marriage, Lord Jesus was putting down the Pharisees' sham marriage subject to no fault divorce, and that's a situation we have to face, since's today's marriage is also subject to no fault divorce. One pastor said, it's much better to be yearning for marriage while staying single than yearning for singleness while staying married.

 

[passion84god]

This has nothing to do with the thread, but the title reminded me of this line from "The Honeymooners":

"How long have you known the applicant?"

 

[RodColeman]

Is it so? What does the word of God say on this matter? What I'm doing is to keep NOT playing mental gymnastics around what the Scripture plainly states.

So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better. (1 Cor. 7:38)

I assure you, by no means am I intentionally "putting down" marriage. If anybody's ‘putting down" marriage, Lord Jesus was putting down the Pharisees' sham marriage subject to no fault divorce, and that's a situation we have to face, since's today's marriage is also subject to no fault divorce. One pastor said, it's much better to be yearning for marriage while staying single than yearning for singleness while staying married.

This is not Paul's only statement about marriage. What else does he say?

In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says he has no "commandment from God" about this. Paul says that he wishes that everyone was single like him ── not that God wishes it. Paul says that he, personally, is content with being single ── but he admits that not everyone is like that. He says that it's good to stay single, but that it's better to marry if you have strong desires. Paul "supposes" that it's better to stay single because of "the present distress," some crisis that the church in Corinth was dealing with at the time. He says you're not sinning by marrying. Paul says a widow would be happier if she stayed single, but he admits that this is just a personal opinion. Evidently, many people are not happier being single. In 1 Timothy 4:1-3 Paul also condemns people who forbid marriage. And if Paul wrote the Book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage is a good thing.

You also mention that "it's much better to be yearning for marriage while staying single than yearning for singleness while staying married." Well, sure, but those aren't the only possible outcomes, are they? Are you saying that a couple enjoying a loving marriage is an impossibility?