Continued message on forgiveness
The picture Jesus is painting regarding forgiveness is that you can never repay God for the offense you have done. Or I have done. Every sinful thought, action, lie, offense, wrong. Jesus even took sin to the reality of the human heart. “I say to you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust has already committed adultery in his heart.” Think about that the next time you do a double-take when that sexy man or woman walks by. He said that greed is equal to thievery, envy equals idolatry, hatred is murder, etc. What debt do I have to God? Yet He forgave me of all that debt, now He is asking me to release the debt of wrongs done to me.
I tossed aside my records. But that wasn’t enough. It’s not to just ignore the wrongs done, it was to forgive them from the heart. And what is the evidence of forgiveness? Remember the first verse we looked at? God has given us power, love, and a sound mind. Look now at Matthew 5:44-46
44 "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,
45 "that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
This is forgiveness in action. It’s hard to do, but necessary. Until I forgive, bitterness and hatred remain. Bitterness and hatred don’t only destroy the person they are against, these also destroy the one who possesses them. Have you ever seen a hateful person who has joy? Are they happy? Bitterness is the bars of our own prison cell. One that we construct to imprison ourselves in order to get back at our enemy.
Love your enemies. How do I do that? According to Jesus, I must bless. I must do good. I must pray for them. Pray for, not against. “God, get them back for me,” is not praying for our enemies. “Lord, bless them, forgive them, and give me an opportunity to do good for them,” is a prayer of forgiveness.
It isn’t for you or I to judge someone’s worthiness of forgiveness. God’s first desire is always mercy. It’s God’s desire for your enemy to repent of their own wrongs, surrender to God’s mercy, and find forgiveness through Christ. This makes your enemy a brother or sister in Christ. Just as those whom you have wronged have no right to demand that God refuse mercy to you, you have no right to demand that for another person.
Is forgiveness hard? You bet it is. And it takes time to heal. But that healing is applied each time we forgive. When our mind conjures up past wrongs, it’s a reminder to pray for that person. You’ll find deliverance from your own pain when you deliver that person from debt. Your pain will remind you of that person, and that should remind you of the command to forgive, pray, and seek their good. When you do so, there is a reward. Look at Proverbs 25:21-22
21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
22 For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the LORD will reward you.
The Lord rewards those who follow His word. Your first reward is peace and deliverance from anger and bitterness. Also, when we forgive, we are placing ourselves in the center of God’s mercy for our own lives.
The choices are to remain angry, become bitter, refuse God’s mercy for our own life, and suffer the consequences. Bitterness is the most destructive force in your emotions. Clinging to it is like poisoning your mind. Yet our human nature would rather poison itself than release the debt of another.
After you forgive, the wrongs will come to mind again. And again. And again. You have trained your thought patterns to dwell on the things that bother you. Now you have to change your way of thinking. And that doesn’t come easy.
After God revealed these things to me, the relief was almost overwhelming. No longer was I controlled by my enemy, but I found a peace that had evaded me for two years. I would have written a ‘thank you letter’ if I didn’t think it would have antagonized the situation.
Then something happened. A new wave of attacks came. Though I had forgiven and felt such sweet relief, all my anger and frustration came pouring back when the next wrong came along. I had to wrestle with my emotions again. I had to go through the forgiveness process again. I had to make myself say the words, “I forgive you,” and then pray for that person’s good. I had to wrestle with my heart so I could sincerely bless that person. Over time I learned how to do this better, but it was never easy to forgive someone I knew would never even acknowledge the wrong. In the end, who is better off? The person saying, “I forgive you and I bless you?” Or the one seething with hatred and trying to find a way to cause more harm?
It would be another year before God removed me from that situation. On occasion I remember this manager and pray for them. The wrongs done can never be undone, but the Lord rewards and out-blesses any wrong.
Is there unforgiveness ever justified?
The question recently came up, what if the other person refuses to apologize? Do I have to still forgive? Sometimes people wrong us but are not sorry. The Bible says that if someone asks for forgiveness we must forgive, but what if they are not repentant?
This is a good question and is something every person will have to deal with throughout their life. I’ve touched on this a bit from my life’s experience, but since letting go of wrongs can be difficult, we need to look at it from a biblical perspective as well. When we stop and look at it from a wider perspective, I’m confident you’ll see why it’s necessary to forgive – period. We can’t hold those who wrong us to a higher standard than we want to be held to. Jesus addressed this concept in Matthew 7:1-2
1 "Judge not, that you be not judged.
2 "For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
This is not saying we should not have good judgment, but that we must judge based on the standard we are willing to stand upon. How many unconfessed sins have I committed in my life? Wrong thoughts, selfish motives, words of offense to others, or any number of other things. We all are guilty. Do we want to be judged for our unconfessed transgressions? I know that I certainly don’t. Yet if I determine to only forgive those willing to confess, I put myself in a position where I can only be forgiven for what I confess. Can I expect God to forgive my unconfessed sins if I’m unwilling to do so for others? Is this not what God is addressing in Romans 2:1-8
1 Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
2 But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things.
3 And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God?
4 Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?
5 But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God,
6 who "will render to each one according to his deeds":
7 eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality;
8 but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness -- indignation and wrath,
Think about the weight of this passage. Those who judge are condemning themselves, for they are doing the same things. When we judge someone else unworthy of forgiveness, we are also judging ourselves unworthy, for we do the same things. When I refuse to forgive, I am despising the goodness of God. Though I may think I am holding my neighbor accountable, in truth I’m casting God’s mercies out of my own life. I then will stand in judgment.
My judgment is not because God was unwilling to forgive, but because I was unwilling to forgive. Instead of storing up for myself the treasures of heaven, I am storing up for myself judgment by which I will stand before God to answer for my guilt.
Anyone who doesn’t recognize their own sin is blind, prideful, and still in their sins. If I think I’m guiltless, I’m a fool. How many times have I said thoughtless things to my wife, kids, or those around me? Sometimes I don’t even realize I have done this. Other times I have realized it, but just didn’t think it was a big enough deal to address it. If they didn’t say anything, I assume it didn’t bother them. But often they are wounded in silence. Can I now declare my neighbor guilty because he or she failed to apologize to me? If I do, then I am now held by that same standard before God.
What about the hidden sins? Jesus said, any who have ever looked upon someone to lust after them has committed adultery in their heart. Any who are greedy are thieves. Those who are covetous are idolaters. Those who hate are murderers. My life consistently fails to stand up to God’s requirement of perfection. But, when my life turns back to God, I am forgiven and I walk in newness of life. Yet, I have not combed through my past and confessed every sin. That’s impossible. It is my life that has repented and everything is taken out of the way when I look to the cross.
Yet Jesus warned His disciples that if they hold their neighbor accountable and demand judgment, all those sins will not be forgiven of them. God warns that when we don’t forgive from the heart, God returns our guilt upon our own head.
So the argument of some is, the story of Jesus and the wicked servant is that the man asked for forgiveness and was denied. While that is true, that isn’t the point of the parable. The point is that the servant held his neighbor to a higher standard than God held him to. So if someone wants to hold their neighbor accountable for unconfessed wrongs, fine. They should be aware that they are placing themselves under the same standard. Now they are guilty for every sin in thought, word, or deed that they have committed against every person and against God. They must go through every minute of their lives and identify every sin they have ever committed. They must then confess them to God and find the person wronged or they thought evil toward, and confess to them. This isn’t only actions, but thoughts, sins of omissions, words, and even wicked emotions such as hatred and unjustified anger.
To demand this method of religion is utterly foolish. A person under this system will never have forgiveness, never have peace, never have unity, and will never experience favor with God. God is ready to forgive and show mercy, but not to the one who refuses to do the same. As God stated, to him who shows no mercy, I will judge without mercy (James 2:13).
Hopefully you can see the value of forgiveness. Not only does God show you mercy, but God empowers you to rise above your harmful emotions and strengthens you to forgive. When you forgive, anger will attempt to rise up again, but you must cast it out. Look to the Lord for strength and refuse to allow anger, hatred, and bitterness to rule over you. Forgive, bless, pray for, and do good to those who have wronged you. The Lord will reward you.
That is God’s desire – to reward you. The greatest reward is the peace of God that will reign in your heart, but that isn’t were the reward ends. Forgiveness releases you from the harmful emotions that rule you, so forgiveness is just as much an act of God’s mercy toward you as it is of your mercy toward another – and more so. When you forgive, you are putting yourself in a right relationship with God and stepping onto the path of God’s purpose for your life. Forgiveness is a giant leap toward peace and joy. Forgiveness is not only a commandment, but it is part of your own emotional health.
Examine yourself.
We’ve looked at the reasons why forgiveness is necessary, but it’s also important to examine ourselves and see if there is anyone we need to forgive. Begin with now and search your past. When you think of someone, does your stomach tighten or your heart ache?
Ideally, we want reconciliation; however, that is not always possible. It takes two to reconcile, but only takes you’re willing heart to step into a life of forgiveness. Do you need to forgive a parent, relative, betrayal of a friend, or the harm caused by a stranger? Remember, God has promised healing and blessings to those who forgive. It won’t be easy, but the rewards are great.
When we refuse to forgive, we give our enemies or those who have wronged us power over our emotions, and ultimately our lives. Forgiveness takes the burden off our hearts and places it on God’s shoulders, where it belongs.
Don’t lose sight of the example of Christ. Though He was betrayed by a close friend, rejected by His own people, tried for a crime He didn’t commit, and executed by the Roman government who testified, “I find no wrong in this man,” He forgave. On the cross He declared, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they do.” They knew what they were doing to Him, but they were blinded by human nature. Foolishly, they allowed their own misguided ideas to drive their emotions into hatred. Then all they could see was that Jesus was a threat to their ideas. They didn’t understand what they were truly doing.
Some of the very people who demanded Jesus’ death later came to faith in Christ and found God’s mercies. Though He was persecuted and reviled, He didn’t lash back in return. He committed Himself to the Father, who judges righteously. And what does our Heavenly Father desire most? Reconciliation and forgiveness. When we commit our wrongs to our Heavenly Father it’s an act of faith and an acknowledgment of our own need.
Forgiveness is an act of faith because we are putting our trust in God to handle the situation according to His own wisdom. It’s saying, “God I trust you to make this situation right. I can only see this from my own perspective, but you see the good you’re going to bring through it.” In the Old Testament, Joseph’s brothers hated him with such a passion, they could not say a peaceable word to him. They wanted to murder him, but when they saw a band of traders passing by, they sold him as a slave. They coldly ignored his anguished cries and rejoiced that the brother they hated was gone. Heartlessly, they conjured up a story to make their father believe Joseph had been killed by a wild animal. Grief almost destroyed their father.
In the end, God blessed Joseph and exalted him to become the governor of Egypt. In hindsight, we see that God was preparing the way for Joseph’s family to be delivered from the coming famine. When all things were concluded, Joseph was in a position of authority and could have brought vengeance down on his brothers. Instead he looked at the plan of God and said, “You meant this for harm, but God meant it for good.”
The Lord used the hate of Joseph’s brothers as a tool to test Joseph, shape his character, and then bless his life in ways that would not have been possible if he stayed in the safety of his home. But one important thing to note is Joseph’s forgiveness. He acknowledged the wrong, but then credited it to God. It was something God allowed and even orchestrated the events so that Joseph could ultimately find the goodness of the Lord and be in a spiritual condition to receive it. He forgave his brothers and became a blessing to them.
Could God have used Joseph if he hadn’t trusted God enough to forgive? Knowing Joseph was in a position where he could now retaliate, they greatly feared, but Joseph spoke kindly to them. “Fear not,” he said. “Though you meant it for evil, God meant it for good. It was necessary to save the lives of many. I will take care of you and nourish you and your families.” At no time in Joseph’s life do you see bitterness. In fact, his positive attitude caused him to find favor in each situation.
Forgiveness is also an acknowledgement of our need. I need forgiveness. I need God’s mercies. I recognize that I’m not upright in all my ways. I want to be, but I fall short. Because I recognize my need, I also recognize the importance of not holding others to a standard that I don’t want applied to my own life. Forgiveness is an acknowledgement of God’s mercy over me. I forgive because I have been forgiven.
I cannot plead for mercy in my own life and then demand justice in the life of others. Consider James 2:13
For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
What a beautiful passage! Mercy triumphs over judgment. When we forgive, we are showing mercy. The other person has committed a wrong and are indebted to us – whether they realize it or not. But because I have been shown mercy and God forgave me all that debt, I recognize the necessity to show God’s mercy to others. When I refuse to forgive, I am showing that I don’t see my own need for mercy. It’s like telling the Lord, “I don’t need mercy. I don’t see any need in my life.”
This is what Jesus was saying in the parable about the two servants. The one with so great a debt couldn’t see his own need.
Instead of holding our grudge as a demand for payment for a wrong, we release that to the Lord, trusting in His mercies – both to us, and to the one we are forgiving. Not only are you setting that person free, but you are setting yourself free. The cage of bitterness opens and you walk free. Free from the chains of bitterness, and free from the judgment against you that has been overcome by mercy.
Forgiveness is essential for emotional, spiritual, and often for physical health.
I hope this helps you in your desire to learn how to forgive.
Eddie Snipes
Author of 'I Called Him Dancer'
and 'Simple Faith'
http://www.eddiesnipes.com
