A wise person learns from their mistakes. If you are really smart, you will learn from other people's mistakes.okay thanks for that
Red flags men see in women (low salary?)
- Thread starter ciicii
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you say you learned many skills. are any of them in connection with the talent or talents God gave you? if not, initiate a talent of yours with your free time. little by little, you may start a new career. if you meet a wealthy Christian man & get married, you won't feel that you are lesser. you'll be comfortable in being a housewife, taking care of all that goes with it. the younger you are, the better time it is now to start your dream career. pray on this immediately without a condemning heart: 1st John 3:20-22!
Yes some are for the talents God has given me others are more practical but based on Gods command, for how to handle money, carrying ourselves spiritually etc....
I think i will always have more to learn though.
Thanks for the verses too. And yes you are right. I do have a career path i would like to pursue more too i just need to get out of my head. And into Gods understanding and patience.
I hear a lot of self-doubt in your post and I just want to gently say this: your job title doesn’t determine your value as a person or as a potential wife.
Being a grocery store assistant manager or any “ordinary” job, is not something to be ashamed of. Honestly, it sounds like you work hard, you’re responsible and you’ve thought a lot about practical life skills like budgeting and home management. Those things matter far more in real life than how impressive a job title sounds on paper.
I also think it’s easy to assume that “good Christian men” are mainly looking for status or external success, but in reality many are much more interested in character, faith, kindness, stability and shared values. A humble, steady, faithful woman is not “less than” , that is exactly what many people are hoping for.
About meeting in-laws and saying your job title, that fear is understandable, but most mature people care far more about how you carry yourself than what your job is called. If someone judges you for that alone, that’s more of a red flag in them than in you.
I think your worth is getting tied up in comparisons and imagined expectations that may not actually reflect reality. You don’t need a “perfect title” to be worthy of love or respect.
Being a grocery store assistant manager or any “ordinary” job, is not something to be ashamed of. Honestly, it sounds like you work hard, you’re responsible and you’ve thought a lot about practical life skills like budgeting and home management. Those things matter far more in real life than how impressive a job title sounds on paper.
I also think it’s easy to assume that “good Christian men” are mainly looking for status or external success, but in reality many are much more interested in character, faith, kindness, stability and shared values. A humble, steady, faithful woman is not “less than” , that is exactly what many people are hoping for.
About meeting in-laws and saying your job title, that fear is understandable, but most mature people care far more about how you carry yourself than what your job is called. If someone judges you for that alone, that’s more of a red flag in them than in you.
I think your worth is getting tied up in comparisons and imagined expectations that may not actually reflect reality. You don’t need a “perfect title” to be worthy of love or respect.
"Blunt but true" is cinder's stock in trade.
Unfortunately that is lanolin's stock in trade. She is very good at starting with 2 + 2 and winding up with a national debt. Stick around and you'll get used to it.
Yea I'm already a red flag, so I know lol
Its exponential. I weigh someone's post and multiply it.
This will help you in the long run because having a good credit score helps you score a house. Or the man. Or both.
If he works in real estate, he'd be an expert at flipping houses, so you will be a housewife in many houses.
I know someone in church who's husband is in property management, and for how many years I've known her they've moved house about 5 times.
I mean thats if you actually want to be a housewife and not just saying it. She works in charity, which is basically fundraising, so she knows what you need to do to bring in money. (Basically, ask other wealthy people to donate)
Its exponential. I weigh someone's post and multiply it.
This will help you in the long run because having a good credit score helps you score a house. Or the man. Or both.
If he works in real estate, he'd be an expert at flipping houses, so you will be a housewife in many houses.
I know someone in church who's husband is in property management, and for how many years I've known her they've moved house about 5 times.
I mean thats if you actually want to be a housewife and not just saying it. She works in charity, which is basically fundraising, so she knows what you need to do to bring in money. (Basically, ask other wealthy people to donate)
She's had two kids, now grown, and will probably retire soon.
The latest house she's in, had a brand new insides, kitchen etc and a chandelier, and a view of the harbour. And they have a dog too, and he has a boat where he goes fishing sometimes.
This other lady I know, husband isn't a christian, but she is, and they live in a mansion, plus have a campervan, a condo overseas, and a bach. I have stayed in the bach. They go up every couple of weekends cos he has to mow the lawn and do maintanence. They're retired now, he had his own business (engineer) and she was a teacher. They have three kids now grown. Children grow up you see so the time you spend staying at home with them will be just maybe 5 years or so (depending on how many your have and how far apart) because by the time they in school you don't need to stay at home by yourself anymore you can find work and help pay the mortgage.
The latest house she's in, had a brand new insides, kitchen etc and a chandelier, and a view of the harbour. And they have a dog too, and he has a boat where he goes fishing sometimes.
This other lady I know, husband isn't a christian, but she is, and they live in a mansion, plus have a campervan, a condo overseas, and a bach. I have stayed in the bach. They go up every couple of weekends cos he has to mow the lawn and do maintanence. They're retired now, he had his own business (engineer) and she was a teacher. They have three kids now grown. Children grow up you see so the time you spend staying at home with them will be just maybe 5 years or so (depending on how many your have and how far apart) because by the time they in school you don't need to stay at home by yourself anymore you can find work and help pay the mortgage.
I resemble that remark. Blunt but true and usually kindly intentioned ."Blunt but true" is cinder's stock in trade.
Also, if your house is big enough and has spare guest rooms, you can host foreign exchange students, and their parents or agent will pay you to house them.
If you not already renting out your rooms to some tenants. You might have a minor dwelling...or several. They can also be rented out. I know a couple that does this.
As far as I know, she didn't work after she had children. She trained as a nurse, but got then married ---to an atheist. He as a sailor or worked in boats or something. He's always off somewhere in the world. They are now retired. She had three children all boys. They all grown up now and independent. Some living overseas.
She lives off an allowance he gives her, I know because when we went out for a coffee she said she's spending her husbands money. He also bought her a car that she's had forever, a Toyota. I mean it still has wind up windows and you have to hook in the door to lock it. House is beautiful old villa though and they live out in near the coast, plus she has a horse.
Funny I never actually met her husband but she's always talking about him and trying to convert him, but he stays stubbornly atheist.
So...housewife? Is that what you want? You could marry a pastor, and the manse can come with the church, so you'll be living kind of rent free. Tithes and donations from the church will help you pay the bills.
I know because people do this. Do you think I make all this up?
If you not already renting out your rooms to some tenants. You might have a minor dwelling...or several. They can also be rented out. I know a couple that does this.
As far as I know, she didn't work after she had children. She trained as a nurse, but got then married ---to an atheist. He as a sailor or worked in boats or something. He's always off somewhere in the world. They are now retired. She had three children all boys. They all grown up now and independent. Some living overseas.
She lives off an allowance he gives her, I know because when we went out for a coffee she said she's spending her husbands money. He also bought her a car that she's had forever, a Toyota. I mean it still has wind up windows and you have to hook in the door to lock it. House is beautiful old villa though and they live out in near the coast, plus she has a horse.
Funny I never actually met her husband but she's always talking about him and trying to convert him, but he stays stubbornly atheist.
So...housewife? Is that what you want? You could marry a pastor, and the manse can come with the church, so you'll be living kind of rent free. Tithes and donations from the church will help you pay the bills.
I know because people do this. Do you think I make all this up?
I'm not gonna be asking you any questions, but just referring to your topic. Low salary never stopped anyone from marrying a wealthy man, because most women in general do have lower salaries than men. Pay parity hasn't caught up with everyone yet. Sue you can marry someone wealthy, but chances are he may not be a Christian, or you can marry a Christian, but he may not be wealthy.
it is rarely both unless...he's like a pastor in a prosperity gospel church. You can't serve God and money, its actually said in the Bible having two masters means you will love one and hate the other. But you can have money and pretend you are serving God with it. As I said before a house is expensive, even more nowadays, unless you live in a cheaper area with less prospects of jobs.
But again, ignore my posts as they won't help you any right?
it is rarely both unless...he's like a pastor in a prosperity gospel church. You can't serve God and money, its actually said in the Bible having two masters means you will love one and hate the other. But you can have money and pretend you are serving God with it. As I said before a house is expensive, even more nowadays, unless you live in a cheaper area with less prospects of jobs.
But again, ignore my posts as they won't help you any right?
And well, I think you mentioned that you didn't want to marry anyone who owned a business. I don't know why, am not going to ask because you won't answer, I'm surmising its because you don't want to work. If a man owns a business, of course he'd want his wife to help if she can, even if it's just keeping the books or doing some admin.
But to expect to be a housewife and not do ANY paid work at all is unrealistic. I don't know what 'reality' shows you watch but the housewife shows are only wealthy super rich wives who... have all these sponsorship deals and tout beauty products because they supermodels or something or they are heiresses and don't really need their husbands money. They''d have a portfolio of properties and a money manager to do it all for them.
But to expect to be a housewife and not do ANY paid work at all is unrealistic. I don't know what 'reality' shows you watch but the housewife shows are only wealthy super rich wives who... have all these sponsorship deals and tout beauty products because they supermodels or something or they are heiresses and don't really need their husbands money. They''d have a portfolio of properties and a money manager to do it all for them.
And as seoulsearch says, if he is wealthy and thinks we'll just live on one income, be prepared to scrimp and save, or have him long hours away at his job. Or even overseas where he can earn more money in the mines or oil rigs or something, and go on business trips. Without you.
There is nothing wrong with where you are in life. You're leading a life which is honest and earning through honest means. A man who chooses you would choose you with your self respect in tact. Don't settle for less.
So many people have less than that. God bless you. Only a great future ahead. Put your faith in Jesus.
Thank you. You and others have helped me realize that. Love this forum
I'm probably not the ideal person to reply. I want to just take part in this forum to get my mind off my own thoughts. I noticed your post a week ago about loneliness and was intending to reply to that... I am also new here.
My wife is a high achiever, far smarter than me. She is a senior structural engineer and very much led our family for all the years we were together. Being a woman in this field was very difficult, it has always been dominated by men. She is pretty much a pioneer of women in Civil Engineering. Her pay was always far higher than mine, I am just a truck driver. When we met, I was unemployed and she soon motivated me and helped me to get a certificate (computer technician) and that helped me get some confidence and some work. But she was mostly the breadwinner. We have always had fights about money. She kicked me out of the house back in November as I had agreed with my boss to work Sunday without consulting my wife who was relying on me to help her with something important that Sunday.
Being kicked out of my family has been a blessing in disguise, even though it has been devastating and I am still trying to process all the regrets and pain I have caused and felt. The abuse. The silence.
A blessing because, I have returned wholeheartedly to the Lord, and this has been SO much better than I believed possible!
Red flags? I proposed and got married to my wife, ignoring the abusiveness which first showed after I had known her just 2 months. and just hoping we could survive it. We ought to have met each other in person first but we didn't (we knew each other just online).
Her behaviour around money was difficult but I found out too late, months after we got married. My financial behaviour was terrible too and we warred over it.
I just have to mention ciicii, I never wanted my wife to be anything special as a career. I would have been happy with her as my equal, a housewife or clerk or whatever she wanted to be. But she is the one who wanted to be an engineer and lead teams of engineers.
I'm just airing my thoughts really, let me know if any of this is helpful.
My wife is a high achiever, far smarter than me. She is a senior structural engineer and very much led our family for all the years we were together. Being a woman in this field was very difficult, it has always been dominated by men. She is pretty much a pioneer of women in Civil Engineering. Her pay was always far higher than mine, I am just a truck driver. When we met, I was unemployed and she soon motivated me and helped me to get a certificate (computer technician) and that helped me get some confidence and some work. But she was mostly the breadwinner. We have always had fights about money. She kicked me out of the house back in November as I had agreed with my boss to work Sunday without consulting my wife who was relying on me to help her with something important that Sunday.
Being kicked out of my family has been a blessing in disguise, even though it has been devastating and I am still trying to process all the regrets and pain I have caused and felt. The abuse. The silence.
A blessing because, I have returned wholeheartedly to the Lord, and this has been SO much better than I believed possible!
Red flags? I proposed and got married to my wife, ignoring the abusiveness which first showed after I had known her just 2 months. and just hoping we could survive it. We ought to have met each other in person first but we didn't (we knew each other just online).
Her behaviour around money was difficult but I found out too late, months after we got married. My financial behaviour was terrible too and we warred over it.
I just have to mention ciicii, I never wanted my wife to be anything special as a career. I would have been happy with her as my equal, a housewife or clerk or whatever she wanted to be. But she is the one who wanted to be an engineer and lead teams of engineers.
I'm just airing my thoughts really, let me know if any of this is helpful.
Hi @ciicii
As I read and reread through this thread, I keep thinking of things I want to share, but just haven't had time to write out.
But as I read through, there are a few verses that keep coming to mind that I wanted to share with you.
Verses which I have found much encouragement in.
1 Corinthians 10:31
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
And the one that sticks out to me the most is
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, as for the Lord and not for men,
As I read and reread through this thread, I keep thinking of things I want to share, but just haven't had time to write out.
But as I read through, there are a few verses that keep coming to mind that I wanted to share with you.
Verses which I have found much encouragement in.
1 Corinthians 10:31
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
And the one that sticks out to me the most is
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, as for the Lord and not for men,
First I am really sorry to hear that. Going through a divorce myself I would not wish that on anyone but I have also just gotten closer and closer to God in the process.
Yeah I posted this a while back but all the continuous opinions and openness has really helped me realize that I need to be proud of what I am doing if this is where God wants me to be and what he thinks about everything. So I was able to walk around at work the other day and not feel ashamed about my 'unimpressive' position.
This does help a lot though thank you! Knowing that most men seem to value character and beign a team where we can lift each other up and not necessarily about the Job title or 'prestige' of it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it is a really help. I think my mindset before was and has been from the enemy for so long I could not even tell anymore that they were not my own or godly thoughts. I really want to build myself up to be the best I can be for God and for my husband, and I see that doesn't have anything to do with a high salary. This intentions are good but not necessary like I had thought - I just need to be a good steward of what God has given me.
Anyway thank you again and I pray you are doing well.