Considering courting someone with Bipolar disorder

[Levite]

I'm a Christian man who has developed strong feelings for a Christian woman at my university. We get along well, I admire her character and theological maturity, I find her attractive, and I seriously considered pursuing her with marriage in mind. I don't believe in casual dating, so courtship would only be for the purpose of discerning marriage.

The complication is that she has disclosed that she has bipolar disorder, and from what she shared, it appears to involve past psychotic episodes. Since learning this, I've gone back and forth internally. On one hand, I genuinely like her as a person and don't want to reduce her to her diagnosis. On the other hand, I recognize that marriage involves lifelong responsibilities, and I'm concerned about the realities of living with a serious mental illness and what that could mean for both of us.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom. I don't want to reject someone simply because they have an illness, but I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns because of strong emotions.

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I'm planning to speak with my pastor soon, but while I wait, I'd really appreciate your perspective. From a biblical standpoint, how would you think through a situation like this? Am I approaching it in a wise way, or are there questions or blind spots that you think I should consider before making a decision?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[passion84god]

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I think that you need to make your feelings known to her before worrying about the bipolar issue. If she has no similar interest in you as far as courting with the possibility of marriage is concerned, then there is no reason to be concerned about the lifelong responsibilities part of your post. First things first. I do have some thoughts on the secondary issue, but I will withhold from sharing them for now.​

 

[passion84god]

I do have some thoughts on the secondary issue, but I will withhold from sharing them for now.

I'll just say it.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom.

If you love someone, then part of that is helping them to overcome their struggles as opposed to leaving them to fend for themselves. So many verses come to mind, but that is what I believe.

 

[Bible_Locket]

I've known people with the disorder.
One person was my manager at work.

Choose carefully.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I'm a Christian man who has developed strong feelings for a Christian woman at my university. We get along well, I admire her character and theological maturity, I find her attractive, and I seriously considered pursuing her with marriage in mind. I don't believe in casual dating, so courtship would only be for the purpose of discerning marriage.

The complication is that she has disclosed that she has bipolar disorder, and from what she shared, it appears to involve past psychotic episodes. Since learning this, I've gone back and forth internally. On one hand, I genuinely like her as a person and don't want to reduce her to her diagnosis. On the other hand, I recognize that marriage involves lifelong responsibilities, and I'm concerned about the realities of living with a serious mental illness and what that could mean for both of us.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom. I don't want to reject someone simply because they have an illness, but I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns because of strong emotions.

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I'm planning to speak with my pastor soon, but while I wait, I'd really appreciate your perspective. From a biblical standpoint, how would you think through a situation like this? Am I approaching it in a wise way, or are there questions or blind spots that you think I should consider before making a decision?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

It might take a long time to get to know someone well.

The Christian relationship experts I used to study said that it's best to get through serious conflicts first. That way you both know how you handle those conflicts. Compatibility isn't about the "Honeymoon period ".
It's how the potential couple work through hard stressful times.

Example #1
Mary was Valedictorian, top of her class, personality near 10, extremely lovely, wrote a love song for her crush who happened to be her first best friend as young children to rediscover each other in high school. She went into med school at WVU shortly after meeting minimal rqts.

The boyfriend was a born again athlete who had a lot going for him. He was studying Veterinary and Animal Sciences, attended church faithfully, led the College/Career Group at church, the ushers, building another ministry, etc. He decided to remain pure and save his virginity for his wife's wedding night. He thought he led her in prayer to receive the very solemn promise from God as described HERE.<

Short of a long story, God answered his prayers.
They weren't the answers he was hoping for. It was revealed to him that she was demon possessed. Thankfully it manifested and tried to kill him with extremely brutal violence and strength.
About the same time, he discovered that she was a slut at WVU with as many guys as would have her. At the break up date, she explained that she only prayed a prayer to please her man, but was not sincere. She told him that her secret philosophy was, Ignorance is bliss so she kept everything secret

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I'm a Christian man who has developed strong feelings for a Christian woman at my university. We get along well, I admire her character and theological maturity, I find her attractive, and I seriously considered pursuing her with marriage in mind. I don't believe in casual dating, so courtship would only be for the purpose of discerning marriage.

The complication is that she has disclosed that she has bipolar disorder, and from what she shared, it appears to involve past psychotic episodes. Since learning this, I've gone back and forth internally. On one hand, I genuinely like her as a person and don't want to reduce her to her diagnosis. On the other hand, I recognize that marriage involves lifelong responsibilities, and I'm concerned about the realities of living with a serious mental illness and what that could mean for both of us.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom. I don't want to reject someone simply because they have an illness, but I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns because of strong emotions.

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I'm planning to speak with my pastor soon, but while I wait, I'd really appreciate your perspective. From a biblical standpoint, how would you think through a situation like this? Am I approaching it in a wise way, or are there questions or blind spots that you think I should consider before making a decision?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

That all applies to Mary, not to your gal. It's just an example that even after a few years that smart man had no idea what was going to happen. He needed God's wisdom that even exceeded the pastor's opinion as valued as that was.
Another thing is that she did not attend his church or show strong evidence that she would follow and obey him as a wife should do.

As to what you just shared, you are too emotionally connected at this point so you are naturally blind to red flags and God's direction. You need the Lord as Savior as does she just to begin with. Then you both need to grow in the knowledge of the Lord and His Word personally and in a good Bible believing church. I don't know if that's what you attend, but most do not and wouldn't know it.
The issue of whether she's interested romantically should only proceed with time, wisdom, mutual growth as born again believers. Right now, I'd get saved, protect your feelings, and focus on the Lord.
He can add the rest as He alone knows best.

 

[Aussie52]

As someone with a mental health diagnosis, I know it has taken a toll on my relationship with my wife. You need to discuss this with your lady, pray together over it, a try and determine God's direction. Be Blessed.

 

[BrokenPaul]

As someone with a mental health diagnosis, I know it has taken a toll on my relationship with my wife. You need to discuss this with your lady, pray together over it, a try and determine God's direction. Be Blessed.

I'm a Christian man who has developed strong feelings for a Christian woman at my university. We get along well, I admire her character and theological maturity, I find her attractive, and I seriously considered pursuing her with marriage in mind. I don't believe in casual dating, so courtship would only be for the purpose of discerning marriage.

The complication is that she has disclosed that she has bipolar disorder, and from what she shared, it appears to involve past psychotic episodes. Since learning this, I've gone back and forth internally. On one hand, I genuinely like her as a person and don't want to reduce her to her diagnosis. On the other hand, I recognize that marriage involves lifelong responsibilities, and I'm concerned about the realities of living with a serious mental illness and what that could mean for both of us.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom. I don't want to reject someone simply because they have an illness, but I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns because of strong emotions.

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I'm planning to speak with my pastor soon, but while I wait, I'd really appreciate your perspective. From a biblical standpoint, how would you think through a situation like this? Am I approaching it in a wise way, or are there questions or blind spots that you think I should consider before making a decision?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

You are already so far ahead of where I was at that stage. It's good to see your caution and carefulness. I hope you can pick something useful out of what I say. I think you could be fine together, as most of your approach to it is sound.
When I was 24 I self-diagnosed as bipolar, and I took lithium for it for 15 years. The lithium didn't help at all. I was a backslidden Christian at that time, having become a believer at 21.
By the time I was 35 I was very lonely and worried that I would be single forever, so in desperation I proposed to a lady I had met online after we had known each other for 6 months, just online. She accepted and then began a terrible marriage of 27 years, in which we both caused a fair bit of damage to each other psychologically (abuse).

Main points:
I ought to have made my way back to God! I ought never to have left him at all! Would have been so much happier as a single.
My wife is not what I would call Christian (she's Catholic) and we were never able to really talk about our faith.
We ought to have got to know each other in person first!
We both agree that we would never have gone ahead with the marriage if we had spent even a few days together in person.
It was several months into the online relationship when I first saw her rage, her anger. Red flag.
She has a strong mind but has been damaged by abuse from a family member. I think her family normalized abuse and fighting.

With your friend, I believe that the psychological situation could be relatively minor and God can repair it pretty well, but the problem is that we tend not to let God help us with these things. I believe He can fix anything, even bipolar.

The main thing I would be focusing on is, whether you can both believe and trust the Lord to strengthen her and make those bipolar issues fade away into perspective. Get ahold of God the both of you, and you will be fine in my opinion. If you don't do that, you leave yourself vulnerable to all other problems that marriages have always had,

What I have been through (7 psychologists, psychotherapists, medication, counselling) did not really help me at all, compared to when I came back to God recently. Being well and truly broken I have been able to reach a solid foundation in my faith, being amazed at the incredible untangling and healing God has given me. Now, I am in God's hands and it's great, bless Him.

If you want to supercharge your faith and be really blessed, read Remarkable Incidents and Modern Miracles through prayer and faith, by G.C. Bevington. Old school holiness. With most of us, the sad thing is our God is tooo small.

 

[BrokenPaul]

As someone with a mental health diagnosis, I know it has taken a toll on my relationship with my wife. You need to discuss this with your lady, pray together over it, a try and determine God's direction. Be Blessed.

I'd like to stay in contact brother, you know in case I get banned from here!

 

[Aussie52]

I'd like to stay in contact brother, you know in case I get banned from here!

Yes, that would be good.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

Marriage to someone with bipolar disorder and whatever comorbids are included in this particular case would be a tremendous lifelong challenge. You are wise to ponder the possibilities and educate yourself on what you might be getting yourself into before you proceed further. Also consider that mental health issues may pass down to any children.

At the end of the day I say: Let love guide your decisions on the matter. And certainly pray much about it.

 

[Dei-Gratia]

I'll just say it.

If you love someone, then part of that is helping them to overcome their struggles as opposed to leaving them to fend for themselves. So many verses come to mind, but that is what I believe.

Dangerous Advice

 

[Dei-Gratia]

I think that you need to make your feelings known to her before worrying about the bipolar issue. If she has no similar interest in you as far as courting with the possibility of marriage is concerned, then there is no reason to be concerned about the lifelong responsibilities part of your post. First things first. I do have some thoughts on the secondary issue, but I will withhold from sharing them for now.​

That's a dangerous Advice

 

[Dei-Gratia]

That all applies to Mary, not to your gal. It's just an example that even after a few years that smart man had no idea what was going to happen. He needed God's wisdom that even exceeded the pastor's opinion as valued as that was.
Another thing is that she did not attend his church or show strong evidence that she would follow and obey him as a wife should do.

As to what you just shared, you are too emotionally connected at this point so you are naturally blind to red flags and God's direction. You need the Lord as Savior as does she just to begin with. Then you both need to grow in the knowledge of the Lord and His Word personally and in a good Bible believing church. I don't know if that's what you attend, but most do not and wouldn't know it.
The issue of whether she's interested romantically should only proceed with time, wisdom, mutual growth as born again believers. Right now, I'd get saved, protect your feelings, and focus on the Lord.
He can add the rest as He alone knows best.

Well Spoken

 

[passion84god]

Dangerous Advice

That's a dangerous Advice

Says you. If Jesus only demonstrated love towards those with no issues, then we'd all be lost. Real love meets people where they're at and tries to help them. If you haven't figured that out yet, then shame on you.​

 

[CarriePie]

I agree with Tall Timbers. It's definitely a challenge, even before marriage. Even if they are a Christian, on meds, and in therapy. Pray for guidance!! And if you do move forward in the relationship, pray for strength! Lots of love and strength!!

 

[Dei-Gratia]

With all due respect, if you're married or an adult and that's very pathetic because you could be a bad marriage counselor.

Always misquoting Scripture; no wonder we're the causes our own woes

How can a Christian of your caliber think this way? Probably, you just got born again.

 

[Dei-Gratia]

I'm a Christian man who has developed strong feelings for a Christian woman at my university. We get along well, I admire her character and theological maturity, I find her attractive, and I seriously considered pursuing her with marriage in mind. I don't believe in casual dating, so courtship would only be for the purpose of discerning marriage.

The complication is that she has disclosed that she has bipolar disorder, and from what she shared, it appears to involve past psychotic episodes. Since learning this, I've gone back and forth internally. On one hand, I genuinely like her as a person and don't want to reduce her to her diagnosis. On the other hand, I recognize that marriage involves lifelong responsibilities, and I'm concerned about the realities of living with a serious mental illness and what that could mean for both of us.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom. I don't want to reject someone simply because they have an illness, but I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns because of strong emotions.

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I'm planning to speak with my pastor soon, but while I wait, I'd really appreciate your perspective. From a biblical standpoint, how would you think through a situation like this? Am I approaching it in a wise way, or are there questions or blind spots that you think I should consider before making a decision?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Probably you've never been through martial help before so may think you got the strength.

What you're tempting could dictate your eternity; check the records and see great men f fire who were easily derailed by marriage.

Bible says, many are the devices of the heart of man but it's the COUNSEL OF THE LORD THAT SHALL STAND.

Let the LORD really guide you.

 

[Suze]

I'm a Christian man who has developed strong feelings for a Christian woman at my university. We get along well, I admire her character and theological maturity, I find her attractive, and I seriously considered pursuing her with marriage in mind. I don't believe in casual dating, so courtship would only be for the purpose of discerning marriage.

The complication is that she has disclosed that she has bipolar disorder, and from what she shared, it appears to involve past psychotic episodes. Since learning this, I've gone back and forth internally. On one hand, I genuinely like her as a person and don't want to reduce her to her diagnosis. On the other hand, I recognize that marriage involves lifelong responsibilities, and I'm concerned about the realities of living with a serious mental illness and what that could mean for both of us.

Part of me wonders whether I'm being prudent. Another part wonders whether I'm allowing fear to outweigh love and wisdom. I don't want to reject someone simply because they have an illness, but I also don't want to ignore legitimate concerns because of strong emotions.

To make things more complicated, I don't even know whether she is interested in me romantically. I have never confessed my feelings or pursued her directly.

I'm planning to speak with my pastor soon, but while I wait, I'd really appreciate your perspective. From a biblical standpoint, how would you think through a situation like this? Am I approaching it in a wise way, or are there questions or blind spots that you think I should consider before making a decision?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I think ( though I may b wrong ) that she has given u this information because she has recognised that u r interested in her and she wants u to know from the beginning , that she has this condition . U r right to b cautious , it's only natural . If u r still interested in her I think u need to treat her with the same respect that she has shown u . Speak to her honestly and openly . Tell her that u r attracted to her but , u have never met anyone else with this condition so u r a bit nervous . Ask her if u two can take it slow and get to know each other better but , as friends only to start with . If u do this , u might both find out that u don't actually like each other as much as u thought u might or , u might both fall madly in love and discover that her diagnosis means absolutely nothing compared to how much u love each other . One word of warning , don't play with this ladies heart , she may have told other boys in the past about her condition and they may have treated her callously . If u discover that u r not interested in her romantically , u need to have the courage and compassion to let her know quickly but , very gently . Lots of prayers and guidance from God in this matter I think .

 

[BlessedIndeed]

LOL PROB NEAR 70% OF PPL HAVE THIS TO SOME DEGREE NOONES PERFECT , AS LONG AS THEY ARE NOT DANGEROUS FOLLOW YOUR HEART & GOD WILL LEAD