I’ll pray for you.
And I want to tell you something I never thought I would be able to say out loud. I struggled with the same thing years ago, after my divorce.
And please remember that you don't have to fight this only with your own willpower. Bring the temptation to God instead of hiding it from Him. Years of habits can take time to change and God is not impatient with you. When you fall, don't run away from Him in shame, run toward Him.
I was on vacation at the time and had a lot of time on my hands. I remember wanting something to happen in my life. I wanted excitement, something that would make me feel alive. Little by little, I listened to the wrong voice and I ended up living a life that I didn't really enjoy. There were moments that felt good, of course, but afterwards I would feel heavier, more anxious and more empty. And each time, that feeling seemed to get worse.
Eventually, someone came into my life who slowly helped me open my eyes. And from somewhere behind all the anxiety and confusion, I began to hear God's voice again.
Then came a very difficult part. I was ashamed of myself and of the things I had done. I knew God had forgiven me, but forgiving myself was much harder. It was a long and painful road. Eventually I understood, in a very real way, what it means to walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
So please don't think I'm saying any of this from a place of judgment. I'm telling you because I've been there. And I came out of it.
When those moments come, run toward God, not away from Him. Avoid the situations that you already know make the temptation stronger. Pray. Read Scripture. Go for a walk. Do something that changes the atmosphere around you. If certain music or things you watch stir up feelings that you are trying to leave behind, it's okay to step away from them for a while.
And when the temptation comes, remind yourself of who you are in God. You are not defined by your worst moments. You are someone He loves and is restoring.
Sometimes I think of it like this: God is restoring a beautiful palace. You don't have to invite back in the things that once took away your peace and made you forget who you are. You can choose to protect the peace that God is rebuilding in you.
You don't have to win every battle by being strong enough. Sometimes winning means simply getting up, walking away and running to God.
And please remember this: you can get through this. I did. And when you come out on the other side, you may find that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. You may also discover a deeper kind of self-respect and peace, not because you were perfect, but because you learned that God's grace was bigger than your failures.
I’ll be praying for you
