Hi big silver, welcome back! I wish it was under better circumstances

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I feel that others have already answered well. But I did want to share something from personal experience.
I find that often my perception of the future is a lot darker than it turns out to be. Like, if I had been told as a 20-year-old what would be happening in my life over the next 2 decades, I probably would have asked God to just end it all right then and there. Even just the knowledge that I would one day find myself single, childless, and staring down menopause would have been enough to throw 20-year-old me into a deep depression.
Yet.... here I am. And I'm OK. God is still good and life is still life-ing. And I know that ever trial I've been through has given me a lot of understanding and ultimately made me a lot more useful in ministry.
It's kinda like waiting to get your ticket to life. You have this idea that you'll be getting a ticket to Paris because that's where you want to go. Then when the ticket arrives it says "Backwater, USA". And at first you're kinda horrified and assume there must be a mistake because that's not where you want to go. But once you get there you kinda settle in and realize it's not so bad. Sure, there will be challenges. Like the questionable water supply and the rogue animal control officer that keeps trapping your cat. But you also learn to find beauty and purpose where God has placed you.
But for real, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know you don't want a pity party but please do allow space for your feelings. God does... He keeps track of our wanderings and saves our tears in His bottle.
Also keep in mind, you've gotten a bad report but the story isn't over. You might still find true love. You might not end up in as bad a situation as you suppose. God might have really cool things in store for you that would not be possible if life had gone the way you hoped.
The thing I remember most about you is that your threads were always deep and thought-provoking. Assuming that aspect is preserved, perhaps you have a future as a writer or motivational speaker. Who knows..... God does. And He always knows what He is doing, even when it seems like He is leading us off a cliff.
Philippians 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want"
The next verse is the famous "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me". It's often taken out of context to imply that God will help us achieve our personal goals. But really that passage is talking about christ giving us the strength to endure whatever is set before us.
I know you can do it, with His help