engagement proposal confusion...engaged but not proposed to..yet suprised??

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1

1still_waters

Guest
#1
#1
Maybe I'm confused about the whole engagement and proposal process, or maybe some of my female friends are just nuts?

I always thought that in general, the gal and guy saw each other for a while, then if they worked out, one day the guy surprises the gal, proposes, gives her an engagement ring and asks her to marry him. If she wants to marry him, she says yes, then goes to her friends and family all aglow saying how surprised she was as she announces their current engagement and pending marriage.

A few of my female friends on the other hand have me wondering if I've been wrong about this process all along.

Here's how a typical conversation between her and me might go..

her: hey, guess what i'm gettin married!!
me:well congrats...how did he propose? can i see the ring??
her: well he hasn't proposed yet or given me a ring..but we've talked and we're gettin married
me: oh so he did propose and you're engaged?
her: no he didn't propose and we're not engaged but we're gettin married this june (name any month) for sure.

me:but if he didn't propose and you don't have a ring and you're not engaged, it doesn't make sense that you can say you're gettin married...

her:well he's going to surprise me and propose later...
me:but you're already committed to getting married, so it's kinda like he's proposed already? right??
her:no he hasn't proposed and i don't have a ring, but we're committed to gettin married in june!

A FEW MONTHS PASS

her:eek:h my goodness he just proposed, i'm so surprised.look at my ring!!!
me:how can you act surprised that he proposed? your wedding is three months from now in June
her:now i can go shopping for a dress!!
me:But you've known for months now that you were gonna get married....why can you buy a dress now????
her:Because he finally proposed!
me: *shakes my head*

Like is it just my friends or are more women doing this? They are committed to get married, know they're gettin married, but haven't been technically 'proposed to' or given a ring.

And don't misunderstand me. These women friends of mine aren't just dreaming that they'l marry the guy before he 'proposes'. They've had full fledged heart to hearts with the guy and he's committed to marry. even before he proposed!

It just confuses me. Can you all fill me in?
 
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DoranisGallant

Guest
#2
#2
dude...they are women...
 
L

lil-rush

Guest
#3
#3
My friends plan to get married next year and the dude still hasn't proposed. He wants to wait until he can afford a nice ring.

I'm not quite sure how it works now, but I guess proposals aren't as significant as they used to be. I think the case with your friend is rather extreme. If I knew for sure I was going to be marrying a guy and when, I would make preparations for the wedding even if he had not officially proposed yet.
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#5
#5
lil-rush said:
My friends plan to get married next year and the dude still hasn't proposed. He wants to wait until he can afford a nice ring.

I'm not quite sure how it works now, but I guess proposals aren't as significant as they used to be. I think the case with your friend is rather extreme. If I knew for sure I was going to be marrying a guy and when, I would make preparations for the wedding even if he had not officially proposed yet.
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And like what's the point of proposing if you already got a yes? I
 
jaylynn83

jaylynn83

Banned
#6
Nov 14, 2008
2,715
4
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#6
1still_waters said:
And like what's the point of proposing if you already got a yes? I
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Because every woman that i know of wants to be proposed to... you know have that whole moment, the guy gets on one knee pulls out the ring..... you know what im talkin about..........Its something memorable.... If someone were to ask....... ohhh how did he propose...... you dont so much wanna say...... well we were sittin on the couch watchin t.v. and as he was shovin popcorn down his throat he said....... so. you wanna get married.....
 
L

lil-rush

Guest
#7
#7
jaylynn83 said:
Because every woman that i know of wants to be proposed to... you know have that whole moment, the guy gets on one knee pulls out the ring..... you know what im talkin about..........Its something memorable.... If someone were to ask....... ohhh how did he propose...... you dont so much wanna say...... well we were sittin on the couch watchin t.v. and as he was shovin popcorn down his throat he said....... so. you wanna get married.....
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yeah. I mean, what type of story is that to tell to the children? "Yeah, your dad was stuffing his face and asked me if I wanted to get married. no ring. just a question." "Oh... well that's...uhm... and you seriously said yes, mom? Why?"

Even if I know I'm getting married to a guy I want him to propose. I don't need a proposal to accept that we're getting married or to start planning a wedding. I just need it for memory's sake.
 
jaylynn83

jaylynn83

Banned
#8
Nov 14, 2008
2,715
4
0
#8
lil-rush said:
yeah. I mean, what type of story is that to tell to the children? "Yeah, your dad was stuffing his face and asked me if I wanted to get married. no ring. just a question." "Oh... well that's...uhm... and you seriously said yes, mom? Why?"

Even if I know I'm getting married to a guy I want him to propose. I don't need a proposal to accept that we're getting married or to start planning a wedding. I just need it for memory's sake.
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Exactly...................
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#9
#9
jaylynn83 said:
Because every woman that i know of wants to be proposed to... you know have that whole moment, the guy gets on one knee pulls out the ring..... you know what im talkin about..........Its something memorable.... If someone were to ask....... ohhh how did he propose...... you dont so much wanna say...... well we were sittin on the couch watchin t.v. and as he was shovin popcorn down his throat he said....... so. you wanna get married.....
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But in my scenario it seems like the guy already 'proposed'..lol ..i mean they already got plans tor the wedding..hence somewhere along the line he brought it up..she said yes...

and if she wants somethin fancy..then she shoulda never said 'yes' when the issue was brought up the first time..right???
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#10
#10
Ok so basically you want two proposals? A non-formal one where he's all like..hey baby..i think we should get married..

Then another that is more umm formal and 'meaningful'?
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#11
#11
lil-rush said:
yeah. I mean, what type of story is that to tell to the children? "Yeah, your dad was stuffing his face and asked me if I wanted to get married. no ring. just a question." "Oh... well that's...uhm... and you seriously said yes, mom? Why?"

Even if I know I'm getting married to a guy I want him to propose. I don't need a proposal to accept that we're getting married or to start planning a wedding. I just need it for memory's sake.
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But if you already know you're gettin married..doesn't that imply he DID propose?

How can you know you're gettin married if it hasn't been talked about??? If it hasn't been talked about, then you don't know if you're gettin married. But if you DO know you're gettin married, then IT HAS BEEN proposed...HENCE my extreme confusion over the need for a 'propostion'..

dot dot dot
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#12
#12
1still_waters said:
Ok so basically you want two proposals? A non-formal one where he's all like..hey baby..i think we should get married..

Then another that is more umm formal and 'meaningful'?
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No. Only one proposal is needed. But if it happens that talk of marriage is discussed before the proposal then so be it. Personally I would prefer a proposal before talk of marriage begins, but if it doesn't happen that way I'm not going to cry about it.
 
L

lil-rush

Guest
#13
#13
1still_waters said:
But if you already know you're gettin married..doesn't that imply he DID propose?

How can you know you're gettin married if it hasn't been talked about??? If it hasn't been talked about, then you don't know if you're gettin married. But if you DO know you're gettin married, then IT HAS BEEN proposed...HENCE my extreme confusion over the need for a 'propostion'..

dot dot dot
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you're talking about the denotation of the word "proposal." We're talking about the connotation. The word denotes that one proposes something and gets a reply. The word connotes that a man asks in a special setting, with a ring, if a woman will marry him.
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#14
#14
lil-rush said:
you're talking about the denotation of the word "proposal." We're talking about the connotation. The word denotes that one proposes something and gets a reply. The word connotes that a man asks in a special setting, with a ring, if a woman will marry him.
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But if a woman said yes in a non-formal situation and the guy knows it's yes, doesn't it seem stupid to 'ask' again, even if the setting is more formal?

Like if in the more formal situation he's like, "Will you marry me?", Yet in the back of his mind he know it's yes, cuz it's already been talked about before and she said yes, well it just feels contrived and fake to me.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#15
#15
I mean I guess i get the idea of the ritual and that's fine. But the confusing part is the fake sense of excitement and awe over a proposal that's been asked of a woman who's already said yes!
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#16
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#16
The excitement then becomes not about if he will propose or not, but when and how he will propose and what ring she gets, if any.
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#17
#17
HAHA Chris, this doesn't surprise me about you at all. I do see your point however. I am trying now to think back to when Graeme proposed to me and how it happened lol. I remember, in the first week we had been dating we stopped by a jewellery store, and he pointed at a ring and asked me if I liked it. That was kind of strange.. but I knew then he wasn't messing around you know..he wanted to get to know me, and where we were heading.

Anyway, when it came time to propose, I suppose I saw it coming. We were out shopping one day, and a jewellery store was having a sale, so we went in to take a look, I wanted to look at earrings, we came out having made a deposit on an engagement ring. He said to me 'Are you sure this is the one you want?' It was the very same ring we had seen some 6 months ago... when we had first started dating!

Up until that point, we hadn't really discussed marriage, but after that we did. I guess it became evident we were getting married... he'd just made a deposit on a ring. However, he hadn't officially asked me as such... and I didn't know when he would.

That day came about a month later on my birthday... we went out for dinner, and then for a walk in the park. We were at the lookout overlooking the city... and that's when he proposed. I honestly had no idea he was going to ask me then. I just thought we were going out for my birthday.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is... even though we kinda did things backwards in lay-buying the ring and everything.. the proposal was still a surprise and still romantic. I took photos of my ring with my phone and texted them to my Mum, and my Brother, and called everyone I knew. We went and showed his parents. It was still that amazing, exciting, gushy ' Guess-what-I'm engaged, look-at- my -ring-moment'... you know what I'm saying?

So, that's my story, but I suppose it's different for everyone. But, I do hear what you're saying. We didn't plan it that way... it just happened, but I don't regret it in the slightest :)
 
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missy2shoes

Guest
#18
#18
eh I must be the odd bod.....coz it never bothered me about the whole proposal thingy...... ohhhing and ahhhing at a ring......also, big flash weddings just don't appeal to me......all the fuss over one day.....:p
 
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missy2shoes

Guest
#19
#19
iraasuup said:
HAHA Chris, this doesn't surprise me about you at all. I do see your point however. I am trying now to think back to when Graeme proposed to me and how it happened lol. I remember, in the first week we had been dating we stopped by a jewellery store, and he pointed at a ring and asked me if I liked it. That was kind of strange.. but I knew then he wasn't messing around you know..he wanted to get to know me, and where we were heading.

Anyway, when it came time to propose, I suppose I saw it coming. We were out shopping one day, and a jewellery store was having a sale, so we went in to take a look, I wanted to look at earrings, we came out having made a deposit on an engagement ring. He said to me 'Are you sure this is the one you want?' It was the very same ring we had seen some 6 months ago... when we had first started dating!

Up until that point, we hadn't really discussed marriage, but after that we did. I guess it became evident we were getting married... he'd just made a deposit on a ring. However, he hadn't officially asked me as such... and I didn't know when he would.

That day came about a month later on my birthday... we went out for dinner, and then for a walk in the park. We were at the lookout overlooking the city... and that's when he proposed. I honestly had no idea he was going to ask me then. I just thought we were going out for my birthday.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is... even though we kinda did things backwards in lay-buying the ring and everything.. the proposal was still a surprise and still romantic. I took photos of my ring with my phone and texted them to my Mum, and my Brother, and called everyone I knew. We went and showed his parents. It was still that amazing, exciting, gushy ' Guess-what-I'm engaged, look-at- my -ring-moment'... you know what I'm saying?

So, that's my story, but I suppose it's different for everyone. But, I do hear what you're saying. We didn't plan it that way... it just happened, but I don't regret it in the slightest :)
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Hey good stuff :).....I guess the appeal for some women is getting to choose the ring they want before hand.....in the movies when the guy surprises them with a ring and the girl goes....'OH I LOVEEEEEE it!!!!'......I've often wondered if she actually does or if she really thinks it looks hideous and makes her finger look fat :p
 
D

dovey

Guest
#20
#20
my sister went through something like this...personally i think her now fiance was testing the water ..and wanted to know the answer before he got the answer sort of thing....but my sister got to design her own ring before she got it..she was happy. I like surprises, and dramatic moments where the whole thing looks like its hangs in the moment, but doesnt really...lol...I find this modern thing a bit boring...not enough surprises, too much control, and not enough risky moves....but Im a bit of an extremist, and get bored if I can see everything line up in advance.
 
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