Single Mothers in 20s Everywhere at My Church

[KiwiCA]

Perhaps true sometimes, but then the OP often puts up the walls and it's bad on both sides, as happened here.

I do understand what you are saying, Church is in a way a social activity, and one where we all meet like-minded people, so hoping to meet someone special is reasonable, although should never be the main reason for attending.

So I can see how it might have seemed like a tease to see a lot of new women show up only to find they aren't right for you, regardless of the reason why, I get it.

I will say that beyond your own personal dissapointment it's wonderful they have turned up, and maybe it pays a great compliment to your Church, and by association to you as well that they all feel so comfortable there, your Church is obviously a welcoming place, as they all should be.

Based on your mention of 'Rule #1' it does sound like maybe you consider single mothers as 'damaged goods', if that's wrong then consider maybe you didn't express yourslf clearly enough for everyone.

Try and see this influx of single mothers as an opportunity, to make friends with them, learn about their lives, how God has worked in them and maybe your heart will change, or at the very least you will learn and become wiser.

Amen Matthew, you said what I meant in a much kinder way.

I apologise if I sounded judgemental or harsh but Ive been on the recieving end of similar attitudes to yours. My brother and I are a product of single mom parenting. Our biological father became transgender and commited adultery with another man, and to top it off developed paranoid schziphrenia. I didn't meet the guy til I was 18 so I could forgive him to his face and put it past me. But between the age of 14 months (when they divorced) to now Ive lived having to watch my mom being subtlely criticised behind her back by other men and married women for being a single mom and divorcee. It wasn't until she married a respected man who turned out to be a manipulative abuser did she get any societal respect.

Have you thought of serving these women by being a leader and helping to be a male role model to their children? By being a mentor to young men and women you'll be teaching the girls not to give their heart and bodies randomly to immature boys and in turn joining the cycle of destruction. You'd be teaching the young boys that its worthy and masculine to attend church and serve their communities and in turn would respect the girls their age. Its not only right but biblical.

 

[Ugly]

I love how immediately I'm accused or assummed to be looking down on these people.. when I'm not.. they're just not ideal women and my church is crawling with them suddenly.

'not looking down on them'... then says 'less than ideal' and 'crawling with them'. Funny.

 

[CanadaNZ]

I wait 4-5 weeks (which translates to 4-5 .. 1 night a week young adults services) before really beginning the getting to know a woman on a higher level process for a reason.. because in 4-5 weeks you're gonna either find dirt or not on a woman of interest. If I don't see any bare minimum reasons to not continue moving forward, I start finding things to do with them outside of church.

Well, most of the women I'm meeting.. are striking out with me off the first at bat.. let me say first: I've been seeing a lot of attractive women my age arrive at my church.. very good looking, very personable and great women in general. However, they're all shattering RULE #1: Being Single without Kids.

I'll be sitting there, talking and all of a sudden her kid arrives from care.. and then another who starts talking to me... the same thing. Met another girl last week: I won't shy away from admitting.. I decided to see if I could find her on facebook: I did.. read her profile: she's a single mother.. end of story. Time saved.

This is a huge disappointment really.. I don't like to judge people, especially single mother's but it's like all of these women were apart of some secret group within the church and all decided to join our young adults group in a herd.. reason for believing is that they all seem to know one another.. WELL.

What happened to the days where when I was 22-25.. the women 27-33 were single without kids.. I feel like I'm being robbed of dating opportunities in droves..

All people make mistakes, even you. God has forgiven them, why can't you? I am not saying you have to date them, but don't be a jerk about it.

 

[CanadaNZ]

I have met many wonderful single moms with lovely children who need a man to stand up and be counted. Your ideals may be the issue, accept that God may choose someone for you who is not a virgin and who knows might even have been married before are you gonna say no? Noone is perfect worry about your own baggage rather than someone elses. Again don't have to date them but don't call them less than ideal, that is the same as looking down on th

 

[Liamson]

Hmm... I'm not completely going to play devil's advocate but, "Less than ideal" does mean exactly that.

So I'm not the starting Quarterback for the 49ers, is my career less than ideal, pretty much. "Less than Ideal" is what it is but, its not something insulting necessarily.

"the church is crawling with them." <-- now that is insulting.

If as Jesus said, the Kingdom of Heaven is within us, then the church should be filled with people who are striving to enter the Kingdom. Who is the Kingdom for? Well, to paraphrase Jesus its for the ''Less than Ideal." He did not come for the people who believe they are doing it right and living ideal lives but, for the people who need Him most. Therefore Praise the Lord that so many who need Him are found by Him.

Now what your personal ideas and stuff about what you like are, that is your business. But if you are going to get on a soap box and rally people to agree with you, that is going to be tough sledding.

I feel like when we hold expectations, they serve a purpose. When we allow those expectations to rule over the plans God has for us, we stand a pretty good chance of our ship running aground on the shore of the sea of everything we could be.

 

[SocialArtist]

Hmm... I'm not completely going to play devil's advocate but, "Less than ideal" does mean exactly that.

So I'm not the starting Quarterback for the 49ers, is my career less than ideal, pretty much. "Less than Ideal" is what it is but, its not something insulting necessarily.

"the church is crawling with them." <-- now that is insulting.

If as Jesus said, the Kingdom of Heaven is within us, then the church should be filled with people who are striving to enter the Kingdom. Who is the Kingdom for? Well, to paraphrase Jesus its for the ''Less than Ideal." He did not come for the people who believe they are doing it right and living ideal lives but, for the people who need Him most. Therefore Praise the Lord that so many who need Him are found by Him.

Now what your personal ideas and stuff about what you like are, that is your business. But if you are going to get on a soap box and rally people to agree with you, that is going to be tough sledding.

I feel like when we hold expectations, they serve a purpose. When we allow those expectations to rule over the plans God has for us, we stand a pretty good chance of our ship running aground on the shore of the sea of everything we could be.

It still astounds me how much heat I've been taking all over CC for this. That people actually think I said I don't want these people at my church. I never said that. I never would say that.

 

[SocialArtist]

I have met many wonderful single moms with lovely children who need a man to stand up and be counted. Your ideals may be the issue, accept that God may choose someone for you who is not a virgin and who knows might even have been married before are you gonna say no? Noone is perfect worry about your own baggage rather than someone elses. Again don't have to date them but don't call them less than ideal, that is the same as looking down on th

I want a woman without kids. Bottom line. That's my preference. That's my choice.

 

[SocialArtist]

'not looking down on them'... then says 'less than ideal' and 'crawling with them'. Funny.

Oh wow point and look at me and laugh everybody..

 

[SocialArtist]

Amen Matthew, you said what I meant in a much kinder way.

I apologise if I sounded judgemental or harsh but Ive been on the recieving end of similar attitudes to yours. My brother and I are a product of single mom parenting.

Have you thought of serving these women by being a leader and helping to be a male role model to their children? By being a mentor to young men and women you'll be teaching the girls not to give their heart and bodies randomly to immature boys and in turn joining the cycle of destruction. You'd be teaching the young boys that its worthy and masculine to attend church and serve their communities and in turn would respect the girls their age. Its not only right but biblical.

So you had an emotional reaction to what I said. You didn't attempt to understand what I said. You emotionally reacted to what I said.

Then you ask me to rise up and lead and be a role model? It's not my place, it's not my calling.

 

[Jullianna]

2 Cor 2:
5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent&#8212;not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven&#8212;if there was anything to forgive&#8212;I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

Seems like the fact that some offensive language was used has clearly been pointed out, but I do believe the OP is entitled to date whomever he wants, with God's guidance, of course. Once we've pointed out an offense to a sib in Christ, I would have to agree with the sister who reminded us that he's still one of us and we need to forgive, even if an offender doesn't feel the need to be forgiven, ya know?

To borrow a line from Green...let the Lord lead you in this

 

[SocialArtist]

Seems like the fact that some offensive language was used has clearly been pointed out, but I do believe the OP is entitled to date whomever he wants, with God's guidance, of course. Once we've pointed out an offense to a sib in Christ, I would have to agree with the sister who reminded us that he's still one of us and we need to forgive, even if an offender doesn't feel the need to be forgiven, ya know?

To borrow a line from Green...let the Lord lead you in this

I see what you're saying.. I don't feel the need to be forgiven.. for writing about a topic that is on my heart.. my OP was not here with the purpose to OFFEND anyone .. but people were OFFENDED.. and that reaction is their problem & not mine. I didn't throw stones at anybody here personally (initially at least). I don't need forgiveness.. it's obviously this is a serious issue for some users on here.. and it's up to them to deal with it between themselves and God.

I made no claims to be perfect, seek perfection or be shallow.. if it was interpreted that way.. I believe many of you need to understand PERCEPTION is REALITY. You responded with your PERCEPTIONS and replied accordingly.. my journey to seek a woman of God w/o kids should be honored and supported. Remember, it's not like I'm some guy who sleeps around using women with kids.. at least I'm straight up with these women.. that I'm not the guy for them.

The lack of this understanding from users on CC disturbs me.. I've never been hated on by anyone at my church or churches in my normal life outside here.

 

[Liamson]

SocialArtist, What was your anticipated reaction to posting this thread?

What did you want us to say?

How did you think we were going to respond?

 

[Jullianna]

I see what you're saying.. I don't feel the need to be forgiven.. for writing about a topic that is on my heart.. my OP was not here with the purpose to OFFEND anyone .. but people were OFFENDED.. and that reaction is their problem & not mine. I didn't throw stones at anybody here personally (initially at least). I don't need forgiveness.. it's obviously this is a serious issue for some users on here.. and it's up to them to deal with it between themselves and God.

I made no claims to be perfect, seek perfection or be shallow.. if it was interpreted that way.. I believe many of you need to understand PERCEPTION is REALITY. You responded with your PERCEPTIONS and replied accordingly.. my journey to seek a woman of God w/o kids should be honored and supported. Remember, it's not like I'm some guy who sleeps around using women with kids.. at least I'm straight up with these women.. that I'm not the guy for them.

The lack of this understanding from users on CC disturbs me.. I've never been hated on by anyone at my church or churches in my normal life outside here.

We understand, we simply don't agree. Anyone who would get excessively upset over a thread in a forum on either side of an issue, in my opinion, would have other issues to deal with. It's beyond me that anyone could hate over something that silly. Nothing more to say.

 

[FireWire]

I've only had one relationship with a woman that had two boys. I was told I wouldn't be a good father because I'm not a leader. She then went on to screw me over of course so it's not all rosy with single mothers.

 

[Catlynn]

I apologize for getting angry. Shouldn't have happened. It's your opinion and preference and it's not up to me to tell you what to think or do. I was indeed offended and that is silly. Good luck to you on finding the woman that God has for you! It is a great thing to find a woman who has remained pure and can give you that. my best friend married her husband without ever even kissing another man. I respect her so much for that.
I agree completely with Jullianna's last post. Yay for God having a plan for everyone and giving specific desires to those who delight in Him.

 

[Liz01]

I dont see anything bad if your prefer women without children than single mothers like us as women prefer single fathers or not and i understand your frustration on not founding what you want. But really concerns me that you refer to women with words like "herd" or "carwling" as if you see them as animals and i think that is why everybody jumped here.

 

[SocialArtist]

I dont see anything bad if your prefer women without children than single mothers like us as women prefer single fathers or not and i understand your frustration on not founding what you want. But really concerns me that you refer to women with words like "herd" or "carwling" as if you see them as animals and i think that is why everybody jumped here.

WOW SERIOUSLY.. that's how it was interpreted?.. well.. perception is reality as they say.. a herd is a pack.. and a pack is a lot.. crawling means a group of people all over the place.. but apparently I'm hating on women.. when in fact I'm referring to a mass amount of one thing..

A lot of you really do have sensitivity issues..

 

[alienx7587]

I don't think SocialArtist meant to be spiteful or dehumanizing. It appears he was just voicing concern over all the young, single mothers he has been seeing in his church lately. The issue is, he worded the OP in such a way that it seems this concern is solely for conceited reasons. We can only hope this is not the case, only the Lord truly knows his heart, and this demographic needs Jesus just as everyone else does. Thankfully, His grace and mercy is sufficient, and is able to reach to the ends of the earth.

The truth is, in the last decade or so churches have pushed even for "family" oriented environments. One reason for this is because, statistically, single parents are increasing in the church. It's not necessarily bad to not want to romantically be involved with someone who has a child, but this is the prerogative for each individual. In the very least, single parents (and their children) deserve all the love we can allow.

 

[Relena7]

A lot of you really do have sensitivity issues..

Then surely an expert on sensitive people, such as yourself, must know that one of the least productive things to say to a sensitive person is to publicly point out how sensitive they are....rather than asking how you can help explain your words better, or make things right.

 

[SocialArtist]

Then surely an expert on sensitive people, such as yourself, must know that one of the least productive things to say to a sensitive person is to publicly point out how sensitive they are....rather than asking how you can help explain your words better, or make things right.

I made my attempts to explain my words better. It fell on several deaf ears.