Ladies... your opinion please.

[Ugly]

I'm just wondering, if you're not looking to get married, why are you looking to want to date this woman? The majority of people, at least Christians, looking to date, are usually looking for a spouse as well. If you're just looking for friendship only then there's no reason to be so concerned about approaching her.

 

[Diana25]

I totally agree with AAA...the more casual the message, the less creepy it will seem Intense = creepy.

Awww, see I like intense and don't find it creepy at all! I guess it's all just a matter of preference! It's only creepy if they won't leave you alone or want to get married 2 minutes after meeting you

 

[See_KING_Truth]

I'll like simplicity, so I'll keep this simple: show her that you want to be friends first... and just be yourself. I have often found in my own experience that when I try to make it so things aren't awkward, that it actually makes things more awkward than they would have been in the first place.

 

[alienx7587]

You mean like if he made a sim that looked like her and then showed it to her? bwahahahaha

I'm not creepy...I'm just crazy!

LOL... good way to get a shiny new restraining order!

I'm just wondering, if you're not looking to get married, why are you looking to want to date this woman? The majority of people, at least Christians, looking to date, are usually looking for a spouse as well. If you're just looking for friendship only then there's no reason to be so concerned about approaching her.

I didn't say I wasn't looking to get married. I'm just not actively searching for a wife. I'm in the middle of transitioning from college to career, so that's my earthly priority. Once that is figured out I'll be, as my friends would say, "on the prowl".

Awww, see I like intense and don't find it creepy at all! I guess it's all just a matter of preference! It's only creepy if they won't leave you alone or want to get married 2 minutes after meeting you

....But I thought intense was bad!

Bubble gum replicas are also off limits at least until the 3rd date

I'll keep this in mind! LOL

 

[alienx7587]

UPDATE: Thanks for the help all, she responded. She seemed quite chipper in her response. She said it was nice to meet me etc... wished me a merry Christmas and assured me I would see her at church when she returned in a month.

I guess I'll respond wishing her a merry Christmas too and offer my phone number and for her to text me. I'll have to think about the proper syntax of how I want to send the message. I don't want to be too 'intense' and apparently nor do I want to be... not intense?

 

[See_KING_Truth]

You are putting too much thought into this bro, don't over complicate things... for your sake as well as hers. You want things to seem natural and not like you have thought out every single detail of every single conversation ahead of time.

 

[alienx7587]

You are putting too much thought into this bro, don't over complicate things... for your sake as well as hers. You want things to seem natural and not like you have thought out every single detail of every single conversation ahead of time.

You're right, I do think a lot. But I don't want to sound like a caveman!

Me: "have fun Christmas. my phone number: xxxxxxxxxx. Text if want."

Her:

 

[See_KING_Truth]

You're right, I do think a lot. But I don't want to sound like a caveman!

Me: "have fun Christmas. my phone number: xxxxxxxxxx. Text if want."

Her:

Haha, I am pretty sure that your text will look nothing like that

 

[_DaN_]

hey mate, i have been reading ur post and a friend of mine is going thru a similar scene as you but she wants it to not show the obvious... if u see what i mean... lol.... Anyways in response with the merry christmas message, just send her a casual Merry Christmas back say that you look forward to seeing her Just be yourself and dont go over the edge about it! Time is the key!



...... as of with the mobile number.... just go for what you said and i wish u all the best man!

 

[Elizabeth619]

The guy I am with now friended me on Facebook. We have known each other since 6th grade. Started chatting back and forth on there. You know, I was always a snob to him in school...anyway... He asked me to lunch on day. I went. Very casual date. Later on that night we went to a movie.....We are like totally dating now and he is like my boyfriend and stuff, and it is just SOOOOOOOO COOL!!!!!!

 

[Diana25]

UPDATE: Thanks for the help all, she responded. She seemed quite chipper in her response. She said it was nice to meet me etc... wished me a merry Christmas and assured me I would see her at church when she returned in a month.

I guess I'll respond wishing her a merry Christmas too and offer my phone number and for her to text me. I'll have to think about the proper syntax of how I want to send the message. I don't want to be too 'intense' and apparently nor do I want to be... not intense?

Yay, she responded and she did it fairly quickly too Good signs.

Lol, like everyone else is saying...I wouldn't be too concerned about how intense you're being. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what type of 'intense' she wants you to be, and you might get it wrong anyway.

I'm with everyone else, just be yourself from here on in and if it works then you'll know it's because she likes the real you!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ok, I've been silent on this too long now. Here's what you do.. You got her facebook so send her a message saying, "Hey (name), here's my cell. I don't use FB much at all so just text me instead. My phone's always on. Later. "

Thats all there is to it. You don't have to sit around and be frustrated and worried about creeping her out. Just be straightforward. The worst thing is if you think up some calculated message thats supposed to not creep her out too much like.. "Hi (name), I don't want to be too forward, but I was wondering if maybe it would it be ok if we text each other. Here is my number if you want to text me. Thanks." Something like that would make her think you are a creeper, or at the very least, a pushover. The only way that would work is if she already likes you. If she does then it doesn't matter what you say.

 

[zeroturbulence]

The guy I am with now friended me on Facebook. We have known each other since 6th grade. Started chatting back and forth on there. You know, I was always a snob to him in school...anyway... He asked me to lunch on day. I went. Very casual date. Later on that night we went to a movie.....We are like totally dating now and he is like my boyfriend and stuff, and it is just SOOOOOOOO COOL!!!!!!

How could you Elizabeth! Now my heart is bwoken. sniff sniff.

I'll just take my little ball of snow and go home..

Just kidding! I'm glad for u, sis!

 

[Catlynn]

Ok, I've been silent on this too long now. Here's what you do.. You got her facebook so send her a message saying, "Hey (name), here's my cell. I don't use FB much at all so just text me instead. My phone's always on. Later. "

Yeah...that. I would TOTALLY go for that if I were interested. Whether for friendship or more.

 

[djness]

Anytime I have liked a girl I just flat out told her and if I wanted her number I asked for it.
Don't play this lame stuff of "hey here is my number IF you want to text me".

What happened to guys leading?

And you facebook friended her.....

/sigh...

Its not cavemanish to ask a girl for a phone number. Its friend zone ish if you say "hey why dont you consider texting me sometime"

 

[Catlynn]

That's also true, Djness. The friend approach is a bit less intimidating but straightforward is always good. A guy with the ability to lead without seeming creepy is rare though. lol

 

[Liamson]

Anytime I have liked a girl I just flat out told her and if I wanted her number I asked for it.
Don't play this lame stuff of "hey here is my number IF you want to text me".

What happened to guys leading?

And you facebook friended her.....

/sigh...

Its not cavemanish to ask a girl for a phone number. Its friend zone ish if you say "hey why dont you consider texting me sometime"

Hmm... I've of the opposite opinion. "You with the face, lemme get your digits." <-caveman.

Shooting for a relationship, doesn't mean avoiding a friendship. It means actually getting to know someone, rather than just pursuing them romantically.

Telling a woman that you would like to get to know her more, means just that. It doesn't mean friend zone, sister box or something trivial. If you ask a woman out, without getting to know her, really it says, "I don't know you but, you look good and that's good enough to date a guy like me."

Being tactful, honest and genuine are what women should be looking for from men.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Yeah...that. I would TOTALLY go for that if I were interested. Whether for friendship or more.

Thanks for saying that. Good to know I'm not totally off base!

 

[Catlynn]

No problem!

And I agree, Liamson. The getting to know one another stage is crucial.

 

[alienx7587]

YES I overthink everything. But if I had a penny for every time someone said that to me I'd be a wealthy man. I guess that's why I'm more of a strategist than anything else. I always plan and schedule things.

DJness, things probably would have transpired differently if I hadn't met her in a group setting. Like I said, I didn't really have a reason to ask for her number. What was I supposed to say? "You look pretty. What's your number?" If I were a woman of Christian morale character, I would probably be insulted by that.

Like I said, facebook is not a desired crutch to lean on, but I had to think fast and at the time it seemed like the best option. After all, had I said nothing I potentially would never had talked with this girl again until the end of January- if even then. Friends first, but avoid the friend zone. It's a find line to walk. The thing I dislike about facebook the most are the most obvious flaws: visual and tonal cues are absent, which are key to comprehending the level of sincerity in an individual.

At any rate, I replied to her message and dropped the phone number in there. We'll see what happens!