Online dating?

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farrahanne91

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So, I've tried online dating sites. I went on several dates with a guy from one, but he just wasn't my type. I stopped using them because of what people might say. Ya know, "it's not safe" and all that jazz. Or that people who use them are desperate. I don't really believe that. God will show you the right one anywhere, right? Are they bad? I just need a little feedback, please.
 
I really don't think that safety is an issue, that is to say, it's no more of an issue than meeting someone in a bar. As a Christian, I don't like the idea of hanging out in bars, it's a moral issue, I don't want to drink in front of alcoholics. So that leaves church, work, or online. In other cultures families would resort to arranged marriage, and it's my understanding that many of such marriages resulted in completely happy loving couples. Many women seem to equate "butterflies" with love, but the bible says love is patience, perseverance, trust, care and forgiveness. That said, I do believe that God will help guide you away from bad choices if you will accept His guidance. Which are the basics, don't get involved with someone in a relationship, don't date a non-Christian, don't date someone divorced (unless it's because of the girl fooling around). I wouldn't worry about people thinking you are desperate, you don't need to tell everyone how you met a guy, and the guy is on the same site.
 
I heard that This site was decent...

The only advice I would offer on using it (or any other online Christian dating site) is that you pray much about everything you do in regards to it...
 
I agree with Jb about the praying. Thats good advice.
I dont think finding someone online is bad, but keeping it strictly an online dating relattionship. Thats a no go in my opinion
 
I saw the other day one of those web sites and it was so weird because they say that besides to find you a match according to your personality they can find you too a match according with your "spiritual personality" lol
 
I've never tried any of those online dating sites, but I suppose it has worked for some people. I have dated a couple of people that I met online, only to find that their online persona didn't quite line up with their real life persona.
 
Jullianna said:
I've never tried any of those online dating sites, but I suppose it has worked for some people. I have dated a couple of people that I met online, only to find that their online persona didn't quite line up with their real life persona.
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This right here in my opinion is the biggest problem with online dating. You never really know who the person is
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
This right here in my opinion is the biggest problem with online dating. You never really know who the person is
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Also, I don't accept the "it's similar to picking someone up in a bar" argument. There is so much that you can tell about someone through non-verbal information. Call it prejudice if you like, but the way someone holds him/herself and the way they interact in public will tell you so much more in an instant than an online profile, or weeks/months of talking online.

Not that a cereal killer couldn't be hiding behind a super socialite mask, but it's much harder for sure!

Be safe and seek God's will! :)
 
I wouldn't date someone I met in a bar either, but I do get your point, LightningClap. You can learn a lot about someone by watching them interact with others:

Are they a hang-with-the-boys type? You know what I mean...when guys stand around in huddles and make bets as to who can get whose phone number.

When a guy talks with other women, is he actually listening? Does he flirt with every woman in the place? Is he staring at a woman's chest or checking her out while she's talking or is he looking her in the eye? Does he only talk with the more attractive women and ignore others?

Are they confident...or cocky..big dif between the two, huh?

You can make many of these same observations online if you pay attention, but it's much easier in person.
 
Jullianna said:
I wouldn't date someone I met in a bar either, but I do get your point, LightningClap. You can learn a lot about someone by watching them interact with others:

Are they a hang-with-the-boys type? You know what I mean...when guys stand around in huddles and make bets as to who can get whose phone number.

When a guy talks with other women, is he actually listening? Does he flirt with every woman in the place? Is he staring at a woman's chest or checking her out while she's talking or is he looking her in the eye? Does he only talk with the more attractive women and ignore others?

Are they confident...or cocky..big dif between the two, huh?

You can make many of these same observations online if you pay attention, but it's much easier in person.
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Very true, but i also believe there may be advantages to meeting someone online first.
For myself, im quite stand offish in person, and it takes me awhile to warm up to someone. Online im much friendlier. In person i have a veeeery hard time talking about anything personal in regards to myself, and i really dont show emotion at all. Even with my own family who ive known my whole life i dont even do these things with. Online im much more comfortable doing some of these things, i dont know why.

So for people like me, who may give off horrible first second third fourth fith and sixth impressions ;) talking to someone online first would be more beneficial.
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Very true, but i also believe there may be advantages to meeting someone online first.
For myself, im quite stand offish in person, and it takes me awhile to warm up to someone. Online im much friendlier. In person i have a veeeery hard time talking about anything personal in regards to myself, and i really dont show emotion at all. Even with my own family who ive known my whole life i dont even do these things with. Online im much more comfortable doing some of these things, i dont know why.

So for people like me, who may give off horrible first second third fourth fith and sixth impressions ;) talking to someone online first would be more beneficial.
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That's that develop so much more "organically" are wayyyy better! Gotta meet some guy and give him a couple years to get to know you before trying to get him to ask you out :P


Although, by then you'll probably be an old maid and have no desire to get married, right?
 
LightningClap0002 said:
That's that develop so much more "organically" are wayyyy better! Gotta meet some guy and give him a couple years to get to know you before trying to get him to ask you out :P


Although, by then you'll probably be an old maid and have no desire to get married, right?
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Wow.... thats so depressing.
 
Jullianna said:
I've never tried any of those online dating sites, but I suppose it has worked for some people. I have dated a couple of people that I met online, only to find that their online persona didn't quite line up with their real life persona.
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Interesting. I wonder if the online persona is, in a way, a distillation of what they desire to be and, in a strange way, a more accurate depiction of who they are.

That question is useless for dating purposes, obviously. When you're living and interacting with someone what you see is what you get.
 
Ritter said:
Interesting. I wonder if the online persona is, in a way, a distillation of what they desire to be and, in a strange way, a more accurate depiction of who they are.
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For some, certainly. For others, something more problematic.

There are the "this is who I want to be/this is who I wish I was" people and then there are the "this is who I need to be to get the girl/this is what the girl wishes I was" type of people. (which are you? :D)

It takes a truly unique person to be able to balance out the wants/wishes with reality without sounding too broken I think. In the end, I still think it is foolish to decide to marry after having any length online relationship, without some significant time together for real.
 
Ritter said:
Interesting. I wonder if the online persona is, in a way, a distillation of what they desire to be and, in a strange way, a more accurate depiction of who they are.

That question is useless for dating purposes, obviously. When you're living and interacting with someone what you see is what you get.
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It's an interesting question though. Like Nod, I'm far more comfortable sharing here than in person, so the people here probably know the real me better than the people I work with everyday.
 
LightningClap0002 said:
For some, certainly. For others, something more problematic.

There are the "this is who I want to be/this is who I wish I was" people and then there are the "this is who I need to be to get the girl/this is what the girl wishes I was" type of people. (which are you? :D)

It takes a truly unique person to be able to balance out the wants/wishes with reality without sounding too broken I think. In the end, I still think it is foolish to decide to marry after having any length online relationship, without some significant time together for real.
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We've all seen this, both online and off, haven't we? The guy/girl who will attempt to recreate themselves to be whatever his/her flavor of the month might like. They never really seem to know who they are so no one else does either.

Totally agree with not making a commitment of any kind without some serious for real time.
 
i met a guy in this website. he flew to my country to meet me in person. after some months he came back to the us, i broke up woth him, he wasn'0t my tyoe for sure: we got some many issued abiut God and the bible that it really drove me crazy... it's better to be alone rather than being desperate, angry and confused...
 
Jullianna said:
It's an interesting question though. Like Nod, I'm far more comfortable sharing here than in person, so the people here probably know the real me better than the people I work with everyday.
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Funny how that happens isn't it? I know in my case I open up to people much easier/faster online; scary but true. For introverts like me, it is much easier to type it out than talk to someone face to face. I still have trouble talking to my mom and I've lived with her for 21 years! God created us that way and most of the time i'm perfectly OK with being 75% socially inept.
 
Count me in the "I tend to share more here or with friends I've met here than with most other people" group. I'm glad I'm not the only one. :) I can really relate to what you folks are saying.
 
I have never done the whole online dating thing... but i dont see any problem in it, I agree that you must pray about it to see where God will lead you in terms of meeting that person but I think you should be prepared that if its gonna be a long distance relationship it may be tough at times because that person wont be there when you need him/her but would be a phonecall away :) Plus be prepared for meeting at first, its obviously gonna be a shy one until someone breaks the ice... lol
 
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