It's nobody's business but theirs.
... something really irks me about the idea of arranging your lives based on what people "might" think and "might" do.
...It shouldn't matter what other people think. I know it does.
...I mean, it's supposed to be your life, not theirs.
... People saying that we shouldn't do it to avoid the appearance of evil I think are over applying that verse (it being the Christian equivalent to being PC).
...What people think might be going on doesn't matter, thats their problem not yours.
The heart that wants to honor God eagerly
seeks and
pursues ways to do it, because your life is not yours
, it's God's; if it has been given to God, then frankly, because God is love, your life belongs to
those around you as a witness. If living your life a certain way boldy implies contrary to the witness you're trying to show, you should run from it! I believe this is inviting evil in. Reassuring everyone that you "can handle it" and that "it doesn't matter how others percieve it" not only speaks of the heart attitude towards Christ, it speaks of the attitude towards yourself and others.
What is at stake - comfort? convenience? vs. the efficacy of your testimony? someone else's testimony? Which is more important?
This time, read the verse from 1Cor with a little more in front of it... this is almost a perfect parallel, and explains that "avoiding the appearance of evil" is not at all over-applied in this instance.
1 Corinthians 8:9-13
New International Version (NIV)
9 Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10 For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? 11 So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12 When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.
Your life is
not your own. I think it was stated very well already in the following (and I would encourage everyone to go ahead and read it again in it's entirety). The heart after Christ doesn't desire sin management, it
desires sin elimination. Why so willing give up ground on a matter of impatience?
Do not cause anyone to stumble - 1 Corinthians 10:32
Would you drink alcohol in front of an alcoholic?
It doesn't matter if your strong enough to withstand temptation, you are actively encouraging a son of God (who was created inherently visual) to stumble by living with him. You'll be under the same roof as him, you don't think he'll get glimpes of you in your underwear or summer pjs? You don't think he'll secretly wish for an accidental meeting in the bathroom with you wearing just a towel? You will also be making it harder for him not to masturbate or worse use pornography. If he is in love with you, you will physically arouse him and that is not something he can just turn off like a lightswitch. When you're married you have the freedom to not torture the poor guy and actually serve his physical needs with enjoyment instead of trying to ignoring it with guilt.
Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach...
- 1 Timothy 3:1
I will make this statement with the assumption that your boyfriend is a Christian. If you intend to marry this guy do you know what will happen if you marry this guy, when he dies he will stand before God to give an account for his life as well as the lives he was responsible for - yours and your children. As a Christian he would have no right to be a deacon or an elder/pastor. Being above reproach means that there is nothing in his past or present that would even hint at the tarnishing the reputation of his respectability and sexual purity. Above reproach also means that a person doesn't even have to question his sexual history. By living with him, your're putting a big fat giant question mark over yours and his purity. Regardless of whether or not your having sex, neither of you are being above reproach.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.. - Genesis 2:24
This verse does not have 'girfriend' at the end of it for a very good reason. Being united is more than just sex. Its building a household together, enjoying the honeymoon phase of sharing stuff and figuring out how to live with each other. Living together before marriage is insulting to others, its like watching someone win a science fair who neither entered in the first place nor put the effort in. You're giving each other the benefit of having a wife/husband without doing anything to earn the title. In other words, its cheating. Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? Living together is one of the incentives for getting married. And if after marriage you preached to others about premarital purity, you'd be called a complete hypocrite.
Lastly you say that what other people say shouldnt matter because it all comes down to what you know is right and how you live your life, not according to how others percieve you to be. Heres a rhetorical question, do we allow pedophiles to preach in the pulpit? Obviously no. If we followed your theory they'd be allowed to. The perception and opinions and discernment of those in authority over you, should be held in the highest regard by you. Why do you think those in authority will be judged more strictly by God?
Sadly I have to ask a question, who came up with the idea of living together? You or your boyfriend? If it was your boyfriend and hes the one trying to convince you, I would question his faith in Jesus. I wouldn't even go near his living room without figuring that out first.
This is my opinion, but it is informed by scripture which pleads us to consider these things for Love's sake: All relationships and marriages on earth will end eventually, because they are temporal models of the real marriage, which was laid upon a carefully laid foundation of sacrifice, patience, and determination by the one who Loves. His courtship is everything in this life. Marriage, and a courtship filled with deliberate integrity, therfore, is one of the most powerful testimonies a person can have. Do not weigh the imagery of (or the departure from) it so lightly. It is meant to be sanctified, as is your heart.
I don't always live accordingly, but there is
nothing in my life more important that conveying the integrity of God's Love, and if people are telling me, "hey - this isn't good... this isn't a good picture of what's right", then thank God, I'm going to use that to step into the right.
God bless, and I hope you submit this to Christ in every way.
