ex girlfriend situation

[HhhLGA89]

Hello, I am in a really confusing situation and I wanted to know if anyone can offer some advice... I recently reunited with an ex of mine after her friends told me that she was asking for me and my number, she used to be a really good girl and stuff, but now she has changed a bit. It was like 2 years since we last spoke and i have been saved for those two years, so now she is shocked at how different i am. she was a "church girl", but not saved and now she has stopped going to church as much, clubs (a little), and she says shes still a virgin but im not sure what else she has done...(i dont mind dating someone whos not a virgin, i just dont want her lying to me). Well i have been trying to get her to come to christ but she is having a hard time really letting her lifestyle go. I care about her alot, and she is super attractive, im worried that all that attention has and will lead her down a very bad path. It also hurts me that she could be doing things with another guy. we have hung out a few times..act like a couple, but its hard cus i dont want to be yoked with an unbeliever. she has agreed to let me do a little mini bible study with her whenever we hang out, but im so lost..i know the bible enough, but just dont know where to start..can anyone offer me any bible passages or advice??? Thank you, God bless.

 

[AAAPlus]

Well you sound like you're pretty well-rooted in the Word, which is really good. It sounds like she is agreeing to do these mini Bible studies and stuff just as an excuse to be around you. Pair that with the fact that she's your ex from when you weren't a Christian, and it shows that hanging around her is a bad idea.

The fact that you don't feel like you can trust her should also be taken into account. God gives many of us a spiritual gift of discernment, so if you feel like she's not telling the whole truth, she probably isn't.

 

[Jullianna]

As new christians, it is very important for us not to try and return to our old lives, as we can easily be sucked back into them, especially by a member of the opposite sex. The Bible study part is excellent. The relationship part is of concern. People have to come to Christ because HE draws them, not because someone wants to date us.

Have you read about Samson (Judges 16)? You might want to. I'm NOT saying that your friend is Delilah by any means , I'm just pointing out the danger of trying to have male/female relationships with unbelievers. There are many, many other stories about how men of God have fallen away due to the leading of an unbelieving woman (Lot's family was nearly destroyed because of this), this one is simply the most vivid. Something is making you uncomfortable about this situation and it may very well be the Holy Spirit cautioning you.

Welcome to the family of God! Be strong, brother, and be wise to the schemes of the enemy to draw you away from your faith. Pray about it..a lot. God bless!

 

[tribesman]

Hello, I am in a really confusing situation and I wanted to know if anyone can offer some advice... I recently reunited with an ex of mine after her friends told me that she was asking for me and my number, she used to be a really good girl and stuff, but now she has changed a bit. It was like 2 years since we last spoke and i have been saved for those two years, so now she is shocked at how different i am. she was a "church girl", but not saved and now she has stopped going to church as much, clubs (a little), and she says shes still a virgin but im not sure what else she has done...(i dont mind dating someone whos not a virgin, i just dont want her lying to me). Well i have been trying to get her to come to christ but she is having a hard time really letting her lifestyle go. I care about her alot, and she is super attractive, im worried that all that attention has and will lead her down a very bad path. It also hurts me that she could be doing things with another guy. we have hung out a few times..act like a couple, but its hard cus i dont want to be yoked with an unbeliever. she has agreed to let me do a little mini bible study with her whenever we hang out, but im so lost..i know the bible enough, but just dont know where to start..can anyone offer me any bible passages or advice??? Thank you, God bless.

Be careful, man. This sounds like great danger. Stay with humble, godly women, whom you know you can trust. And good luck to ya'!

Prov.31


[30] Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

 

[tribesman]

As new christians, it is very important for us not to try and return to our old lives, as we can easily be sucked back into them, especially by a member of the opposite sex. The Bible study part is excellent. The relationship part is of concern. People have to come to Christ because HE draws them, not because someone wants to date us.

Have you read about Samson (Judges 16)? You might want to. I'm NOT saying that your friend is Delilah by any means , I'm just pointing out the danger of trying to have male/female relationships with unbelievers. There are many, many other stories about how men of God have fallen away due to the leading of an unbelieving woman (Lot's family was nearly destroyed because of this), this one is simply the most vivid. Something is making you uncomfortable about this situation and it may very well be the Holy Spirit cautioning you.

Welcome to the family of God! Be strong, brother, and be wise to the schemes of the enemy to draw you away from your faith. Pray about it..a lot. God bless!

Well said.

 

[Ugly]

Yeah, i'm in agreement with those who have already posted. Something doesn't seem right here.

 

[HhhLGA89]

Man I dont know what to say, I'm so gratful for the comments you all have given me. God is really using you guys because your all telling me about the same thing, which is so comforting to me. AAAPlus you said allot of things that are true, it's going to be hard to let her go..but it's what I have to do. Thanks Julianna I read the story of Samson before but I never thought about it for my situation, thanks for the insight. every single one of you are helping me to make my descision. I think I am only going to do the bible study thing with her and then back off. And pray for her soul.

 

[LightningClap0002]

A word of caution as well...

Don't let her confuse you with talk about being a christian when she isn't living it at all. I got stuck in a situation where I let a girl slowly grow closer and closer to me and she convinced me of something I knew wasn't true. The fact that she prayed to God for help did not make her a christian. It's kind of scary how well some women can manipulate, whether it be with truly malevolent intentions or mostly benign.

Holding on to the idea that "one day she might get saved and then we can be together" can be dangerous as well. For me it is much better to not even let her close enough to hear what she says. I've been learning (and struggling very hard with it) that sometimes I am not the right tool for the job. Sometimes God needs to use someone else, or do it all himself.

Guard your heart, and stand firm!

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

A word of caution as well...

Don't let her confuse you with talk about being a christian when she isn't living it at all. I got stuck in a situation where I let a girl slowly grow closer and closer to me and she convinced me of something I knew wasn't true. The fact that she prayed to God for help did not make her a christian. It's kind of scary how well some women can manipulate, whether it be with truly malevolent intentions or mostly benign.

Holding on to the idea that "one day she might get saved and then we can be together" can be dangerous as well. For me it is much better to not even let her close enough to hear what she says. I've been learning (and struggling very hard with it) that sometimes I am not the right tool for the job. Sometimes God needs to use someone else, or do it all himself.

Guard your heart, and stand firm!

i agree with this guy...........

 

[HhhLGA89]

Thanks LightningClap, its nice to hear from someone who has been through what im going through. "one day she might get saved and then we can be together" is the thought that i have tried to hold on to, but your definitely right..thanks for that. Thanks NodMyHeadLikeYeah

 

[GreenNnice]

Thanks LightningClap, its nice to hear from someone who has been through what im going through. "one day she might get saved and then we can be together" is the thought that i have tried to hold on to, but your definitely right..thanks for that. Thanks NodMyHeadLikeYeah

---
You can't change her, and, in fact, you really don't want to change her.

There is only ONE way to get through this and let your troubled heart be out of trouble, The One. God. Give this situation to Him, and, go flee , for a lady's wiles will net you IF you keep thinking she will accept Christ. Your power in this can be great, too, tell this girl why you can't be with her anymore despite your attraction to her and feelings for her.

There will be crying but God will get you through and a situation transpiring of this break-up nature could see her seek God to get through it

 

[RachelP03]

When there's doubt......DONT.......nothing wrong with showing her the word. Also you could be the light she needs to see Jesus. But like they said you don't want to be distracted of the worldly ways......I was....

 

[wyler]

I agree with everyone, especially RachelP03, if there is doubt, don't, it can't be said any better than that.

With that in mind I'd be very careful in how you deal with changing the relationship. You said you've been out and behaved as a couple. I don't know exactly what that entails but if you've shown her affection publicly and privately she may well be expecting your relationship to escalate very soon.

If there is that possibilty then a rejection from you following her efforts to re-establish contact could well be crushing, and coming from someone who is also demonstrating faith by sharing the Bible, it could do a lot of damage to her finding faith again for herself.
It is sad but when people outside of faith are rejected by those within, they often blame the beliefs of the person who rejected them, instead of seeing the reality of why the relationship would not work, and you don't want that happen.

 

[HhhLGA89]

Thanks you guys, GreenNice I think your right, it is going to be pretty hard for me emotionally to let her go, she always meant to so much to me. I try and pray for her constantly, but it only brings to mind how much she has changed for the worse and how UN-good-girl like she was from the beginning.., she's still a lovely girl but it would not work. Man I'm going to have a hard few weeks ahead...Wyler and Rachel thanks. I don't know whether or not I should contact her about that bible study, or whether or not (if i do decide to do the bs) I will try to hold her or kiss her or something. We definitely did not have sex. I do feel like I am rejecting her and I was worried about damaging her view of Christianity if i did that...so that makes me even more confused..should I contact her about the bible study or not or just wait till she calls me, then what do i do? Its a very bitter thing to deal with once you put yourself even close to the situation, that's why the bible is so true...I dug myself into this mess now i gotta dig myself out without hurting her feelings. I should say that the whole time she said she just wanted to be friends, but her actions towards me were not that way, and she said she wanted to take it slow at times.

 

[Ritter]

Thanks you guys, GreenNice I think your right, it is going to be pretty hard for me emotionally to let her go, she always meant to so much to me. I try and pray for her constantly, but it only brings to mind how much she has changed for the worse and how UN-good-girl like she was from the beginning.., she's still a lovely girl but it would not work. Man I'm going to have a hard few weeks ahead...Wyler and Rachel thanks. I don't know whether or not I should contact her about that bible study, or whether or not (if i do decide to do the bs) I will try to hold her or kiss her or something. We definitely did not have sex. I do feel like I am rejecting her and I was worried about damaging her view of Christianity if i did that...so that makes me even more confused..should I contact her about the bible study or not or just wait till she calls me, then what do i do? Its a very bitter thing to deal with once you put yourself even close to the situation, that's why the bible is so true...I dug myself into this mess now i gotta dig myself out without hurting her feelings. I should say that the whole time she said she just wanted to be friends, but her actions towards me were not that way, and she said she wanted to take it slow at times.

Sometimes we dig ourselves so far into situations like this that the only way to rectify them involves hurting people's feelings. I would keep that option on the table.

Don't worry about ruining her views of the Church if that is a probable cost of making a wise decision. If you are open, honest, and diplomatic about your situation, the bitterness she would be left with would not be something you left for her, but a construct of her own making.

 

[wyler]

Perhaps the Bible study is a good way to go about ending this relationship, you can share with her the parts of the Bible that you feel most clearly show your beliefs and the reasons for them, without going into too much detail so she doesn't feel you're Bible bashing.

It's hard for me to say not knowing this girl, but it is possible she might appreciate an actual explanation of why you feel unable to go forward instead of some standard rejection that is vague.
It's those types of rejections that lead people to create constructs, as Ritter said, and while it might not be avoidable, you should make the attempt for her sake.
If it doesn't come off, the results will be no worse than if you hadn't even tried.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Sometimes we dig ourselves so far into situations like this that the only way to rectify them involves hurting people's feelings. I would keep that option on the table.

Don't worry about ruining her views of the Church if that is a probable cost of making a wise decision. If you are open, honest, and diplomatic about your situation, the bitterness she would be left with would not be something you left for her, but a construct of her own making.

Ditto. And my belief in irresistible grace leaves me quite confident that you couldn't destroy her eventual salvation anyways. Yes, it's not nice to hurt someone, but when sin and eternal life is involved... better some bruised emotions than a life in sin.

 

[KiwiCA]

Hello, I am in a really confusing situation and I wanted to know if anyone can offer some advice... I recently reunited with an ex of mine after her friends told me that she was asking for me and my number, she used to be a really good girl and stuff, but now she has changed a bit. It was like 2 years since we last spoke and i have been saved for those two years, so now she is shocked at how different i am. she was a "church girl", but not saved and now she has stopped going to church as much, clubs (a little), and she says shes still a virgin but im not sure what else she has done...(i dont mind dating someone whos not a virgin, i just dont want her lying to me). Well i have been trying to get her to come to christ but she is having a hard time really letting her lifestyle go. I care about her alot, and she is super attractive, im worried that all that attention has and will lead her down a very bad path. It also hurts me that she could be doing things with another guy. we have hung out a few times..act like a couple, but its hard cus i dont want to be yoked with an unbeliever. she has agreed to let me do a little mini bible study with her whenever we hang out, but im so lost..i know the bible enough, but just dont know where to start..can anyone offer me any bible passages or advice??? Thank you, God bless.

Easy - don't date her. Take some time away from her since you've still got feelings for her. What you're experiencing is only the tip of the iceberg of dealing with girlfriends/boyfriends or wives/husbands who are unbelievers. As Christians, we DO NOT evangelize people by dating them. It puts out a very confusing message. And since this girl sounds like she's from a church going background I bet she will be even more aware of the weird signals you're putting out. You cannot do a "little mini bible study" with a person you're dating and who is a non believer, she'll be getting her sin poked in her face and since it'll come from you that will be an unbelievably offensive and personal attack to her (from her perspective) so I wouldn't be surprised if she bails out after one session. Also, if you can't even trust her sexuality as pure, then thats a whole other giant issue and an even bigger reason to not date her.

She needs a godly older woman to hang out with her and gently teach her, not some confused boy who is also attracted to her and so cannot see clearly. Talk to a older woman you trust at church and introduce them and pray over the matter and leave it at that, you are not responsible over this girls salvation, Jesus is, so let go.

 

[HhhLGA89]

Yeah I guess I am just going to separate myself no matter what happens, to her or me. Wyler I have tried to explain to her that it would not work, but it’s hard to be clear. Being blunt with her I feel would only make her feel offended and she’s the most stubborn girl in the world so I think I’m going to leave it to Jesus. Too bad I’m an Arminian...but I believe God's grace is extremely compelling, and yeah, I'd rather have hurt feelings than this relationship taking my soul. And KiwiCA I never would "date" her -an unbeliever, but we did act like a couple so I know what you mean, in essence it’s the same thing..you said allot of truthful things, "she'll be getting her sin poked in her face and since it'll come from you that will be an unbelievably offensive and personal attack to her (from her perspective) so I wouldn't be surprised if she bails out after one session." -so true. BTW Thank you all for your advice, I don't have any Christians around here I can talk to about this. I know a few but I don't think they are the best people to tell. So you guys have been a God send to me and have given me the advice of the Christian friends I don't have.