How does everyone here argue?

[Liamson]

I was having a discussion with someone today and we were talking about argument styles. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that we've all had experience with arguing with people.

How do you idealistically resolve conflicts?

How do you react to someone who is being volatile or emotional when they argue?

Is Being quiet and passively avoiding people uglier than being confrontational?

 

[violakat]

Honestly, how I argue depends on the person. If they are calm, I usually end up staying calm, or if I'm frustrated to no end, shut down and just cry (most people). However, if they get very confrontational, the little imp comes out, and I can sometimes become very confrontational as well (Usually my siblings). Fortunately, no knock-down, drag out fights have ever occurred, except maybe with my brother, when I was a kid. I've learned the hard way, fights are not usually a wise way to resolve arguments.

 

[Crossfire]

I don't like arguing. I really don't see the point. The way I see it, if you feel that you must raise your voice in order to be heard then it should be obvious to you that the other person isn't listening to you anyways. *lol* It's best just to put things on hold until all parties involved can agree to discuss things rationally.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Even when I get stirred up, I do my best to remain passive - even comical or cynical - because I feel I'm not narrow minded enough to get worked up over difference of opinions. To each their own, aye?

 

[zeroturbulence]

I stick to facts, being very careful not to say anything that conveys my feelings and if that doesn't work, I bid them good day...or I just tell them they were right so they will stop arguing. I read a book a long time ago (yes, Doug...there was a time when I enjoyed reading! lol) by Dale Carnegie called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and it taught me that it is a waste of time and effort to argue with someone over something that is not like a life or death importance, and that one can use the argument to win the person over as a friend instead.

 

[Kooper]

I normally stay quiet because I'm naturally wrong when it comes to my words. Often or not, I tend to trip and stutter on my own tongue. No one tends to listens to the noise coming out of my mouth, because I'm viewed as young and inexperienced. The older people around here have this I'm-older-so-I'm-always-correct mentality. As much as I like to hear the sound of my own voice, (I wonder why ) I do what I can to keep my mouth shut and remain as humble as possible. Especially when it comes to arguements. I hate conflict, and I try very hard to summon enough strength to defend whatever it is I try to defend.

So, I try to not correct anyone unless they need (as a friend once referred to this as) my "useless knowledge."

 

[Liz01]

Im usually calm and very logical when i argue, i try to say my point and understand the point of the other person, if the other person is volatile or too emotional then i let it go, if that person is close to me then i give it a try to solve the conflict in other moment when that person is more calm but if that person is someone i dont know much and i dont have to see everyday then i just focus in something else.

 

[violakat]

I don't like arguing. I really don't see the point. The way I see it, if you feel that you must raise your voice in order to be heard then it should be obvious to you that the other person isn't listening to you anyways. *lol* It's best just to put things on hold until all parties involved can agree to discuss things rationally.

You're right. And quite honestly, most times I do try and leave if I find myself getting to the point where I'm about to lose my temper.

 

[Jullianna]

I don't like to argue...at all. If I become upset about something that I think might lead to an argument, I normally try to stay to myself and give myself time to chill before addressing it, so that it's a discussion and not an argument. Doing this also gives me time to give consideration to the other person's viewpoint as well. When we are upset about a thing, we usually dig our heels in and the last thing we are apt to do is concede a point, even if we know deep down that it's the truth.

People don't always want to give you that time though..and the results are not always pretty. There's not much I hate more than saying things I know I'm going to regret when I'm upset. You can hate it. You can apologize. But you can never take it back.

 

[anotherworld]

Well..

I think that tolerance is the base of every discussion.. the views the other poeple hold have some history, and cultural background.. people can't say "you are wrong", we, as christians would not accept tht, why others should??

There is no trick to know how a discussion will end.. maybe you can win a friend, maybe you will loose a friend

If there is some correct way to argue, I would say that it consist of two things:

1 - look for some more general conclusion than which she/he is holding and try to argue FROM there, ex: abortion! people that hold correct to abort hold also that life has value.. but if it has value why it is right to end it?

2 - look for related things not related direct to the topic, ex: if she/he says that God is evil and permit that innocent people die of starvation, try to argue about economical and political causes of famine.. why there is so much famine? "not enough money" is not the answer.. people are evil, not God

 

[christiancollegegirl]

I try to stay calm and speak calmly and not in anger because I don't want to say something hurtful that I don't mean and I'm gonna regret later.. It drives my best friend crazy that I do that.

 

[Phia]

I think it depends on the person.. I try not to argue..but if someone starts giving me grief..I'll try to politely end the conflict..and if they keep going on..then I'm going to tell them off straight forwardly as politely as possible..then end the convo.. I'm not going to waste my time trying to talk to them if they're not going to try to resolve it too.. I'd leave it..then at some point maybe try talking to them again.. But if it happens a lot during convos with the person..then I'll avoid talking to them altogether.. Just to keep the peace...

 

[zeroturbulence]

There's not much I hate more than saying things I know I'm going to regret when I'm upset. You can hate it. You can apologize. But you can never take it back.

Yea, especially here on CC where after 5 minutes anything you typed is forever carved in stone. (or at least until the next server crash)

 

[Jullianna]

It is wise to pick our battles, though I realize that's easier said than done. Sometimes it seems like proving oneself right becomes the important thing, rather than the relationship with the person. At that point, I just decide to shut up and agree to disagree if it's not something vital.

 

[Liamson]

Well..

I think that tolerance is the base of every discussion.. the views the other poeple hold have some history, and cultural background.. people can't say "you are wrong", we, as christians would not accept tht, why others should??

There is no trick to know how a discussion will end.. maybe you can win a friend, maybe you will loose a friend

If there is some correct way to argue, I would say that it consist of two things:

1 - look for some more general conclusion than which she/he is holding and try to argue FROM there, ex: abortion! people that hold correct to abort hold also that life has value.. but if it has value why it is right to end it?

2 - look for related things not related direct to the topic, ex: if she/he says that God is evil and permit that innocent people die of starvation, try to argue about economical and political causes of famine.. why there is so much famine? "not enough money" is not the answer.. people are evil, not God

I like what you have said here.




There is a center to most issues and it is a matter of the heart. Getting to the middle of whatever they are arguing about may head it off.

I'm curious to know what people think about emotional leverage being used in an argument. Some People use anger to get other people to pacify them so that they can have their way and people who use emotional instability and distress too. What do you guys think about this?


What do you guys think about arguing in front of your children?

 

[Jullianna]

Sometimes emotional instability and distress is real and can cause a person to react in a way they might not normally. Sometimes it's just drama. It can be difficult to discern which is which unless you really know the person. I try not to judge that. I may need mercy and grace at some point myself.

I don't like to argue at all, especially not in front of children. Kids especially don't need to hear parents verbally abuse and personally attack one another because they usually feel the need to choose sides and become very torn. Respectful discussions about things in front of children about matters that are appropriate for them to hear might not be a big deal. They might even learn a thing or two.

 

[Catlynn]

It's very rare that I get into arguments. I try to avoid conflict as often as possible but I'm not afraid of it at all. I prefer to address an issue as soon as possible and resolve things quickly. However, I've also learned to recognize when I'm overly emotional and will take a step back to clear my head if need be. Reacting on emotion alone is never a good thing.
I am not a fan of large arguments in front of children but if both parties approach the argument in love and with the desire to understand and resolve the issue, I think it's good for kids to see that. We try to teach our children how to behave in so many other situations by our actions, why not this one as well?
I'm not really a fan of using anything as leverage against someone in an argument in order to get your way. :/

 

[Ritter]

How do you idealistically resolve conflicts?

Idealistically? Well they are resolved through convincing the opponent through a whiz-bang of an argument.

How do you react to someone who is being volatile or emotional when they argue?

I will either laugh at them and walk away, or ignore it and proceed.

Is Being quiet and passively avoiding people uglier than being confrontational?

No.

 

[Brigitte]

I don't like to argue and always try to avoid it.

If I see that the other person is getting upset then I try to either change the conversation or end it. Also, I try to remain calm no matter what is being said, even if the other person is getting flustered, angry or loud. Unfortunately, my remaining calm makes a lot of people mad. If I feel that the issue spoken about is very dear to me and I'm about to lose my temper, I try to quickly end the discussion and walk away from the person. If the argument is online, I switch to another thread. I too don't want to say something I'll regret and also don't see any point in continuing arguing.

 

[PopClick]

No one tends to listens to the noise coming out of my mouth, because I'm viewed as young and inexperienced. The older people around here have this I'm-older-so-I'm-always-correct mentality. As much as I like to hear the sound of my own voice, (I wonder why ) I do what I can to keep my mouth shut and remain as humble as possible.

Koop, I've got a verse for both of us: 1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no man despise your youth; but be an example of the believers, in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Age has nothing to do with intelligence. If you're right, you're right. Don't let anybody badger you into listening to them JUST because they're older.