Open Up?

[Tobby17]

Ok everyone, at least there is a time in a man's life when he should be serious (so i want to get serious, at least for now..lol). Well many don't know, i'm gay (ok, better put, i struggle with it like many other people).. And ugh, my dad's suspecting me, and he's homophobic. (He even has confronted me once about it, and i lied. He's also like asked my mum and all that)..

So here's it, i've been thinking lately. Life's really messed up for me, i've been hiding for very long and pretending, and it's not just helping. My dad (who hates homosexuals) it's worse because he gets very uncomfortable when i give guys my number, he wants girls to call me not guys. And he's always ranting about how i'll have to get married and have to be the man of the house and bla bla bla.. And it only makes me more and more scared, i can't imagine what he'd actually do if he finds out..

My mum isn't making things better, 90% of the time when we have conversations, she's asking for my girlfriend or if i already have one, or if she should find one for me . But i'm sure she'd understand if i tell her i don't really know, I want to open up, i'm hiding this whole thing and i feel like it's killing me. I want to talk to somebody,(my parents in particular). I just feel like they need to know and i should let everything out.. But i'm scared..

Anyone has anything to offer?.. Please your advice would help me a lot.. Thanks

 

[LightningClap0002]

Tobby,

I have always been taught and believed that only evil dwells in darkness. In other threads I have used an analogy found throughout the bible of darkness and light. God is the LIGHT, He seeks out the darkness and shines Himself into it. Not to dissect it and find its flaws, but instead to purge all darkness. We see a similar analogy with the idea of being made white(light) as snow.

The devil uses darkness, he lives in darkness. In darkness there is no understanding, in darkness there is no truth. Darkness leaves room for lies. A lack of understanding leads to terrible misjudgments and unintentionally painful actions.

That said, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that you telling your family will make things better. Your dad probably will respond quite negatively. You may lose initially lose what little you already have. Going back to the analogy of light and darkness, have you ever walked out of a dimly lit building into the brilliant afternoon sunlight? For a while your lose something very precious to us... our sight. But it returns, and when it returns you can see more clearly than before. I can't say what your relationship with your father will be, can't even promise that you will be able to continue a relationship with him. But in the end, that is up to God. God shines the light, and God is the source of love.

I haven't ever been in a situation like the one you are in. Personally I would rather face it quickly. I would rather face someone's actions than make my decisions based on what I think they would do.

God Bless You and best of luck.

Post Script: You clearly don't want to make this thread a discussion of homosexuality, but I want to make it clear that I will not condone living a homosexual life as a christian.

 

[wyler]

As you become an adult you are going to want to have the freedom to make your choices and live your life without denying your true self to anyone.

It will no doubt be one of, if not the hardest thing you ever have to do, but you don't want this to always be something in front of you, and always a worry in the back of your mind.

You said that your father is already suspicious, however long it may take he will either find out or become so strong in his suspicions that he will force a confrontation, at which point things could get very nasty because beyond the discussion about your sexuality there will be a lot of anger around why you kept it from them, even if those feelings aren't justified.

Without knowing your parents it's hard to say, but I would start getting into a frame of mind where you feel you can tell them, focus on things that support you and give you strength, whether it's the Bible, your friends, or anything else, start building yourself up too it so you can better withstand whatever happens after it.

If there are any precautions you can take, like having a freind who can let you stay around a few nights so that if it goes badly you can all have a bit of temporary distance to clear out and cool down etc....

The one thing you have to remember through all the fear is that you should never deny yourself for others, anyone can tell you it is sin, but it's a sin no worse than theirs and you shouldn't live in fear of others condemnation.
If something won't end well, it's best to end it fast, that's the quickest way to a better day.

 

[GreenNnice]

Ok everyone, at least there is a time in a man's life when he should be serious (so i want to get serious, at least for now..lol). Well many don't know, i'm gay (ok, better put, i struggle with it like many other people).. And ugh, my dad's suspecting me, and he's homophobic. (He even has confronted me once about it, and i lied. He's also like asked my mum and all that)..

So here's it, i've been thinking lately. Life's really messed up for me, i've been hiding for very long and pretending, and it's not just helping. My dad (who hates homosexuals) it's worse because he gets very uncomfortable when i give guys my number, he wants girls to call me not guys. And he's always ranting about how i'll have to get married and have to be the man of the house and bla bla bla.. And it only makes me more and more scared, i can't imagine what he'd actually do if he finds out..

My mum isn't making things better, 90% of the time when we have conversations, she's asking for my girlfriend or if i already have one, or if she should find one for me . But i'm sure she'd understand if i tell her i don't really know, I want to open up, i'm hiding this whole thing and i feel like it's killing me. I want to talk to somebody,(my parents in particular). I just feel like they need to know and i should let everything out.. But i'm scared..

Anyone has anything to offer?.. Please your advice would help me a lot.. Thanks

-----
Go to God, cast your cares of this act on Him. Not being uncaring, judging, just sharing what I feel is His leading of me and God nowhere in scripture recommends homosexuality, that I see, anyway. The Lord leads.

----
What was your childhood like , was it with good guy friends, maybe several good guy friends.

Girlfriends or girl friends? Which you had, friends or 'friends,' intimate or just friendship, too, can sway you a way or the other--like girls or not like girls?

Questions not to answer here, just trying to get you to understand you, and, specifically, who God made you to be, Tobe . Get it? To be and Tobe ? Any way. Your name tells me, broken into syllables, anyway, that God wants you to be a great man of God. 'Great' is relative to His gifts for you. Some get one gift (talent), some three, some five, per the Parable Of The Talents in scripture (Jesus speaking in Gospels).

So, think through your past for understanding your life now. But your future can be changed , ALL our futures can be changed. What , or, rather, who is proper word, WHO do you want in your life in your present to help you be all God wants you to be in your future. .

Boy or girl?

Or, you have a third choice, too, to help you be who God wants you to be.

God.

Meeting God in your life, especially in the crossroads of youth and young adult life, is easy as this thinking of homosexuality is plaquing your mind. I can't explain how but God will show up somehow as you pray at.your church's altar this Sunday for answers asking God, crying out to Him, 'Why? Why? Why?'

Blessings, in Christ, young man,

Green

 

[zeroturbulence]

Wow Tobby I had no idea you were gay. When you said you didn't like girls in that one thread, I thought you were just being funny. Its ok, I still think you're pretty cool and funny!

I'm still thinking about what to say about your dilemma with your parents..

 

[GreenNnice]

Wow Tobby I had no idea you were gay. When you said you didn't like girls in that one thread, I thought you were just being funny. Its ok, I still think you're pretty cool and funny!

I'm still thinking about what to say about your dilemma with your parents..

Tell your parents, first, that you believe in God, tell them that that is the truth. But tell them the truth, too, let God work. Tell.them you have feelings of homosexuality. Whatever the issue, ALWAYS (with always FIRST praying to God for strength) tell them the truth.

If they blow up, especially likely is your dad, tell him to go chill out and realize that it is a serious issue needing much prayer.

The Lord leads, Tobe, let Him. Be courageous. This WILL be a great faith step in your life and do NOT ever feel guilty for your feelings of who you think you are, for God does not attack our guilt but Satan does.
When Satan attacks, say these words, as Jesus did in scripture, 'Satan, get thee behind me!'

 

[Christena]

Ok everyone, at least there is a time in a man's life when he should be serious (so i want to get serious, at least for now..lol). Well many don't know, i'm gay (ok, better put, i struggle with it like many other people).. And ugh, my dad's suspecting me, and he's homophobic. (He even has confronted me once about it, and i lied. He's also like asked my mum and all that)..

So here's it, i've been thinking lately. Life's really messed up for me, i've been hiding for very long and pretending, and it's not just helping. My dad (who hates homosexuals) it's worse because he gets very uncomfortable when i give guys my number, he wants girls to call me not guys. And he's always ranting about how i'll have to get married and have to be the man of the house and bla bla bla.. And it only makes me more and more scared, i can't imagine what he'd actually do if he finds out..

My mum isn't making things better, 90% of the time when we have conversations, she's asking for my girlfriend or if i already have one, or if she should find one for me . But i'm sure she'd understand if i tell her i don't really know, I want to open up, i'm hiding this whole thing and i feel like it's killing me. I want to talk to somebody,(my parents in particular). I just feel like they need to know and i should let everything out.. But i'm scared..

Anyone has anything to offer?.. Please your advice would help me a lot.. Thanks

God loves you...when you belong to Him and become part of His family. He only wants what's best for you. Many of us receive Christ as alcoholics, drug abusers, prostitutes,racist, murderers,rapist, theives, liars and so on...One thing about God is that He loves us past what He knows of us but He doesnt leave us in those conditions...He corrects and chastens us and takes us through a process of time that will create change is us from the inside out...the things I listed above are all heart conditions that God works on in all of His children and that includes you...Yes, what you are experiencing is real...if i choose to go out today and rob a bank...God still loves me... but I will have to deal with the result of my actions...to steal is a sin... God said that He would supply all or our needs there is no need to steal because of His promise... and our love for Him. Yes to live a lie is painful and confusing and frustrating and lies, confusion, frustration and the pain it brings come from the pit of hell...from the devil...before you confess to your parents...spend private time with God..confess it to God!!! Listen to God!!! God will not condemn you but will direct your path because what you are going to unveil to your parents may bring pain to you and to them... God's timing is perfect timing...also search the scriptures and pray to recieve your deliverance...God has great plans for you...God bless

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Tobby,

I have always been taught and believed that only evil dwells in darkness. In other threads I have used an analogy found throughout the bible of darkness and light. God is the LIGHT, He seeks out the darkness and shines Himself into it. Not to dissect it and find its flaws, but instead to purge all darkness. We see a similar analogy with the idea of being made white(light) as snow.

The devil uses darkness, he lives in darkness. In darkness there is no understanding, in darkness there is no truth. Darkness leaves room for lies. A lack of understanding leads to terrible misjudgments and unintentionally painful actions.

That said, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that you telling your family will make things better. Your dad probably will respond quite negatively. You may lose initially lose what little you already have. Going back to the analogy of light and darkness, have you ever walked out of a dimly lit building into the brilliant afternoon sunlight? For a while your lose something very precious to us... our sight. But it returns, and when it returns you can see more clearly than before. I can't say what your relationship with your father will be, can't even promise that you will be able to continue a relationship with him. But in the end, that is up to God. God shines the light, and God is the source of love.

I haven't ever been in a situation like the one you are in. Personally I would rather face it quickly. I would rather face someone's actions than make my decisions based on what I think they would do.

God Bless You and best of luck.

Post Script: You clearly don't want to make this thread a discussion of homosexuality, but I want to make it clear that I will not condone living a homosexual life as a christian.

I really like this response, and i think you should follow the advice here.

 

[GreenNnice]

God loves you...when you belong to Him and become part of His family. He only wants what's best for you. Many of us receive Christ as alcoholics, drug abusers, prostitutes,racist, murderers,rapist, theives, liars and so on...One thing about God is that He loves us past what He knows of us but He doesnt leave us in those conditions...He corrects and chastens us and takes us through a process of time that will create change is us from the inside out...the things I listed above are all heart conditions that God works on in all of His children and that includes you...Yes, what you are experiencing is real...if i choose to go out today and rob a bank...God still loves me... but I will have to deal with the result of my actions...to steal is a sin... God said that He would supply all or our needs there is no need to steal because of His promise... and our love for Him. Yes to live a lie is painful and confusing and frustrating and lies, confusion, frustration and the pain it brings come from the pit of hell...from the devil...before you confess to your parents...spend private time with God..confess it to God!!! Listen to God!!! God will not condemn you but will direct your path because what you are going to unveil to your parents may bring pain to you and to them... God's timing is perfect timing...also search the scriptures and pray to recieve your deliverance...God has great plans for you...God bless

Ok everyone, at least there is a time in a man's life when he should be serious (so i want to get serious, at least for now..lol). Well many don't know, i'm gay (ok, better put, i struggle with it like many other people).. And ugh, my dad's suspecting me, and he's homophobic. (He even has confronted me once about it, and i lied. He's also like asked my mum and all that)..

So here's it, i've been thinking lately. Life's really messed up for me, i've been hiding for very long and pretending, and it's not just helping. My dad (who hates homosexuals) it's worse because he gets very uncomfortable when i give guys my number, he wants girls to call me not guys. And he's always ranting about how i'll have to get married and have to be the man of the house and bla bla bla.. And it only makes me more and more scared, i can't imagine what he'd actually do if he finds out..

My mum isn't making things better, 90% of the time when we have conversations, she's asking for my girlfriend or if i already have one, or if she should find one for me . But i'm sure she'd understand if i tell her i don't really know, I want to open up, i'm hiding this whole thing and i feel like it's killing me. I want to talk to somebody,(my parents in particular). I just feel like they need to know and i should let everything out.. But i'm scared..

Anyone has anything to offer?.. Please your advice would help me a lot.. Thanks

-- I would pray about doing two things:

1) Should I tell my dad and mom.the truth? And ask 'why,' 'how,' 'when,' even ask 'where' God wants you to break news of that magnitude. Don't think God will shine an answer into your mind then and there after you pray either. Typically, IF you look at scripture, God did not very often answer people's prayers right after the moment's prayer. God works in mysterious ways that require faith and His revealings to us can and do come personally to us in a variety of ways , so pay attention as you be doing things AFTER you pray for God's signs and direction following your prayer from your heart asking God for answers.

He will provide answers to your prayers , ALWAYS, however, sometimes we must take steps forward into the darkness in order to see the light and, the Light, which is how, when, why, where how God (who) answers your prayer

You are being transparent, Tobe. God will bless you greatly for uncovering that darkness in your life. Things in darkness become with light after being uncovered.

2) Pray to God, but getting out on your own may be something God tells you to do after telling the truth to your parents. Just I encourage you to be courageous, Tobe, and, KEEP your faith in God through this time .

Wyler, lightnin', christena all say good words of God and who He is. Love

 

[Jullianna]

Tobby, I have read in other threads your hints of this and assumed that this was what you were talking about in the Great Expectations thread. I've been praying. I'm so glad the others who have responded did so in love. I was so afraid you would have been badly bashed, which would be counterproductive, as you know the scriptures and this is your battle.

Is your mother maybe more approachable than your dad? Sometimes moms take this sort of thing easier than dads and can be very helpful when you decide to share with your dad. If not, do you have a trusted relative or family friend who might be helpful? But it really doesn't sound as if it will come as much of a surprise.

We all struggle with something, Tobby. Yours is one of the tougher somethings. God is able. Thank you for trusting us with this. We want to be here for you. We know that there are other guys in these forums who have fought the same battle and won. I am hoping they will step up and be there for you too.

 

[wyler]

Is your mother maybe more approachable than your dad? Sometimes moms take this sort of thing easier than dads and can be very helpful when you decide to share with your dad. If not, do you have a trusted relative or family friend who might be helpful? But it really doesn't sound as if it will come as much of a surprise.

I think it would be wise to do this one at a time considering you think your mother will be OK and your father won't.
It makes sense to tell your mother first so when you speak with your father you have someone there who can help him calm down and maybe act as a buffer between you.

 

[Jilly81]

Tobby, I didn't know.....I hadn't seen many of your posts except the welcome posts and the silly ones, and I honestly had no idea, probably because you act so stereotypically male, what with your firearms and all. I wish I could give you a hug . It must be so hard....
There is one thing that really got my attention about what you posted, though. Tobby, if you're struggling in this area, why are you giving your phone number to other guys? My friend, you're only making things worse and harder to resist. I get the impression that you've almost given up on these feelings going away. Please correct me if I'm wrong; I only want to help. It's just that I didn't see any mention of how you're trying to get rid of the homosexual desires. Lust or ungodly sexual desire is something that I suspect every person on the planet has had at least SOME struggle with, even if it was a very short battle. Certainly some more than others, but I don't want you to think that I'm saying that you're worse than anyone else; totally not the case. If you want help with the issue, I really think that Jesus will take away the homosexual feelings if you tell Him that you aren't going to pay attention to or act out on those desires, and then FOLLOW UP on that agreement. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" -James 4:7. Also, BEG HIM FERVENTLY to make the feelings go away, and delete every single number in your phone that is a stumbling block (I suspect that you'd need to turn off your phone for awhile also). I'm not kidding about any of this. If you really want to be set free from this problem, Jesus can do it, but you HAVE to do things His way. Many others have gotten through this, and I've already prayed for you, but I'll keep at it. PLEASE pray fervently for your deliverance. "Be ye either hot or cold, because if you're lukewarm, I will spew you out of My mouth". He wasn't kidding when He said that. PLEASE take this to the prayer closet. This is so important, Tobby. Please keep us posted, my brother.

 

[Jullianna]

Please read Tobby's post in the Great Expectations thread. He is struggling with this spiritually...praying and seeking God in it, and beating himself up because he is having difficulty overcoming. He is not giving in to it.

Let's all keeping lifting him up to the Lord in prayer....fasting if necessary.

 

[Christena]

Jeremy Camp has a beautiful song:


"Healing Hand Of God"


I have seen the many faces,
I fear in the pain.
I have watched the tears fall plenty,
From heart ache and strength.
So if life's journey, Has you weary and afraid.
There's rest in the shadow of his wings.
I have walked through the valleys,
The mountains and plains.
I have held the hand of freedom,
It washes all my stains.
If you feel the weight of many trials,
And burdens from this world.
There's freedom in the shelter of the Lord.

healing hand of God,
Reaching out and mending broken hearts.
Taste and see the fullness of His peace,
And hold on to what's being held out.
The healing hand of God.

I have touched the scars upon His hands,
To see if they were real.
He has walked the road before me,
He knows just how I feel.
When you feel there is not anyone,
Who understands your pain,
Just remember all of Jesus' suffering.

Cast all your cares on Him,
For He cares for you.
He's near to the broken and confused.
By His stripes,
Our spirit is renewed.
So enter in the joy prepared for you.

The healing hand of God
And hold on to what's being held out
The healing hand of God
Oh Oh Oh Oh

 

[Christena]

Please read Tobby's post in the Great Expectations thread. He is struggling with this spiritually...praying and seeking God in it, and beating himself up because he is having difficulty overcoming. He is not giving in to it.

Let's all keeping lifting him up to the Lord in prayer....fasting if necessary.

In total agreement-Matt 17:21 But this kind goes not out but by prayer and fasting.

 

[Tobby17]

Tobby, I have read in other threads your hints of this and assumed that this was what you were talking about in the Great Expectations thread. I've been praying. I'm so glad the others who have responded did so in love. I was so afraid you would have been badly bashed, which would be counterproductive, as you know the scriptures and this is your battle.

Is your mother maybe more approachable than your dad? Sometimes moms take this sort of thing easier than dads and can be very helpful when you decide to share with your dad. If not, do you have a trusted relative or family friend who might be helpful? But it really doesn't sound as if it will come as much of a surprise.

We all struggle with something, Tobby. Yours is one of the tougher somethings. God is able. Thank you for trusting us with this. We want to be here for you. We know that there are other guys in these forums who have fought the same battle and won. I am hoping they will step up and be there for you too.

Yeah, my mom is more approachable, i guess i'd just tell her first..

 

[Tobby17]

Tobby, I didn't know.....I hadn't seen many of your posts except the welcome posts and the silly ones, and I honestly had no idea, probably because you act so stereotypically male, what with your firearms and all. I wish I could give you a hug . It must be so hard....
There is one thing that really got my attention about what you posted, though. Tobby, if you're struggling in this area, why are you giving your phone number to other guys? My friend, you're only making things worse and harder to resist. I get the impression that you've almost given up on these feelings going away. Please correct me if I'm wrong; I only want to help. It's just that I didn't see any mention of how you're trying to get rid of the homosexual desires. Lust or ungodly sexual desire is something that I suspect every person on the planet has had at least SOME struggle with, even if it was a very short battle. Certainly some more than others, but I don't want you to think that I'm saying that you're worse than anyone else; totally not the case. If you want help with the issue, I really think that Jesus will take away the homosexual feelings if you tell Him that you aren't going to pay attention to or act out on those desires, and then FOLLOW UP on that agreement. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" -James 4:7. Also, BEG HIM FERVENTLY to make the feelings go away, and delete every single number in your phone that is a stumbling block (I suspect that you'd need to turn off your phone for awhile also). I'm not kidding about any of this. If you really want to be set free from this problem, Jesus can do it, but you HAVE to do things His way. Many others have gotten through this, and I've already prayed for you, but I'll keep at it. PLEASE pray fervently for your deliverance. "Be ye either hot or cold, because if you're lukewarm, I will spew you out of My mouth". He wasn't kidding when He said that. PLEASE take this to the prayer closet. This is so important, Tobby. Please keep us posted, my brother.

Thanks Jilly, but these guys are just friends. Nothing more.. But then again, you probably don't believe me..
By the way Jilly, i've prayed continually to God, to take it away, but he wouldn't.. So i'd just live with it i guess, it's not as bad as it sounds. When you actually don't act on these feelings.. Nothing wrong in being single..

Bye..

 

[Tobby17]

Just a big thanks to everyone who has added one thing or another.. I'd just tell my mum first and then my dad, and if he does freak out (which is most likely). I'd just confront him, and tell him to live with it. It's not like i asked for it anyways..

 

[GreenNnice]

Just a big thanks to everyone who has added one thing or another.. I'd just tell my mum first and then my dad, and if he does freak out (which is most likely). I'd just confront him, and tell him to live with it. It's not like i asked for it anyways..

------
Tell God first. Pray for Him to reveal Himself to you as you prepare to tell your mom and dad.
James 5: 7-20. Read these verses, especially 7-9.

YOU can beat this inside you. What do you want to do? Who are you? Who made you?
Who saved you. Who, who, who, who? The wisest One of all.

God bless you, Tobe, pray, pray, pray for His way revealed. He is our way out of the pain encombing our bonded heart.
You are NOT alone, Tobe, all us praying for you to be TOUCHEDbythehandofGod
Be His. You know who's you are. God's. A child of our King

 

[Ritter]

Tobby, I hate family dynamics. They are hard enough to understand in my own normal/crazed yet comparatively uneventful household. I see you as someone unusually mature for your age and trust that, given wise counsel and prayer, you will get through this.

First, talk with someone you trust outside the internet. Someone well-acquainted with your parents preferably.

Second, open up with the right timing. Family secrets are rarely good things.

Third, when you open up, make sure your parents are together. Your dad's more violent qualities may be subdued if your mom is right there.

Fourth, if your dad is a Christian appeal to him from the standpoint of a Christian. Make it clear you are a brother struggling with sin who needs care.

Pray. I'll pray for you.