Not where I thought I would be in my life

[RachelP03]

Ive posted in other groups, for some reason, never saw this one, which is more my age range, lol. But anyways....
I dated my husband since I was 15, waited till I was married to have sex on our wedding night when I was 21. We got pregnant the day before our year anniversary with twins. We miscarried them at separate times. Took two years to get pregnant again with fertility pills and that ended in an ectopic pregnancy. A few months later which was October of 2009, my husband started cheating on me. He left February of 2010. It devastated me, broke my heart. I lost it!!!! I didn't know what to do. He was all I had ever known and was my world. He had all my hopes and dreams and I trusted him with everything that I had. I didn't understand how and why he could do this. I wasn't the perfect wife, I was selfish, I wasn't perfect, But still.....

Leads me to a month after he left. I wasn't looking for anyone, but my friend knew a guy who went through a divorce and was my age. We started to talk. He ended up being my 2nd guy that I ever kissed. It didn't work. So I went a little crazy and went on a dating website, and met about 3 guys whom I kissed and 3 guys who I met just randomly. Everyone around me knew I was losing it and I honestly didn't care or worry if something was going to happen to me with these guys I never met.

A month and a half later "our" friends who my husband and this guy worked with and his wife and me used to hang out before he left.....well his friends wife left and cheated on him. Mind you, this couple was there for me, they chose me when my husband left. I was there for both of them. It turns out, she was like my husband, so I started being there for him more. About 3 months goes by and it gradually turned into more. We didn't broadcast it, but we didn't hide it either. Then it turned sexual. He ended up moving in with me for about 6 months. I knew in my heart the whole time it was wrong, and I turned my face on God. Then around Thanksgiving, God did a miracle in my life. He all of a sudden changed my Ex bf heart to feeling the same way as I did. We both knew we wern't meant to be. I loved him and he loved me, but not like husband and wife.

So it leads me to now. About 2 weeks after we broke up, I finally felt God. It took awhile, and I knew it was me, but he spoke to me and told me to fight for my marriage. All in one night, I put my wedding bands back on, watched Fireproof and even a 700 club show came on about infedility couple who got back together. The next night, my husband out of no where texts me and apologizes for being unfaithful and hurting me.

But that's where I'm stuck. I know I'm supposed to be alone, I need to seek God and have him number one and to grow strong and near to him. I hate being alone. I honestly am not used to this. I'm used to having my husband around, and then some of those guys, to then my ex bf and I know this is what I need and I honestly, don't even want to be with anyone, but I get lonely, and I think about what my husband and ex are doing or who they are with. I don't know if my husband and I will ever get back together or not, but I do know God has someone else out there for me. I'm 26 and I thought at this part of my life, I would have one or two kids, married, stable, and looking forward to growing old. Instead, I don't know if I have to start over, and then try to have kids before 30 and possibly going through a divorce???!!!!

Is anyone else feeling stuck or waiting on God????? Thank you for reading this, I just needed to vent. I have been feeling kinda down lately, missing the men that were in my life. My ex, tried to contact me last week and I couldn't do it. I need space from him, cause I'm scared I'm going to fall back into an old pattern. I know hes not for me and I don't know if we can be friends. My husband is being stand offish now for some reason. I told him I was fighting for our marriage. I trust God......I do!!!!! I just.....am......stuck......

 

[nukreation]

Rachel, You're a beautiful girl and clearly affectionate. I pray that your husband wakes up to what he could lose. I went through a seperation back when I was about your age, but can I recommend that you draw close to God and your girlfriends rather than filling that void with a man whilst you wait to see if your husband can get his act together.

 

[RachelP03]

Ive posted in other groups, for some reason, never saw this one, which is more my age range, lol. But anyways....
I dated my husband since I was 15, waited till I was married to have sex on our wedding night when I was 21. We got pregnant the day before our year anniversary with twins. We miscarried them at separate times. Took two years to get pregnant again with fertility pills and that ended in an ectopic pregnancy. A few months later which was October of 2009, my husband started cheating on me. He left February of 2010. It devastated me, broke my heart. I lost it!!!! I didn't know what to do. He was all I had ever known and was my world. He had all my hopes and dreams and I trusted him with everything that I had. I didn't understand how and why he could do this. I wasn't the perfect wife, I was selfish, I wasn't perfect, But still.....

Leads me to a month after he left. I wasn't looking for anyone, but my friend knew a guy who went through a divorce and was my age. We started to talk. He ended up being my 2nd guy that I ever kissed. It didn't work. So I went a little crazy and went on a dating website, and met about 3 guys whom I kissed and 3 guys who I met just randomly. Everyone around me knew I was losing it and I honestly didn't care or worry if something was going to happen to me with these guys I never met.

A month and a half later "our" friends who my husband and this guy worked with and his wife and me used to hang out before he left.....well his friends wife left and cheated on him. Mind you, this couple was there for me, they chose me when my husband left. I was there for both of them. It turns out, she was like my husband, so I started being there for him more. About 3 months goes by and it gradually turned into more. We didn't broadcast it, but we didn't hide it either. Then it turned sexual. He ended up moving in with me for about 6 months. I knew in my heart the whole time it was wrong, and I turned my face on God. Then around Thanksgiving, God did a miracle in my life. He all of a sudden changed my Ex bf heart to feeling the same way as I did. We both knew we wern't meant to be. I loved him and he loved me, but not like husband and wife.

So it leads me to now. About 2 weeks after we broke up, I finally felt God. It took awhile, and I knew it was me, but he spoke to me and told me to fight for my marriage. All in one night, I put my wedding bands back on, watched Fireproof and even a 700 club show came on about infedility couple who got back together. The next night, my husband out of no where texts me and apologizes for being unfaithful and hurting me.

But that's where I'm stuck. I know I'm supposed to be alone, I need to seek God and have him number one and to grow strong and near to him. I hate being alone. I honestly am not used to this. I'm used to having my husband around, and then some of those guys, to then my ex bf and I know this is what I need and I honestly, don't even want to be with anyone, but I get lonely, and I think about what my husband and ex are doing or who they are with. I don't know if my husband and I will ever get back together or not, but I do know God has someone else out there for me. I'm 26 and I thought at this part of my life, I would have one or two kids, married, stable, and looking forward to growing old. Instead, I don't know if I have to start over, and then try to have kids before 30 and possibly going through a divorce???!!!!

Is anyone else feeling stuck or waiting on God????? Thank you for reading this, I just needed to vent. I have been feeling kinda down lately, missing the men that were in my life. My ex, tried to contact me last week and I couldn't do it. I need space from him, cause I'm scared I'm going to fall back into an old pattern. I know hes not for me and I don't know if we can be friends. My husband is being stand offish now for some reason. I told him I was fighting for our marriage. I trust God......I do!!!!! I just.....am......stuck......

*Wrong dates sorry.....started cheating October 2010 and left February 2011

 

[RachelP03]

Rachel, You're a beautiful girl and clearly affectionate. I pray that your husband wakes up to what he could lose. I went through a seperation back when I was about your age, but can I recommend that you draw close to God and your girlfriends rather than filling that void with a man whilst you wait to see if your husband can get his act together.

Thank you so much. I think some girls, or most girls, need to hear that they are still beautiful. My life the past year has been so yoyo, i dont know whats real or whats not. I try and do everyday to stay focused on God. I hope my husband can get his act together, but I dont know if he wants to be with me. I think hes enjoying living in sin, but he has been open and honest with me and told me that he feels empty, like something is missing. Thank you for your prayers!

 

[shemaiah]

Racheal, I would just advise you to just ask God for direction. He says in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for those who love Him. God will make your life beautiful again, just surrender all to Him. God bless

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

Well gurl, i have already posted concerning all this shim sham, but if you ever need to talk beyond that hit me up.

Don't lean on the past when you can run into the future.

 

[rainacorn]

Infidelity is really the only acceptable reason for divorce, according to the Bible.

However, it should be understood that you shouldn't remarry, even if you do divorce. It's like a one-time deal...until death do you part.

You made a covenant with God and your husband is a part of that. Even if you weren't mature enough to fully understand what it meant when you first got together, it's never too late to start. Pray for your husband and keep studying the Word. God will guide you IF YOU LET HIM. It's not an easy thing to do, so you're definitely in my prayers.

 

[jb]

Infidelity is really the only acceptable reason for divorce, according to the Bible.

However, it should be understood that you shouldn't remarry...

Nonsense, the whole purpose for God allowing divorce in the case of adultery (under not only the OT but the NT as well) is to allow the innocent party to remarry without any sense of failure or sin...

 

[rainacorn]

Nonsense, the whole purpose for God allowing divorce in the case of adultery (under not only the OT but the NT as well) is to allow the innocent party to remarry without any sense of failure or sin...

Verse please?

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

Verse please?

For sure, everything i read in the new testament points to the fact that if you do divorce, you aren't to re-marry.

 

[chiclet01]

Hi Rachel,

I definitely understand the feeling of "how did I get here?". My story sounds so, so familiar to yours. I'm not going to get into the whole "whether you can remarry or not" debate on here because, honestly, I've done it and the judgment that gets thrown around is very discouraging. I know how I believe and what backs that up, so... if you ever want to talk about that, just hit me up on PM.

But I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is just to take time to be you. Rediscover the woman that God made you to be. There are a lot of wounds that will need time to heal. You probably gave up a lot of things about yourself during everything you went through (I know I did). Take the time to get those things back. Do things you enjoy (or things you always wanted to enjoy and didn't get a chance to). For example, I'm learning to swing dance, and it's been absolutely amazing.

Anyways, feel free to PM me sometime! I know exactly what feeling you're talking about and probably a good bit of what you're going through.

 

[chiclet01]

For sure, everything i read in the new testament points to the fact that if you do divorce, you aren't to re-marry.

Guys, that's not what this thread is about. She's seeking encouragement in a very discouraging situation. Maybe debating this elsewhere would be better.

 

[rainacorn]

To be fair, no one is really debating it. Someone just shouted 'nonsense!'

The Bible says what it says. Rachel is in my prayers.

 

[Helloimandrewyo]

Ditto, me and rachel have talked previously about this isssue, and she should have no doubt that we are here to help.

Someone made a pretty bold statement though, one i was just wanting to see backed up.

 

[jb]

However, it should be understood that you shouldn't remarry

everything i read in the new testament points to the fact that if you do divorce, you aren't to re-marry.

She's seeking encouragement in a very discouraging situation.

There is absolutely no encouagement whatsoever from the above two uninformed posts.

Verse please?

Someone made a pretty bold statement though, one i was just wanting to see backed up.

Matt 19v3-9 (esp. v9), (with Matt 5v31,32, Exod 21v10,11, Deut 24v1-4)

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery." (RSV)

The context of this Scripture is about divorce and re-marriage, as the Pharisees were (mis) using the Scriptures (Deut 24v1-4) to divorce their wives on the flimsiest of reasons. During the time that the Lord Jesus walked the earth there were two lines of teaching on divorce and remarriage, the first was from Hillel, who taught that men could divorce their wives for the most trivial of reason eg., if their wife had made a bad meal, Hillel taught that this was enough grounds for divorce. However, Rabbi Shammai, taught that divorce should only be on the grounds of immorality, fornication and adultery.

So in Matt 19v3-9 the Lord is correcting this wrong teaching, He says that the person (He had the Pharisees particularly in mind) who divorces his wife on any grounds except that of immorality and marries again in essence is committing adultery, so from this plain statement we also learn that if a person divorces their husband/wife on the grounds of adultery and remarries they DON’T commit adultery. 1Cor 7v27,28

God does NOT punish the innocent party (when adultery has been commited) by condeming them to a life without having the chance to have another husband/wife. 1Cor 7v2,9,27,28

If you read any decent commentry on these passages of Scripture you will see that the above conclusion is correct.

The young lady in question has enough pain, confusion and sorrow to contend with at this present time, without having a legalistic millstone being hung around her neck for the rest of her life.

Yahweh Shalom

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

The young lady in question has enough pain, confusion and sorrow to contend with at this present time, without having a legalistic millstone being hung around her neck for the rest of her life.

Yahweh Shalom

i completely agree. As long as we are walking in obedience to the Spirit of God, that is all that matters. a friend of mine is getting married right now for the second time. the first time was to an ungodly man, and she was in disobedience to marry him in the first place. But she wasn't walking rightly with God. the man was a lazy, verbally abusive alcoholic. (still is actually) But this woman got her relationship with the Lord back on track. and she asked the Lord many many times over the years, "can i please get out, lord?" and He said very clearly no. She stayed with him for 12 years. she was a faithful wife to an ugly man. (heart ugly) because God told her to stay. just this year, she asked "Lord, can i leave?" and He said yes. within months, the Lord brought her this AWESOME godly guy. And the Lord has done nothing but bless and confirm the relationship. it is a beautiful redemptive story about obedience no matter what. and the blessing that comes from that. Take heart little flower. The Lord will honor you as you honor Him.

And don't give up praying for your husband.

I am dreadfully sorry you have to go through this.
Dear Lord, I ask for grace for Rachel as she comes to you with her broken heart. I ask that you would fill the aching loneliness in her heart with your presence and light. and I pray that you would make her WHOLE Lord. That she would not depend on anything but you, or anyone. that you would satisfy her heart and reveal to her the beauty of who YOU are, and the beauty that she is. let her find herself in you. Let her know what you have for her, and what you would have her do now. i ask for light for her husband, to see You, God, and the covenant of marriage he is a part of. Lord guide them both, comfort them. and bring peace out of this turmoil. thank you for rachel's faith, God. give her more. that she might come out of the wilderness leaning on You, Lord, our Beloved.
in Yeshua's name, amen.

Lord, hold our stories. and bless us while we await Your happy ending. <3

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

........amen!

 

[rainacorn]

There is absolutely no encouagement whatsoever from the above two uninformed posts.

Those were not complete posts. You took lines out of context to create discord.

It appears to have worked. Congratulations.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Rachel, though I have no counsel for you at this late hour, I'll save a prayer for you yet.

 

[mrpower]

Rachel, my sister... my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry.
With all of my heart I believe based on scripture that you need not be alone as some maintain; and if you and your husband may not reconcile, I believe with all of my heart that the Lord has another wonderful man in store for you.
God bless my beautiful sister. My prayers with you