P
perdonato
Guest
I don't really know where else to post this but I wanted to ask/post/contemplate and this just seems the only place even semi-fitting. But... as the lenten season is upon us, I am participating for the first time ever. (Long story short is that I was raised in a background which didn't support any of these traditional aspects and I'm...well... let's just leave it there.)
I prayed about participating and felt like this would be a good thing for me. Through conversations I concluded that it would be best to find things that I wanted to change long-term. One of my ultimate vices is pride... and I'd like to get better at conquering it, so I have decided to try to practice humility in new ways (which includes, but is not limited to, washing dishes for housemates, keeping the house clean and doing it all without looking for anything in return and also knowing that there will be times they still point fingers at me for a dirty dish or something.)
So I got home today and was washing these dishes (I'd washed a ton of dishes last night and for whatever reason they were multiplied again today.) As I was washing them I could feel bitterness and resentment over the thoughts that I know I will still be blamed for various things going wrong around the house. I kept thinking of how much more I might be walked on and used... so I started praying. Thinking... I need to be practicing humility with joy - and service with joy. I then asked if it was really a true service if my heart wasn't full of joy.
So I'm wondering... is it healthy to practice serving in such a state of bitterness/fear? And why might one have bitterness and resentment built up in oneself?
As I came back to my room this song came into my head that we sang when I was growing up, and I feel like this is my prayer...
Lord make me a servant, Lord make me like You. For You are a servant, make me one, too. Mold me and shape me to be just like You, Lord make me a servant, Lord make me like You.
Surely, as Solomon said, there is nothing new under the sun and at least one other person has experienced this type of situation in one circumstance or another... so if you have thoughts, stories, or whatever to share... I'd love to read
I prayed about participating and felt like this would be a good thing for me. Through conversations I concluded that it would be best to find things that I wanted to change long-term. One of my ultimate vices is pride... and I'd like to get better at conquering it, so I have decided to try to practice humility in new ways (which includes, but is not limited to, washing dishes for housemates, keeping the house clean and doing it all without looking for anything in return and also knowing that there will be times they still point fingers at me for a dirty dish or something.)
So I got home today and was washing these dishes (I'd washed a ton of dishes last night and for whatever reason they were multiplied again today.) As I was washing them I could feel bitterness and resentment over the thoughts that I know I will still be blamed for various things going wrong around the house. I kept thinking of how much more I might be walked on and used... so I started praying. Thinking... I need to be practicing humility with joy - and service with joy. I then asked if it was really a true service if my heart wasn't full of joy.
So I'm wondering... is it healthy to practice serving in such a state of bitterness/fear? And why might one have bitterness and resentment built up in oneself?
As I came back to my room this song came into my head that we sang when I was growing up, and I feel like this is my prayer...
Lord make me a servant, Lord make me like You. For You are a servant, make me one, too. Mold me and shape me to be just like You, Lord make me a servant, Lord make me like You.
Surely, as Solomon said, there is nothing new under the sun and at least one other person has experienced this type of situation in one circumstance or another... so if you have thoughts, stories, or whatever to share... I'd love to read