The all too acceptable Christian four letter F-word...

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Jordache

Guest
#1
#1
I know I'm not alone when my automatic answer to the typical Sunday morning greeting (hi how are you?) is "fine". Or it's equally falacious counterpart "ok". So I wonder what would be more authentic answer. This is not to say that we need to be so "honest" as to emotionally vomit on our gracious friends, but authenticity is necessary in
The body of Christ. I find myself without words and as I search for them there is nothing there. I've learned that my level of "ok" is very different and I probably need to pass out a dictionary to all of my friends so they can interpret me. A friend intuitively asked me the other day, "are you ok?". I tried to be honest but all I could say was "I'm ok." about three seconds later I wanted to take it back. I realized that because of my past ok to me really means "I'll survive." I don't really know when I'm ok.
So what are your responses when people ask, " how are you? ". "are you ok?" "whats up?"
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#2
#2
I say "I'm fine", Or "I'm okay", but only when I'm not. But that's only when I don't want people to know how I really feel.
When I trust someone enough to tell them, I'll say "I'll survive", or "Don't worry about me" (Even when I really need someone to talk to). Normally, those people know me well enough to give me a hug, or encouragement.
When I honestly don't know how I feel, I say "yes" or "uh-huh" even when it doesn't make any sense.
When I actually feel okay, I tell them "I'm great, and getting better."
Eg... right now, I'm "uh-huh" or "yes"
 
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Kyouken

Guest
#3
#3
I usually say I'm doing 'great' or 'fantastic', even if I'm emotionally down in some way.
I say those things in response because to me, as long as I have Jesus, I'm doing good. And whenever I think that (almost always when I respond to someone who asks how I'm doing), if I'm feeling down, I usually start feeling 'up'.
 
Mrdll

Mrdll

Senior Member
#4
Jan 15, 2011
127
5
0
#4
When someone says; "I'm fine." I usually respond with; Oh your
Frustrated
Irrational
Neurotic and
Emotional?

Ususally gets a true smile from them anyway :D
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#5
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#5
This was always a difficult question for me for many years because I wasnt fine, struggleing to get through each day against severe and chronic pain was an ongoing battle.
Saying I was fine was a lie, but I didnt want to bring others down or look to defeat.
Finaaly I realised the best answer was the truth, and have answered this way since.
the body still hurts, but Jesus is my pain killer.:)
The flesh is weaker but Jesus's Spirit is growing stronger!:)
still struggling but God is greater! :)
Im still moving because Jesus is moving me. :)

To answer this way spoke truth in flesh and faith, which I believe is the truth and best witness.

Hugs and God bless
pickles
 
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barukhmalachi

Guest
#6
#6
I have a friend who is almost 60. She has had anurisms, stokes, heart surgery and all kinds of health problems. Had a husband years ago that almost beat her to death. Has been clinicaly dead and came back. Father and mother die at a young age and all other family desert her and wish her dead. Lost her home and all her posessions while trying to raise her son by herself in a gang neigborhood that took the life of her only grandchild. She has had a rough life but has brought many people to the lord. She is always in pain but when a stranger asks how are you, she says blessed of the lord.
 
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Be_Evergreen

Guest
#7
#7
I've started to analyse my responses to those questions as well. *frowns* There is now a pregnant pause as I consider how I'm feeling that particular day. Sometimes I say Busy, or tired, when I'm one of the two. Sometimes I'll say, "It could be worse!" with a pained smile. And on rare occasions I'll have an awesome day and say I'm doing great. "What's up" stumps me sometimes, because what kind of info do you disclose with this question- how your morning is going? How is life in general for you? I usually answer that with something about school, maybe something my dogs or cats are doing if it's a slow day.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#8
#8
If I'm really truly great then I will joyfully say I'm great. I think that saying you're ok when you're not is false. It could be codependency. It could be serious insecurity. It could be a lack of communication skills. Or it could be a lack of proper boundaries. While I understand that you shouldn't drench every person with your emo vomit, you should also be appropriately honest with yourself and with others even if that means answering with a simple I don't know.
My other concern is with a response like I'll survive. I'm not saying this as a blanket statement, but for ms I know that statement is dishonest because it equates with denial. I know I'll survive, but that doesn't you ignore the fact that it hurts or _______.

Flip side: I think we need to be careful that we don't lack sincerity when we are the ones asking how are you? If you're going to say it, mean it. I can't tell you how many times who say how are you when they truly mean hi, have a nice day...
 
Saul_Durian

Saul_Durian

Banned
#9
Nov 10, 2011
607
6
0
#9
Am I the only person that says I'm fine and means it?
 
Saul_Durian

Saul_Durian

Banned
#11
Nov 10, 2011
607
6
0
#11
BlueAngel said:
It depends. It's kinda hard for me to trust people with how I really feel.
Click to expand...
:( You outta try it, somebody might surprise you.



Edit: Like a good surprise, not a bad surprise...hopefully.


Still working out those pep talks
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#12
#12
Saul_Durian said:
:( You outta try it, somebody might surprise you.



Edit: Like a good surprise, not a bad surprise...hopefully.


Still working out those pep talks
Click to expand...
Not anyone I know :(
Gotta get me more friends huh? Lol :D
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#14
#14
Saul_Durian said:
Whats it like making friends these days? Don't you just tweet or something?
Click to expand...
Haha... that depends on if you have twitter... I don't.
I don't have twitter, face book, my space, or even a cell phone. I either write to my friends, or I see them at church, youth class, choir, or other such parties. :)
Or... Youth Gettogethers! Like the one coming up in June! I'm oober excited!!!
But, even with all the friends I have (my cousin says I'm a popularity 9 out of 10, even if I completely disagree) I don't trust any of them enough with my inner most feelings. :(
 
Saul_Durian

Saul_Durian

Banned
#15
Nov 10, 2011
607
6
0
#15
BlueAngel said:
Haha... that depends on if you have twitter... I don't.
I don't have twitter, face book, my space, or even a cell phone. I either write to my friends, or I see them at church, youth class, choir, or other such parties. :)
Or... Youth Gettogethers! Like the one coming up in June! I'm oober excited!!!
But, even with all the friends I have (my cousin says I'm a popularity 9 out of 10, even if I completely disagree) I don't trust any of them enough with my inner most feelings. :(
Click to expand...

You gotta get a facebook, that is the best way to have empty friendships. I don't have a twitter either.

But you are young still, I was about your age when I just began to form strong friendships. So hopefully it will get better for you.

And I get the whole being popular without feeling popular. In school I was really popular, but i didn't have any good friends till almost the end of highschool. But they are still my good friends like 14 years later....crap I am old.

What kind of get together is it?
 
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BlueAngel

Guest
#16
#16
Saul_Durian said:
You gotta get a facebook, that is the best way to have empty friendships. I don't have a twitter either.

But you are young still, I was about your age when I just began to form strong friendships. So hopefully it will get better for you.

And I get the whole being popular without feeling popular. In school I was really popular, but i didn't have any good friends till almost the end of highschool. But they are still my good friends like 14 years later....crap I am old.

What kind of get together is it?
Click to expand...
Yay! Empty friendships, who doesn't want those right? lol
I had a really good friend once I've known her 11 years, but our friendship got kinda tense in the last few months, so we haven't spoken quite as freely to each other, as we used to.
...
The get together is kind of a big cowboy/ cowgirl thing we do every other year. We all meet up in Wyoming, and "play cowboy".
We wrestle cows and pigs (which I've never done, because it's dirty and people get kicked. I'm alergic to pain, it makes me want to be sick).
We have devotionals in the mornings. And tons of games to play. We go horseback riding. And get new friends, and meet up with the old ones. This year though, it's gonna cost $47. :O
Hopefully I can get that kind of money in time. :p
 
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djness

Guest
#17
#17
I used to always say I was fine when I was younger, I guess I just figured. What does it matter what I say, it's not like anyone is going to make my day any better.
 
C

CatWoman

Guest
#18
#18
I raised the same subject with a brother from church years ago. He explained it to me this way: asking someone how they are doing? is away of being cordual when greeting someone. Hi and how are you doing? I'm fine. And how are you doing? Fine. Its manners when you greet someone.In some places of the world,when you shop or pay for some thing. its rude if you dont talk to the casheir. I know how you feel, its seems that people arnt sincer when asking the question or answering the question. But it is a way of being polite to people.

I was once asked by my boss how I was doing and I said fine. She said your lying and I said yes. I dont think you want to hear my problems. Then I asked if she wanted to hear my problems and she answered with a loud and quick NO. and then we both laughed. The bible says not to mourn in public. We are not to put on a sceen for other people to see.

There is a book I am reading called BE NICE OR ELS! It says some times we have to fake being nice or happy. You know that you wont go far at work if you deal with customers and are mean and crabby. And no one is getting anything out of me if their mean and crabby to for no reason. If you need to vent, the book says you need to find a buddy to complain to. Someone who you trust and is not going to tell your secrets to any body because they are tellong thier secrets to you. And if you cant find one , Im sure I can speak for the rest of the Christian Chat members your always welcome to vent on us.
 
Allin

Allin

Banned
#19
Jan 6, 2012
1,233
10
0
#19
Maybe you can try some light humor when someone asks how you're doing and you're feeling less than great. I used to say I was doing great when I was! But when things started going downhill, then I'd respond to "How are you doing?" with something like, "Not well. How about you?" I'm telling you, try it sometime! The look on people's faces can be priceless. But then, you may not want to try it. People generally don't care to be around a person who is honest enough to say when they aren't doing well. Some of them couldn't seem to run fast enough in the other direction. Anyway, when things began to mellow out where things are sometimes good and sometimes bad, my answer now depends on who is asking and the mood they're in. I can get away with, "It depends. What do you want me to say?" or "I'm doing just as good as you are!" or "I don't know. I bet you do though!" or "You go first, then I'll agree with you!" Sometimes, I'll say something like, "How am I doing? How much time do you have?" or I'll read a short list of some negative things I'm going through and then say, "But trust me, I'm doing great!" Or if it's a friend and I'm not doing well, I might just say, "I'm okay" which just means I'm alive. Unless it's to people I know, I try some humor when I feel low and someone asks how I'm doing. (When it's a church or Christian situation, however, I tend to be a little sarcastic in my reply which I probably shouldn't be.) Some people laugh and some don't. Maybe you can try a little humor when someone asks how you're doing. If they don't get it or appreciate it, it might at least make you feel better. It can turn into a good conversation starter and can lead to more genuine conversation about how you <both> are really doing. Hope that helps.
 
T

Tobby17

Guest
#20
#20
I think the normal response should be 'i'm Ok thanx'...
 
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