was asked for advice by someone that was getting married yesterday

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zander

zander

Banned
Feb 9, 2007
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i was in a restaurant when asked and didn't have time to say much so i face booked him with these thoughts.





8. Leave and cleave. But seek wise counsel Never betray your spouse. Some things are just between the two of you
7. Know your roles (spiritual leader, provider, protector, ) Men are to Love, Women are to respect. Security is HUGE with wives. Men are to initiate, women respond YOU will answer for the leadership of the home.
6. Marriage is not about what you get from it but what you give TO it. A laying down of oneself. True love thinks of what's best for the other. It's work, you will reap what you sow. Cherish her. It'll be as good as you make it. This includes Love making. The best sex comes from the giving of oneself to please the other, not what you can take from the other.
5. Marriage is a Covenant not a Contract. Contracts are valid and based on what others do. Covenants are based on what you will do.
4. Keep in mind to always set your marriage up for success, not for failure. Proper hedges. Never put your marriage at risk no matter how innocent things seem. Satan works in the dark. Keep things in the light. Be aware of Satan's ways of attack
3. Know how to laugh. Don't be afraid to fail, failure comes with success; learn how to laugh with someone not at someone especially yourselves.
2. Communication is the only way to intimacy. And communication is essential in becoming one Flesh. In it's greatest sense becoming one flesh (which is a process) is one of the greatest ways to communicate in ways no other can. In your sexual expression you communicate many things. Wives can tell your true hearts desire by the way you are intimate. Communication is really the only way to develop your one flesh identity, take time as a couple to hash out what that looks like. Talk about religious convictions, money, child raising, and the core values you have. Differences can be good in marriage, but not in the core building blocks. Know who you are as a one flesh person. It gives unity, purpose, vision and strength. It also protects.
1. Couples that pray together stay together. Always place God first, and keep him central in your marriage. The way to best Love your wife, is to Love God first. If you truly want to Love your wife, Do what God says first and foremost it means taking Him over her

God gave us marriage as an example of his Love for us and to help us understand our relationship to him. When you boil it down, it's not about YOU it's about others. Love is an OUTWARD expression and its focus is others. God bless you and keep you, May his light shine upon you.
 
Good stuff, zander. I particularly like the first one about certain things being between spouses alone. How many times do we read/hear about friends/in-laws causing conflict? If couples wouldn't tell their personal business like that, this wouldn't happen, would it? How many times are children affected by parents who speak negatively about one another in front of children?

Intimacy is about trust.
 
My sis recently referred to me as, ''having a peculiar way.'' I asked her what she meant. She said that I have a way of keeping things private. I believe that is how I should be. I do not like to share horrible things, or things about anyone else's personal business. I share my own personal business only with those I know I can trust and know they will not spread it to others. I choose non judgmental people to share with. People who I know will not condemn me, but uplift me. And, with those precious few, I will share everything. I take the, ''pearls before swine", message pretty literally.

Sorry. Got off on my own little tangent with that..has been on my mind today and #8, along with Julianna's response, really hit home. TY Zan and Julianna :-)
 
zander said:
i was in a restaurant when asked and didn't have time to say much so i face booked him with these thoughts.





8. Leave and cleave. But seek wise counsel Never betray your spouse. Some things are just between the two of you
7. Know your roles (spiritual leader, provider, protector, ) Men are to Love, Women are to respect. Security is HUGE with wives. Men are to initiate, women respond YOU will answer for the leadership of the home.
6. Marriage is not about what you get from it but what you give TO it. A laying down of oneself. True love thinks of what's best for the other. It's work, you will reap what you sow. Cherish her. It'll be as good as you make it. This includes Love making. The best sex comes from the giving of oneself to please the other, not what you can take from the other.
5. Marriage is a Covenant not a Contract. Contracts are valid and based on what others do. Covenants are based on what you will do.
4. Keep in mind to always set your marriage up for success, not for failure. Proper hedges. Never put your marriage at risk no matter how innocent things seem. Satan works in the dark. Keep things in the light. Be aware of Satan's ways of attack
3. Know how to laugh. Don't be afraid to fail, failure comes with success; learn how to laugh with someone not at someone especially yourselves.
2. Communication is the only way to intimacy. And communication is essential in becoming one Flesh. In it's greatest sense becoming one flesh (which is a process) is one of the greatest ways to communicate in ways no other can. In your sexual expression you communicate many things. Wives can tell your true hearts desire by the way you are intimate. Communication is really the only way to develop your one flesh identity, take time as a couple to hash out what that looks like. Talk about religious convictions, money, child raising, and the core values you have. Differences can be good in marriage, but not in the core building blocks. Know who you are as a one flesh person. It gives unity, purpose, vision and strength. It also protects.
1. Couples that pray together stay together. Always place God first, and keep him central in your marriage. The way to best Love your wife, is to Love God first. If you truly want to Love your wife, Do what God says first and foremost it means taking Him over her

God gave us marriage as an example of his Love for us and to help us understand our relationship to him. When you boil it down, it's not about YOU it's about others. Love is an OUTWARD expression and its focus is others. God bless you and keep you, May his light shine upon you.
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Excellent advices, zan, your friend has much wisdom suddenly, I am sure he will be calling off the marriage tomorrow :D
 
Amen Zander, very true. Just like Christ laid down his life for the Church, so also the husband must lay down his life for his wife. All these points are biblical. Thank you for posting. Jacob David.
 
zander said:
i was in a restaurant when asked and didn't have time to say much so i face booked him with these thoughts.





8. Leave and cleave. But seek wise counsel Never betray your spouse. Some things are just between the two of you
7. Know your roles (spiritual leader, provider, protector, ) Men are to Love, Women are to respect. Security is HUGE with wives. Men are to initiate, women respond YOU will answer for the leadership of the home.
6. Marriage is not about what you get from it but what you give TO it. A laying down of oneself. True love thinks of what's best for the other. It's work, you will reap what you sow. Cherish her. It'll be as good as you make it. This includes Love making. The best sex comes from the giving of oneself to please the other, not what you can take from the other.
5. Marriage is a Covenant not a Contract. Contracts are valid and based on what others do. Covenants are based on what you will do.
4. Keep in mind to always set your marriage up for success, not for failure. Proper hedges. Never put your marriage at risk no matter how innocent things seem. Satan works in the dark. Keep things in the light. Be aware of Satan's ways of attack
3. Know how to laugh. Don't be afraid to fail, failure comes with success; learn how to laugh with someone not at someone especially yourselves.
2. Communication is the only way to intimacy. And communication is essential in becoming one Flesh. In it's greatest sense becoming one flesh (which is a process) is one of the greatest ways to communicate in ways no other can. In your sexual expression you communicate many things. Wives can tell your true hearts desire by the way you are intimate. Communication is really the only way to develop your one flesh identity, take time as a couple to hash out what that looks like. Talk about religious convictions, money, child raising, and the core values you have. Differences can be good in marriage, but not in the core building blocks. Know who you are as a one flesh person. It gives unity, purpose, vision and strength. It also protects.
1. Couples that pray together stay together. Always place God first, and keep him central in your marriage. The way to best Love your wife, is to Love God first. If you truly want to Love your wife, Do what God says first and foremost it means taking Him over her

God gave us marriage as an example of his Love for us and to help us understand our relationship to him. When you boil it down, it's not about YOU it's about others. Love is an OUTWARD expression and its focus is others. God bless you and keep you, May his light shine upon you.
Click to expand...

It hurts so good for so many too hear this, I know love should feel like this would, the unselfishness or matrimony in Christ is said so well in these words. Hurts so good. :)

Kimber321 said:
My sis recently referred to me as, ''having a peculiar way.'' I asked her what she meant. She said that I have a way of keeping things private. I believe that is how I should be. I do not like to share horrible things, or things about anyone else's personal business. I share my own personal business only with those I know I can trust and know they will not spread it to others. I choose non judgmental people to share with. People who I know will not condemn me, but uplift me. And, with those precious few, I will share everything. I take the, ''pearls before swine", message pretty literally.

Sorry. Got off on my own little tangent with that..has been on my mind today and #8, along with Julianna's response, really hit home. TY Zan and Julianna :-)
Click to expand...

These are the thoughts of which a masterpiece is 'privately' written :) , a very good little tangent, kimbergirly :D

GreenNnice said:
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Excellent advices, zan, your friend has much wisdom suddenly, I am sure he will be calling off the marriage tomorrow :D
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Yes, and let's do a comparative biblical example, zan, trying to wipe that snicker off your face :D

The wanting man went up to Jesus and asked Him 'What must I do, sir, to enter into a marriage relationship?'

Jesus replied , as he pointed to a papyrus paper on a wall with black ink writings,, ' All those many points that Zander mentioned , my friend.'

The wanting man looked one last time at the girl he loved, let her picture fall out of his olive leaf, híde wallet, and, the still-wanting man, have Jesus a wanton, hollow look, dropped his chin to his chest and slowly walked away.

Jesus exclaimed, 'Oh, how hard it is for a man to sacrifice love for Love to receive the wonderful gift of marriage that is so lovely from me , the difficulty is so hard to freefall to that blessed union, to be likened a hardness of being to as that of a rich man trying to steer a humpback through the éye of a needle.'
:D
 
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Good stuff Zander. An old friend of mine held to #8 when his daughter got married at 17 against his advise. When she would come over and begin complaining about all the problems she had with her husband, he would simply tell her that she needed to discuss it with her husband not her father. He always made it clear though that if she AND her husband wanted advise with a problem that THEY were always welcome to discuss it with them as a couple.
 
That's really cool, Oncefallen. My mom and I talked about this once. She said one of the reasons things should stay between a husband and wife is that parents, in particular, have a tough time getting over it when someone hurts their child, no matter how old they are. You might forgive your spouse for something and move on, but if you tell something you really shouldn't to a parent, it could be a lot tougher for them.
 
zan find's it very interesting that certain ones stand out for some and others for others, i should really keep a tab on which has caught the eye of most.
 
Zander's post is one of the most amazing one's I've seen in CC in a LONG TIME. I could not believe in what he said more whole heartedly.
 
I like #1 best , as it a no-brainer to put God 1st, but then I alzó like numbers 8765432 :D

Intetesting, oncefell, yes, liked.
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Hey, liamsON, TO WHAT HAVE ME YE HONOR :D
Hi there, maker of my soulful p-test enrichment :)
Psycho. stuff treatin ya ok, or driving you crazy :D you can pm.me if you wish, let's not destroy zanman's beautiful spun silk :)
----God bless you, Christ bro :)
 
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That's really great advice Zan. My mom tells me #8 all the time. She said that once I married, I can't come running to her after every little fight about every little thing.

I think my dad might get 'All Sales Final. No Exchanges No Returns' tattooed on the small of my back the night before my wedding. :p
 
doesn't mean you can't go to mum or dad for advice but somethings are to be kept between spouses
 
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