Help! Someone please talk to me about my marriage

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ccurtis91

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I feel depressed every time I think of my husband. The emotional pain he has caused me is pushing me to the point where I want a divorce. I feel like I don't love him anymore. My heart is not in the right place. I am angry, torn, broken. And what's worse is that we have 2 babies together, a 15 month old and a 2 month old. I don't know what to do.
 
Pray, pray, pray. I know I'm young, and haven't been married, but I can still try to help you. What exactly has your husband done to make you feel this way? You should always trust your gut instinct and if something feels wrong, it probably is. I know it's scary, but you don't want your children growing up in a household where there isn't love between a mother and father. You're better off seperated, if that's the case.
 
You are not commanded by God to feel love for your husband, especially when he does not treat you right. But you are commanded to be faithful to him and your marriage. Hard times will pass. Love, forgiveness, communication... we can't have too much of those.
Is he aware of the pain he caused you?
 
ccurtis91 said:
I feel depressed every time I think of my husband. The emotional pain he has caused me is pushing me to the point where I want a divorce. I feel like I don't love him anymore. My heart is not in the right place. I am angry, torn, broken. And what's worse is that we have 2 babies together, a 15 month old and a 2 month old. I don't know what to do.
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Please don't do anything hasty. You have two very young children...this in itself really puts a lot of stress on a marriage. Don't get me wrong, I love children. My two were very close in age also and now, my most treasured memories are of when they were babies! It wasn't an easy time, but so worthwhile!

But my relationship with my husband at the time wasn't too good. I think he was more pressured by the babies in the house that I was. Hubbies don't always have a lot of patience with crying babies.

But your situation is probably different...why are upset with your husband?
 
I've said this before...
Whenever I was going through a rough patch with my hubby,
I would try to focus on things that I liked about him.
It would reflect in my attitude toward him,
and that caused a chain reation...
He started being nicer to me.
I would even try to thank him for taking care of the lawn or
coming home from work on time.

As simplymeganne said...pray...pray...and pray again.
Ask God to give you insight and wisdom...
it does work!
I'll be praying for you both,
God bless, Shekaniah
 
shekaniah said:
I've said this before...
Whenever I was going through a rough patch with my hubby,
I would try to focus on things that I liked about him.
It would reflect in my attitude toward him,
and that caused a chain reation...
He started being nicer to me.
I would even try to thank him for taking care of the lawn or
coming home from work on time.

As simplymeganne said...pray...pray...and pray again.
Ask God to give you insight and wisdom...
it does work!
I'll be praying for you both,
God bless, Shekaniah
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I think she needs to talk to her husband.

Sure she must remeber the nice things but she can't accept that he is causing her emotional pain. To be nice to a person that behaves bad does not always change that persons behaviour.
 
Don't you communicate with him?

Sit down with him... and tell him how you feel... and if he does not want to hear then you need to talk to your friends and pastor.

But remeber! You are in this marrige togehter and you are not meant to be a martyr. Don't fall in the the classic "woman role" where you adapt after him all the time. You are in this togehter and he should do the 50% of getting it to work as well as you.

The thing is - you have two small children. So you need to think about them. But if you find that a life of unhappines awaits you that will spill over to your children. So if that happens divorce may be an option...

But talk first... that is the most important thing. And go to a marriage consular.

Ps. If you talk to a priest I find it more helpful in this issues to talk to a female priest. They have often more understanding and are not as much caught in the patriarch, christian viewpoint, as sadly many are.

 
ccurtis91 said:
I feel depressed every time I think of my husband. The emotional pain he has caused me is pushing me to the point where I want a divorce. I feel like I don't love him anymore. My heart is not in the right place. I am angry, torn, broken. And what's worse is that we have 2 babies together, a 15 month old and a 2 month old. I don't know what to do.
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Hey ccurtis,
I do believe I can probably give you some advice, as I am a mother of 4, three of which are three years old and younger. (three, two, and 11 mths)
I know what emotional pain is like in marriage, (you havent mentioned specifics) and I am currently working through it.
If you would like, we could talk in private chat.
Hang in there, there is an answer thats greater than what you are thinking.
 
My husband has been caught looking at porn. He has downloaded pics of a woman to put as the background on his phone. He claimed he just liked her makeup, which was crazy clown makeup, but she was wearing an exposing bikini. What makes this hard is he is ADD and Bipolar and refuses to be medicated. When he comes home from work, the first thing he does is grab his lap top and go to the bathroom. He "uses" the bathroom longer than normal people usually need to go. Most of the time he says he's on Facebook. In the past i would pull up the cookies and find out he was looking at porn. He even looked at it on Valentine's Day, when I was forced to stay overnight in the hospital because i was dilated to a 5 with my son. He even looked at porn on my daughter's 1st birthday. Aside from that he was hiding smoking behind my back and i thought he had quit for months. What hurts is that when he's home he thinks he can just make a mess and demand me to do things for him. Yet when i ask him to help me put the babies to bed or bathed or fed, he argues with me. Asking him to do any tiny little thing becomes a huge argument. And every time i try to talk to him about things, he just says i'm griping and i'm too picky, etc. We still, after 2 years of being together, do not have our own home/apartment. He blows every paycheck he gets and then tells me that he should do what he wants with his money since he's the one working. And i'm like, "ummm we need to pay the bills we have and save up for a place." Usually he doesn't bother to actually spend time with me unless we, for those of you who are not married i apologize for saying this, are having sex. I just feel like a doormat or his personal slave. It makes me angry that he complains he gets no sleep, while he gets to sleep through the night and i have to stay up and get broken sleep to feed our son. I stayed up all night 1 night searching for homes that are for rent online because he said if i didn't that we were going to move into the nasty trailer in a questionable neighborhood. The trailer made me feel sick from the smell. He acted like it was no big deal that i got absolutely no sleep, and this was right after my son was born. He called me picky and said i expect a mansion. All i expect is a nice, clean, stable home. I don't know what to do. I have put my desires aside to make him happy and it's making me miserable. I tried the treat him nice all the time thing and it didn't work. He just takes and takes and takes and never gives anything back. His idea of giving back is sex. For our Anniversary, i asked if he could get me a cheap $10 ring off amazon.com. And instead he buys himself an iPad. He said he bought it for "us" but it finally took up so much of our time I took it back. Yeah it was cool but he got it for himself. And i hardly ask for anything from him, but i'm expected to get him anything and everything he wants. These things might seem petty but everything is just building up and building up and i just have one very strong feeling that he has cheated on me or tried to because he is so secretive, manipulative and is a compulsive liar. And he is very defensive.
 
I have so much advice for you my friend, as I read I smile because I really do understand. Some things I just would rather speak privately. You up for it?
 
my battery is dying. Maybe we can resume this conversation tomorrow.
 
What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry. Everything to God in prayer. Jesus is waiting to hear from you.
 
ccurtis91 said:
I have put my desires aside to make him happy and it's making me miserable. He just takes and takes and takes and never gives anything back.
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That's where I see a problem. Why would you do that? No wonder it's making you feel miserable. Marriage is supposed to be something where both of the spouses desires are fulfilled by the other. Otherwise it can't work for long.
Did you confront him about everything he did?
 
ccurtis91 said:
I feel depressed every time I think of my husband. The emotional pain he has caused me is pushing me to the point where I want a divorce. I feel like I don't love him anymore. My heart is not in the right place. I am angry, torn, broken. And what's worse is that we have 2 babies together, a 15 month old and a 2 month old. I don't know what to do.
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Pray. Then get in touch with a christian counselor for yourself, sort things through for yourself, but, ultimately, your situation I think from radio I just heard the other day needs your husband to come to the counseling session too. He needs to be willing to work on the problem, or , at least he should, but maybe there is a way to get through this even if he won't go to counseling. Pornography is bad but it is not unfaithfulness....Or, is it? A christian counselor can help you understand this better and your pastor too . Maybe if your husband won't go see a christian counselor, he will speak to a friend you both are close to, either his friends or yours ,depending how that's worked, and, also I would ask your husband to speak to your pastor . This WHOLE SITUATION needs to be between you and a SELECT FEW, don't GOSSIP your husband's behavior, please, please, please, remember, the Lord leads us in Love :)

And, if at that point, he won't come to the counseling session then that is time, again, to pray, and, personally, I would be praying all the time, I think, if a situation like this was in my life. I have never been married but I heard what I said above on a show of Focus On The Family and I guess that would be my advice too. Pray and then go to a christian bookstore and see how the Lord leads you to a certain book . Read His Word too daily and all the time during this time.
 
I don't think you're being 'petty' at all. I think you've been very patient with him. Maybe too patient.

He needs to grow up and act like a provider for his family.

Your main concern right now needs to be you and your children. Do you have relatives or friends that you can live with? I'm not recommending abandoning the relationship, but laying down some rules would be helpful. Dr. James Dobson would call this 'tough love'. The Focus on the Family website probably has some good resources and advice.

Do you have Church? Church friends can be very helpful! They can help you get some direction for your life and lead you through learning what God has in mind for His creation.

I'll be praying for you, sweetie. You're more than just a maid and a 'provider-of-sex' and it's time for him to realize that. Something needs to change!
 
We are in a similar boat floating through life. From what I gather from others on the site besides the obvious dependance on GOD, is that many of the people who are still married have gone through this type of strong currents. Some sway you and your husband others tend to pull down while others lift up. We have to support one another and fight for our marriages. Kids or no kids, he is what God picked to be with you, why? What works between you? For me I know my husband puts up with my particularness, he doesn't respect it, but he doesn't complain about it. I know that sort of stuff goes un-noticed by him, so why would he respect it? That is my gig if I want it that way I need to keep it that way or give it up. What does your husband do well with when it comes to you and/or your kids?

With that all said, I do believe in counseling, and I am far from. I am in a similar boat, so I have not figured it out, but I do believe in God and I believe God puts us together for reasons beyond our understanding. I believe it is our duty to fight for our spouse, otherwise why would God introduce you to him? Why was he put in your life? Why did he bless you with these two blessings?
This day in age when every temptation is at a click of a buton is hard. Counseling can help him with that and you with forgiving him.

There is a gal at my church whose husband decieved her this same way and also with affairs. They went to a christian counseler, and now he is strongly involved with the church, no longer looks at any of the junk. He is able to know his triggers, but before he could kill it, he had to admit it. Once he had done that he was held accountable. Does your husband believe in God?

Lets pray together, Please Lord Jesus help us to have your wisdom and guidance through this time of temptation, weakness, betrayl, and confusion. Lord help us to hear and see you; help our words, thoughts, and actions walk in your footsteps in the direction for our marriages to be whole and one under you God. PLease Lord, let us all learn what we are to learn through this experience as quickly as we are able, for a quick recovery. Lord, please be with our husbands and surround them with angels, Lord please weigh heavily on their hearts and let them hear you, open their eyes to your plan for them, and let them fight as soliders of God against the devils temptations. God, while we are going through these trials and tribulations protect our children from our weaknesses and disturbances. Keep us strong in our faith for your plan and works Lord. Let us hear you and see you too Lord. Thank you for all we may take for granted. We rebuke you satan in the name of JESUS CHRIST and we commmand you to flee. Amen
 
thank you everyone for your input. I really want to see a counselor but idk where to look for one and i can't afford to pay for it if paying is required.
 
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