At a church, but none really likes me? :(

[DreamGirl19]

So: Im just turned 18: And I been going to this church for a year now: And im their youth group: And, Let me backtrack: Last June, I went here: How I first got to this place, they had a family fair and me and my mother decided to come here: And during that time everyone was nice to me: Like, I met this girl name Chiseon, and she's my age/ my grade: And she was really friendly to me in the beginning: She would give up her seat just for me to sit, and she would ask me if I had enough to eat: Now this person's like emotionally bipolar: One time I see her, she's friendly again, the other time I see her, she acts like i dont even exist: It's been a year, and now everytime I go on her FB wall: She totally turned on me: I would write on her wall, and ask her if she was going on friday's, and she ignored it, and I would post videos in the same common interstert, and she ignored it, and I told her who I liked at that church, and she replyed back in a text giving me" advice" She said that " I dont think you'll be happy with him even if you two got together anyway: Im just saying that honestly cause im your "friend" And, I would like texted her Happy Easter on easter, and she never replyed back just to say you too: SO I kinda figured she's a *****: And then there's this girl name Hannah: SHe's also my age/ grade: When I first came here, she was friendly: and I really thought i was her friend: But soon after, I sat next to her at a party, and she compelely ingored me: She kept turing her face, and talking to the other person: and the thing about this person, I feel like I have to force her to talk to me: Especially on FB: I ask her about a school club, and she writes on my wall, and says she was busy: and I ask her what school club she was in just to be friendly, and she never replyed back: She later blocked me on Fb, and when she saw me in person, she said Hi to the person next to me, but not to me: and, I followed her on tumblr, and she wrote on a pic saying: " can you like stop stalking me lol" Another *****: And as I was saying: I been here for a year, and I only have 1 friend here in the youth group, and im not even friends with the seniors which was those two: And, I feel left out: Not bc of them, but bc of the entire YG: In the begining, my teacher used to write on my wall that she missed me today, and now I haven't been there for two weeks, and she doesn't write it anymore: And, noone from the YG there even talks to me on Fb anymore: or wants too: I thought I was friends with a another girl, and I asked her if she had a tumblr, and if I missed anything sunday, and she never replyed back: and she uselly does: And my youth paster: He claims im "part of the church family" But when I message him on FB, asking him to take me and a friend out to Rita's, he messages me back saying: " i'll have to think about it" When he usually says yes: I only have 1 friend in this YG: 1 out of 15 people there: And my mother is getting rejected too: In her bible study class, there's this one person, and everyone she would talk, this lady would talk over her, like 3 times: And give her drity looks: But for me, It hurts how their rejected me like this: I feel like everyone there is against me: From my teacher, to my youth paster, to everyone in the YG: And it's wrong cause the only people I like there is the older people, and there the only people that like me: And I dont know what to do in this situation: Is it worth it to go to that church just to talk to 1 person in the youth group, and older people? Should me and my mother leave this church??

 

[Crossfire]

So: Im just turned 18: And I been going to this church for a year now: And im their youth group: And, Let me backtrack: Last June, I went here: How I first got to this place, they had a family fair and me and my mother decided to come here: And during that time everyone was nice to me: Like, I met this girl name Chiseon, and she's my age/ my grade: And she was really friendly to me in the beginning: She would give up her seat just for me to sit, and she would ask me if I had enough to eat: Now this person's like emotionally bipolar: One time I see her, she's friendly again, the other time I see her, she acts like i dont even exist: It's been a year, and now everytime I go on her FB wall: She totally turned on me: I would write on her wall, and ask her if she was going on friday's, and she ignored it, and I would post videos in the same common interstert, and she ignored it, and I told her who I liked at that church, and she replyed back in a text giving me" advice" She said that " I dont think you'll be happy with him even if you two got together anyway: Im just saying that honestly cause im your "friend" And, I would like texted her Happy Easter on easter, and she never replyed back just to say you too: SO I kinda figured she's a *****: And then there's this girl name Hannah: SHe's also my age/ grade: When I first came here, she was friendly: and I really thought i was her friend: But soon after, I sat next to her at a party, and she compelely ingored me: She kept turing her face, and talking to the other person: and the thing about this person, I feel like I have to force her to talk to me: Especially on FB: I ask her about a school club, and she writes on my wall, and says she was busy: and I ask her what school club she was in just to be friendly, and she never replyed back: She later blocked me on Fb, and when she saw me in person, she said Hi to the person next to me, but not to me: and, I followed her on tumblr, and she wrote on a pic saying: " can you like stop stalking me lol" Another *****: And as I was saying: I been here for a year, and I only have 1 friend here in the youth group, and im not even friends with the seniors which was those two: And, I feel left out: Not bc of them, but bc of the entire YG: In the begining, my teacher used to write on my wall that she missed me today, and now I haven't been there for two weeks, and she doesn't write it anymore: And, noone from the YG there even talks to me on Fb anymore: or wants too: I thought I was friends with a another girl, and I asked her if she had a tumblr, and if I missed anything sunday, and she never replyed back: and she uselly does: And my youth paster: He claims im "part of the church family" But when I message him on FB, asking him to take me and a friend out to Rita's, he messages me back saying: " i'll have to think about it" When he usually says yes: I only have 1 friend in this YG: 1 out of 15 people there: And my mother is getting rejected too: In her bible study class, there's this one person, and everyone she would talk, this lady would talk over her, like 3 times: And give her drity looks: But for me, It hurts how their rejected me like this: I feel like everyone there is against me: From my teacher, to my youth paster, to everyone in the YG: And it's wrong cause the only people I like there is the older people, and there the only people that like me: And I dont know what to do in this situation: Is it worth it to go to that church just to talk to 1 person in the youth group, and older people? Should me and my mother leave this church??

That would depend on your reason for attending this church, or any church for that matter. Are you going because you love God and want to learn about Him and how to have a relationship with Him, or you are going to this church for the social aspects? I can tell you now, that most churches, regardless of denomination, are usually friendly with you at first but over time people start pushing you away. I have yet to find a church that is not like this to a degree. So chances are if you go to another church you may find yourself in a similar situation a year or so down the road.

The best thing for you to do is try not to focus on people but instead focus on God. I can promise you this, if and when you begin to walk in the fulness of God's purpose for your life, you're going to get more attention than you ever asked for. In fact, you'll wish people left you alone.

 

[Lucy68]

Finding your 'niche' in any social group is hard ...and takes time. Yes, the main reason to go to Church is to learn about God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and how to have a close relationship with Him. But, you still want to feel like you belong and that people care about you.

No one says you can't visit other churches

One thing I noticed in your post is that you asked the youth pastor to take you somewhere...this makes me wonder if you may have put too many expectations on the church and on your new church friends. I don't think you should just give up on those friendships but maybe back up a little bit. People like some 'space' and may be stand-offish to someone who is clinging too tightly.

Praying that these people-problems work out for you

Remember Who your very best friend is and seek His guidance in all your relationships

 

[AnandaHya]

maybe they are just busy and you're overly needy and clingy.

My pastor wouldn't take me and a friend out on a drop of a dime.

You sound like you have unrealistic expectations for people to serve you and pay attention to YOU and your needs when you should be focused on learning God's will and His word, instead of being distracted and distracting others by hashing out trivial social drama.

at the party what was the girl talking to the other person about? why didn't you engage in the conversation? did you even listen and pay attention to what interest them or were you so focused on your feelings of being ignored that you ignored them and their words?

Do you gossip? have you read the Bible recently? what do you talk about with others? Are you interested in listening or just getting them to listen to you?

anyway you can pm me. I promise to reply though you might not like my honesty.

 

[jonathanbchristian]

Talk to Jesus; He loves you. He can be your best friend. Jesus is at church. He wonders why you are ignoring Him. Jesus wants you in His book, the book of life.

 

[Ice00Man]

People in Churches gave me more pain than i care to share. But that was only because i was into people and not into Christ.

Since i have changed my lifestyle from caring what people say to what Jesus is saying - the people came as a bonus !

Changing from one church to another church will not resolve the issue !

Change your focus !! Jesus love's you !

 

[Phia]

maybe they are just busy and you're overly needy and clingy.

My pastor wouldn't take me and a friend out on a drop of a dime.

You sound like you have unrealistic expectations for people to serve you and pay attention to YOU and your needs when you should be focused on learning God's will and His word, instead of being distracted and distracting others by hashing out trivial social drama.

at the party what was the girl talking to the other person about? why didn't you engage in the conversation? did you even listen and pay attention to what interest them or were you so focused on your feelings of being ignored that you ignored them and their words?

Do you gossip? have you read the Bible recently? what do you talk about with others? Are you interested in listening or just getting them to listen to you?

anyway you can pm me. I promise to reply though you might not like my honesty.

No offense..but your response is actually really harsh.. Why are you just assuming it's all this girl's fault? Are you not reading what she's saying? She's trying to make friends with these people..trying to talk to them or contact them..and they ignore her....

I once heard someone say.. "Who needs enemies when you have fellow Christians" and it's so true.. You get a lot of Christians out there who don't always walk in love..I'm not judging them..just stating it.. It's one of the main reasons why people leave churches or don't even want to become Christian.

I've been to other churches when visiting for conferences and other meetings..and I've seen how easy it is for church members to forget the newcomers..to form cliques..I don't always feel welcome when I'm at a different church.

But then again even in my church..My Dad's a Pastor..and I've been functioning in this particular church for most of my life (15 years so far). Yes it is possible for a Pastor to take someone somewhere at the drop of a dime.. My Dad's done it countless times..Why? Because he puts the church and the church people first.. Because he cares..For a long time I hated that church and it's people because of it..not only that..but because a lot of times I'd have people talking about me behind my back..sometimes even trying to get me into trouble..Causing a lot of family problems...and if you're a teen..which this girl is..it's not easy..not emotionally..Even now I don't get that close to fellow church members out of caution..Which is so wrong because that's not how the real church is supposed to be like..

So please don't tell this girl that she might be this and that..like you know who she is.. Why would she want to go to church to learn about God if there's Christians like that there? Don't get me wrong..I do think that the only reason anyone should go to Church is to learn more about God..to worship Him..but another big part of it is to FELLOWSHIP with OTHER BELIEVERS.. But how can one fellowship if other believers aren't really being a true example of Christ..

 

[Katy-follower]

Sorry to hear of your issues. Really, no person or church is perfect and it's sad you don't feel welcome because it's natural to want to socialize with other Christians in the church. In my early teens, after I first became a Christian, I had a similar experience with a Deacon's wife and felt very discouraged. I wanted to go forward in the church but she would not allow it because of my age and she met with the pastor even. I didn't feel encouraged and ultimately backslid, which was my fault. You should never do that.

My mother had an issue in a church also. She had several spiritual gifts as an evangelist and a therapist, working with drug addicts, alcoholics, homeless and suicidal people also. The elders and their wives were jealous because of her fast growth and a lot of people were finding God through her evangelizing. They tried to stumble and bully her. It was an awful couple of years but rather than feel discouraged she prayed to God about it, she stayed faithful to Him and continued to evangelize with her focus on Him. The situation did nothing more than strengthen her faith even more. (It was after those 2 years that God then dealt with the 3 in question in 3 different ways and I really believe it was God who did it). (Not that we wish anything on other people, God is the one in charge).

One more story... an elder took his oldest son to church for the first time (who was not Christian) and wanted to get him involved so gave him a donations basket to hand around. One of the wives came up and snatched the basket from his hands, saying he had no right to do it. He then never stepped foot in a church again after that day. Fortunately he eventually became a Christian on his death bed.

I personally don't like cliques.


Why do you go to church? As born again Christians we go to "recharge our batteries," to give praise to God (which we should do all week anyway), learn more (the pastor has the gift of teaching for a reason, just as every believer has different gifts, which we all share with each other) and it's also great to be with our spiritual family, encouraging and supporting each other. So, fellowship is very important to every Christian, because we all make up the body of Christ.

I travel a lot around the US and Europe so I don't have the luxury of going to the same church for fellowship every week that you and others do. I shouldn't complain because God always seems to put the right people in my path while I'm on my travels who I'm thankful to have met, and I'm constantly meeting atheists, agnostics, Jews and others who I share the Gospel with. Have you considered finding a new church? You and your mum should try several and see which you prefer. I struggle to even find a local one I like when I'm home. One is too large and the other too small, no in between. I plan on praying about it and asking God to find the right church for me.

Have you prayed to God about all this? He tells us to go to Him with all our problems....

Philippians 4:6-7: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus"

I hope you find a loving church soon!

 

[lexy15]

maybe you should look at your attitude towards them it cant be everyone else is mean and crazy and your the only kind and sane person there look at yourself or ask them what your faults are.

 

[Doomer34]

Hello DreamGirl19, honestly back in high school everyone hated me because I wasn't popular(or they were snobs) in fact people went to the trouble of telling my friends not to hang out with me for that reason. what I can say about the experience is sometimes (Homework,Games,Movies, And a single/couple of true friends are better) those people may not ever like you, but that's just how they work not how you work.

 

[G4JC]

Should me and my mother leave this church??

KJV: Revelation of John Chapter 18 verse 4:
And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

I believe what you are seeing is exactly what me and my family have expierenced time and again. It's for these and other reasons we stopped going to church around 10 years ago and decided to fellowship at home and do family devotions.

We tried many churches, but none of them lasted long and usually ended in "the shuning" where the congregrants simply ignore you as if you never existed. During this time we also met others who have left the church, some of which had been in churches their entire life - and when the questioned the pastor about a touchy issue such as biblical accuracy or even adultries in the congregation, were quickly shunned.

You WILL know them by their fruit. If they are mistreating and/or hating you, how much more so are they mistreating and hating God?

KJV: Matthew Chapter 7
[15]
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
[16] Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
[17] Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
[18] A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
[19] Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
[20] Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
[21]
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
[22] Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
[23] And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

KJV: I John 2:9. He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.

The true church is not the building, but the people. It is any believer gathered together with another true believer - God is with us and in us. Not in sticks and stones.

KJV: Matthew 18:20. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

I would indeed prayerfully consider moving on, and asking God to show you the truth in His Word. Read the bible for yourself. Once you've read it, believe it. Once you believe it, Live It! Also never put your faith in man, he will always let you down, but God never fails and will not let you down.

KJV: I John Chapter 2
[17] And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

Once you have done all this and know Jesus is all you have to count on, you'll know he's all you really need.

Secondarily, you can pray and ask HIM for true christian friends who will help encourage and lift you up. Any good friend will do this and point you back to God when you should stumble and fall. Sometimes you may take this hard if a friend tells you you are going down the wrong path, but would not a true friend be willing to lay down his own life and relationship for his brother? Sadly as so many fall away and give into the cares of this world, fewer and fewer friends will stand by your side or give a slightest care. Others will hate you for warning them of their slipping away from the faith. I firmly believe we are in some of the perilious times that were spoken of in scripture...

KJV: II Timothy Chapter 3
[1] This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
[2] For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
[3] Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
[4] Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
[5] Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Here's some other websites which may help you and your mother get an idea of what is causing the vast amount of changes we have been seeing in the churches for the past several decades...

• Lighthouse Trails Research Project - Exposing Spirituality <--click
  Contemplative Prayer/New Age Middle Eastern being brought over into the western world
• Crossroad <--click
  Good apologetics website on various subjects, including Rick Warren's Global P.E.A.C.E. plan...
• Apologetics Index: Christian Apologetics and Cult Information <-- click
  Good apologetics website for finding cults (good to know when starting a home church, various werid groups like Jehova's Witness/Mormon and others might show up)
• FindingTheChurch<-- click
  A website of two believers who are finding the real church outside of the building.
  

These are only the small tip of a rather large and noticable shift in many churches. Going towards big business, televaneglists no better than used cars salesmen, and hearts that are waxing cold.

KJV: Matthew Chapter 24

[3]
And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?
[4] And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
[5] For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
[6] And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
[7] For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
[8] All these are the beginning of sorrows.
[9] Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
[10] And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
[11] And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
[12] And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
[13] But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

That being said I'll be praying you and your family make the right decision and that you find some Christian friends somewhere out there.
Fight the good fight. Don't give up, and endure to the end. Godpseed!