Trouble ending a relationship

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MrGreen87

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Hello,

I have been dating a woman for about 2 months (known her since late January). We really like each other, and have so much in common, especially spiritually. However there were things that I realize were not something I could deal with. Her family is a major piece in this issue. Her parents did not agree with our relationship (interracial). Her mom had a problem with me dating her. Also, the woman I have been seeing was abused as a child growing up. I never held it against her, but I know there are things I would have to deal with in the process.

Overall, I prayed about the direction we should go. She wants to move forward to a serious relationship, and I did too. However, I prayed, and sought wise counsel from my parents about her. (By the way we are both adults in our early 20's). I realized after praying and talking about this, this isn't someone that God wants for me ultimately. Right now I am struggling because I want her, but it is clear that God wants someone else for me. It has been hard, and I plan to talk to her this weekend. I am hurting, and I know she will be hurt by this too. I am not saying this in an attempt to change my mind, but I needed to say this and get thoughts on this. This week has really been tough on me because I realize once I tell her we can't move forward, then she will walk away meaning we have nothinig but memories.

Its not a question of wanting to be friends, because we want more, but I don't believe God has her in my life for me to marry her ultimately. We can't just be friends, so this is likely the end. The hardest part about this is, knowing what God's will and yet I still want what I want. I would rather do this God's way than end up in a relationship that would not productive for me, and it wouldn't glorify God. Anyway, I just needed to share this with someone. Does anyone have any stories or experiences of breaking up with someone after you had such a great experience with that person?
 
When I first dated my husband, we are an interracial couple as well....I was scared to death because my parents were dead set against it. I had prayed and prayed on what to do because I really loved him and felt God spoke to be and said Go and be happy I will take care of the rest. My parents stopped talking to me for over a year and eventually came around and accepted my husband. I would suggest to you that you really get alone with God and be sure it is God that you are hearing from and not just words from your parents or fear driving you in that direction. But if you are confident that you have heard from the Lord and this is not what He wants for you then you need to obey the word that He gave you. Sometimes it is hard to let go of something you want but God has a plan that is far greater then you could ever imagine. I will pray for you for clarity and decernment. Whatever the outcome, know that God knows whats best, even when you can't see it :)
 
Really, to be quite honest, you barely know this person, in reality. The short time you've known each other its very easy for someone to hide their dark secrets. She maybe come across to you as a certain way now, but that doesn't mean she'll stay that way.
I had a friend who married a man she knew from church. He played in the worship band there. He was in leadership. He went out with the church to go to downtown Los Angeles (back in the hair metal days) and witness outside the rock clubs. He was also trying to form a Christian band. She had this lingering doubt about marrying him, but ignored it. Jump ahead a few years, he became verbally abusive, screaming.. both to his wife and their children. When they did finally separate he became an alcoholic, a pot smoker, got into a secular band playing clubs, mocking God, church and my friend for being a Christian still, ruined his health and eventually was diagnosed bipolar. All the signs were there of a good man, a church leader, but God put a doubt in her heart she refused to heed. Now shes broke, lucky if she can feed her kids, shes beat down mentally and emotionally, can't find a job, her kids are brats, to put it nicely.
So, yeah, God may be saving you from some major problems.
 
MrGreen87 said:
I would rather do this God's way than end up in a relationship that would not productive for me, and it wouldn't glorify God. Anyway, I just needed to share this with someone. Does anyone have any stories or experiences of breaking up with someone after you had such a great experience with that person?
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Awesome, that you want God's will and not your own. Trust me, it will hurt a lot less to break it off now, than if you wait longer.

There is a bible verse that I have found helpful for a situation like this: Isaiah 26:3 ~ "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you."

I know the verse says it pretty clearly, but I really do feel a kind of "perfect peace" when I'm talking with/thinking about Him. It's the most comforting thing ever. :) God bless.
 
^adding onto that- I personally believe that when you don't have peace about something, it's often God trying to tell you something. He's not a God of chaos. He's a God of peace. And the things in His will are in order and line up with the Word.

I saw little things in my first relationship, but I overlooked them because it ''felt'' so right, and he was a Christian man. But, feelings can't be trusted. They change. The fact was that no, I wasn't at peace. I'd had guilt during the relationship, worried a lot, and just felt stressed out. He's the one who ended the relationship, but once that happened... I could almost feel the peace come over me like a blanket.

Personally I would tell you to keep on seeking God, and search yourself to see if your relationship lines up with His word, and doing what's right.
 
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