Quite Confused..

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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#1
#1
I am 27 year single mother to a boy, however the topic always comes up (-Marriage-) aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Not bragging, but i take well care of myself & son, i live on my own & pay my own bills, in school focused
on my career

therefore i am independent, but some feel im missing one thing & thats a husband (Hmm)

I mean is there a age you have to be married? Because i am a single parent is it
manditory i have to be with someone?

am i wrong for not having a father figure in my sons life? :(
 
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Bornfromabove

Guest
#2
#2
I think it is much better to take your time and wait for a good, Godly man to come into your life. I don't think it would be wise to rush to the altar with someone (not saying you would) just so you can have a husband and your son can have a father figure in his life. Would it be better if your son had a father figure in his life? Yes, but only if its a man fit to be a father. I think if it was the wrong man it could do more harm than good, and you would probably be better off with just you and your son. Are there any men in your life that could be a male role model for your son in the meantime? It is good for a young boy to have that.

God bless
 
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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#3
#3
Right people kinda adress it to me to be wed but I'm not ready and the fact my son dad wants no part kinda makes me feel guilty
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#4
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#4
Bornfromabove said:
I think it is much better to take your time and wait for a good, Godly man to come into your life. I don't think it would be wise to rush to the altar with someone (not saying you would) just so you can have a husband and your son can have a father figure in his life. Would it be better if your son had a father figure in his life? Yes, but only if its a man fit to be a father. I think if it was the wrong man it could do more harm than good, and you would probably be better off with just you and your son. Are there any men in your life that could be a male role model for your son in the meantime? It is good for a young boy to have that.

God bless
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Good advice :)
 
A

answers

Guest
#6
#6
Maybe you could look into the Big sister, Big brother program. This program is for this type of situation. Otherwise, I would get him involved with men mentors at church, or look into sports coaches, also depending on his age 4-H program, or Boy Scouts. Even if the dad was in the picture having your son have connections with great men wouldn't be a bad idea. I wish you two the best.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
hallo Typh
There is no required age to be married. Marriage isn't a requirement at all, under any circumstances. Its always a choice. Yet, is marriage IDEAL in your situation? Yes. There is a 'but' to that yes though. First you need to know that, as a person, you are content and doing well with being single, and from what we've chatted some, i'd say you are there. Now the second part is, though it may be a more ideal situation to have a father figure in a childs life, that does not mean its wise to race off and find a man to fill the spot. So many women give so little consideration to the man they pick in relation to the child they have. They pick quickly and with little discrimination just to have a man, whether that man is for their own desires, or their childrens. But often they pick poor men.
Many times a woman won't be discerning or picky because they figure they're lucky to have a man notice them at all, since they have a child, so they take the first smooth talker to give them attention. So stay content being single, keep doing a good job with your son. And pray that God will guide you to a good man. And don't rush into anything when you do meet someone. Your child is better off now than with a bad stepfather mistreating you, or your child, or both.
I think 'answers' had some good suggestions in the mean time.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#8
#8
Typhani, never get married because other people think you should. Marry if and when it is right. Marriage is awesome, but it's tough enough without marrying the wrong person or for the wrong reasons. :)

I, too, have a son. Our sons do need strong male role models, but we can be sure they are around in the way of family, friends, and the godly men in our churches. We don't have to marry them. :)
 
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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#9
#9
shellybell7 said:
Is your babies father out of the question?
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hes upset because i had the baby and he didnt want it so im the blame, he owes child support but hasnt paid a penny however he lives with his mom & she knows nothing about our son. i want to tell her but he kinda threaten me
 
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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#10
#10
Jullianna said:
Typhani, never get married because other people think you should. Marry if and when it is right. Marriage is awesome, but it's tough enough without marrying the wrong person or for the wrong reasons. :)

I, too, have a son. Our sons do need strong male role models, but we can be sure they are around in the way of family, friends, and the godly men in our churches. We don't have to marry them. :)
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yeah i get well your son needs a dad lecture makes me feel guilty i mean i cannot control is dads actions even though he hates me but i still pray for him just as jesus says too. i really want to earn by masters degree what i am focused on as well as being that mother i was annointed to be
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
I actually wasn't lecturing you. :) Just the opposite. I was supporting you. I know how tough it is to raise a son alone, and I remember how tough it was to do that while working fulltime and obtaining a master's degree.

My point was only that there are probably other men in your son's life who can step up and be amazing examples for your son if his father won't :) You are accountable to God and for your son, so you are absolutely right to concentrate on being the most godly mom you can, as you are.

Your son is beautiful by the way :)
 
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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#12
#12
Jullianna said:
I actually wasn't lecturing you. :) Just the opposite. I was supporting you. I know how tough it is to raise a son alone, and I remember how tough it was to do that while working fulltime and obtaining a master's degree.

My point was only that there are probably other men in your son's life who can step up and be amazing examples for your son if his father won't :) You are accountable to God and for your son, so you are absolutely right to concentrate on being the most godly mom you can, as you are.
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oh no not you lecturing my family does lol sorry for the confusion, ya my brothers & step dad does its to the point he calls them daddy. i wish me & his dad just can work it out for the sake of our son but idk if its in Gods will
 
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OFM

Guest
#13
#13
Any age is o.k for marridge no set time limit that i can see.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
Typhani, I hope and pray with all of my heart that your sweet baby boy's dad will step up and be the man your son needs him to be, if not for you, at least for his son. :)
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#15
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#15
I'm with Jullianna. Statistically it is best for the boy to have a father, but you don't need to marry a man for the boy to see him as a father-like figure. Teach him history too. I think it is important for a person to, from a young age, recognize what kind of character stands the test of time. Another bonus: historical figures are not alive to provide great disappointment.

If you are doing fine without marriage and do not feel God tugging you toward it, don't go into it. It is better not to be married than to rush speedily into things and find yourself tied to a jerk that your sun is tying himself to as well.

Just make sure that your sun has good men he can go to. They exist believe it or not, lol.
 
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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#16
#16
Jullianna said:
Typhani, I hope and pray with all of my heart that your sweet baby boy's dad will step up and be the man your son needs him to be, if not for you, at least for his son. :)
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Yeah i do that as well because even the dads own mother doesnt know about her only grandson & the dad lives with the mom & owes child support however i struggled with my dad coming & going in my life & want to break that family curse
 
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jimsun

Guest
#17
#17
Hiya "T-N"

You should do what you want, when you want & with whom you want. End of .....!

J+
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#18
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#18
TyphaniNichole said:
hes upset because i had the baby and he didnt want it so im the blame, he owes child support but hasnt paid a penny however he lives with his mom & she knows nothing about our son. i want to tell her but he kinda threaten me
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Sounds like he wanted you to get an abortion. In that case, it would probably be better not to let your son have anything to do with him. I would worry about what kind of emotional or physical harm he could do to him.

Eventually, you will meet the man who you trust whole-heartedly and who will be a good dad to your son :)
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#19
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#19
TyphaniNichole said:
Yeah i do that as well because even the dads own mother doesnt know about her only grandson & the dad lives with the mom & owes child support however i struggled with my dad coming & going in my life & want to break that family curse
Click to expand...
Not a good sign - he's still living with his mom.

Wait for 'Mr. Right' :)
 
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Kimmee

Guest
#20
#20
While going through a nasty bitter divorce I was forced to go to a parenting class at my own expense of $300. But to this day I will tell you that was money well spent. I wasn't a bad mother before by any means. I have always been a stay at home mom and there physically and emotionally for my 3 kids. The things this class taught me were a lot of things I was already doing and it always makes you feel good to know in written proof you are doing it RIGHT!! Other things I learned were that I can not change anyone but ME. I can not make my children's biological father better. I can not make him care or love more. What I can do is be the best mom I can be. Kids only NEED ONE GOOD PARENT. For me I happily stepped up and assumed that role. If in time their father or your son's father chooses to be a productive part of their life that is great if not you can and will do it. What your son needs is a happy healthy well adjusted mommy. Sounds like you are that keep doing what your doing. You in your heart do know BEST. Healthy male role models can be found from other sources then a man you marry so your son has a "father figure". Boys and Girls clubs, boy scouts, karate, football, soccer, Big brothers all great ways to have good men in your son's life. Church youth groups can be great too as long as they support single mothers. My 16 year old daughter went to a youth group that was great until her father and I split up. They then changed and were making her feel uncomfortable about not having a relationship with her father. I have given my daughter the choice to have a relationship with her father and at this point in her life she doesn't want it. Just make sure the people you surround your son with are people that support your life your living now. There are people out there like that I promise. My daughter found another youth group that just give her guidance about god. She loves it.
 
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