Worried and Confused.....

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Hava91

Guest
#21
#21
Jullianna - I am trying to obtain that order but the police are not cooperating. I have supplied MORE than the required evidence but they keep adding things to it every time i go in. Here in Oregon they are very corrupt & it is definitely a man's world. But I choose not to fear. He will keep me safe....oh, also, I am already involved in a DV organization and have my own advocate, but they aren't doing much if anything to help. they give me the paperwork and some advice but thats abt it so far. It's a messed up state.
 
Canadian36

Canadian36

Banned
#22
Oct 20, 2011
490
1
0
#22
I'd start with the typical getting a restraining order. then you also will likely have to move, preferably to a different city or state if you can, if you can't then just move to the opposite end of your town or city. change your phone number, delete your facebook, twitter, dating sites, change your email, don't tell any of your friends your number, that's important, block your number when you call your friends or family. Don't show anyone where you live. Don't put your new address on your Drivers license or any other item coming to your new address. Rent a mail box and use that for anything requiring an address, or get your mail sent to a trustworthy friend or relative for a time or to your mail box rental. Don't pick up any phone call that you don't recognize the number. Don't record a voice message on your phone or even don't record "name" when it asks you to. Just have it use the standard built in computerized voice greeting. Screen your calls that way by only returning calls of people that you don't recognize the number. Stop gossiping or dramafesting with friends as your bound to let something slip. Next thing you know he'll find out threw the "grape vine" that way. There's a lot of books written on this subject. Amazon stuff like "how to disappear". You'll learn all about how to hide your identity so he can't stock you anymore. Don't threaten him, or talk to him, or negotiate with him or any of his friends or his family. Just disappear for a while. Like maybe at very least a year, 3 years is better. Then after a while you likely don't have to be as guarded anymore. You could likely get back to normality. It's sad that you have to deal with such harsh adult realities when your still so young. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger thats a guarantee. But don't judge all guys based on this one idiot. Most others are normal right. Try and get some counselling to . Good luck okay.
 
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loveme1

Senior Member
#23
Oct 30, 2011
8,138
216
63
#23
I hope all is well, you have handled the situation well.

Maybe one time soon you may feel different, you may forgive this man or you may not.

Focus on your baby boy and focus on him, raise him up on the truth.
 
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Hava91

Guest
#24
#24
Canadian36 - lol. interesting way of handling it, but I have more faith in god's protection than to have to hide myself, and my son, from the world including my friends and family...I've taken a few precautionary measures, some on your list of suggestions =). but i believe that he will keep us safe. we may not have a fully "normal" life, but it is normal enough, and it teaches me and will teach my son to better trust and rely on god...i do very much appreciate the suggestions though ^^
 
honest01

honest01

Banned
#25
Aug 27, 2011
326
2
0
#25
Just comment the situation to God and He will provide you with the perfection solution to this situation. He knows best.
 
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kayem77

Guest
#26
#26
What's up with that police department? Seriously...I wonder if even if the man declared himself guilty they would still ask him for evidence aside from your evidence and his declaration.
Can't you make this a little more public so they can hear you? They will hate bad publicity and will feel pressured to do their job. That's what people do in cities where corruption reigns ,I used to live in a very corrupted city, and that was the only way authorities would actually do their job.

It's ok to pray for your protection and for this man's heart, I'm glad you are faithful, keep it up! :) You are in my prayers, God bless.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#27
#27
Hava91 said:
Jullianna - I am trying to obtain that order but the police are not cooperating. I have supplied MORE than the required evidence but they keep adding things to it every time i go in. Here in Oregon they are very corrupt & it is definitely a man's world. But I choose not to fear. He will keep me safe....oh, also, I am already involved in a DV organization and have my own advocate, but they aren't doing much if anything to help. they give me the paperwork and some advice but thats abt it so far. It's a messed up state.
Click to expand...
You have to go through the police in Oregon for a protective order? You can't go to the courthouse or go online, print it out and submit it yourself? That's all you have to do in most states. That IS totally messed up. :(

Well then..DON'T GIVE UP! Keep taking every single thing they ask for. Maybe the dude has friends there or something. Let them know you mean business. Don't give up.
 
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Hava91

Guest
#28
#28
Yep. Theyve already got plenty of bad publicity. They r known for being corrupt - its in the country not at ALL a big city. So stereotypical =p
 
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Hava91

Guest
#29
#29
And thank you guys for all your support <3 it means a lot
 
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TyphaniNichole

Guest
#30
#30
if the police wont help, report them too! rape is a crime a serious crime! he couldve gave you an STD something serious! i would get supervised visitations!
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#31
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#31
Do you have a church that you attend? The love and support that you'll receive from a spirit-led church will be an immense comfort and help. They may also be able to get the local help you need.

Stay close to Christ, sister. He will get you through :)
 
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Hava91

Guest
#32
#32
Cud have givenn me an std? lmao he gave me a kid! xDDD anyways, yes i am part of a church, but unfortunately it is a lot of older ppl that seem to have a problem with gossip, but it is the closest church around with my beliefs so..... ....yeah. if all goes right he wont get ANY visitation bc hes not on the birth certificate. ive worked out as much as i can legally for him not to be involved, and so that any and all contact he makes with me or the child is considered harrassment. its in gods hands, and i will trust him.....i have lapses of doubt, and moments of true trust in Him lol. thankfully MOST of my moments are trust so far
 
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CatWoman

Guest
#33
#33
OK GIRLFRIEND!! YOUR BUSTED! I do believe what you told us so far about the matter is true but its not the whole truth, Is it? Like why would your rapest be in the same room with you when you found out you were pregnant? Which would be weeks after the attack. You must have forgiven him at some point for that to happen. I think your sending the police 2 different massages and thats why they dont want to do anything. I dont want to sound like Im attacking you, you sufferd enough. For you own health you may want to take a few steps back and look at the whole situation and ask yourself what is the nature of you intent. What is it that you really want to come out of this adversity
 
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Hava91

Guest
#34
#34
My sister has been through much abuse, and never had a good male role model, up until the point of the rape thats what he was to her, and she was just reporting her fathers abuse and trying to come live with her mom and me and my dad. it was stupid but bc she had no idea what happened i didnt want her only "good" role model to turn out to be another abuser to her so i kept him around. we went on a trip to washington (where she lives with her dad) to support her while she told and met with an advocate bc she wanted support. bc he was like a brother to her she wanted him there, so he was. i found out that weekend with her and him there. and i explained all this to the police. i ended up telling her just recently what had happened. when uve seen someone go through so much already at the young age of 13 taking away something they see as good from then is extremely hard...and confusing when they see that person as a support =/
 
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CatWoman

Guest
#36
#36
I am confused. Who started this thread? The 13 year old or the 20 year old,Hava91?
 
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AnandaHya

Guest
#37
#37
i think her little sister is 13 years old and she says she was with the guy for her little sister's sake and that's why her and the man who raped her left the state together and he was there when she found out she was pregnant.

yeah I can see why the police don't do anything. you send mixed messages.

if you feel safe enough to continue to allow him around your little sister and yourself then the guy doesn't really sound all that bad.
 
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AnandaHya

Guest
#38
#38
another thought:

you can say NO I don't want to have sex with you, but that child is his too. if you thought he was a good role model for your sister why don't you think he would make a good father for your child?

what made you stop wanting him around even though he went with you out of state to support your little sister? you can't say the rape because you still were having him hang around even after that.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#39
#39
I'm a little confused at this point too....
 
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Hava91

Guest
#40
#40
Ananda...i cannot explain to you how offensive that post is to me... do you have any IDEA how hard it is to decide to keep a child that came from that type of experience? much less be told that the ****er who raped you should be allowed in yours and the kids life? before the rape we THOUGHT he was a good role model for her bc of the person he pretended to be. my mistake was not telling my sister or parents. he did not "hang around " my sister afterwards - i wouldnt allow it, but i cudnt tell her why bc of what she has been through herself. i thought i couldnt - that was my mistake. god only knows if he ever did anything to her and that falls on me bc i didnt tell anyone at first. the only time after that he was around any of my family was when my sister requested he be there for her, so we took him with us to washington. that in itself was extremely hard, and is the only reason he ever found out i was pregnant. he is not a good role model and maybe im just being sensitive because im the one dealing with
 
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