Need advise quick

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I am a step mother to a 12 year old boy and his mother wants to come visit him at our house and stay with us. My husband has taken the liberty of telling her that is fine without discussing it with me first. What do I do?????
 
Wow! Your husband really needs to talk to you first....Maybe you can say to your husband that you both need to sit down and talk about it BEFORE any visiting takes place. Try not to be angry...he may just not realize that this would bother you. He may feel that yours and his relationship is so secure that having his ex-wife around would not be a problem. So he might just be 'clueless' :)

Even if you agree, you both need to talk about how it's going to work before she arrives. And if it just makes you too uncomfortable, then tell him so. It may harm your relationship with your step-son and your husband if it's going to produce a lot of conflict and tension.
 
what?! Your husband is EXTREMELY out of line.
cluless? I don't know any man that would make such a move.
You guys should have discussed this way before any event like this was about to take place.
I have a very good relationship with my stepsons mother, and still My house would never be open for her to sleep in. That's crossing so many boundries on many different levels. I don't know how you are going to undo this, without causing problems. Your husband was extremely selfish to make this decision on his own. His ex sleeping in the same house with his wife? That's Obserd.
even making hotel arrangements for her close by would have been much more acceptable.
 
Dear ck,

Wow! Your husband did an incredibly thoughtless and unwise thing. However, that being said, I am reminded of Jesus' story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:28-37) You will recall that an expert in the law asked him "And who is my neighbor?", and He went on to recount the story we all know so well. At the end, Jesus asked the expert, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert, of course, answered “The one who had mercy on him.” And jesus replied, “Go and do likewise." (emphasis added)

There are many things left unsaid in your post. What is your relationship with your husband's ex wife? What is his? Do you have any reason to believe that your husband would be unfaithful? Does your stepson want to see his mother? Can his ex wife afford to stay somewhere else while she visits? Is there anywhere to stay? All these factors, I believe, enter into the equation.

Being a Christian means being a Christian even when it is not comfortable to do so. If there is no reason to believe that anything bad will come out of this visit (other than you being incredibly uncomfortable), I would suggest that you consider taking the high road and letting it happen. You can let your husband know that you are very disappointed that he didn't consult you first, and you would not want to see it happen again, but getting into a fight will not solve anything.

God be with you in your struggle.
 
Okay everyone, stop assuming everything. First, we don't know about the ex-wife's situation, or why the Husband is allowing his ex to stay in the house. What we do know is only one side. CK, have you had a chance to talk with your husband about this situation? If not, before freaking out, talk with him. There maybe more then you have been told.
 
find out his reason for letter her stay, if its good enough, she sleeps on the couch for a night MAYBE two (i'm sure she has other friends)

if the reason isn't good enough. calmly tell him you're extremely irritated that he would invite his ex-wife to stay at the house and that you're just barely keeping your composure as it is, she need to find somewhere else to stay besides a married man's house
 
You say "No".!!

Afraid your husband is way out of order with this & if he hasn't gotten wind of what "marriage" & "partnership" means, he really needs the errors of his ways explaining to him !!
J+
 
violakat said:
Okay everyone, stop assuming everything. First, we don't know about the ex-wife's situation, or why the Husband is allowing his ex to stay in the house. What we do know is only one side. CK, have you had a chance to talk with your husband about this situation? If not, before freaking out, talk with him. There maybe more then you have been told.
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I could tell you were unmarried by your very comment. There are no assumtions here.
the OP said her husband invited the ex to stay, without consulting her(his wife) so whether he felt like he had a good reason or not is not even valid, he made the decision WITHOUT consulting her. That's the problem.
 
Strong1 said:
I could tell you were unmarried by your very comment. There are no assumtions here.
the OP said her husband invited the ex to stay, without consulting her(his wife) so whether he felt like he had a good reason or not is not even valid, he made the decision WITHOUT consulting her. That's the problem.
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Again, I will reiterate, we don't know the whole situation. There could be a multitude of reasons. Should he have consulted with his wife, yes. However, something may have occurred that we don't know about. A.) She might have hinted to the child she was going to ask. B.) The ex may have pressured him into letting her stay. C.) She maybe facing some financial problems. The only way the OP is going to know the situation is to calmly talk with her husband. She may find out that there was a valid reason for what he did. Then again, he may have been caught off guard.
 
ck said:
I am a step mother to a 12 year old boy and his mother wants to come visit him at our house and stay with us. My husband has taken the liberty of telling her that is fine without discussing it with me first. What do I do?????
Click to expand...


Are these daily visits or nightly visits?
 
Maybe he just thinks that when it comes to the mother of his child, it's not really up for debate?

Harsh, yeah... but I can understand not wanting to make it difficult for your kid to see his mother.

I think we all agree that he probably should've consulted his new wife, but he didn't. I'm guessing she's going to give him a talking to that will ensure that never happens again.

To the OP: if he had asked you if it was okay, what would you have said?
 
rainacorn said:
Maybe he just thinks that when it comes to the mother of his child, it's not really up for debate?

Harsh, yeah... but I can understand not wanting to make it difficult for your kid to see his mother.

I think we all agree that he probably should've consulted his new wife, but he didn't. I'm guessing she's going to give him a talking to that will ensure that never happens again.

To the OP: if he had asked you if it was okay, what would you have said?
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Even though I'm not married, I agree that he should have consulted his wife before making a decision. Yes, it's not your biological son, however now that you are married, you have to make decisions together. I also would like to know what you would have said if he did ask for his ex to stay with you.
 
ck said:
I am a step mother to a 12 year old boy and his mother wants to come visit him at our house and stay with us. My husband has taken the liberty of telling her that is fine without discussing it with me first. What do I do?????
Click to expand...

Tell him you would of liked to of been made aware prior to the invite.. for future reference.

But forgive him, it could be taken as a compliment that he believes you are kind and welcoming and would not of minded.


Once he knows you are uneasy with not being consulted about such issues he will not assume the next time all being well.


Sometimes we all believe we know the answer a person will give before we ask, but it is always better to ask and not assume.
 
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