could you somehow, change your perspective for just a moment Jordache? Trust me, I get that life is not working out the way you want it to. (I've seen some of your other posts)
I can tell that the storm that is raging around you has got you so worked up that you cant see Christ standing square in front of you, like he always has been.
The winds, and the rain, the sleet and the hail have you wheeling right now...you can barely stand?
This is where God is saying to you, "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"
You are here for a purpose. Your season of dispair seems long, but hold on! Joy comes in the morning.
The darkest hour is just before daybreak.
Jordache. Everything we go through in this life is for a purpose, When you have accomplished your purpose here, then you'll go back to God. Seeing that your "still standing" it simply means, you've got more stuff to do. If not for yourself then for someone else. Consider your life. If you can look past you for a second, who needs you right now?
Don't keep that person waiting. Minister to others, and let the Lord minister to you.
Love in Christ.