HELP!

[csv]

Hey guys!

I'm really in need of some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and we've been through everything. We've had our ups and downs, broken up and gotten back together. We are so on fire in our love for God and our relationship with him! Our relationship is not the norm though, I am in school states away from him and the distance is very hard. Not only does distance and time difference effect our communication and add stress to our daily lives but his mother doesn't aprove of our relationship. From the very beginning even before she had met me she kept telling him that he needed to break up with me and was too young to be dating (he was 17 at the time) and she didn't like me. Even though she hadn't even met me she was saying very horrible things about me. She was saying that I'm a liar and just horrible words. She pushed him to the point of breaking down crying and breaking up with me because of everything she was saying. He realized not even a week later that he wanted to be with me and pursue our relationship regardless of what his mother thought. He thought that if me and her met that maybe she would think differently of me. So we met and talked, everything was fine but she started up saying stuff about me again. Anyways, so for the past 3 years I have tried and tried to make an effort with her. And to be honest, if I wasn't serious about being with my boyfriend for the rest of my life I probably wouldn't try to make that effort. But I want a good relationship with his parents since we have been talking marriage but I feel that I am the only one making an effort. I call and write letters, invite her to lunch and dinner when I'm home on break I do everything possible to make things okay between us. She gives off this impression that she is a Christian and loves the Lord but her actions and things she says are just so negative and makes me believe that she is either having issues with herself or she is just flat out lying. Ugh! Anyways, so sorry I kept going on about this I am just really in need of some advice. My boyfriend is saying that she is getting so annoying and it's getting to the point where he said he doesn't want to talk to her or have anything to do with her and it makes me feel so bad! That is his mother, they should have a great relationship and I feel like I am breaking them apart, even though I'm not doing anything. Please give me some advice! Maybe someone has been in the same situation or any advice as to what I should do to try harder. Anything please! Thanks!

 

[Aqua_Girl09]

There are so many different ways this could go that i can't in good faith give you any words that might just make things worse.

I think you should pray to God aobut it. long and hard. fast if you need to. let him help you realize what choices you have to make.

 

[Ugly]

You may have gotten more responses had you typed this out in an easier to read manner. Typing long blocks of text with no paragraphs or spacing makes it very difficult to read, and many people will simply not even try. I tried a little, but quickly found my eyes and thoughts wondering as i got tired of trying to keep track of where i was and what you were saying.
Next time consider using spacing and paragraphs to get more results and to make it easier on people trying to read and help you.

 

[adekruif]

Hey guys!

I'm really in need of some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and we've been through everything. We've had our ups and downs, broken up and gotten back together. We are so on fire in our love for God and our relationship with him! Our relationship is not the norm though, I am in school states away from him and the distance is very hard.

Not only does distance and time difference effect our communication and add stress to our daily lives but his mother doesn't aprove of our relationship. From the very beginning even before she had met me she kept telling him that he needed to break up with me and was too young to be dating (he was 17 at the time) and she didn't like me. Even though she hadn't even met me she was saying very horrible things about me. She was saying that I'm a liar and just horrible words. She pushed him to the point of breaking down crying and breaking up with me because of everything she was saying. He realized not even a week later that he wanted to be with me and pursue our relationship regardless of what his mother thought. He thought that if me and her met that maybe she would think differently of me. So we met and talked, everything was fine but she started up saying stuff about me again.

Anyways, so for the past 3 years I have tried and tried to make an effort with her. And to be honest, if I wasn't serious about being with my boyfriend for the rest of my life I probably wouldn't try to make that effort. But I want a good relationship with his parents since we have been talking marriage but I feel that I am the only one making an effort. I call and write letters, invite her to lunch and dinner when I'm home on break I do everything possible to make things okay between us. She gives off this impression that she is a Christian and loves the Lord but her actions and things she says are just so negative and makes me believe that she is either having issues with herself or she is just flat out lying. Ugh!

Anyways, so sorry I kept going on about this I am just really in need of some advice. My boyfriend is saying that she is getting so annoying and it's getting to the point where he said he doesn't want to talk to her or have anything to do with her and it makes me feel so bad! That is his mother, they should have a great relationship and I feel like I am breaking them apart, even though I'm not doing anything.

Please give me some advice! Maybe someone has been in the same situation or any advice as to what I should do to try harder. Anything please! Thanks!

Did a little spacing for you csv.

I don't really have anything to help you though. The one obvious thing I will say that if you do get married the problem won't go away.

 

[Lucy68]

Yes, this is really sad when all you want is for everyone to be happy and get along Family relationships can be very hard.

As long as you are trying, that is really all you can do. Sounds like the mother doesn't know her boundaries. If she's not careful, she will lose relationship with her son (and with you).

Is it that some mothers just can't share their sons with other females? I don't know.

You just have to accept what you can't change. That doesn't mean you have to subject yourself to her torments. Definitely limit your time with her until she's shows that she's ready to do her part.

And be sympathetic to your boyfriend...which it sounds like you are It must be very hard to love both of you and have his mom being so unreasonable.

Remain close to the Lord so He can lead you through this tough place. Praying for your comfort and guidance by Him

 

[dishchat]

Me, the problem I had was that my wife is nearly 10 years older than me, and my mother didn't like. I continued to pray and finally, God opened my way.
But the harder is after you get married. It is better to keep distance with her and pray for her.

 

[HerrGeschichte]

I saw your title, and how many people who replied, and it kinda ticked me off, cause you seem to have a legitimate situation on your hands. I would say that in your case, you need to be as kind and courteous as possible to the mother. While you may not see eye to eye, being as kind and showing common courtesy doesn't hurt your situation in any way, shape or form. As for your boyfriend, tell him that it is no use breaking his connections to his mother. Who knows, in the future, he may need her, or she may need him, and they will be to angry to connect properly? If he is 20 (spit balling, based on what you said) then he should either be in college or away from home in some manner. If not, tell him that it may be time to try it, if only to see if his mother eases up on him. Just tell him not to tell his mother that it was your idea, it can misconstrued into horrible things that just wouldn't help your case.
Hope this helps!

 

[Calmador]

The best advice I can give you is that you remember to check yourself and make sure your sinless in whatever you do. And Prayer.... pray for God's will. And remind your boyfriend to be loving to his mother, and that he should also do his best to follow God's ways, to be sinless in whatever he does and ask him to pray too.

 

[BrittanyJones]

I read your post fine. I think the reason you don't have as many responses is that you are pretty blameless in the situation and you are doing the best you can do already. But trust God! He sees your situation and will give you the wisdom to continue to make the right choices. Plus prayer movies mountains. God can change her heart.

I know quite a few situations like yours, my dad is a pastor, he's had to deal with several of these situations. Always its the parents fear or loathing of letting their child go (grow up.) I think that's hard for a lot of parents though. They just deal with it differently.

 

[Ugly]

I read your post fine. I think the reason you don't have as many responses is that you are pretty blameless in the situation and you are doing the best you can do already. But trust God! He sees your situation and will give you the wisdom to continue to make the right choices. Plus prayer movies mountains. God can change her heart.

I know quite a few situations like yours, my dad is a pastor, he's had to deal with several of these situations. Always its the parents fear or loathing of letting their child go (grow up.) I think that's hard for a lot of parents though. They just deal with it differently.

I've actually read from a number of others that they won't even try to read posts written in that manner. And notice posts written like this take longer to get responses, and tend to get less. It wasn't an attack, it was a helpful tip to help her get more out of the forums.