Recently I can't help but think that I'm just a bad Christian. I've felt this way before. I feel like I shouldn't even openly call myself a Christian, because when I see how I'm living, it's a disgrace to Jesus to say I'm a follower of his. This world has enough people that call themselves "Christian" yet live just like the world. I will not profane the name of Jesus like that.
I do believe I'm saved. I believe, I know, that God is real and that following him is the best thing I can do in this life. But I don't seem to have much faith. It seems I don't really trust God as much as I say I do. In particular, there's some things I'd like to get off of my chest, which make me feel like a "bad Christian."
- I don't feel grateful toward God/Jesus.
- I'm afraid of letting God touch me emotionally.
- I swear constantly, even when it's unnecessary.
- I make perverted jokes and laugh at them openly.
- I find myself looking at and thinking of the opposite gender inappropriately.
- I barely pray more than a few minutes before going to bed, and not much any other time.
- I get annoyed with my mother and hardly interact with my father.
Sigh... yep.
Shawntc as first thing, it's nice to see you opening your self with your brothers and sisters and not hiding your self behind a mask. Also God is happy when we are honest and sincere with him saying what we feel, what we are and not lying to Him and to ourselves.. This is a positive thing ..
Also, this is a sign you want to change your actual situation.. You reicognize that you need God's help to change and also you reicognize that with your own strenght you can't do it at all because all your efforts are useless because of our human nature. It may look weird to you, but you are in a perfect position for reiceving God's help in your life, to be forgiven and to start a new life with Him.
Read this from the Bible, you may already know it, but look in the deeper meaning of it:
Luke 18:10-14
10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ 14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Only those who reicognize with humbleness their nature of sinners reiceve his forgiveness, because "those who exalt themselves will be humbled and those who umble themselves will be exalted". So confess your sins to Jesus, tell him about his situation, and ask Him to change you and to lead you into his truth! If you put your trust in Him with a desire to change and being changed and forgivened by him, he will do. This is my experience, I realized I couldn't follow him with my strenghts and efforts, but only surrendering to Him and understanding I needed Him to be a true follower of Christ. Alone, we can't do nothing!
John 15:5
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing
The only way you can bear much fruit, is with His help if you start remaining in Him. Apart from him you will only fail, that's hour human nature:
Romans 3:23
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
So this is my humble encouragement: You reicognized your situation. Surely it's not what God wants for your future and for your life, and that way you will live always with sadness and regret. But Decide to take a time for meeting God.. Pray, search for Him, i'm sure He will answer you if you'll search with all your heart, but take this chance for meeting the living God for real in your life !
Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
For any problem, doubt or suggestion I will be avaible for you together with all other brothers and sisters in the forum, I really want to support you because I've passed through period like yours and I was helped only by Him!
A big hug from a brother in Christ from Italy,
Donato