good wisdom

  • Thread starter Thread starter Crimeny
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Crimeny

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so for a while i have been struggling with this inferiority complex and i have been constantly been pushing myself to be the best or to work harder and to meet certain goals and such like high 90s which i always fall short of, trying to do everything Jesus says, which makes me feel hypocritical, self-righteous and i also resent others and see them as much more godly than me because i'm not doing it out so much out love but more out of obligation like a job. I also get depressed and beat myself up because i am not good enough or righteous enough for Jesus or salvation and i am essentially done and its been killing me.
well tonight i prayed a little, and based upon what i heard i should wait a bit, and surely i was trying to study biology with really no success and i decided to go google "i am too competitive".

learned that i am not alone here, but i also came across this article:
The Case Against Competition

it really struck me because know i kinda realized the graveness of my error, i was on a destructive path based on a system of rewards. I thought personally it was pretty rich and it made lots of sense because when i recall that corinthians 1 13 passage it says love builds up, and really all i have been doing is kinda building down myself and in my mind others.

I don't really know now what to do but i'm glad this problem came out to light, now i just need to work on it i guess.

also wondering on parents opinions and other peoples opinions over this.

thanks
 
Hi crimeny - Hope you're ok.

Both our kids, age 15 & 16 are at a fairly crucial time in their studies.
Despite them sitting mere mock exams @ present they are already coming home worried about our feared reaction if results don't "adequately reflect" their course work.
We respond to their irrational fears by asking one question only -
"Did you do your best"?
If they do their best we cannot/will not expect anything else from them & no-one can condemn them for that.
Also, when they get to college for their 2 year pre-Uni course they will be going to study a subject they want to, not what they have to. This means they're studying a topic they enjoy, in an environment that treats them responsibly & with fellow students who are there for the same reason.
Result = Marks which reflect their work & ability - Simples!
J+
 
Crimeny said:
so for a while i have been struggling with this inferiority complex and i have been constantly been pushing myself to be the best or to work harder and to meet certain goals and such like high 90s which i always fall short of, trying to do everything Jesus says, which makes me feel hypocritical, self-righteous and i also resent others and see them as much more godly than me because i'm not doing it out so much out love but more out of obligation like a job. I also get depressed and beat myself up because i am not good enough or righteous enough for Jesus or salvation and i am essentially done and its been killing me.
well tonight i prayed a little, and based upon what i heard i should wait a bit, and surely i was trying to study biology with really no success and i decided to go google "i am too competitive".

learned that i am not alone here, but i also came across this article:
The Case Against Competition

it really struck me because know i kinda realized the graveness of my error, i was on a destructive path based on a system of rewards. I thought personally it was pretty rich and it made lots of sense because when i recall that corinthians 1 13 passage it says love builds up, and really all i have been doing is kinda building down myself and in my mind others.

I don't really know now what to do but i'm glad this problem came out to light, now i just need to work on it i guess.

also wondering on parents opinions and other peoples opinions over this.

thanks
Click to expand...


Self-examination is a good thing. Trying to discern our inner motives can help us to see where we're headed and why. Looks like you're on the right track for figuring this out for yourself....with the leading of the Holy Spirit. Good for you! Wish I'd had this much wisdom at 17 :) .

There's nothing wrong with high expectations as long as you keep God's desires for you as the priority.

Yes, it is important to serve others out of love, not out of obligation. It's nice that you've realized that on your own :)

Praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit for you :)
 
Desiring to do your best is a good thing. The hard part is accepting that sometimes your best may not be very good. So we say its not 'good enough' and push ourselves to 'do better'. When in reality we just need to learn to accept our limitations. Do your best and accept the results. It just may not be a strong area for you, but something else will come along you will barely have to try at all to get the same level of accomplishment.
Once you start beating yourself up, you've let satan start effecting you. Condemnation comes from satan. Keep a mental awareness that when you feel to beat yourself up to pray against this attack.
Also, chances are the people you're comparing yourself to are looking at others wishing they were 'more spiritual' like that person. I hear all the time people i respect for their faith talking about how they feel so weak in their faith. Or i've even had others tell me that i'm a 'good christian' and similar remarks, yet i see myself as such a weak christian. Its all about perspective.
 
yeah slowly learning it, i gotta find the balance because now i decided to stop competing or being too competitive and my will and drive to sort of do school work is basically kaput.
 
Crimeny, I want to thank you for posting that article. I was wonderful, and I wish i'd had the book when my kiddos were little.

You've gotten great advice:
Jimsun said what we say to our kids- "Did you do your best?"
Lucy, as always, has the Lord's wisdom, too. Self examination IS a good thing.
And Ugly (although I hate calling him that--lol) is right about accepting your limitations.

Just remember what the article said--the goal isn't to be better than someone else, just yourself. Because our standard isn't others, it's Jesus! So you try to better your last test score, report grade, etc. You try to better your own interpersonal skills to the glory of God. Things like that. Don't worry, it only takes your whole life. LOL

You are absolutely right: the whole comparing ourselves to others has to go! And if you want this parent's opinion, I would be proud to have any of my children at any age do what you're doing. God is speaking wisdom to you. And you're listening! You've begun a good race, and God will see you through to the finish. <3
 
thanks for the wisdom guys, Jesus has been guiding me through this refining and stuff and it helps to know some adults perspectives on this, and its funny because reading over Uglys post about perspective just reminded of a mini-sermon my youth leader told us a while ago, but i forgot most of it haha.
 
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