Anyone else in their 60 day wait of divorce????

[RachelP03]

So my husband and I filed for divorce yesterday. I have been ready for it, but yesterday it really got me and I find myself kinda in a depression and isolation. My husband left me over a year ago and I have fought and prayed and I do feel God releasing me from fighting and helping me to accept that this is what needs to happen. I know alot of Christians disagree that God would put in my heart to stop fighting, but He has. He actually put it in my heart to fight at the beginning of the year, even though I didnt know how too or even really want too, but I did, because I knew he knew what was best. I really think my husband struggled and conteplated on coming back, but didnt. I know God knows my heart and knows his heart and God knows that I would of done everything that I could of, if my husband decided to come back. But I know now God has released me from it and I feel him telling me that He has great plans for me. Its still scary to be starting over, especially when you were with someone since 15. I trust God fully, but still struggle with my future and my old life now coming to a close. Its time that this needs to be done with, but still scary what lies ahead. I know God is in control and I know he wants best for me.

Sorry, I vented a little, lol, but I didnt know if anyone else is or just or about to go through this. Its good to have people there to vent or talk too about things like this.

 

[Lucy68]

I'm so sorry you're going through this

Praying for your continued strength in the Lord and that He will lead you into a good place. He will be with you

 

[scg]

I am. 20 yrs and 4 kids. wife left and will be final next month. A man of one wife and now alone with kids. Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but God knows. Hang in there and follow God. He has the plan for us.
A Christian Friend going through the same.
Blessing and Prayer to You.

 

[Lonelyandlost]

I am there with you! My husband and I just signed the papers but I have yet to give up the fight. I still love him very much and I really don't know what to do. I will pray for you. I know the struggle you are facing right now.

 

[psychomom]

I have been there, long, long ago. It is scary, and my heart goes out to you! <3

The unknown can be daunting, to say the least. But your attitude is great- God is with you, and will always be. (thanks, Jesus!!)

I'll be praying for you, Rachel. I hope you let us know how you're doing.

~ellie

 

[hhhlga89]

I thought God was telling me to do alot of things that turned out not to be His will. Are you sure your not just feeling like giving up yourself and you think God is with you?

Matthew 19:6 - (Jesus speaking)
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

How can God tell you it's ok to sin, if God hates divorce? I can understand Him telling you to separate yourself (geographically speaking), but divorce??

My mother had the worst husband on earth - drug user, likely adulterer, never provided, drunkard, you name it. We would tell her to get a divorce every day for years, but she didn't. Is my mom any better than you? OF COURSE NOT, but she had enough faith and obedience to God's word to stick it through, FOR DECADES. Now she is still married and my father has VASTLY improved (not that that is promised). Exercise faith, struggle - life isn't always easy. You may have met a man who was great at first then turned out to be a jerk, trust me MANY godly woman have experienced FAR worse husbands than you have and have sticked with it, why are you an exception? Look, I'm not judging you at all, I know your living in American Christianity and probably never have people tell you to stick with it, a "If its hard, do what makes you feel better" mentality, nevermind my age or my singleness I am proclaiming what the oracles of God say, no fluff, very uncut, no phony interpretation, but what the word of God says...

Please don't listen to Christians who tell you "oh God doesn't want you to be in a relationship where your not happy" -sin. Tell that to Hosea the prophet. These are the cards you have been dealt, move out -that's not sin, but i say (and God says) don't get a divorce, stay faithful to God's word no matter what people say - people who want to itch your ears or not tell you the painful truth of God's word.

 

[Lucy68]

I don't think God wants the believing spouse to be punished for the rest of his or her life for the sin of the unbelieving spouse .

In studying Matt 19 I came across this compassionate website: What does the Bible say about divorce? PART I

 

[simplyme_bekah]

Rachel I am so very sorry for your situation. It hurts. a lot. I'll be praying for you okay. Only you know what is right for you and for your life and only you know what God says to your heart and to your soul about your situation. Be careful because sometimes the devil is a voice that we listen to being tricked into thinking its God so pray pray pray every day okay. God will not lead you astray. God also says its okay to divorce if your husband is unfaithful *ahem* and I do not think he would want a woman to stay in an abusive relationship at all. I think what keeps a woman in an abusive relationship is the fear of starting over because a part of her is broken from the abuse. (replying to another comment on here)

 

[simplyme_bekah]

opps meant *a*

 

[RachelP03]

I thought God was telling me to do alot of things that turned out not to be His will. Are you sure your not just feeling like giving up yourself and you think God is with you?

Matthew 19:6 - (Jesus speaking)
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

How can God tell you it's ok to sin, if God hates divorce? I can understand Him telling you to separate yourself (geographically speaking), but divorce??

My mother had the worst husband on earth - drug user, likely adulterer, never provided, drunkard, you name it. We would tell her to get a divorce every day for years, but she didn't. Is my mom any better than you? OF COURSE NOT, but she had enough faith and obedience to God's word to stick it through, FOR DECADES. Now she is still married and my father has VASTLY improved (not that that is promised). Exercise faith, struggle - life isn't always easy. You may have met a man who was great at first then turned out to be a jerk, trust me MANY godly woman have experienced FAR worse husbands than you have and have sticked with it, why are you an exception? Look, I'm not judging you at all, I know your living in American Christianity and probably never have people tell you to stick with it, a "If its hard, do what makes you feel better" mentality, nevermind my age or my singleness I am proclaiming what the oracles of God say, no fluff, very uncut, no phony interpretation, but what the word of God says...

Please don't listen to Christians who tell you "oh God doesn't want you to be in a relationship where your not happy" -sin. Tell that to Hosea the prophet. These are the cards you have been dealt, move out -that's not sin, but i say (and God says) don't get a divorce, stay faithful to God's word no matter what people say - people who want to itch your ears or not tell you the painful truth of God's word.

I understand....I really do. I felt in my heart at the beginning of this year to fight for my husband after I myself got out of a sinful relationship. I wasnt sure why I was fighting, didnt know if I loved him anymore, considering I hadnt been with him in a year. But I fought!!! I told him, I wrote him letters, prayed for him, bought him books, invited him to church, Christian concerts, everything!!! I know he even thought about coming back, but after awhile of this, I could feel God getting me prepared to let go. I dont know why God wanted me to fight. Maybe because he wanted me too, because it was the right thing, maybe it was because I wouldnt have any regrets later in life, maybe it was because my husband would know that I was willing to do anything. I dont know, maybe it was all of it. But I remember one day, I texted my husband and asked him, if he ever thought about coming back and he told me, I should stop trying, that he didnt love me anymore. I knew about a week after that, that God was basically putting in my heart to let go of the fight. My husband filed for divorced. He already has a house in another town 6 hours away and is moving there with his girlfriend. From what I heard, they are pregnant. So, yes God knows his heart and my heart and I did everything I possibly could. I have read every single thing in the bible about divorce, but God knows the end result. God might of not ever put in your moms heart to divorce your dad, because God knew in the end how your dad was going to turn out. I know God has a plan for me during all of this....this isnt what I wanted. But Theres nothing I can do.....he has moved on. I appreaciate you writing me, but I do know in my heart of heart that God has told me, he has great plans for me and another man and that I need to remain faithful to God and wait....and he will give it to me. I know this isnt what God wanted to happen for a married couple, but he gives us choices. And I feel like he gave my husband the choice over and over and he decided to do his way and not Gods.....I know I will be blessed and Im going to remain to pray for him.....

 

[psychomom]

I honestly think the whole divorce in the church thing teaches me ONE thing, and that is that we all should be v-e-r-y careful how we go about the entire opposite sex relationship thing.
Dating, as we know it in the states, is bad. We ought to be getting to know new people in groups of like minded believers. We should really get to know a person of interest. We should know that we know that they're sold out for Jesus. We should be respectful of their purity, as well as our own. We should be eager to have some sort of pre-marital counseling with someone who's actually good at it---probably more than one person. We should get to know their families and see how they all interact. And all should be done with prayer; there can never be too much of that. We must, before marriage, be willing to walk away if the Lord says to--anything else is idolatry.

"Sure, ellie, that's easy for you to say. You've been happily married for 32 years, you don't know what it's like out there!" (that's my response to myself)

But I see what my kiddos in thier 20s go through. I hear them talk about it. And I believe God's principles hold in any society. I just think if we were WAY more careful before marriage, there would be less devastation after. ( and please know I'm speaking to myself--I was divorced at 19! I saw soo many red flags before that wedding that I simply ignored... )

I think I see your heart, Rachel, that you know the things I stated above, and that you'll be r-e-a-l-l-y careful next time.
I also know being careful doesn't guarantee happily ever after, and a marriage is always work--hard work! But being careful will almost certainly give us a better shot than the way we do things now, right?
Three things about marriage:
1. If either partner goes into it (or at anytime during) thinking divorce is an option, it's almost an inevitability.
2. It's not a 50/50 proposition! My dad used to say both people must expect to give 100% and get nothing. (I miss you, Daddy!) If both spouses live out their marriage on that basis, things go much better. At least, they have for me.
3. Avoid temptation! Don't have a work spouse, you know, that someone you work with who just understands what things are like there for you, etc. Don't allow yourself to become emotionally close to any other person of the opposite sex. Don't flirt. Don't think about someone else in a way you wouldn't voice to your spouse--take those thoughts captive. If your spouse gets jealous, whether you think it's justified or not, respect it. My husband used to get crazy about me talking to other guys when I was shopping. Just chatting in line, etc. At first I got offended--had to repent. Then I thought it was silly--had to repent. Finally, I just only spoke to other ladies. Maybe it was silly, but it made him feel better (his mom had cheated...) so it was totally worth it! What a small thing for me to give up for his peace of mind.

Sorry, y'all- end of sermon. lol Just some thoughts from the other side.

Bless you Rachel- hang in there, sweetie! <3

 

[psychomom]

ps- Rachel- I'm deeply sorry if I implied you weren't careful the first time! Please know that was NOT my heart. I'm not here to judge you, my dearest. <3

 

[nukreation]

Hi RachelP03,

Sorry to hear that you're still going through this difficult season. I remember you posting several weeks ago about what you're going through.

My heart goes out to you, as I have been through a divorce and sadly you may not feel closure when your divorce is legally finalised.

There's a course run by divorcecare.org that you may find helpful. Each week a different aspect of divorce is presented on a dvd by various christian psychologists and authors, and you then participate in a group discussion about the dvd. The website will help you find where the course is run in your local area.

I facilitate the course at my local church here in Sydney and I've seen so many people encouraged by the course that I thoroughly recommend it.

Blessings,

Nukreation

 

[iraasuup]

I'm gonna keep this brief. I am recently separated, but the laws here in Australia are somewhat different to the US.. we must be legally separated for 12 months before even filing for divorce. I'm 5 months in.

I'm not gonna sit here and say I understand, and I feel your pain, cos clearly, given my own situation, that's a given.

I just wanted to reply and let you know not to be disheartened by the people who condemn (and believe me they're out there). Each situation is different, and yes we all know what the bible says, so no point going on about that, what matters is your relationship with God. He will lead you through this storm. Its so easy for onlookers to pass judgement when they've never been in this situation themselves, and as Christians we mus remember we are not the Judge, God is. He knows each individual circumstance and he knows our heart.

So, be blessed and encouraged. Stay strong, hold on close to God and listen to Him. You will be amazed at what He can do during the most difficult times of our lives.

 

[rainacorn]

I see these threads from people getting divorced that aren't even 30 yet and I see the threads from young people talking about how they're on the verge of getting married to someone they've been dating since they were teenagers.

Ya'll need to talk so we see fewer of these threads.

 

[Lucy68]

I see these threads from people getting divorced that aren't even 30 yet and I see the threads from young people talking about how they're on the verge of getting married to someone they've been dating since they were teenagers.

Ya'll need to talk so we see fewer of these threads.

So, I guess you're saying that some people are TOO careful (ie, expecting perfection/not wanting to take risks) and some people are not careful enough?

I certainly can see how we might go to either extreme in relationships....caution is good but too much caution will keep us out of relationships.

This is where a good antennae to God is useful; which I know is not always easy

 

[RachelP03]

I honestly think the whole divorce in the church thing teaches me ONE thing, and that is that we all should be v-e-r-y careful how we go about the entire opposite sex relationship thing.
Dating, as we know it in the states, is bad. We ought to be getting to know new people in groups of like minded believers. We should really get to know a person of interest. We should know that we know that they're sold out for Jesus. We should be respectful of their purity, as well as our own. We should be eager to have some sort of pre-marital counseling with someone who's actually good at it---probably more than one person. We should get to know their families and see how they all interact. And all should be done with prayer; there can never be too much of that. We must, before marriage, be willing to walk away if the Lord says to--anything else is idolatry.

"Sure, ellie, that's easy for you to say. You've been happily married for 32 years, you don't know what it's like out there!" (that's my response to myself)

But I see what my kiddos in thier 20s go through. I hear them talk about it. And I believe God's principles hold in any society. I just think if we were WAY more careful before marriage, there would be less devastation after. ( and please know I'm speaking to myself--I was divorced at 19! I saw soo many red flags before that wedding that I simply ignored... )

I think I see your heart, Rachel, that you know the things I stated above, and that you'll be r-e-a-l-l-y careful next time.
I also know being careful doesn't guarantee happily ever after, and a marriage is always work--hard work! But being careful will almost certainly give us a better shot than the way we do things now, right?
Three things about marriage:
1. If either partner goes into it (or at anytime during) thinking divorce is an option, it's almost an inevitability.
2. It's not a 50/50 proposition! My dad used to say both people must expect to give 100% and get nothing. (I miss you, Daddy!) If both spouses live out their marriage on that basis, things go much better. At least, they have for me.
3. Avoid temptation! Don't have a work spouse, you know, that someone you work with who just understands what things are like there for you, etc. Don't allow yourself to become emotionally close to any other person of the opposite sex. Don't flirt. Don't think about someone else in a way you wouldn't voice to your spouse--take those thoughts captive. If your spouse gets jealous, whether you think it's justified or not, respect it. My husband used to get crazy about me talking to other guys when I was shopping. Just chatting in line, etc. At first I got offended--had to repent. Then I thought it was silly--had to repent. Finally, I just only spoke to other ladies. Maybe it was silly, but it made him feel better (his mom had cheated...) so it was totally worth it! What a small thing for me to give up for his peace of mind.

Sorry, y'all- end of sermon. lol Just some thoughts from the other side.

Bless you Rachel- hang in there, sweetie! <3

Thank you for writing me. I know we were so young before, but I know we really loved each other. His was number 3. He worked with these people 12 hours a day. This girl tried to get with everyone and from what I heard has broken up many marriages, and shes still married. He said he needed someone to talk too, but yet never talked to me. Temptation got the best of him and now hes choosing to live this way. Thank you for everything tho, I did enjoy reading what you wrote. It was kind of like a motherly advice and since my mom died at 16, I really did enjoy reading it Thank you!!!

 

[RachelP03]

Hi RachelP03,

Sorry to hear that you're still going through this difficult season. I remember you posting several weeks ago about what you're going through.

My heart goes out to you, as I have been through a divorce and sadly you may not feel closure when your divorce is legally finalised.

There's a course run by divorcecare.org that you may find helpful. Each week a different aspect of divorce is presented on a dvd by various christian psychologists and authors, and you then participate in a group discussion about the dvd. The website will help you find where the course is run in your local area.

I facilitate the course at my local church here in Sydney and I've seen so many people encouraged by the course that I thoroughly recommend it.

Blessings,

Nukreation

Thank you!!!! Actually, my church has divorce class, and I went to one last year right after he left me and then i just got done with my second one a few weeks ago. It does help and I would recommened it to many people!!!!

 

[RachelP03]

I'm gonna keep this brief. I am recently separated, but the laws here in Australia are somewhat different to the US.. we must be legally separated for 12 months before even filing for divorce. I'm 5 months in.

I'm not gonna sit here and say I understand, and I feel your pain, cos clearly, given my own situation, that's a given.

I just wanted to reply and let you know not to be disheartened by the people who condemn (and believe me they're out there). Each situation is different, and yes we all know what the bible says, so no point going on about that, what matters is your relationship with God. He will lead you through this storm. Its so easy for onlookers to pass judgement when they've never been in this situation themselves, and as Christians we mus remember we are not the Judge, God is. He knows each individual circumstance and he knows our heart.

So, be blessed and encouraged. Stay strong, hold on close to God and listen to Him. You will be amazed at what He can do during the most difficult times of our lives.

Thank you so much for all of that.....i enjoyed reading it!!!! Its the little, simple things someone tells you that can touch you the most and give you hope!!! I pray that your situation goes good!!! I couldnt imagine HAVING to wait 12 months.....i mean i did, because he didnt file, but if he left me and was with something else, then I would have to wait. I think thats what im struggling the most is waiting and being faithful, but at the same time, I know God isnt going to give me a man right now. I really want the man God has for me, and Im scared its going to be awhile. Ive been praying that God helps me to enjoy life now with just me and Him....but ive been struggling with it alot!!!

 

[rainacorn]

So, I guess you're saying that some people are TOO careful (ie, expecting perfection/not wanting to take risks) and some people are not careful enough?

I certainly can see how we might go to either extreme in relationships....caution is good but too much caution will keep us out of relationships.

This is where a good antennae to God is useful; which I know is not always easy

Yeah, I'd say so.

But really my point was that when I see one thread from a barely 18 year old kid talking about getting married, I can't help but think of all of these sorts of threads talking about divorce... and they were married under similar circumstances- Got into a serious relationship super young and then couldn't hold it together. When I think about what I was like at 18 and then 28, I can see for my own self that there is just no way I could've held a marriage together. I became a totally different person. I grew up.

Now when I see someone in their 40s or 50s getting divorced, my heart really breaks for them. Chances are good that they knew what they were getting into and they worked hard at the relationship and for whatever reason it just couldn't work anymore. They had really given up a big chunk of their lives to it and it is hard to recover. There are also probably children involved.

My heart doesn't really break so much for people so young because I feel like someone should've talked them out of it or lectured them like crazy about the seriousness of marriage and divorce NOT BEING AN OPTION. Although it totally CAN happen, I think it is very unlikely that someone can have a committed long term working marriage with someone they met when they were 15 years old. It's naive and while we can point to it working out for our grandparent's generation, we should probably take a harder look at the circumstances surrounding it and figure out WHY it worked for them so we can learn HOW it can work for our generation (if it can).

A lot changes in those next 10 years and we keep seeing marriages that couldn't withstand the trial. So what are we left with? Loads and loads of people in their 20s that have already been married at least once doing backflips to justify their situation while overcrowding the dating pool.

Our calls to respect traditional marriage ring so very very hollow when we have such an extremely worldly divorce rate.

This isn't some rant against the OP or anything, but if you divorcees feel like you made some mistakes and are truly repentant for your situation, you should really get out there and start talking to these kids. They're walking into the same traps and making the same mistakes. You've been in those moccasins and could probably get through to those kids...either getting them to take it very very seriously or just hold off until they're really ready to be adults and make that kind of commitment.