The Woman Your Mother Shoulda Warned You About

[Jullianna]

Turnabout is fair play, so here we go:

- She can't pass anything with glass in it without looking at herself
- The rest of us must respect her feelings, but she can say whatever she wants to us
- She wouldn't be caught dead at Walmart
- She is either honest and says she can't stand children or she says she LOOOOOOOVES them..but will run screaming at the first sign of a one year old with a booger
- Men owe her jewelry
- Men must never speak to her as if she is ugly
- Tanning beds were created just for her
- Even her flipflops have high heels
- It takes at least an hour for her makeup
- It takes at least half an hour for her hair
- her hair color is not likely to be real
- if she buys you a gift it's because she wants something
- She looks through your wallet while you sleep
- She looks through your phone while you sleep
- She's probably slept with at least one of your friends
- Relatives aren't off limits to her either
- She will never buy you dinner
- She will never cook dinner for you and if she does, please don't eat it
- She will be catty to your female friends and flirt with your male friends
- She will rip you apart to her girlfriends and tell them all of your personal business
- She won't pay less than $100 to have her hair did
- You must compliment everything she wears and tell her at least 5 times per day how beautiful she is
- She will be very affectionate when she wants something
- She probably collects stuffed animals
- She doublebooks dates
- When you break up with her, she will tell everyone you are still stalking her even if you never speak to her again
- She's posted mean nasties about you online in several places
- Your mom will want to throw up on her shoes
- Her unmentionables come from Vic's
- Her parents are probably raising at least one of her kids
- She will spend the entire time at a sporting event checking her hair for split ends
- Drama is her planet and she is its queen


Feel free to add to the list

 

[shawntc]

- She says she loves you after a week of being together. (Personal experience)
- Passive aggressive.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

-She's very controlling
-She's demanding
- hard to please

 

[Liz01]

I know a woman like you described in the post and she is married with a bad boy that you described in the other thread since 7 years ago or so and have small children. I used to think that they would be the perfect couple but they fight a lot.

 

[Oncefallen]

Turnabout is fair play, so here we go:

- The rest of us must respect her feelings, but she can say whatever she wants to us
- her hair color is not likely to be real
- She looks through your wallet while you sleep
- She looks through your phone while you sleep
- She will be very affectionate when she wants something
- She probably collects stuffed animals
- When you break up with her, she will tell everyone you are still stalking her even if you never speak to her again
- Drama is her planet and she is its queen


Feel free to add to the list

My ex-fiance. I'm not positive that she looked through my stuff, but it wouldn't surprise me.

You forgot to mention that in her mid-thirties not only does she collect stuffed animals, but still sleeps with her favorite "stuffy" from childhood.

 

[JimJimmers]

Only thing I can think of to add, she ALWAYS wants a puppy, but never a dog.

 

[zeroturbulence]

She's a vegetarian and thinks all fast food should be banned along with sodas and sugar.

 

[Jullianna]

But, Gabe, she can eat her weight in chocolate

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

- She can't pass anything with glass in it without looking at herself
- The rest of us must respect her feelings, but she can say whatever she wants to us
- She wouldn't be caught dead at Walmart
- She is either honest and says she can't stand children or she says she LOOOOOOOVES them..but will run screaming at the first sign of a one year old with a booger
- Men owe her jewelry
- Men must never speak to her as if she is ugly
- Tanning beds were created just for her
- Even her flipflops have high heels
- It takes at least an hour for her makeup
- It takes at least half an hour for her hair
- her hair color is not likely to be real
- if she buys you a gift it's because she wants something
- She looks through your wallet while you sleep
- She looks through your phone while you sleep
- She's probably slept with at least one of your friends
- Relatives aren't off limits to her either
- She will never buy you dinner
- She will never cook dinner for you and if she does, please don't eat it
- She will be catty to your female friends and flirt with your male friends
- She will rip you apart to her girlfriends and tell them all of your personal business
- She won't pay less than $100 to have her hair did
- You must compliment everything she wears and tell her at least 5 times per day how beautiful she is
- She will be very affectionate when she wants something
- She probably collects stuffed animals
- She doublebooks dates
- When you break up with her, she will tell everyone you are still stalking her even if you never speak to her again
- She's posted mean nasties about you online in several places
- Your mom will want to throw up on her shoes
- Her unmentionables come from Vic's
- Her parents are probably raising at least one of her kids
- She will spend the entire time at a sporting event checking her hair for split ends
- Drama is her planet and she is its queen

And it's amazing how girls hide some of that stuff before a guy starts dating them....

 

[Jullianna]

MORE:
- She knows how much cleavage is legal and purchases her clothing accordingly
- She's mastered the art of table leaning for your cleavage viewing pleasure
- That wiggle you watched her do on the way to the bathroom??? A. She practiced that; B. She picked the dress that best shows it off; C. She didn't have to go to the bathroom. She's in there putting on lipstick and laughing at you.
- She can cry on cue
- She has subscriptions to Glamour, Cosmo, and Vogue...and she probably put them on your credit card
- She loves the trashy reality tv shows and has probably tried to audition for one

 

[Jullianna]

(Okay.....am I being TOO mean yet???? )

 

[zeroturbulence]

Not yet. i'll let you know.

 

[shawntc]

MORE:
- She knows how much cleavage is legal and purchases her clothing accordingly
- She's mastered the art of table leaning for your cleavage viewing pleasure

Homeboy don't play those games. Women who flash excessive cleavage have a way of not being dated by me. In my brain, someone who does that lacks self-respect and perhaps intelligence. You want my attention? You get it by being a good Christian and keeping your boobs appropriately covered. There's nothing wrong with showing a little, obviously. But there's a reasonable limit. But that's a thread all its own.

 

[Ugly]

She thinks small dogs are accessories to her outfit, not living breathing creatures.

 

[goth4god]

-Her fingernails have more bling than a 12 year old girls room

 

[goth4god]

-She can't physically do anything because her fake nails are excessively long and she doesn't want to brake them.

 

[JessWv27]

Her two favorite words in her vocabulary are "like" and "OMG" hahaha

 

[Catlynn]

This thread makes me sad. :/ I see where you guys are coming from but everything about it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. How is discussing this publicly beneficial to anyone? I can understand using discretion and warning a dear guy friend about these things before he jumps headlong into a relationship but maybe I just don't understand the necessity of making it a public mocking of a certain stereotype. Again, maybe I just don't understand the intention behind it.

 

[Catlynn]

And Julliana that was in no way meant to be offensive to you or questioning your motives. I love your threads. I was just struck in an odd way about this one. My apologies.

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

A girl who asks how many runs have been scored in a football game.... okay, maybe that`s just me warning myself about a girl.