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Somehow I think a lot of people are shying away from this thread because they aren't sure how to answer without a post being reeeeaaaaalllllly long. I'm straining my brain to remember 18. 
Gaaagghghghghgh!!!!!! I've started and deleted four or five replies. So much has changed about me in 25 years it's a nightmare to try to put it in words all at once. I'm gonna come back to this in the morning.
Gaaagghghghghgh!!!!!! I've started and deleted four or five replies. So much has changed about me in 25 years it's a nightmare to try to put it in words all at once. I'm gonna come back to this in the morning.
U
18 - Sincere yet failing in my walk. Views on things marred by depression and anger.
25 - Renewed in my walk, yet still failing. My lifestyle had changed drastically, my depression lingered. But i was beginning to understand people better.
30 - Walk still failing. Getting weaker but actually separating old bad teachings out and figuring out right teaching. First time dealing with health issues and bad anxiety. Still depressed. Still learning a lot about people.
36 - Feel i have weeded out bulk or all of the bad doctrine. I understand God more than ever, and while i still fail, i am less caught up in my failures and learning to operate in grace. Another drastic lifestyle change, still have a lingering depression, but is better than it has been in a long time. I know a lot about people, and with that knowledge and experience, and a lot of wisdom from God, i'm able to now help others in ways i never have before. And in areas i never thought i'd be able to help others in.
Very trimmed down summary, but through i'd just highlight my walk and a few other important points in my life rather than writing a novel no one will read.
25 - Renewed in my walk, yet still failing. My lifestyle had changed drastically, my depression lingered. But i was beginning to understand people better.
30 - Walk still failing. Getting weaker but actually separating old bad teachings out and figuring out right teaching. First time dealing with health issues and bad anxiety. Still depressed. Still learning a lot about people.
36 - Feel i have weeded out bulk or all of the bad doctrine. I understand God more than ever, and while i still fail, i am less caught up in my failures and learning to operate in grace. Another drastic lifestyle change, still have a lingering depression, but is better than it has been in a long time. I know a lot about people, and with that knowledge and experience, and a lot of wisdom from God, i'm able to now help others in ways i never have before. And in areas i never thought i'd be able to help others in.
Very trimmed down summary, but through i'd just highlight my walk and a few other important points in my life rather than writing a novel no one will read.
18? Wow...
Well, when I was 18 I could best be described as introverted, troubled, misguided and I was a coward. I believed in things but, I would not be troubled to fight for them. I loved a woman but I could bring myself to tell her. When I did it was all but too late.
I hated myself, because I did not stand up for myself or what I believed in. I let people take advantage of me, corrupt me, and label me. I thought that maybe if I had loads of cool stuff, a cool life, and did cool things, people would respect me. I was wrong but it was fun for a while.
I genuinely thought that the real measure of a man was in the kind of woman he could seduce into marrying him.
I lacked character. I lacked moral fiber. I lacked an internal compass. It took me a while to beat this but eventually I became the person you see today. -ish
25.... was 2010. I was working at World Relief in Boise. I joined CC. I was a lot like Mikhal88. I was looking for a fight, mostly because I was a bit depressed. I didn't want peace in my life, because to me peace equated to surrender. That I had surrendered to my circumstances, no longer able to look ambitiously into the future, I was a ball of proving people wrong.
James 1:20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:26-27 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Well, when I was 18 I could best be described as introverted, troubled, misguided and I was a coward. I believed in things but, I would not be troubled to fight for them. I loved a woman but I could bring myself to tell her. When I did it was all but too late.
I hated myself, because I did not stand up for myself or what I believed in. I let people take advantage of me, corrupt me, and label me. I thought that maybe if I had loads of cool stuff, a cool life, and did cool things, people would respect me. I was wrong but it was fun for a while.
I genuinely thought that the real measure of a man was in the kind of woman he could seduce into marrying him.
I lacked character. I lacked moral fiber. I lacked an internal compass. It took me a while to beat this but eventually I became the person you see today. -ish
25.... was 2010. I was working at World Relief in Boise. I joined CC. I was a lot like Mikhal88. I was looking for a fight, mostly because I was a bit depressed. I didn't want peace in my life, because to me peace equated to surrender. That I had surrendered to my circumstances, no longer able to look ambitiously into the future, I was a ball of proving people wrong.
James 1:20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:26-27 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
G
When I was 18...
I was abused and by then, I was used to it...
I was beautiful but told otherwise...
I trusted and I was betrayed..
I watched people I love turn their backs from me..
Someone was beside me, but more than ever, I felt so alone.
I had ambition but i was too hopeless to dare dream again.
I was tender in age, but I had great responsibilities.
I isolated my self from the world and drowned in exaggerated shame.
I was full of fear, bitterness, and pain but I tried to hold my ground.
I was naive, foolish, and unsupported, thankfully, I had enough to keep my son.
Sometimes I would pray, but I never really understood why or knew how.
I ate, slept and woke up everyday.. but I was really dead.
I thought I knew God, I was taught about Him ever since I was little. But I wondered,
if He's really there and He really loved me... why did the bad things have to happen?
People say one should change and everything else around changes. I was so caught up with the world, I couldn't break free. I tried to change my life since I was 16. I tried and tried and failed..I became so desperate, I finally concluded I couldn't do it on my own. When I gave up on trying to clean the mess I made out of my life, only then did genuine change took place. Change is a painful process and He can only change us as much as we allow Him to. He changed me and He's not even done yet.
So now that I'm 26...
He GAVE me a new heart (the old one was beyond repair )
I wanna be so crazy for God now that I know He's crazy for me.
Singleness is a season to be whole in Christ, so yeah, i'm single. (so what?)
At times, I may be lonely, but it's so much comfort to know I was NOT and will NEVER be alone.
I believe now I know how to pray and I always pray for a heart to submit to His will.
There's no place I'd rather be .. no other way I'd want to live my life
So why does the bad things happen?
I'm not exactly sure. Sometimes the purpose is clear, more often, it's just not.
I wasted my life enough before, why wouldn't I entrust it now to the God of the universe?
He may be too big for me to understand but He loves me so much, I shouldn't fear what lies ahead.
He will always be sufficient. I praise Him for the change He brought in my life.
(I'm gonna ask Him my silly questions when I get to heaven)
I was abused and by then, I was used to it...
I was beautiful but told otherwise...
I trusted and I was betrayed..
I watched people I love turn their backs from me..
Someone was beside me, but more than ever, I felt so alone.
I had ambition but i was too hopeless to dare dream again.
I was tender in age, but I had great responsibilities.
I isolated my self from the world and drowned in exaggerated shame.
I was full of fear, bitterness, and pain but I tried to hold my ground.
I was naive, foolish, and unsupported, thankfully, I had enough to keep my son.
Sometimes I would pray, but I never really understood why or knew how.
I ate, slept and woke up everyday.. but I was really dead.
I thought I knew God, I was taught about Him ever since I was little. But I wondered,
if He's really there and He really loved me... why did the bad things have to happen?
People say one should change and everything else around changes. I was so caught up with the world, I couldn't break free. I tried to change my life since I was 16. I tried and tried and failed..I became so desperate, I finally concluded I couldn't do it on my own. When I gave up on trying to clean the mess I made out of my life, only then did genuine change took place. Change is a painful process and He can only change us as much as we allow Him to. He changed me and He's not even done yet.
So now that I'm 26...
He GAVE me a new heart
(the old one was beyond repair )I wanna be so crazy for God now that I know He's crazy for me.
Singleness is a season to be whole in Christ, so yeah, i'm single. (so what?
)At times, I may be lonely, but it's so much comfort to know I was NOT and will NEVER be alone.
I believe now I know how to pray and I always pray for a heart to submit to His will.
There's no place I'd rather be .. no other way I'd want to live my life
So why does the bad things happen?
I'm not exactly sure. Sometimes the purpose is clear, more often, it's just not.
I wasted my life enough before, why wouldn't I entrust it now to the God of the universe?
He may be too big for me to understand but He loves me so much, I shouldn't fear what lies ahead.
He will always be sufficient. I praise Him for the change He brought in my life.
(I'm gonna ask Him my silly questions when I get to heaven
)
Well... Jullianna, Ives been around CC long enough that I was here when I was 18. In an attempt to shorten my post, I have decided to just focus on what's different between when I was 18 and now with respect to my CC persona.
When I was 18, I was much more sarcastic. I thought of it as playful, but all things considered, I probably went a bit overboard. I knew what I was doing, and I could see how it affected people, but I did it anyways. I got banned a year or so later. I was far more argumentative at the time. And unfortunately, there were also a few immature mods that got recruited around that time. Trouble trouble trouble. I didn't really know or understand true love yet, but boy was my life about to change! I met an incredible woman on CC who absolutely rocked my world view and definition of love. No, I didn't ever date, or even want to date her, but she was one of those amazing christian women that are truly rare and hard to find. I have no doubt that she had a huge impact on where I am today in my walk with God.
Now days, I think I'm still playful (immature? nahhhh). I've learned to say less and be truly open and honest. At every word I try to avoid attacking and labelling people (except perhaps in jest). I am still a long ways from truly living the loving life that I desire to live, but my mind and my words at least are aligned. When I reach 30, I hope to be well on my way to truly acting on my desires instead of just feeling them and vocalizing them. Love is nothing without action.
Oh, and now I don't have to worry about getting banned... I hope.
When I was 18, I was much more sarcastic. I thought of it as playful, but all things considered, I probably went a bit overboard. I knew what I was doing, and I could see how it affected people, but I did it anyways. I got banned a year or so later. I was far more argumentative at the time. And unfortunately, there were also a few immature mods that got recruited around that time. Trouble trouble trouble. I didn't really know or understand true love yet, but boy was my life about to change! I met an incredible woman on CC who absolutely rocked my world view and definition of love. No, I didn't ever date, or even want to date her, but she was one of those amazing christian women that are truly rare and hard to find. I have no doubt that she had a huge impact on where I am today in my walk with God.
Now days, I think I'm still playful (immature? nahhhh). I've learned to say less and be truly open and honest. At every word I try to avoid attacking and labelling people (except perhaps in jest). I am still a long ways from truly living the loving life that I desire to live, but my mind and my words at least are aligned. When I reach 30, I hope to be well on my way to truly acting on my desires instead of just feeling them and vocalizing them. Love is nothing without action.
Oh, and now I don't have to worry about getting banned... I hope.
L
At 18 i thought i was at the begining of my life which was good to me, i had friends but despite that, i was feeling the biggest emptyness inside that used to make think that i was going to die of pain. I didnt know about God and the ppl around me were involved in different ideologies so i decided to explore them.
At 25 i was working almost all the time, i was depressed, i was scared, i knew that God was there but no idea of how to find Him, i started to think that i couldnt do anything, i was alone, to go out of my house was a battle everyday, i thought i couldnt be able of do anything.
At 30 i already accepted God in my life, i stopped saying negative things about myself and i started to discover what bible said i was, i started to heal, i stopped smoking and started doing excersice, i started to have friends, i started to laugh and enjoy a lot my days and time after this i moved to another place much better.
PS. God is great and good and merciful and powerful
At 25 i was working almost all the time, i was depressed, i was scared, i knew that God was there but no idea of how to find Him, i started to think that i couldnt do anything, i was alone, to go out of my house was a battle everyday, i thought i couldnt be able of do anything.
At 30 i already accepted God in my life, i stopped saying negative things about myself and i started to discover what bible said i was, i started to heal, i stopped smoking and started doing excersice, i started to have friends, i started to laugh and enjoy a lot my days and time after this i moved to another place much better.
PS. God is great and good and merciful and powerful
N
At 18 i was very aggressive and angry, i liked to start fights and i was always running away from everything. Even though i knew who God was i didn't think he really liked me very much. At 18 i was always looking for something to make me feel better as I was always in a state of anxiety and fear.
At 25 I was walking with God, but discouraged a lot. I was actively trying to pursue his will for my life and i had the assurance he loved me and wanted the best for my life. I was no longer angry or aggressive, instead i had a peace and calm. I still dealt with some fear and anxiety, but i trusted that he was going to get me through.
At 25 I was walking with God, but discouraged a lot. I was actively trying to pursue his will for my life and i had the assurance he loved me and wanted the best for my life. I was no longer angry or aggressive, instead i had a peace and calm. I still dealt with some fear and anxiety, but i trusted that he was going to get me through.
S
18 - 2001. All about going to play college sports.. which I accomplished over the next several years. Happy to be out of high school.. and moving on.. endured 9/11 that fall. A ton of culture shock at new school, but better than high school. Was certain about a girl at my church being my future wife.. we talked once or twice.. never went anywhere. Too different.
25 - 2008. Very adventerous year, if not the most adventurous year of my entire life. Most consumed with church and young adult groups in the history my life. I grew up a lot, saw a lot and did a lot. The 1st half of 25 was better than the 2nd half. A mid-summer/deep fall brewing relationship with a young lady.. had so many positive signs but eventually fizzled out in epic fashion.. and it was positive that it did.
29 - 2012. The first year since 2008 that's just like 2008.. except on a less grander scale. Most self-confident in my life.. certain of myself. Very dedicated to the bible. No lady options but whatever lol
25 - 2008. Very adventerous year, if not the most adventurous year of my entire life. Most consumed with church and young adult groups in the history my life. I grew up a lot, saw a lot and did a lot. The 1st half of 25 was better than the 2nd half. A mid-summer/deep fall brewing relationship with a young lady.. had so many positive signs but eventually fizzled out in epic fashion.. and it was positive that it did.
29 - 2012. The first year since 2008 that's just like 2008.. except on a less grander scale. Most self-confident in my life.. certain of myself. Very dedicated to the bible. No lady options but whatever lol
I'm gonna simplify things for myself since 18 to 43 is a really loooooong time, and like wise the biggest changes in my life have been from 30 forward. I really consider 30 to have been the pivotal year in my life moving me from who I was and how I used to perceive God, my family, and others around me to who I am today.
Before 30 I really had a skewed image of God. Although I had grown up in the church and was saved at a young age, but I had really developed the perception that it was impossible to please God, so I gave up trying to at 18. It was right around 18 that I developed the opinion that God was just playing head games with me and I walked away from the church. My family dynamic really stank and I really didn't believe that my parents loved me, or that it was possible to please them, so I likewise quit trying there too. My 20's were full of my attempts to find happiness in bad relationships, love in sex, and fulfillment in work.
I was so busy burying the emotional pain from my childhood to the point that even those closest to me had no clue how broken I was. Even though on the surface I appeared to be a responsible, happy, well rounded guy, deep inside I was rapidly dying. Even though during that time I had some really great friends, there was always the feeling deep inside that if they knew the "real" me, that they would abandon me. I couldn't let people close enough to me out of fear of being hurt once again. Looking back I can see that time and again God was making attempts to get my attention and draw me back, but I ignored every one of them.
My life began to implode at 29, and in the months coming up to 30 I almost committed suicide because of the mess I had made of my life. It was the first time I had cried out to God since I was a kid. I pretty much had to hit rock bottom before God could get through to me. The real turn around began just after my 30th birthday.
In the past 13 years, God has worked in my life in amazing ways. My relationship with my parents has healed and I realize that they really do love me, and are proud of me no matter what path my life takes. God has revealed His love for me time and again and I am so aware that even in life's up and downs that He will always work His plan in my life, sometimes in spite of my foolishness. I am daily grateful not only that He pulled me from the mess of my life, but that He uses both my experiences in that mess and the experiences from my healing process to glorify Him.
Although I still tend to work too much at times, it is out of dedication to my employer, not trying to gain a false sense of fulfillment in my life. Over the years I have come to realize that people actually accept me for who I am, not a facade that I have put up and as a result am able to open up and experience not only their acceptance, but also shrug off the occasional rejection.
I didn't intend to write a book when I started, so I'm gonna stop here.
Before 30 I really had a skewed image of God. Although I had grown up in the church and was saved at a young age, but I had really developed the perception that it was impossible to please God, so I gave up trying to at 18. It was right around 18 that I developed the opinion that God was just playing head games with me and I walked away from the church. My family dynamic really stank and I really didn't believe that my parents loved me, or that it was possible to please them, so I likewise quit trying there too. My 20's were full of my attempts to find happiness in bad relationships, love in sex, and fulfillment in work.
I was so busy burying the emotional pain from my childhood to the point that even those closest to me had no clue how broken I was. Even though on the surface I appeared to be a responsible, happy, well rounded guy, deep inside I was rapidly dying. Even though during that time I had some really great friends, there was always the feeling deep inside that if they knew the "real" me, that they would abandon me. I couldn't let people close enough to me out of fear of being hurt once again. Looking back I can see that time and again God was making attempts to get my attention and draw me back, but I ignored every one of them.
My life began to implode at 29, and in the months coming up to 30 I almost committed suicide because of the mess I had made of my life. It was the first time I had cried out to God since I was a kid. I pretty much had to hit rock bottom before God could get through to me. The real turn around began just after my 30th birthday.
In the past 13 years, God has worked in my life in amazing ways. My relationship with my parents has healed and I realize that they really do love me, and are proud of me no matter what path my life takes. God has revealed His love for me time and again and I am so aware that even in life's up and downs that He will always work His plan in my life, sometimes in spite of my foolishness. I am daily grateful not only that He pulled me from the mess of my life, but that He uses both my experiences in that mess and the experiences from my healing process to glorify Him.
Although I still tend to work too much at times, it is out of dedication to my employer, not trying to gain a false sense of fulfillment in my life. Over the years I have come to realize that people actually accept me for who I am, not a facade that I have put up and as a result am able to open up and experience not only their acceptance, but also shrug off the occasional rejection.
I didn't intend to write a book when I started, so I'm gonna stop here.
K
I was about to post something but then i changed my mind....I wasn't sure if I was being too personal. Yeah I know 18 to 19(almost 20) doesn't seem like a big difference...but it was for me. At 18 ( and all my teenage years) I thought I was my own rock, which led me to feel miserably miserable all these past years.
My life was all about pretending, about being the perfect girl on the outside, and eventually that led me to gradually remove boundaries I though I had established. There were days when I wanted to disappear fom the face of the earth, I suffered from depression, a feeling I always carried with me but managed to hide with alcohol and friends. I was "moderate" on the outside, because even though I would go out like everyone else, I also had great grades, had a job (part time job, but a job) , and was a good friend... but in the inside I was a Chaos with capital C.
One month before turning 19 I was saved, Christ set me free of my foolishness and put my life into perspective. Now He is my rock,not me, and I can't wait to see what He has planned for me. I don't care about pretending I have it all together anymore, I just want to serve Him as I am and live for Him forever and always. I can't imagine how many things I have to learn, and I bet in a couple of years more I will think ''I was so stupid when I was 19'', but at least I know I'm safe and walking in the right direction.
My life was all about pretending, about being the perfect girl on the outside, and eventually that led me to gradually remove boundaries I though I had established. There were days when I wanted to disappear fom the face of the earth, I suffered from depression, a feeling I always carried with me but managed to hide with alcohol and friends. I was "moderate" on the outside, because even though I would go out like everyone else, I also had great grades, had a job (part time job, but a job) , and was a good friend... but in the inside I was a Chaos with capital C.
One month before turning 19 I was saved, Christ set me free of my foolishness and put my life into perspective. Now He is my rock,not me, and I can't wait to see what He has planned for me. I don't care about pretending I have it all together anymore, I just want to serve Him as I am and live for Him forever and always. I can't imagine how many things I have to learn, and I bet in a couple of years more I will think ''I was so stupid when I was 19'', but at least I know I'm safe and walking in the right direction
.
G
I was about to post something but then i changed my mind....I wasn't sure if I was being too personal. Yeah I know 18 to 19(almost 20) doesn't seem like a big difference...but it was for me. At 18 ( and all my teenage years) I thought I was my own rock, which led me to feel miserably miserable all these past years.
My life was all about pretending, about being the perfect girl on the outside, and eventually that led me to gradually remove boundaries I though I had established. There were days when I wanted to disappear fom the face of the earth, I suffered from depression, a feeling I always carried with me but managed to hide with alcohol and friends. I was "moderate" on the outside, because even though I would go out like everyone else, I also had great grades, had a job (part time job, but a job) , and was a good friend... but in the inside I was a Chaos with capital C.
One month before turning 19 I was saved, Christ set me free of my foolishness and put my life into perspective. Now He is my rock,not me, and I can't wait to see what He has planned for me. I don't care about pretending I have it all together anymore, I just want to serve Him as I am and live for Him forever and always. I can't imagine how many things I have to learn, and I bet in a couple of years more I will think ''I was so stupid when I was 19'', but at least I know I'm safe and walking in the right direction.
My life was all about pretending, about being the perfect girl on the outside, and eventually that led me to gradually remove boundaries I though I had established. There were days when I wanted to disappear fom the face of the earth, I suffered from depression, a feeling I always carried with me but managed to hide with alcohol and friends. I was "moderate" on the outside, because even though I would go out like everyone else, I also had great grades, had a job (part time job, but a job) , and was a good friend... but in the inside I was a Chaos with capital C.
One month before turning 19 I was saved, Christ set me free of my foolishness and put my life into perspective. Now He is my rock,not me, and I can't wait to see what He has planned for me. I don't care about pretending I have it all together anymore, I just want to serve Him as I am and live for Him forever and always. I can't imagine how many things I have to learn, and I bet in a couple of years more I will think ''I was so stupid when I was 19'', but at least I know I'm safe and walking in the right direction
.
KayM, you are young but, as I've said before, reading your posts in bible discussion forum (and here, like writing skills shown for julieanna's write-a-story thread), show me an orgainizing power gift of God's word, said in poignant awesome thought. You, I think, should pray about becoming a sunday schiol teacher for kids, or,, just go to seminary. I think you have that gift of teaching, and, many more, but just saying that.
////////////////=============//////////////////
I like what everyone said and I may say more, the Lord leads, so, be careful what you say or green is going to get you
