Through some circumstances and situations life started falling apart i think from when i was 14, i tried telling my family this problem but i was mocked if i remember correctly, as the years went on the problem intensified, i got bitter, angry and hated everyone and everything, i was in a place of mental torment, you could say life was a living hell for me, the issues would run in my mind constantly, the only way i knew how to silence these tormenting thoughts about my situation was by playing games, i used games as an escape, there my mind was focused on something else and not on the world around me, i would play games ALL the time, i put my priorities on games rather than food, some days i would play games from the morning till night, sometimes even longer, during this time i prayed to God and wonder why he let this happened why he was not there, from that point on as far as i was concerned there was no God, because i just couldn't believe what had happened to me.
I managed to pick up some bad habits along this time such as porn, there were too things i needed and was totally addicted to, games and porn, i could never get to sleep like a normal person, i had to play games until i was just extremely tired and passed out, i think this was the pattern from 14-17, i lost connection with all my friends, was always inside, was always angry and filled with hate, one day i just thought to myself this is too much, and i saw suicide as any easy way out, i just wanted all of this to end, this nightmare i'd been living for years, so i remember i took a knife from my kitchen draw and stood there but i didn't do it, i'm pretty sure i wasn't scared of death i saw suicide as a peaceful escape from this nightmare i was living.
Then i remember looking at the things of God on YouTube, i would watch this guy called the AmazingAthiest and he's take of religion and other kind of things, after some time, of watching videos and researching i came across a video which talked about how to accept Jesus i was so compelled i went on my knees and cried out to Jesus and accepted him, i don't know what i was expecting but i didn't feel anything at all, i think i must have been really dissapointed and slid back to my old lifestyle, however i noticed the desire to watch porn and play games were no longer there but i went back into it, i remember feeling guilt but i carried on-
Then i started to have these end of the world dreams maybe once a week, these dream shook me to my core, i have never had dreams so scary in my life and the thing is these dreams were something that could happened in real life, i've had dreams of monsters chasing me but these were just something else
After a while the dreams got to me and i went on the internet and typed something like 'end of the world dreams' i came across a website were people had dreams of the end of the world, some people believed they were from God and others didn't, seems to me God warns people through dreams.
I suppose i might as well tell you the dreams as their important-
I had a number of these dreams but there is 3 i remember quite well.
In one of them i was in New York, people were casually walking i remember a woman and a man on their cellphones walking to work i assume then out of nowhere huge tsunami came, it didn't even take 8 seconds for it to reach, excuse my child like immaturity but as a child i always wonder why people could not just out-run floods and through that dream i saw why, people were panicking running in buildings, i remember being next to this granite like stone (which i always think to be a 9/11 memorial) next to that was a subway, i remember hiding behind the granite rock as the waters were pounding and it was inescapable, if you ran inside it was a watery grave, there was nowhere to run-
Everytime i work up from these dreams the first thing i thought was God.
Another dream is when i was in Washington and i was taking a field trip (weird as i live in England) we were on this finely cut grass across the road from the white house, around this grass was some trees and a fleet of black flying saucers came from this trees, they let out this horrible sound which made us close our ears and kneel on the floor, i remember everyone being in formation with their ears close and knelt on the ground, and i said "I wish i'd believed in God"
Another one is were i was in England in this place i live, and a fleet of black aircraft clustered together was hovering and people were running and screaming towards this fence which led to the motorway, i managed to jump over this spiked fence and jumped into a moving van were there was an Asian man driving, he took me in to his house, it was sooo peaceful, i remember eating with him and it was just a silent peaceful place, my dad came to pick me up and said lets go home, upon going home the place was not the same, absolutely broken, the grass was dry, houses were broken and people were moving away-
after these i remember going back to God, i became so glued to the bible im not even kidding you i spent about like 8 hours a day just reading, could not get enough, this was during last years summer, because i had no one at all i'd just be in my house reading and knowing God, in my whole life i have never ever been as happy as i was then, even though i was alone i was probably the happiest guy around the area i lived, i remember one of my biggest struggles was a filthy mind from all the porn i'd watch, for me renewing of the mind was fantastic because i could think fresh thoughts, it took a while but at its best, i hardly thought dirty thoughts, i fell in love with Jesus, so in love, i would read how God too Enoch and i would get upset because i just wanted to be with God, it was absolutely amazing, i could have literally died happy then.
This is my first testimony, i have another.
I managed to pick up some bad habits along this time such as porn, there were too things i needed and was totally addicted to, games and porn, i could never get to sleep like a normal person, i had to play games until i was just extremely tired and passed out, i think this was the pattern from 14-17, i lost connection with all my friends, was always inside, was always angry and filled with hate, one day i just thought to myself this is too much, and i saw suicide as any easy way out, i just wanted all of this to end, this nightmare i'd been living for years, so i remember i took a knife from my kitchen draw and stood there but i didn't do it, i'm pretty sure i wasn't scared of death i saw suicide as a peaceful escape from this nightmare i was living.
Then i remember looking at the things of God on YouTube, i would watch this guy called the AmazingAthiest and he's take of religion and other kind of things, after some time, of watching videos and researching i came across a video which talked about how to accept Jesus i was so compelled i went on my knees and cried out to Jesus and accepted him, i don't know what i was expecting but i didn't feel anything at all, i think i must have been really dissapointed and slid back to my old lifestyle, however i noticed the desire to watch porn and play games were no longer there but i went back into it, i remember feeling guilt but i carried on-
Then i started to have these end of the world dreams maybe once a week, these dream shook me to my core, i have never had dreams so scary in my life and the thing is these dreams were something that could happened in real life, i've had dreams of monsters chasing me but these were just something else
After a while the dreams got to me and i went on the internet and typed something like 'end of the world dreams' i came across a website were people had dreams of the end of the world, some people believed they were from God and others didn't, seems to me God warns people through dreams.
I suppose i might as well tell you the dreams as their important-
I had a number of these dreams but there is 3 i remember quite well.
In one of them i was in New York, people were casually walking i remember a woman and a man on their cellphones walking to work i assume then out of nowhere huge tsunami came, it didn't even take 8 seconds for it to reach, excuse my child like immaturity but as a child i always wonder why people could not just out-run floods and through that dream i saw why, people were panicking running in buildings, i remember being next to this granite like stone (which i always think to be a 9/11 memorial) next to that was a subway, i remember hiding behind the granite rock as the waters were pounding and it was inescapable, if you ran inside it was a watery grave, there was nowhere to run-
Everytime i work up from these dreams the first thing i thought was God.
Another dream is when i was in Washington and i was taking a field trip (weird as i live in England) we were on this finely cut grass across the road from the white house, around this grass was some trees and a fleet of black flying saucers came from this trees, they let out this horrible sound which made us close our ears and kneel on the floor, i remember everyone being in formation with their ears close and knelt on the ground, and i said "I wish i'd believed in God"
Another one is were i was in England in this place i live, and a fleet of black aircraft clustered together was hovering and people were running and screaming towards this fence which led to the motorway, i managed to jump over this spiked fence and jumped into a moving van were there was an Asian man driving, he took me in to his house, it was sooo peaceful, i remember eating with him and it was just a silent peaceful place, my dad came to pick me up and said lets go home, upon going home the place was not the same, absolutely broken, the grass was dry, houses were broken and people were moving away-
after these i remember going back to God, i became so glued to the bible im not even kidding you i spent about like 8 hours a day just reading, could not get enough, this was during last years summer, because i had no one at all i'd just be in my house reading and knowing God, in my whole life i have never ever been as happy as i was then, even though i was alone i was probably the happiest guy around the area i lived, i remember one of my biggest struggles was a filthy mind from all the porn i'd watch, for me renewing of the mind was fantastic because i could think fresh thoughts, it took a while but at its best, i hardly thought dirty thoughts, i fell in love with Jesus, so in love, i would read how God too Enoch and i would get upset because i just wanted to be with God, it was absolutely amazing, i could have literally died happy then.
This is my first testimony, i have another.
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