Turned to salt

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Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#21
Dec 14, 2009
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#21
And just to let you know exactly what it feels like.

Ever had such a good time, such chemistry and such a connection with someone that you can't help but have this, amazing, will, drive, determination and ability in other areas of your life that you didn't have before?

Ever spoke to someone so easily it's like everything is one big breeze? Or helped someone and felt so good about it you get faith and energy you didn't have?

Well that's what happened. Seemingly for BOTH of us. And we both said it. 'You've changed my life'.

So, after all that time as kids, then two years or driving each other and supporting each other, can you really blame me for thinking there was something there??

The way I saw it at times, was 'give her time, she'll see'.

But, it got messed up, and messy. I was really up for it. She was dipping her toes in the water and it wasn't as hot as she thought. I kinda jumped in and let it warm up, so to speak. Not a bad way of thinking about it.

But yea, what's done is done. I don't need to feel guilty any more. I fulfilled my duty, made my apologies, and put my hand out. She doesn't wanna take it.

thanks.
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#22
Dec 14, 2009
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#22
And to be honest guys, I don't need to go out of this negatively. She was there, she drove me to go into music. I'm really enjoying it now and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even be doing it. She has come out of her shell massively and if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be doing that either. We DID change each others lives. Really did. And I can say that even though it didn't end (nothing really ever ends, but you know what I mean), the way we'd both have liked, at least I can take those positive memories out of that and hope maybe she'll remember what it was like to be close and happy. So yea. thanks again.
 
Spartacus1122

Spartacus1122

Banned [Reason: insulting CC admin in previous pos
#23
Jun 9, 2012
276
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#23
No worries.

Love is a sword, and sometimes we find ourselves on the wrong side of it, and get cut up pretty bad.
You've done your duty as her knight in shining armor, and now you may ride on to another adventure, hopefully one that will last a lifetime :)

Word of caution:
Don't be fooled if she comes back crawling at you. You've been her rock, right? Then remain a rock. If you cave in, you will be rubble, and her stone pebble to play with.

Be well.
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#24
Dec 14, 2009
1,400
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#24
Yes Spartacus you make a good point. It's very hard to shut her out, like she has been shutting me out. Very very hard indeed. These feelings that I deserve to be valued as I value her. It seems only fair. But I know that I have to just stop contacting her. It is difficult. If she needs me, she will call, and right now, she does'nt need anything from me, not even my friendship. Which is hurtful and very saddening but I just gotta deal with that.

Thanks.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#25
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#25
Mediate said:
Ever spoke to someone so easily it's like everything is one big breeze? Or helped someone and felt so good about it you get faith and energy you didn't have?
Click to expand...
It hurts. I know it does. I also know it's not going to be as easy as, "Just stop talking to her".

Mediate said:
can you really blame me for thinking there was something there??
Click to expand...
Not in the least. I don't think love is a choice. It shows up where it wants to show up, and stays as long as it wants to stay. Love is a mysterious force, and quite hard to deal with at times. I also know what you mean about nothing ever really being "over". But try telling God how you feel, cast your cares on Him, and give Him every facet of the situation. The memories, the hope, the longing... all of it. And He will sustain you. :)
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#26
Dec 14, 2009
1,400
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#26
The one thing that I keep playing over in my mind is this: One night, we sat, the night we kissed. And it was amazing. We told each other deep, deep things. Things I've never told anyone PopClick. And she told me she just needed someone in her life who wasn't gonna pressure her, who was just gonna be her friend and be there for her. Just someone she could run to. Her family aren't very supportive and she doesn't have many friends. I messed that up. I fell in love with her and I couldn't help but ask for more. I apologize to God every day and I feel that it's my fault. That I owe her such a debt and I made her a promise, that I could not keep. But I can't even tell her this. It's over and I know it is. I messed up.
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#27
Dec 14, 2009
1,400
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#27
I can't help thinking, 'what if I'd just laid off the gas'
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#28
Dec 14, 2009
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#28
Perhaps, as you all say, it was never gonna happen. And she only would ever take what she could get. I mean, I wouldn't really be happy with just being a 'go-to guy anyway'. So yea, I answered my own question.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#29
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#29
Mediate said:
The one thing that I keep playing over in my mind is this: One night, we sat, the night we kissed. And it was amazing. We told each other deep, deep things. Things I've never told anyone PopClick.
Click to expand...
Things like that are hard to forget, I know. Bonding can catch anyone off guard. :(
Mediate said:
And she told me she just needed someone in her life who wasn't gonna pressure her, who was just gonna be her friend and be there for her. Just someone she could run to. Her family aren't very supportive and she doesn't have many friends. I messed that up. I fell in love with her and I couldn't help but ask for more. I apologize to God every day and I feel that it's my fault. That I owe her such a debt and I made her a promise, that I could not keep. But I can't even tell her this. It's over and I know it is. I messed up.
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I'm not so sure that you did mess up. It sounds like she used you for support, until she felt like she didn't need you anymore. At that point, it sounds like you were set free from your promise. Maybe I'm not seeing the whole picture, but it sounds like you were what you promised to be, until she decided she'd had enough. Therefore, she sort of broke your promise FOR you. Fair? Or no?
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#30
Dec 14, 2009
1,400
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#30
Yea that's fair to say. Well, it gets worse I'm afraid. My friends, knowing about all this, asked me out earlier in the week. Supposed to meet up for drinks tonight, and well, the four of them decided to have a couples night in . . just the four of them lol. I just finished getting ready as well . . so that sucks . . . thanks for everything guys, helped me make a lot of sense of this.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#31
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#31
Yikes... I hope things get better. People are people, huh?
 
Spartacus1122

Spartacus1122

Banned [Reason: insulting CC admin in previous pos
#32
Jun 9, 2012
276
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0
#32
Mediate said:
Yes Spartacus you make a good point. It's very hard to shut her out, like she has been shutting me out. Very very hard indeed. These feelings that I deserve to be valued as I value her. It seems only fair. But I know that I have to just stop contacting her. It is difficult. If she needs me, she will call, and right now, she does'nt need anything from me, not even my friendship. Which is hurtful and very saddening but I just gotta deal with that.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
U welcome.
I've been on the same boat, except mine was waaaaaay more intense than your described "kiss", if you know what I mean. So it was not just emotional, it was also the physical element that made it even harder.

Scar tissue yields thicker skin.
Let it heal, and get tough. It will serve you well in the future, because trust me, us men are dumb enough to get hurt over and over again! :D

Take care dude.
 
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