I understand you are going through hard times and I feel for you. I've gone through hard times too, believe me. Why would God allow these things to happen? Think of it this way.
Imagine for a second that everything in our lives was perfect. We had perfect health, perfect wealth, perfect comfort, perfect everything. Not one ounce of suffering. In such a case, who would seek God? What fallen sinner would ever seek God where it not for his helplessness revealed in his sufferings? Fallen man likes to think of himself as all powerful, self-sufficient and invincible. The 'bad' things in life have a marvelous way of reminding us that we are not powerful, sufficient, or invincible, but rather, that we are absolutely dependent on God for all things, even the continuation of the beating of our hearts.
The sufferings in this life are actually a great mercy of God, compelling us to draw near to him, who alone is the source of all strength and security. God Almighty is our refuge, the rock upon whom we stand, in whom we can withstand all the shifting tides of life that so easily beset us.
God did not create this universe as to satisfy every whim of man and keep him in perfect comfort. No, this world was created that we might seek him and know him. The very meaning of life is to know God, to the praise of his glory. With this in mind, can you now see how suffering actually plays a positive role in God's plan? Suffering compels us to draw near to God, and in drawing near to him, we can find eternal life in the Lord Jesus Christ, life surpassing our wildest dreams, reserved for us in a new heaven and a new earth, to be revealed at the end of the age.
So take heart, God is sovereign and knows exactly what he's doing. This imperfect world is not everlasting, it will past away, and God will usher in a marvelous new world, perfect in all ways, where righteousness alone dwells. He will wipe every tear from every eye, and there will be no more suffering, only eternal joy in his presence.
Have you repented of your sin and believed in Christ alone for salvation? Growing up religious does not make one a Christian. God will reveal himself to you personally, if you will only seek him. Repent and believe the gospel. The Lord Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, lived a life of perfect obedience to the Father, bore your sins in his own body, was rejected by his own people and nailed to the cross, being displayed publicly; and upon that cross, the Father unleashed the fullness of his wrath that you deserved upon Christ, crushing him on account of your sins. He died, was buried, and three days later rose from the dead, having defeated sin, death, Satan, and Hell, being made alive forever and always making intercession for his people, that you may be justified before a Holy God.
If you will simply turn from your sin and believe this gospel, trusting in Christ alone for salvation and not your good works, you will be saved. All your sin will be forgiven and you will be able to stand justified before a holy God on account of Christ's righteousness, and God will work all the days of your life to purify you and conform you more and more to the image of Christ, until, on the day of your death or his second coming, you are taken into his presence to dwell with him forever. This is the blessed hope of our redemption, and God offers this marvelous grace to you today.
If you have any questions, regarding the gospel or reasons to believe in God, please PM me and I would be happy to address any concerns you have.
Grace to you in Christ Jesus our Lord.
