A
arwen7
Guest
Guys: What are some ways a girl can get positive male attention? I heard subtle cues don't always work.
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
A
arwen7
Guest
P.S. This is a true story...I am in a Starbucks as I am writing and there is a barista whom I find attractive. I have been eavesdropping and he seems very genuine. But I am not sure how to proceed subtly and to gather more information.
Unfortunately since some of us guys are pretty dense when it come to subtle clues and we completely miss them, however if you go too far beyond subtle you risk looking like you're chasing the guy and that can get him to turn and run quick. I've found that man chasers usually have serious emotional and self image issues which invariably are a nightmare in a relationship.
Good luck! 
Tell him an "inside" joke about someone else or something else. Or talk to him about something that makes him feel included or in on something that is just between you.
If he reciprocates and flirts, make it a habit.
His asking you out will be inevitable.
If he reciprocates and flirts, make it a habit.
His asking you out will be inevitable.
U
Ugly
Guest
Its been studied and shown, women tend to communicate more through suggestions, implications, 'sending out messages' and other vague mediums. Its also been proven men are Not very adept at picking up these subtleties. Men, by nature, are more direct in how they communicate, and as a result, in how they need to be communicated to. Dropping hints is not a good idea. Whether its trying to get a new guys attention, or trying to get your husband to pay more attention to you. If you want it, speak up and stop hoping he'll figure out the cryptic messages you drop. Its not a matter of men being 'dense' either. Even highly intelligent men can miss all these subtle clues because the male brain is not built that way. So if you want this guys attention, don't sit in the corner, behind your laptop, stealing random glances and hoping he see's you and comes over. Get up, go say hi and put yourself out there. And being at work he may not approach you first as he may feel its inappropriate, depending on the guy.
Hmmm, I never really was big on the whole starting a relationship out of thin air kind of thing. I much prefer the "let it flow naturally" route. If you've been reading any of the other threads in these forums, you might catch a recurring theme: it seems that when you stop looking for a relationship, that's when you find one that is truly good. God wants us to seek Him first. In doing that God may bring us together with someone, or we may simply become happy in our relationship with God and serving Him alone.
With that in mind, I guess do you know if he's a christian? Does it affect your intentions at all if he isn't? Have you asked God what His will is? In the end, I think the only way to really grow a relationship is by spending time together. The more you talk when you're at starbucks, the better. It doesn't have to be anything in particular, though some others have mentioned some good potential topics. In the end, if he's interested in you too then it should be easy to get a little extra of his time here or there.
Good luck!
EDIT: I guess you never did say that you were interested beyond finding out more information. I guess maybe I went a little overboard.
Most of it still applies, though. Bringing church into the conversation can flow naturally. Mention it in your own context first, I would hope that most good christian men would be interested and follow up on that topic.
With that in mind, I guess do you know if he's a christian? Does it affect your intentions at all if he isn't? Have you asked God what His will is? In the end, I think the only way to really grow a relationship is by spending time together. The more you talk when you're at starbucks, the better. It doesn't have to be anything in particular, though some others have mentioned some good potential topics. In the end, if he's interested in you too then it should be easy to get a little extra of his time here or there.
Good luck!
EDIT: I guess you never did say that you were interested beyond finding out more information. I guess maybe I went a little overboard.
Most of it still applies, though. Bringing church into the conversation can flow naturally. Mention it in your own context first, I would hope that most good christian men would be interested and follow up on that topic.
Last edited:
A
arwen7
Guest
Hmm...yeah. It's shallow I realize -just by looks and a little conversation at this point. I'm don't think I'll pursue it. I think its lost its appeal.
It is better to have considered love, then never to have considered it at all!
You can quote me on that - lol.
M
MYRedeemedinJC
Guest
Watsup Arwen! This is how you do it, Guys don't always get hints alright! lol, I'll tell you that much. So what you do if you want to but only with complete confidence in yourself is Go up say watsup, say the formal stuff, start some small talk, start talking about you know the persons job, wat the person is interested in. If the person asks you why your asking, just tell them your just a noticer cf the person and want to know a little more.. Continue to talk about things you want to know more about and if things go deeper but with the least pressure possible.. maybe you'll will hit a spark. The thing with this technique is that even though you might not be dating or something like that, you will know another person and least you could be is friends... Good luck!
What if you like him and he likes you and he is actually a good match for you but because you decide not to pursue it, you never find out? The one thing that people always wonder about when they get older is the "what if's". We don't come across someone that we're attracted to everyday. What have you got to lose? Your pride? Will the world end if it turns out he's not interested? Of course not.
I'm just saying that I'd hate to see you let a chance like this pass by for no good reason. You're young and pretty. This is the time when you should be finding a mate. As we get older our looks fade and our chances of attracting someone begin to diminish. With women its even harder because older men tend to go for younger women and then there's the whole biological clock thing..
Last edited:
Another thought..
Think about what you will ponder about this thread a year from now. Will you be thinking "this is the thread I started about the wonderful guy that I'm about to get married to!" or "I wonder what would've happened if i had tried to get to know that guy."
Take it from someone like me whose life is full of what-if's. Its much better to look back and know that you've tried and failed than to know that you never tried.
Think about what you will ponder about this thread a year from now. Will you be thinking "this is the thread I started about the wonderful guy that I'm about to get married to!" or "I wonder what would've happened if i had tried to get to know that guy."
Take it from someone like me whose life is full of what-if's. Its much better to look back and know that you've tried and failed than to know that you never tried.
A
arwen7
Guest
I don't think I fear rejected. I have been before, it happens. I think its this impulsive trait about me, I get really excited about pursuing something (like a hobby) before really thinking on the work behind it. I'm thinking that this was just one of those situations. I think that I think my way out of things. I'm not sure how this translates to a relationship, but I am worried about when things get hard and familiar. When the honeymoon phase is gone. I think that this worry has influenced my singleness.
In any case, you do make a lot of good points about pursuing before getting older. I appreciate your advice. It has given me a lot to think about.
For all the ladies who just want to cut straight to the point with a guy who they like, just hand him a note like this:
F
FireWire
Guest
" The cute barista "
That says it all. Good luck with that.
Isaiah 53:2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
That says it all. Good luck with that.
Isaiah 53:2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
Made me think of this [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nU4yZ0QKRE[/video]
For all the ladies who just want to cut straight to the point with a guy who they like, just hand him a note like this:
lol this is funny.