Trust

[Jullianna]

I love easily and deeply. I don't trust easily though. For me, trust is like respect. It's earned.

There are times when I will begin to follow my heart, but then something will trigger my spidey sense, which I have come to rely upon greatly, and I proceed with caution. More often than not, it isn't long before my spidey sense hits tilt and every bell and possible whistle will be going off. And then the walls go up and rarely, if ever, come back down.

How does it work for you?

 

[zander]

a definition of what trust is and what it is you are trusting might be helpful

 

[1still_waters]

I've replaced my broken trust with an obsession over highlighters, and fascination with cheesy heroes from movies and books meant for teens.


In all honesty, trust is like an old, often used baseball glove. It's going to get used. The stitches are going to get broken. The leather is going to be worn. But when the stitches get broken, you lace it up with new leather stitching. You polish out the worn areas with some shoe polish.

Where is this analogy going?

Umm...

In other words. Trust is something you'll always exercise. Something that will always get used, worn out, and need mending.
But in the end, despite all the scuffs, mends, and polishing, it still works.
Sure you still see the scuffs, mends and replaced stitching. Yet you also see that it's still somehow working, despite all that.
One of the great mysteries of life.

 

[shirley]

I FEEL WHAT YOUR FEELING JULIANNA YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE AND THEY HURT YOU SO BADLEY THEY ARENT WHO THE SAY THEY ARE ; THEY TRY AND SAY I LOVE YOU YOU THEN FIND SOMEONE MORE BEAUTIFUL AND SHOWER ALL THEIR LOVE ON SOMEONE ELSE ; I CRY EVERY NITE THINKING WHY COULDNT SOMEONE LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE ; GOD DIDNT MAKE US TO WORSHIP EACH OTHER AS IDIOLS ; I HAVE TRUST ISSUES IM SO HEARTBROKEN IM NOT GONNA OPEN MY HEART EVER AGAIN ONLY TO GOD

 

[Jullianna]

a definition of what trust is and what it is you are trusting might be helpful

Trust, for the purposes of my post only, is about being able to trust someone in a relationship. It is ALL to me in a relationship. If it isn't there, there is no relationship.

Before anyone goes there, God I trust, but that isn't the sort of relationship I'm talking about here, though one could certainly have the expectation that they would be much alike. I once found them to be. Now I don't. I become less and less trusting everyday. I don't like it and I wish I didn't feel that way, but there it is.

Someone can hurt you deeply. You think they've grown. You think they've matured. You give them another chance. And they do it again. And you feel like an idiot for allowing it. So you shut down emotionally. And then then who knows what you'll miss out on. It's sad. It's harsh. But it's my present reality.

 

[Jullianna]

I FEEL WHAT YOUR FEELING JULIANNA YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE AND THEY HURT YOU SO BADLEY THEY ARENT WHO THE SAY THEY ARE ; THEY TRY AND SAY I LOVE YOU YOU THEN FIND SOMEONE MORE BEAUTIFUL AND SHOWER ALL THEIR LOVE ON SOMEONE ELSE ; I CRY EVERY NITE THINKING WHY COULDNT SOMEONE LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE ; GOD DIDNT MAKE US TO WORSHIP EACH OTHER AS IDIOLS ; I HAVE TRUST ISSUES IM SO HEARTBROKEN IM NOT GONNA OPEN MY HEART EVER AGAIN ONLY TO GOD

I hear you, Shirley, and I'm sorry you are hurting.

I'm learning that when someone is untrustworthy, it has more to do with them than what you are or are not, you know? Some people simply don't consider the impact their behaviors have on others. It's hurtful when they behave this way, but in the long run, it's far less painful than if they had remained in your life.

For me the battle has become not allowing bitterness into my life that would change who I am. That I cannot have.

 

[1still_waters]

Trust, for the purposes of my post only, is about being able to trust someone in a relationship. It is ALL to me in a relationship. If it isn't there, there is no relationship.

Before anyone goes there, God I trust, but that isn't the sort of relationship I'm talking about here, though one could certainly have the expectation that they would be much alike. I once found them to be. Now I don't. I become less and less trusting everyday. I don't like it and I wish I didn't feel that way, but there it is.

Someone can hurt you deeply. You think they've grown. You think they've matured. You give them another chance. And they do it again. And you feel like an idiot for allowing it. So you shut down emotionally. And then then who knows what you'll miss out on. It's sad. It's harsh. But it's my present reality.

If that's the context, I rarely would give someone another chance if it was a major trust thing. They'll be given forgiveness, but that doesn't mean I hand them fragile objects again.


Sadly, some folks have sown seeds of destruction so much in their life, they're basically beyond repair, or they just don't want repair. Giving them 'more chances' just ends up enabling them and hurting you.

 

[Jullianna]

I've replaced my broken trust with an obsession over highlighters, and fascination with cheesy heroes from movies and books meant for teens.


In all honesty, trust is like an old, often used baseball glove. It's going to get used. The stitches are going to get broken. The leather is going to be worn. But when the stitches get broken, you lace it up with new leather stitching. You polish out the worn areas with some shoe polish.

Where is this analogy going?

Umm...

In other words. Trust is something you'll always exercise. Something that will always get used, worn out, and need mending.
But in the end, despite all the scuffs, mends, and polishing, it still works.
Sure you still see the scuffs, mends and replaced stitching. Yet you also see that it's still somehow working, despite all that.
One of the great mysteries of life.

I hope you are right...

 

[Liamson]

I suppose that is the burden with being so darned intuitive, You see the patterns and you "know" how things will play out. You aren't wrong enough for you to ignore what you see. You know people, perhaps even more than you give yourself credit for. You want to believe in love, you can feel it with everything that you do but, you wonder "How do I get there from here?"


No one ever said it was going to be safe, they only said it was going to be worth it. There is always a doubt, things that linger, suspicious thoughts that make us question everything. I am not going to try and talk anyone out of their instincts. Because in the end, only time and actually seeing how it is with your own two eyes brings any comfort.

Don't let fear rule the day but, go with what you know is right with all of your being.

 

[OFM]

I love easily and deeply. I don't trust easily though. For me, trust is like respect. It's earned.

There are times when I will begin to follow my heart, but then something will trigger my spidey sense, which I have come to rely upon greatly, and I proceed with caution. More often than not, it isn't long before my spidey sense hits tilt and every bell and possible whistle will be going off. And then the walls go up and rarely, if ever, come back down.

How does it work for you?

I too love deeply and strong,i have been hurt i have a quiet side now through prayer we must forgive and keep walking loving and praying on our journey to heaven.

 

[Liamson]

I trust but, I have often been left wondering if people just say things because they want to be wanted. I don't like playing attention chess or jockeying for position in a herd of suitors. It makes me wonder why I am even there.

I suppose in the same vein, I tend to question people's sincerity. I wonder if they really mean what they say or are they saying it for effect.

It makes it hard for me to trust when someone says something that they know I want to hear but, act as if what they said was actually nothing. So I play dumb, until I can be certain that what they say is what they mean. Some people will say anything just to be friendly, but when there is feelings involved, it muddies the water more than anything.

 

[Jullianna]

I suppose that is the burden with being so darned intuitive, You see the patterns and you "know" how things will play out. You aren't wrong enough for you to ignore what you see. You know people, perhaps even more than you give yourself credit for. You want to believe in love, you can feel it with everything that you do but, you wonder "How do I get there from here?"


No one ever said it was going to be safe, they only said it was going to be worth it. There is always a doubt, things that linger, suspicious thoughts that make us question everything. I am not going to try and talk anyone out of their instincts. Because in the end, only time and actually seeing how it is with your own two eyes brings any comfort.

Don't let fear rule the day but, go with what you know is right with all of your being.

There is so much difference between the young girl who threw caution to the wind against all odds and all warnings, and won, and the woman who knows it is still out there, but wonders whether it is fear that rules her or wisdom.

Unlike the girl, the woman has been to the dance a time or two and, while something was gained from every dance, given another opportunity, she would have chosen to skip a few steps.

 

[Jullianna]

I trust but, I have often been left wondering if people just say things because they want to be wanted. I don't like playing attention chess or jockeying for position in a herd of suitors. It makes me wonder why I am even there.

I know what you mean. I don't do harems either. Unfortunately, people will often pursue us whether we want them to or not, so if I see other ladies going after a guy, that's not a red flag as long as I don't get the impression that he expects me to compete with them in that way. If I don't stand out from the herd for him, I'm not interested, because he would for me. But if I get the impression he is the one encouraging that attention from other ladies or that he is playing them against one another, that's a whole other ballgame.

I suppose in the same vein, I tend to question people's sincerity. I wonder if they really mean what they say or are they saying it for effect.

It makes it hard for me to trust when someone says something that they know I want to hear but, act as if what they said was actually nothing. So I play dumb, until I can be certain that what they say is what they mean. Some people will say anything just to be friendly, but when there is feelings involved, it muddies the water more than anything.

I pretty much say what I mean and mean what I say, but normally try to phrase it as politely as possible. I rarely hide my feelings (unless a handful of red flags are slapping me silly) and appreciate others doing the same.

 

[niceguyJ]

For me, there are varying levels of trust.
It's not easy to gain my trust, especially at the highest level, and it's rare that I truly let someone in.
If I can tell that someone values trust as highly as I do, I'm more likely to be able to trust that person.

 

[Jullianna]

Thank you, niceguyj. Well said.

Maybe that will be my takeaway of the day - never take anyone seriously who doesn't take themselves seriously.

 

[adekruif]

Ever since I've been a little kid, I have never really fully trusted people...I didn't give anyone the chance to earn my trust. Now, it takes a while before I will trust someone. I have to really know someone well to start trusting them...something I need to work on.

Trust was one of the biggest obstacles in me giving my life up to Christ. I never trusted anyone on earth fully and so fully trusting someone I had never seen and didn't know a ton about was difficult to say the least.

 

[nw2u]

Unfortunately, I grew up trusting most people. Someone had to really hurt or harm me before I would not trust. This has led me to becoming hard to be friends with.

I am not saying I did anything to intentionally hurt or harm my friends. I am saying I did things or said them because I had a trust for most people. I thought they would understand what I meant or ask questions if they didn't. The problem is they did not trust anyone. They had been hurt or harmed worse than I ever was.

I did not know the feeling of being that harmed until recently. The impact on the rest of my life is tremendous. I literally need another ten years or more to repair the damage that has been done.

This has caused me not to trust most people. I will not even address most people anymore unless I am addressed first.

That is just the opposite of what I was in the previous ten years. I learned to be more open. I learned to be more honest. Although, I wasn't taught how to discern where, when and who to be open and honest with and what the repercussions might be. Now, I feel the need to stay as anonymous and inconsequential as possible to keep out of everyone's spot light.

I really hate to say it but, even my trust in God has come into question and I hate that. I almost need a miracle to discover who I am now and how I need to proceed. True miracles are very few and very far between and I don't trust them either. What price do they come with? I probably don't have the internal bank account now to pay that price, so I don't know what I want. I hate this feeling.

Love, for me is a decision driven by emotion. I thought the emotion came first and then the decision. It was a combination of a feeling and a decision to do what I needed in order for the object of my affection to fully know how I felt and I thought communication was the key. I am not so sure now what love is even though 2 Corinthians tells us or was that 1Corinthians?

Sorry for rambling. Thanks for letting me get some of it out.

I really enjoyed reading this discussion thank you to Jullianna for posting and all of you for replying. It was well worth reading.

 

[zander]

can one trust if they aren't trust worthy? Is trust as Love is, a risk?

 

[zander]

If trust is built or gained, what is it built on, and how long does it take to build it?

 

[zander]

If you were to take a piece of paper and write down what trust is and define your expectations of trust, what would it look like?