50 Shades of Grey

[CC_Bride]

For the love of God, PLEASE don't read this book!

Some people have told me that I should never judge a book until Ive read it, well I disagree. Ive never read Playboy but does that mean I don't have good enough judgement to know how awful it is? (Mindyou Im sure theres probably not a lot to read in playboy anyway).

For you ladies esp, you need to know this. Just because everyone else is reading it. Just because their turning it into a movie. Just because the author is now uber famous and its sold more than Harry Potter, doesn't mean you should read it!

Straight up - its porn and not only is it female porn its Sadomasochistic porn. Just so you know thats sick. Its not an alternative hobby that maybe you should explore when married or God forbid single.

I don't understand why so many supposedly intelligent women are reading it. Ive met one grown woman (50 years old) at work who is supposedly reading it cos the male character is an interesting head case. So I asked her "Would you still consider him an interesting head case if he was broke, fat, ugly and old?"

Just so you know theres nothing even remotely sexually (let alone emotionally, mentally or spiritually) satisfying about living with someone who isolates and abuses you as is apparently described in the book.

Don't be ignorant and easily lead astray ladies - don't pursue this sort of trash in a relationship. Ask any woman who was abused in a similar way by any type of man and ask her if she enjoyed it. I certainly didn't.

 

[tatu]

Thanks for your post. This book was given to me to read by a work colleague and when I read the first page I had doubts. I put it down thinking I would get back to it, but after your post I won't read it. There is enough rubbish in this world already.
Thanks again, Tatu

 

[Nautilus]

While I will completely agree with the novel being poorly written and highly inappropriate, I will disagree with your opinion that a married couple should not pursue activities related to BDSM. If they are both interested and everything is done safely, sane, and consensual; then there is no reason they should explore that for themselves. But yeah the book is bad, it is also reworked twilight fan fiction so that was to be expected.

 

[chip]

never heard of the book, know nothing other than has been said here, however you can blame my youth, but i take exception to what Nautilus has said.

yes, we are told that the marriage bed is undefiled, but that is not in reference to anything sado mastacistic. i have stumbled upon far too many heavily damaged young women whom were subject flat out to torture by their spouses as being "part of normal" sex.

the over-riding consideration should be based upon love, not lust, not sado anything! if sex has to slip into the demonic, then that is not love which would originate from God.

 

[Jullianna]

I read all three books because of the huge conflict they caused among friends. I agree with CC Bride. They are soft porn and I do not recommend them to Christians, especially those who are impressionable.

A lot of the information I found on websites was incorrect, so here is a brief summary:

A 27 year old man was abused initially by his mother’s (who died after being involved in drugs and prostitution) “boss” (don’t want to use that other word in a Christian forum), and by a friend of his adopted mothers, and was introduced by the older woman to BDSM [Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM)] at the impressionable age of 15. It consumes him and he is unable to have normal relationships with women.

He meets and falls in love with an innocent/virginal recent college grad (age 22 – not a child as it says on some websites that accuse him of pedophilia), and attempts to introduce her to this lifestyle.

I’ll skip over the graphic details and language of the book to the end: The woman he loves and his adoptive mother convince him that he was abused by the older woman and that his behavior is not normal, and a healing of sorts takes place. He marries the woman, they have a family, blah, blah, blah.

The most offensive thing I found about the books was not the sex, but the idea of chaining someone to a cross. As a Christian, I simply could not force myself to read that part.

 

[Nautilus]

yes, we are told that the marriage bed is undefiled, but that is not in reference to anything sado mastacistic. i have stumbled upon far too many heavily damaged young women whom were subject flat out to torture by their spouses as being "part of normal" sex.

the over-riding consideration should be based upon love, not lust, not sado anything! if sex has to slip into the demonic, then that is not love which would originate from God.

Not how I said safe, sane, and consensual. If it was devolving to a point where one of the participants was referring to it as torture then I certainly agree with you. However I will say to people who respect each others boundaries and emotions can possibly explore wider options. I personally am not into sadomasochism, but I dont think it should just be universally condemned. There are bad seeds in every group though.

 

[Ritter]

Sounds like more low-quality modern tripe.

 

[1still_waters]

What bothers me is that the women of the liberal intelligencia have spent an entire generation fighting for equality and dignity of women. After pretty much winning that fight, the same liberal women are now pining and fawning over this book. Even though this book puts women in a worse place than they were in the 1950s, before the whole women's lib movement. Liberal women consider this ''empowerment''.

Before womens' lib, women were in aprons. After it they're in chains.
And the chains are the new ''empowerment''.

*face palm*

 

[Nautilus]

I don't know if individual fetishes, which in base forms that is what this book is about, really diminishes womens lib. Im curiously what the reaction would be if the tables were turned and the woman was in charge in the novel instead of the man.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I read all three books because of the huge conflict they caused among friends. I agree with CC Bride. They are soft porn and I do not recommend them to Christians, especially those who are impressionable.

A lot of the information I found on websites was incorrect, so here is a brief summary:

A 27 year old man was abused initially by his mother’s (who died after being involved in drugs and prostitution) “boss” (don’t want to use that other word in a Christian forum), and by a friend of his adopted mothers, and was introduced by the older woman to BDSM [Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM)] at the impressionable age of 15. It consumes him and he is unable to have normal relationships with women.

He meets and falls in love with an innocent/virginal recent college grad (age 22 – not a child as it says on some websites that accuse him of pedophilia), and attempts to introduce her to this lifestyle.

I’ll skip over the graphic details and language of the book to the end: The woman he loves and his adoptive mother convince him that he was abused by the older woman and that his behavior is not normal, and a healing of sorts takes place. He marries the woman, they have a family, blah, blah, blah.

The most offensive thing I found about the books was not the sex, but the idea of chaining someone to a cross. As a Christian, I simply could not force myself to read that part.

I'm sure the chaining to the cross part wasn't written by accident either.

 

[CC_Bride]

The other thing that sent warning bells to me, was when I was told this was fan fiction to the Twilight series.

Both the Twilight and this Shades series, focus is on a male character who is so incrediably screwed up the head (but thats apparently ok cos their so goodlooking) and falls in love with the female lead but in a very "I need/want to hurt or kill" said female in order to express their version of love. Said female character with a mothering "I must figure out how to save,convert, therapise them from their screwed up thoughts while allowing and justifying their cruel behaviour (murder, torture etc).

I don't understand why Womens Shelters and Rape support services and domestic violence support organisations arent speaking out on their outrage of such a book being so populous. This book may be fiction, but its putting a sinful curiousity into young and older women alike to explore what its like to date someone who needs not a girlfriend but long term counseling and mental health services (in my opinion). Its sending a fake testimony to women that you can successfully therapise someone that messed up, which is utterly false, which is the last thing our men need in this world. Its telling them its ok to pursue such a low standard of a relationship, and not just a low standard but an abusive standard. And most of all its encouraging women that they need to be the saviour in a man's life not Christ.

Its also teaching men, that if their young and rich they can be as abusive and messed up as they like with their girlfriends. But we all know that men don't stay young and handsome (in a worldly way) forever.

Im not saying S & M is a sin since it doesn't say that in the bible. But it does say for men to love their wives, and for wives to respect their husbands. For the most part I don't think a lot of men (christian or not) would find it respectful to be stuck in chains and beaten or whipped in the name of love. And I don't think wives would feel anymore loved by their husbands if they were tortured or beaten in their marriage bed in the name of love. I (personally) just don't see how two can coexist. Maybe in very VERY rare cases it can work, where both married parties have a very trusting mature married relationship, it may potentially work, but I would say thats more an exception than a majority. For the majority of the population I can see nothing but pain and misery and more broken families and lives in this.

I know its just one stupid book, and the fad may die down and some may say, oh Melody you're taking this way too seriously. But let me say, if the bible is capable of changing lives for the better through the Holy Spirit, why wouldn't Satan try and do the opposite things but through other books? Im not saying all non christian books are satanic Im just saying we need discernment in deciding what books as well as other media is appropriate according to what the Holy Spirit and our own conscience dictates

 

[CC_Bride]

BTW

Jullianna, I am not condemning you for reading the books. In fact, I think you're the type of person who could probably according to conscience objectively get through those books in order to be of benefit to the rest of your sistes in Christ and educate us on whats actually in the book.

I on the otherhand cannot go anywhere near such a book or even dare read its pages because the topic and themes are just too close to home for me. I have been a victim of sexual abuse and as such I consider what I went through prolonged torture. As a therapist I now work in acute psychiatrics, where one of the biggest issues I had when I first started my job was having to read through case histories of my patients. Having to read case histories is like reading a horror story. I see the acute misery of those whose diagnosis was contributed to when they were children. And now these people are in their mid adult life with severe mental illness that has spanned their entire lives. You know what breaks my heart the most. The majority of my female patients at some point or more in their lives where physically and sexually tortured as children, teens and as young women. Sexual abuse doesn't dictate you will be mentally ill in life but it certainly does contribute.

How does a teenage girl go from trying to learn about healthy relationships to being in an abusive one after the other for the rest of their lives? Casual subtle negative influences by culture.

"Does a man scoop fire onto his lap without his clothes being burnt?" Prov 6:27
Ladies, don't underestimate your imagination. Most men understand this if they have ever struggled with 'traditional' porn. Having a great imagination could bring you great joy but it can also work against you. For a lot of people, themes and ideas in this book will be captured in their head for the rest of their lives. It may be eventually locked into your brains memory storage and be momentarily forgotten, but it can pop out at any time by anything and ruin your day.

 

[Jullianna]

BTW

Jullianna, I am not condemning you for reading the books. In fact, I think you're the type of person who could probably according to conscience objectively get through those books in order to be of benefit to the rest of your sistes in Christ and educate us on whats actually in the book.

I on the otherhand cannot go anywhere near such a book or even dare read its pages because the topic and themes are just too close to home for me. I have been a victim of sexual abuse and as such I consider what I went through prolonged torture. As a therapist I now work in acute psychiatrics, where one of the biggest issues I had when I first started my job was having to read through case histories of my patients. Having to read case histories is like reading a horror story. I see the acute misery of those whose diagnosis was contributed to when they were children. And now these people are in their mid adult life with severe mental illness that has spanned their entire lives. You know what breaks my heart the most. The majority of my female patients at some point or more in their lives where physically and sexually tortured as children, teens and as young women. Sexual abuse doesn't dictate you will be mentally ill in life but it certainly does contribute.

How does a teenage girl go from trying to learn about healthy relationships to being in an abusive one after the other for the rest of their lives? Casual subtle negative influences by culture.

"Does a man scoop fire onto his lap without his clothes being burnt?" Prov 6:27
Ladies, don't underestimate your imagination. Most men understand this if they have ever struggled with 'traditional' porn. Having a great imagination could bring you great joy but it can also work against you. For a lot of people, themes and ideas in this book will be captured in their head for the rest of their lives. It may be eventually locked into your brains memory storage and be momentarily forgotten, but it can pop out at any time by anything and ruin your day.

I totally get that, CC Bride. It's personal for you. I pray God's healing for you.

One of the things about being a cop for an extended period of time is that you have to learn to compartmentalize things because you deal with the darkest side of humanity, everyday, all day long (including the violent abuse of men, women and children). God helps me do this. My emotional survival depends on it because I still deal with much of it in my current job.

This is why I say that, for the majority of christians, I would most certainly not recommend the books. I see no good thing coming from them.

I am not offended at all. I absolutely do understand what you are saying. And I agree that it is important for those of us who CAN walk into such fires to warn those who should never dance close, as much of the information found on the Internet has been wrong and it makes christians appear ignorant.

 

[CC_Bride]

Yes, I mean I personally can hang out with drug addicts (which I do at work) because I have zero weakness nor temptation to do anything to do with drugs.

 

[Perk]

For the love of God, PLEASE don't read this book!

Some people have told me that I should never judge a book until Ive read it, well I disagree. Ive never read Playboy but does that mean I don't have good enough judgement to know how awful it is? (Mindyou Im sure theres probably not a lot to read in playboy anyway).

For you ladies esp, you need to know this. Just because everyone else is reading it. Just because their turning it into a movie. Just because the author is now uber famous and its sold more than Harry Potter, doesn't mean you should read it!

Straight up - its porn and not only is it female porn its Sadomasochistic porn. Just so you know thats sick. Its not an alternative hobby that maybe you should explore when married or God forbid single.

I don't understand why so many supposedly intelligent women are reading it. Ive met one grown woman (50 years old) at work who is supposedly reading it cos the male character is an interesting head case. So I asked her "Would you still consider him an interesting head case if he was broke, fat, ugly and old?"

Just so you know theres nothing even remotely sexually (let alone emotionally, mentally or spiritually) satisfying about living with someone who isolates and abuses you as is apparently described in the book.

Don't be ignorant and easily lead astray ladies - don't pursue this sort of trash in a relationship. Ask any woman who was abused in a similar way by any type of man and ask her if she enjoyed it. I certainly didn't.

FINALLY! Thank you for posting this CC_Bride. I've been telling this to my friends since this stupid book became popular.

 

[Ugly]

I'm with Chip. These things have no place in a Christian marriage. BDSM stems from low self esteem, insecurity, and a need to control your world. None of which have anything to do with love, and actually shows a lack of faith in God to a degree. The dominator of the couple likely feels their life is out of control, and that they have no control over whats going on, so to give themselves a sense of control they use sexual control fetishes to fake that sense of control. They are not trusting God to be in control of their lives.
Similarly the person who is submissive has the same issues, except rather than controlling they want to feel control, a sense of false security that there is a sense of control in their lives.
The S&M side, sadism, finding pleasure and enjoyment at hurting someone. There is no love in causing pain. I think someone who finds enjoyment in hurting people have a serious mental issue if thats how they cope with the world around them.
Or people who enjoy pain, who feel so low about themselves that they feel they deserve to be hurt.

How someone can say these are acceptable in Gods eyes, even in a Christian marriage bed, is beyond me.

 

[Nautilus]

hey who am i to judge how two people want to express themselves sexually within a marriage?

 

[Searching4Truth]

I'll wait for the movie.

 

[JimJimmers]

hey who am i to judge how two people want to express themselves sexually within a marriage?

Oh, right, just how people express themselves musically, who people vote for, and what groups they join that you don't like. But sexually? Perish the thought.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Oh, right, just how people express themselves musically, who people vote for, and what groups they join that you don't like. But sexually? Perish the thought.

HEY!!! If a speaker, a lamp, and a box isn't involved within that moment of intimacy. There is definitely something wrong in their sex life. Just sayin.