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A
Oh, thank you. I really don't know if I'm on the right track with it. I've never seen a true, live baptism. I think I saw a baby cousin of mine be baptized once, but I know that doesn't really count. ...
I do not well remember my life before Christ. According to family, I came to Christ at a very young age. I do remember life with Christ, but I especially remember my life without Christ, after I walked away from Him. My childhood, with Christ, perhaps wasn’t as with Christ as some might imagine though. My mother worked at a private Christian school as a preschool teacher; my brother and I were allowed in on a discounted price. As both of my parents worked full-time, I was in school about eleven hours a day and then went to bible school nights at least twice a week. We went to church on Sunday. I was surrounded by Christian people and taught the Christian faith. But I didn’t quite get it. I could easily remember long bible passages, all the major stories, but these things didn’t mean very much to me. I memorized because I was told to, and because I was good at it, thus praised. I was enthusiastic to go to church and the studies because my friends were there. I enjoyed the games and enjoyed showing off.
But then, life changed. When I was finishing up my fourth year of elementary school, my family moved to a new city. I was deeply affected by being taken from everything I knew and could barely speak outside of my home for years. I also found myself in a much less Christian environment. Out of the city and in a nice suburb, life was ruled by materialism, not spiritualism. I went to public school for the first time. We never found a church we went to regularly, and my family as a whole drifted away from our values and desire for God. As I became a preteen and teenager, I rebelled against everything I knew and believed; I went from drifting away to swimming as fast as I could in the opposite direction. When the mood would strike my mother to go to church, she’d have to bribe my brother and me with promises of getting treats afterwards. I did my best not to listen every time I went. We sat outside so I’d chase birds around or play with bugs; I’d sit with my arms crossed and sigh and roll my eyes. Often, I fell asleep.
I used any excuse I could think of to separate from Christianity. I saw church as a waste of time and Christians as people I wanted nothing to do with or be like. I thought I was better than them and could be better than them without Jesus. But by the time I was in college, I was again looking for friends. Two girls came to my door and asked me to come to the bible study group that they led. They were so nice to me, and seemed genuinely interested in me, so I grudgingly agreed. I went only because I liked spending time with them and because I wanted them to like me back. I also got the ego boost of being one of the very few people who came every time. See? I bragged to myself. These Christians are fake. They lie and say they are busy, avoid coming to the studies through excuses. You come every week and you don’t even accept this anymore. You are much better than them.
In my last year of college, things were starting to change inside of me. I knew something was wrong, missing, but I didn’t want to accept what I knew it was. I am very lucky though. I was dedicated to Jesus when I was a baby and while I rebelled against, and rejected Christianity, I do not think there was ever a time in my life when I stopped believing. Whether or not there was a God, whether Jesus was His son and died for everyone’s sins, were not really questions in my mind. I knew the truth; I just didn’t want to follow or apply it. I didn’t want to live righteously or follow God’s will. By chance, I happened to meet one of the leaders I had first met as a freshman, though she had graduated at the end of that year and had moved far away. My best friend and I were in a fast food restaurant when Sam happened to walk in. Surprised and a bit embarrassed to see me there (as she had promised to email me whenever she came to town), she immediately invited me to the concert she had come to town for.
A bit upset and unwilling, I surprised myself by agreeing after checking with my best friend if she’d mind if I went; Valerie didn’t want to go. I inexplicably felt pulled to the concert. I went even after I was disappointed and frustrated to find out that it was a Christian concert in a church. My friends performed for the homeless shelter I had been separately helping out at, and I was amazed. I listened and the songs really touched my heart; as I watched, I felt disconnected from my body and heard a sort of whirlwind around me as my heart burned and cooled. I bought the CD at the end. I listened to it, and especially one song so many times. Love was what I had been looking for so long. The song, spoken from God’s voice says, “You, you are loved. You are mine. You are my child. And though, they may say otherwise, you’re beloved in my eyes.”
I hadn’t felt like anyone’s child for a long time. I haven’t felt truly loved by almost anyone in my life. But here was God, the loving father I had rejected and not even seen, declaring His undying love for me. My heart warmed to Christianity over the following months though I didn’t really do much about it. Then, I semi-knowingly and willingly took drugs with my brother for his acceptance, right before I came to Japan. That time, the second time, really, really threw me for a loop. I still think there might have been other things mixed in with the marijuana and/or that my neurological conditions exponentially altered my experience. Those were the singularly worse two days of my life, and something I cannot talk about in detail.
Strangely though, great positives came from such a dark place and time. I realized that I had been wrong, lying to myself the whole time. And, I was filled with a lot more fear than I let anyone, especially myself, know. I could absolutely not do anything on my own. Having glimpsed a very real slice of hell, I scrambled back to where I had first come from, finally swimming in the right direction again. I decided to try Christianity out once more. Partly for pride and partly for genuine searching, I did not completely give myself to Jesus. I did not want “not going to hell” to be my one reason for faith; it felt cheap and was one of the major reasons I had scorned Christians before. Believing in something, and following something, merely for fear and selfish self-preservation were not viable options for me. But, I decided to truly search, and this time, listen for and to whatever answer I found.
A few days later, on the plane to Japan, I read Psalms. I was pleasantly surprised to find that one of the major heroes of the bible, one who was seen as so close and special to God, struggled a lot too, and quite similarly to me. I could see the mistakes we both made and the shortcomings we both faced. I saw God’s unfailing faithfulness. Again though, I drifted in and out on my search. My focus quickly became distracted and I let myself be wrapped up in the new life I had found. When I did read the bible, I became hooked. I started at Genesis and wanted to read all the way through to Revelation. But, I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have time. I was a full-time teacher and absolutely could not slack in my work, I convinced myself. I put God off- I’ll have time and motivation later, I told myself. There’s no rush; I’ve been gone so long, what is the problem with waiting a little longer?
Then my life was immolated again. Everything destructed in Aichi, but I was able to come here. Something was different here. A month or so after I moved to Fukui, Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my door. They gave me a little booklet, that actually turned out to be quite a big booklet, but I read it in a day or two all the same. It had a few things I wasn’t sure about, but it also gave me a lot of answers and understandings I had so been searching for for so long. I knew I wanted to seek God, and agreed to listen to any means necessary once and for all. I also tried this Bunkyo Gospel Center. I asked a friend who had done mission work in Japan if she knew any place by me where I could go to church. A friend of a friend recommended this place to her, and she passed on the message. I was still conflicted and confused about which way to go, which way was right. I was pretty sure the Jehovah’s Witnesses were wrong, but didn’t want to lose the possibly right way because of other people’s disapproval. I finally asked God and prayed to Him. Then I randomly flipped through my bible and found the story of King Josiah in 2nd Chronicles. He destroyed all paraphernalia of any false gods and false religions in his lands. I was surprised and tried again and again, but I came up with a similar story or the same one every time. I knew what God wanted me to do, and had to decide whether to follow God’s will (and separate from them) or my own will (and still be these people’s friend). I chose His.
I still had many questions though, in other topics and ideas. I asked the leaders here, and they really helped me find the right answers, when I had thought there were none. A lot has been quieted inside of me. Much of the anger, hurt, and fear that had been constantly swirling inside of me for years have slowed and lost a lot of their force. I am finally answering his call, fully. I pledge my life to Him, His Son Jesus, and His Holy Spirit. I will not let me or anything else stand in my way. This is why I am being baptized today. I wish to die to sin and start life anew with my Lord and Savior.
I would like to take this time to thank every Christian who has ever been in my life, and really every person who has entered my life, for everyone has played some part in this decision of mine. *Thank you.
I do not well remember my life before Christ. According to family, I came to Christ at a very young age. I do remember life with Christ, but I especially remember my life without Christ, after I walked away from Him. My childhood, with Christ, perhaps wasn’t as with Christ as some might imagine though. My mother worked at a private Christian school as a preschool teacher; my brother and I were allowed in on a discounted price. As both of my parents worked full-time, I was in school about eleven hours a day and then went to bible school nights at least twice a week. We went to church on Sunday. I was surrounded by Christian people and taught the Christian faith. But I didn’t quite get it. I could easily remember long bible passages, all the major stories, but these things didn’t mean very much to me. I memorized because I was told to, and because I was good at it, thus praised. I was enthusiastic to go to church and the studies because my friends were there. I enjoyed the games and enjoyed showing off.
But then, life changed. When I was finishing up my fourth year of elementary school, my family moved to a new city. I was deeply affected by being taken from everything I knew and could barely speak outside of my home for years. I also found myself in a much less Christian environment. Out of the city and in a nice suburb, life was ruled by materialism, not spiritualism. I went to public school for the first time. We never found a church we went to regularly, and my family as a whole drifted away from our values and desire for God. As I became a preteen and teenager, I rebelled against everything I knew and believed; I went from drifting away to swimming as fast as I could in the opposite direction. When the mood would strike my mother to go to church, she’d have to bribe my brother and me with promises of getting treats afterwards. I did my best not to listen every time I went. We sat outside so I’d chase birds around or play with bugs; I’d sit with my arms crossed and sigh and roll my eyes. Often, I fell asleep.
I used any excuse I could think of to separate from Christianity. I saw church as a waste of time and Christians as people I wanted nothing to do with or be like. I thought I was better than them and could be better than them without Jesus. But by the time I was in college, I was again looking for friends. Two girls came to my door and asked me to come to the bible study group that they led. They were so nice to me, and seemed genuinely interested in me, so I grudgingly agreed. I went only because I liked spending time with them and because I wanted them to like me back. I also got the ego boost of being one of the very few people who came every time. See? I bragged to myself. These Christians are fake. They lie and say they are busy, avoid coming to the studies through excuses. You come every week and you don’t even accept this anymore. You are much better than them.
In my last year of college, things were starting to change inside of me. I knew something was wrong, missing, but I didn’t want to accept what I knew it was. I am very lucky though. I was dedicated to Jesus when I was a baby and while I rebelled against, and rejected Christianity, I do not think there was ever a time in my life when I stopped believing. Whether or not there was a God, whether Jesus was His son and died for everyone’s sins, were not really questions in my mind. I knew the truth; I just didn’t want to follow or apply it. I didn’t want to live righteously or follow God’s will. By chance, I happened to meet one of the leaders I had first met as a freshman, though she had graduated at the end of that year and had moved far away. My best friend and I were in a fast food restaurant when Sam happened to walk in. Surprised and a bit embarrassed to see me there (as she had promised to email me whenever she came to town), she immediately invited me to the concert she had come to town for.
A bit upset and unwilling, I surprised myself by agreeing after checking with my best friend if she’d mind if I went; Valerie didn’t want to go. I inexplicably felt pulled to the concert. I went even after I was disappointed and frustrated to find out that it was a Christian concert in a church. My friends performed for the homeless shelter I had been separately helping out at, and I was amazed. I listened and the songs really touched my heart; as I watched, I felt disconnected from my body and heard a sort of whirlwind around me as my heart burned and cooled. I bought the CD at the end. I listened to it, and especially one song so many times. Love was what I had been looking for so long. The song, spoken from God’s voice says, “You, you are loved. You are mine. You are my child. And though, they may say otherwise, you’re beloved in my eyes.”
I hadn’t felt like anyone’s child for a long time. I haven’t felt truly loved by almost anyone in my life. But here was God, the loving father I had rejected and not even seen, declaring His undying love for me. My heart warmed to Christianity over the following months though I didn’t really do much about it. Then, I semi-knowingly and willingly took drugs with my brother for his acceptance, right before I came to Japan. That time, the second time, really, really threw me for a loop. I still think there might have been other things mixed in with the marijuana and/or that my neurological conditions exponentially altered my experience. Those were the singularly worse two days of my life, and something I cannot talk about in detail.
Strangely though, great positives came from such a dark place and time. I realized that I had been wrong, lying to myself the whole time. And, I was filled with a lot more fear than I let anyone, especially myself, know. I could absolutely not do anything on my own. Having glimpsed a very real slice of hell, I scrambled back to where I had first come from, finally swimming in the right direction again. I decided to try Christianity out once more. Partly for pride and partly for genuine searching, I did not completely give myself to Jesus. I did not want “not going to hell” to be my one reason for faith; it felt cheap and was one of the major reasons I had scorned Christians before. Believing in something, and following something, merely for fear and selfish self-preservation were not viable options for me. But, I decided to truly search, and this time, listen for and to whatever answer I found.
A few days later, on the plane to Japan, I read Psalms. I was pleasantly surprised to find that one of the major heroes of the bible, one who was seen as so close and special to God, struggled a lot too, and quite similarly to me. I could see the mistakes we both made and the shortcomings we both faced. I saw God’s unfailing faithfulness. Again though, I drifted in and out on my search. My focus quickly became distracted and I let myself be wrapped up in the new life I had found. When I did read the bible, I became hooked. I started at Genesis and wanted to read all the way through to Revelation. But, I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have time. I was a full-time teacher and absolutely could not slack in my work, I convinced myself. I put God off- I’ll have time and motivation later, I told myself. There’s no rush; I’ve been gone so long, what is the problem with waiting a little longer?
Then my life was immolated again. Everything destructed in Aichi, but I was able to come here. Something was different here. A month or so after I moved to Fukui, Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my door. They gave me a little booklet, that actually turned out to be quite a big booklet, but I read it in a day or two all the same. It had a few things I wasn’t sure about, but it also gave me a lot of answers and understandings I had so been searching for for so long. I knew I wanted to seek God, and agreed to listen to any means necessary once and for all. I also tried this Bunkyo Gospel Center. I asked a friend who had done mission work in Japan if she knew any place by me where I could go to church. A friend of a friend recommended this place to her, and she passed on the message. I was still conflicted and confused about which way to go, which way was right. I was pretty sure the Jehovah’s Witnesses were wrong, but didn’t want to lose the possibly right way because of other people’s disapproval. I finally asked God and prayed to Him. Then I randomly flipped through my bible and found the story of King Josiah in 2nd Chronicles. He destroyed all paraphernalia of any false gods and false religions in his lands. I was surprised and tried again and again, but I came up with a similar story or the same one every time. I knew what God wanted me to do, and had to decide whether to follow God’s will (and separate from them) or my own will (and still be these people’s friend). I chose His.
I still had many questions though, in other topics and ideas. I asked the leaders here, and they really helped me find the right answers, when I had thought there were none. A lot has been quieted inside of me. Much of the anger, hurt, and fear that had been constantly swirling inside of me for years have slowed and lost a lot of their force. I am finally answering his call, fully. I pledge my life to Him, His Son Jesus, and His Holy Spirit. I will not let me or anything else stand in my way. This is why I am being baptized today. I wish to die to sin and start life anew with my Lord and Savior.
I would like to take this time to thank every Christian who has ever been in my life, and really every person who has entered my life, for everyone has played some part in this decision of mine. *Thank you.
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Was that to Ashish, Ashlee? Because if you're asking how you can help other people, telling that story really helps... Jesus referred to it as the Great Commission, and most people seem to listen to one's testimony better than they listen to preaching 
. So glad you're back on His side, Sis ! I finished reading it just a few minutes ago, and I was glad to see that you got rid of the book you'd been given. So nice of Him to tell you to do so ! We stay so much safer when we're in His care. If there's anything else that you think He wants you to get rid of (such as tarot cards, etc.), I hope you toss it/them too. Often people have a lot of things to remove from their lives as God takes them through inner healing.
. So glad you're back on His side, Sis ! I finished reading it just a few minutes ago, and I was glad to see that you got rid of the book you'd been given. So nice of Him to tell you to do so ! We stay so much safer when we're in His care. If there's anything else that you think He wants you to get rid of (such as tarot cards, etc.), I hope you toss it/them too. Often people have a lot of things to remove from their lives as God takes them through inner healing.
A
Thanks, Oracle.
To Jilly, yes... I don't know why it didn't go to that person? Heheheheh
I am taking a fast from J- and KPOP though it might sound silly. I found a lot of distraction and comfort in them that lead to obsession. I know this is not right and am trying to turn away. I'm a bit sad though. I will keep working through it though.
To Jilly, yes... I don't know why it didn't go to that person?
HehehehehI am taking a fast from J- and KPOP though it might sound silly. I found a lot of distraction and comfort in them that lead to obsession. I know this is not right and am trying to turn away. I'm a bit sad though. I will keep working through it though.
Thanks, Oracle.
To Jilly, yes... I don't know why it didn't go to that person? Heheheheh
To Jilly, yes... I don't know why it didn't go to that person?
Heheheheh
. You can send someone a message in the mail by clicking on their name, then clicking the "send mail to ___" button. He probably thought that it was a live chat room instead of forums, though. That's why I have the link in my signature that I do; people find it helpful for navigating the chat room. No, it doesn't sound silly. To be honest, it sounds like a great thing to do, taking a fast from something that you notice is becoming an obsession. I often take a break form the internet, even though I don't do dirty things on it. Same way for the pop music (not that I know much about that type of music, but just about anything can become an obsession). By the way, it really seems to help a lot to ask Jesus to fill you with the power of the Holy Spirit like the apostles received in the book of Acts. Many people have said that they were able to resist temptation much easier after asking to receive the full power of the Holy Spirit, and Jesus called the Holy Spirit "The Comforter" for a wonderful reason
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