My husband ruled our home with an iron fist. Everything was rules and rules and rules. No love. He was the boss of everything including the kitchen. We had to eat according to his time and not before. We had to get up early in the morning cause he got up early. Whenever he decided he wanted to eat out, he decided where and so on.
It was always my fault for anything that went wrong and he always had negative comments & criticism.
After 18 years of marriage like that I was at my wits end. I was like a walking zombie. I lost my self esteem and confidence in myself. My heart was filled with resentment towards my husband and anything he said to me would cause me to be angry & hurt. I would cry in my closet and just wished that some truck would come along and run him over or run me over.
One day I was in a weepy mood and I just looked up in the sky and wondered – is there truly a God. My parents baptised me when I was a child as a methodist but I never followed the faith. I was always on the fence – is there a God or not?
When we came to Christ, in the first 6 months, he mellowed a little. As for me, I was always on my knees before God in my closet, just praying and praying for God to change him.
One day, God spoke to my heart and said “no, you change”. My, my, my – in my mind was like –huh?? and then God said in my heart “If I have to change him I will have to change everyone who has some of his characteristics that will affect you, who may cross your path”. Wow – I then realised that I had to overcome my husband’s attitude and treatment to me in order for me to be set free from fear, insecurity & intimidation.
My prayers then changed to me. I asked God to give me love for my husband and to take away all the resentment & anger. After some time, I realised that I was not so affected whenever my husband was harsh towards me and one day, I even realised that God had changed him in some areas towards me.
I really thank God for making me realise that the inward change had to begin with me. Because with that change, I can face anyone who has those characteristics of my husband and not feel afraid, insecure or intimidated. And now I can share the love that God has given me to my husband and to others.
It was always my fault for anything that went wrong and he always had negative comments & criticism.
After 18 years of marriage like that I was at my wits end. I was like a walking zombie. I lost my self esteem and confidence in myself. My heart was filled with resentment towards my husband and anything he said to me would cause me to be angry & hurt. I would cry in my closet and just wished that some truck would come along and run him over or run me over.
One day I was in a weepy mood and I just looked up in the sky and wondered – is there truly a God. My parents baptised me when I was a child as a methodist but I never followed the faith. I was always on the fence – is there a God or not?
When we came to Christ, in the first 6 months, he mellowed a little. As for me, I was always on my knees before God in my closet, just praying and praying for God to change him.
One day, God spoke to my heart and said “no, you change”. My, my, my – in my mind was like –huh?? and then God said in my heart “If I have to change him I will have to change everyone who has some of his characteristics that will affect you, who may cross your path”. Wow – I then realised that I had to overcome my husband’s attitude and treatment to me in order for me to be set free from fear, insecurity & intimidation.
My prayers then changed to me. I asked God to give me love for my husband and to take away all the resentment & anger. After some time, I realised that I was not so affected whenever my husband was harsh towards me and one day, I even realised that God had changed him in some areas towards me.
I really thank God for making me realise that the inward change had to begin with me. Because with that change, I can face anyone who has those characteristics of my husband and not feel afraid, insecure or intimidated. And now I can share the love that God has given me to my husband and to others.
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