A Question Of Adultery

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FormerPooky

Guest
#1
#1
When my wife walked out on me last week, she moved in with her MALE "best friend from high school." She SWEARS they are just friends and there is nothing going on. She claims to sleep on the couch. I found out from one of her sympathetic friends that she was never coming back to me and "my friend made me do this!"

I am troubled by this. I need the counsel on the following questions:

1. Is this adultery? I mean, living togeter in his house?
2. Should spouses have friends of the opposite sex when the friends are not friends of both spouses?
3. That she is now caring for her friends son and making breakfast for the friend, as well as doing other domestic duties, is this sin?

My wife will not reconcile. She abandoned me and our marital property. Is this a ground to divorce her and be able to remarry, sometime down the road, AND NOT BE A SIN?

I love her deeply and want her back. Now for the last question, somewhere in the OT it says something about a man's wrath against another man taking his wife is justified. Am I sinning because I want to unleash my wrath on this man for what he has done? Does this conflict with: Vengeance is mine, says the Lord?

I value ALL opinions. I'm wondering what a Lutheran pastor thinks also (that's my faith.) THANKS!
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#2
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#2
Why are you wanting to know so soon if you are able to remarry?
 
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JessW

Guest
#3
#3
The Bible suggests that “marital unfaithfulness” is the only scriptural reason that warrants God’s permission for divorce and remarriage.

Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

You should not unleash your wrath on the other man. That's for God to take care of in His way and His time. If you still truly love your wife, why dont you tell her so and see if she would be willing to see a Christian counselor with you?

I pray that God will be with you through this difficult time and that you will continue to seek Him and His will for your life. I also pray that your wife will put God first in her life and that she would also seek His wisdom and Knowledge and follow in the path that He has laid out for her. I pray that he will bring both of you healing and resolve and that any confusion would be removed from the situation. I ask these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#4
#4
JessW said:
The Bible suggests that “marital unfaithfulness” is the only scriptural reason that warrants God’s permission for divorce and remarriage.
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Actually, the verse in Matthew you quoted doesn't mention remarriage in a positive light.
 
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JessW

Guest
#5
#5
I don't believe that it is meant to be positive. It is simply stating a reason that remarriage is allowed. There is nothing positive about divorce.
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#6
#6
JessW said:
I don't believe that it is meant to be positive. It is simply stating a reason that remarriage is allowed. There is nothing positive about divorce.
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Where does it say in that verse remarriage is allowed?
 
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JessW

Guest
#7
#7
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

Can we help and pray for the gentleman asking for help instead of having a bible debate?
 
O

OnThisRock

Senior Member
#8
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#8
Fight for her in prayer and for her heart. Jesus did and does it for us.
 
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GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
#9
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#9
There must have been some reasons for her leaving so if you say you love her and want her back you should focus on those issues, think about the reasons and what could be done to change things for the better.
 
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Blooming_Violet

Guest
#10
#10
FormerPooky,

You may not like this but I believe that you need to redirect your mind. I know that you are in extreme pain, but you need to stop focusing on her sin. If she has been lured away by another man, what might you have done differently to have avoided this. I know you probably do not want to look at yourself, and it is easy to see her blatant sin, but the Lord says...

Luke 6:42
How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Here is the thing, biblical or not, if you want to remarry, how can you avoid making the same mistake twice? You are the head of the household. How did you love her? How did you guide her? Did you make time for her? Did you love her as yourself? How did you show her?

Now that she has set up a household with someone else are you willing to do the work to get her back or is your anger so great that you are not going to? If it has only been a week you have a good shot that she hasn't committed adultery yet. It sounds like she needs to be needed. Every woman wants her man to fight for her and to shower her with affection. If you want to save your marriage: Romance her. Remember the "good old days". What did you do to win her in the beginning? Divorce is ALWAYS painful. Love her. Pray, ask God for guidance. I will pray for you both.

Blooming_Violet
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#11
#11
JessW said:
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

Can we help and pray for the gentleman asking for help instead of having a bible debate?
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I am helping him, spiritually. You're telling him he can re-marry based on a verse that says if you marry another, you've committed adultery. See the problem?
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#12
#12
JessW said:
The Bible suggests that “marital unfaithfulness” is the only scriptural reason that warrants God’s permission for divorce and remarriage.

Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Not to debate but rather to put things into right perspective........for reason of adultery can divorce BUT NOT REMARRIES ( refer last sentence in Matthew 5:32 that you've quoted).
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chuinchoy

Guest
#13
#13
In my opinion, when there is a conflict arises, we should look at the root-cause and come out with ways to resolve them NOT putting the balme on each other. You will get hurt the more you put the blame on other party.
 
S

shirley

Guest
#14
#14
is it adultry when your husband mentally abuses you and he tells me im not worthy for anyone ;i agree seek GOD and pray about the issue i really feel bad for you marriage isnt based on lies she should be honest wth you instead of breaking your heart ; maybe there is hope n love for you two ; wth me its hopeless im put down laughted at ; not to mention when i choose to help people im being percicuted and my daughter n him say im selfish for helping others its notfair to me ; i have that passion ; anyway i will pray for you both that god will reunite you both ;
 
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FormerPooky

Guest
#15
#15
I am the kind of person who wants to know what I COULD expect. I'm NOT redy to think about dating. Eventhough I don't want the divorce, I feel I should be ready legally when I get the papers. I was already taken by surprisse once.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#16
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#16
FormerPooky said:
I am the kind of person who wants to know what I COULD expect. I'm NOT redy to think about dating. Eventhough I don't want the divorce, I feel I should be ready legally when I get the papers. I was already taken by surprisse once.
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I was kinda suprised by the focus on the remarriage thing too. That's NOT what this is about.

Your ex needs space. She moved away from you to get it. The harder you try to hang on the more you're going to entrench her on her friends couch. So your first duty is to back off and 'dissapear'.

Abscence makes the heart grow fonder after all.

Next is what some said above - what is it she needs space from? If you can identify and work on the things she needed to get away from that'd go a long way towards any hope of reconciliation.

That taken care of, remember that she needs to see these things happening for herself - and NOT be 'shown them' by you. You can't get her back. You need to make her WANT to come back.

THINK LONG TERM. I know the pain has a crushing urgency but this isn't going to be resolved tomorrow. It took YEARS for me and my wife to get back to where we are today, but we got here, one day at a time... after another after another after another. Picture where you want to be in time instead of where you want to be today. then work towards that.
 
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lost1972

Banned
#17
Sep 13, 2012
619
1
0
#17
I dont think it's wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, as long as you are completely transparent with your wife about it, I have friends who I have known for 35 years, I'm not going to run off with them, they are friends and that's all they will ever be. My wife and I are trying to work out our issues, but I have made sure that's not one of them, we have never been jealous towards each other as she knows I will never be unfaithful to her. I married her for life, not until I meet someone else,but her. She is welcome to read anything I put on Facebook, private messages and all, any text messages, I have nothing to hide from her. I think if you do have friends of the opposite sex,that's very important, let her know you have no secrets
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#18
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#18
My wife has always met and socialized with my female friends. She never met my stalker though.... ;)
 
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aprilandkeion

Guest
#19
#19
If you will read Genesis 39:6-10 on how did joseph deal with sexual temptation , joseph didnt want to commit sin against God so joseph refused to "even be with her" What is wrong in being with opposite person as long as you "draw the line" and determine not to be immoral?
Ephesians 5:3

New International Version (NIV)

3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
 
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lost1972

Banned
#20
Sep 13, 2012
619
1
0
#20
for the record the female friend I have been referring to I have known since we were five and I have been witnessing to her. She's in a deep depression and has survived several suicide attempts, We went through a lot of the same garbage growing up, so I can relate exactly what she's going through, I used to live down the street from her. God is giving me the opportunity to let her know about him, which I am doing, she is resistant to believing, but has taken some steps so it's a slow process
 
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