A Question Of Adultery

[JerryJones]

When my wife walked out on me last week, she moved in with her MALE "best friend from high school." She SWEARS they are just friends and there is nothing going on. She claims to sleep on the couch. I found out from one of her sympathetic friends that she was never coming back to me and "my friend made me do this!"

I am troubled by this. I need the counsel on the following questions:

1. Is this adultery? I mean, living togeter in his house?
2. Should spouses have friends of the opposite sex when the friends are not friends of both spouses?
3. That she is now caring for her friends son and making breakfast for the friend, as well as doing other domestic duties, is this sin?

My wife will not reconcile. She abandoned me and our marital property. Is this a ground to divorce her and be able to remarry, sometime down the road, AND NOT BE A SIN?

I love her deeply and want her back. Now for the last question, somewhere in the OT it says something about a man's wrath against another man taking his wife is justified. Am I sinning because I want to unleash my wrath on this man for what he has done? Does this conflict with: Vengeance is mine, says the Lord?

I value ALL opinions. I'm wondering what a Lutheran pastor thinks also (that's my faith.) THANKS!

It is not necessarily adultery; I mean it's possible the male could be a sodomite(homosexual), however if she is sleeping with him or any other male then obviously it is.
It is not highly recommended for spouses to have friends of the opposite sex, as ideally the husband and wife will be best friends, unfortunately this isn't too common.
It is sin for her to abandon you and her wifely duties to you, quite evil of her indeed.

I would not necessarily recommend you divorce her, even when the other spouse is in wrong (even when it be quite grievous), it is still ideal not to give up so easily.

Regarding divorce and remarriage, many believe it is permitted in abandonment(1 Cor 7), as well as the actual act of adultery. However there are some that teach it is never permitted, except when the other spouse dies. I am inconclusive on the matter, but lean towards it being permitted in those two cases, but nevertheless this seems to be the two main points of view, through out Christian history.

Are you both involved in the Church? Ideally Church discipline would come into play if she would remain impenitent. Also it is a good thing you feel wrath against this man, this is expected and shows you love her. Jealously of what is yours is a good thing. The Lord is jealous of His own as well.

A just society would execute adulterers and even in some places it is legal to kill the man you find sleeping with your wife (Texas). However since the law is corrupt, do not take personal vengeance in your own hands. It could be wise to confront him and your wife though, but going without any intention of violence. If you do such I would recommend bringing a friend or two, in case they might falsely accuse you of things. It would especially be good to bring a respected believer, so that they may confront her in her wickedness and call her out to repentance.

Also in response to others "advise" it is not necessarily have anything to do with him; his wife leaving, think Hosea. Remember people can spit in the face of genuine love, no matter how much is shown.

May the Lord bring comfort to your pain and guide and direct you regarding this terrible circumstances.

 

[FormerPooky]

My pastor says that since she abandoned the marriage and moved in with another man, even if an emotional affair, she has committed adultery. If, in the future, I heal from this breakup and am ready for a new marital relationship, he will bless the union and marry us in the church. I have no plans for an intimate relationship with a woman anytime in the future.

 

[Bea22]

My pastor says that since she abandoned the marriage and moved in with another man, even if an emotional affair, she has committed adultery. If, in the future, I heal from this breakup and am ready for a new marital relationship, he will bless the union and marry us in the church. I have no plans for an intimate relationship with a woman anytime in the future.

I'm sorry to have to say this but your pastor will answer one day at judgement if he does such a thing as bless a union once you have been divorced.
It is against the Word of God and even if an angel were to preach something against the Word of God, no matter how right it appears to be, stay away from it.
It is utterly wrong for a man to say that it is okay to remarry when he holds a position such as a pastor - how many lives is he going to answer for one day?

I only wrote on this thread in the hopes that something within you will recognise the Truth - and not remarry even if you have the chance. I know it must be hard for you, and it is human nature to want to pay back on a spouse who commits adultery, and it is human nature to want someone else, but your vow was before God and to your wife and even if she doesn't keep it, you can honour yours.

God can turn around and give her back to you, and create that love that has gone missing or died. He can cause you to be able to forgive her and look past what she has done. He can create a repentant heart within your wife. He can do ANYTHING.

At this point in your life, you should be seeking answers from Him and drawing closer to Him, and that means no one else gets in between your relationship with Him, not your pastor, not your wife, not friends, family, your job, ANYTHING. You should be seeking God with all your heart and relying on Him to help you at this very troubling time in your life. He is the only place where you will find comfort and strength and peace and love.
You shouldn't even be worrying about remarriage yet. Not one part of your focus should be on that. If you really wanted your marriage to work, you would be praying without ceasing to God for answers. Did you forget that He answers prayer?

The reason why people - and I'm not assuming you entirely - are okay with divorce is because pastors and other so called Christians tell them that remarriage is something that God allows. It lessens the blow of a potentially lonely existence until death. But you forget what GOD can do.
You forget that He is powerful. You forget that He is the author of our lives and that all things work together for good to them that love Him. Focus on God instead of all other voices. Focus on Him and seek Him and ask Him and don't leave til you get answers. Don't take your eyes off Him, this is the perfect opportunity for you to get closer to Him. He is the same yesterday, today and forever; He can do anything when we earnestly pray to Him.

I won't say anything more to you, and trust that God will lead you. But when you are feeling troubled and worried and wondering about the future and what will happen to you and to your marriage and wife, read 2 Kings 7 and always remember He is a very present help in time of need and when things look hopeless and helpless, He is always present!

 

[Nautilus]

best idea is to move on, this woman cant be trusted anymore. once a cheater always a cheater

 

[AAAPlus]

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

Can we help and pray for the gentleman asking for help instead of having a bible debate?

I'm sorry but you're so wrong. If you're reading this to say Jesus is allowing re-marriage, you need to take a class on reading comprehension.

 

[Stephen63]

1 Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

"Under bondage'' here means under the commandments of marriage. You are free if she has already divorced you to marry. Saying christians are forced to remain single is like forcing priests to be single. You see where that got them.

 

[JessW]

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

What is so hard to understand about that? I think you need a reading comprehension class.

I'm sorry but you're so wrong. If you're reading this to say Jesus is allowing re-marriage, you need to take a class on reading comprehension.

 

[FormerPooky]

Back to my original post. My wife ran off with her best MALE friend from high school. Friends of the oposite sex ar okay of they are mutual friends of both the husband and wife.

 

[FormerPooky]

As it was explained to me: my wife comitted adultery by abandoning the marriage and refusing to reconcile. That makes her a non believer. When one spouse abandons the other, that spouse is free to remarry but doesn't have to. Who said I want revenge on my wife? You did. I was directed to passages in the Gospel of St. Paul and the Book of James. There are three reasons divorce is allowed: 1) sexual immorality 2) abandonmment 3) death of one spouse. I surrender to God's will, not my own. He can work on my wife, but even I know that God will not interfere with her free will. I'm not giving up on her. I asked my pastor the original question because I have a need to be prepared for what ever God sends down the pike to me. I have no plans to remarry unless God sets a woman in front of me. And God does allow divorce in certain cases because of the hardening of the Human heart. I am drawn close to the Lord. He has already heard me in that he is taking some pain away day by day. I have a journal I write prayers on the matter in. If you have a terminal disease, is it not acceptabe to get close to God BUT STILL want to know what the future may be like? The Bible is the inerrant Word of God. It is the first and last Word on all Human matters. Lastly, I will leave you with a story. A man was adrift at sea in a lifeboat. He fervently prayed to God to be rescued. Shortly, a large ship came by . Two more ships went by him . Then, no more ships came. Despondent, the man asked the Lord, "why didn't you rescue me?" The Lord said to the man, " I did hear your prayers! I sent three boats to rescue you, didn't I?!"

 

[chuinchoy]

Unbeliever = Not christian. If this is so, then when a person has sinned, that does not make him/her to be a'unbeliever'. The bible tells us that as long as we confess our sins and believed that God has risen JESUS from dead we are saved=christian.

 

[chuinchoy]

In your case, i believed that your wife will have to answer to God during judgement day. i am not a judge only God are. As for yourself, have you re-married. If so, according to the bible (NOT MINE) you and your new wife have committed a sin also.I think the option for you now is to seek forgiveness from God hold on to 1John1:18-20.

 

[Ariel82]

or you could read the Bible and see how God forgave His adultery wife Israel and learn from Him about mercy and grace and forgiveness.