U
Ugly
Guest
I'm not settling anything. I'm letting people know that you think kidnapping a spouse is an acceptable idea as a Christian. Thats wrong, period, and there is nothing to settle.
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I'm not settling anything. I'm letting people know that you think kidnapping a spouse is an acceptable idea as a Christian. Thats wrong, period, and there is nothing to settle.
C
chuinchoy
Guest
Hava, the mother and child would be completely healed because the mother have seek professional help. The helper would use therapy to heal the mother, child and husband. What iam saying was instead of leaving the marriage can we consider to give the marriage a survival chance. You've choosen the person you wanted to share your whole life with and in God presence both of you vowed that TILL DEATH DO US APART.
i understand here that majority of brothers and sisters in christ said that you will DIE or BADLY ABUSED if you don't leave the marriage. i can share with you that there are many cases of such nature being COMPLETELY HEALED through counselling by professionals. The husband, wife and child is ALIVE till today. One such example is MYSELF. Take a guess, what would be happen to me, my elder brother and younger brother if my mum were to leave my dad when i think i was 6 years old to 12 years old?
i understand here that majority of brothers and sisters in christ said that you will DIE or BADLY ABUSED if you don't leave the marriage. i can share with you that there are many cases of such nature being COMPLETELY HEALED through counselling by professionals. The husband, wife and child is ALIVE till today. One such example is MYSELF. Take a guess, what would be happen to me, my elder brother and younger brother if my mum were to leave my dad when i think i was 6 years old to 12 years old?
C
chuinchoy
Guest
My guess is that my life would be completely messed up and i won't be what iam now today withnessing for my God.
C
chuinchoy
Guest
Please allow me to share with you all my family photo taken during my dad 80th birthday on 30/6/2012. Kindly proceed to my profile.
U
Ugly
Guest
But research by professionals who study this behavior, and have training, not just opinions, such as yours, have proven the rate of abusers quitting abuse is rare. Yes, on occasion it does happen, but it is much more common for the woman to end up hospitalized or dead. Is it really worth risking your life, and the life of children on the hopes that your husband will be one of the rare that might possibly change?
Take a guess what would have happened to you if your mom left? Well, since you think kidnapping in an acceptable form of marital counseling, then i imagine you couldn't be much worse off than you are now.
C
chuinchoy
Guest
I guess thats the reason why there are so many broken marriage in your country. You are a bad example for non-christians. My worry is how are you all going to win soul for CHRIST? You said you believe in God but you don't follow what He says, period.
Well, about the statistics that you are talking about......have you studied (i guess you have not, otherwise you would not have said it) that THERE ARE MANY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES SAVED WITH COUNSELLING except in your country. I think it is because you like to choose THE EASY WAY OUT rather than resolution....PERIOD.
Well, about the statistics that you are talking about......have you studied (i guess you have not, otherwise you would not have said it) that THERE ARE MANY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES SAVED WITH COUNSELLING except in your country. I think it is because you like to choose THE EASY WAY OUT rather than resolution....PERIOD.
S
supers
Guest
Chuinchoy, if you lived in America you would understand that this is a country of impulsive satisfaction. We have so much wealth that we do not know what to do with it. However, this wealth is diminishing and people are becoming more and more angry. Sometimes it is best to stay away from people or things that will cause us harm and allow God to heal us instead of constantly closing and opening wounds. God can deliver us from evil and many times we must come out of Egypt and into the promised land!
C
chuinchoy
Guest
C
chuinchoy
Guest
Sure, God will forgive our sins as promised by him in 1John1:8-10. But we should NOT ABUSE God's mercy on us. We should seek God's forgiveness and REPENT. Thats what christian basis is all about beside love.
Please understand that i am NOT here to judge but rather put things in RIGHT PERCEPTIVE. For God has NOT given me the mandate of a judge. Therefore, judge not so that i won't be judged.
Please understand that i am NOT here to judge but rather put things in RIGHT PERCEPTIVE. For God has NOT given me the mandate of a judge. Therefore, judge not so that i won't be judged.
U
Ugly
Guest
I understand many Christian marriages can be helped. I also know many Christians in the US divorce without any biblical grounds. But we're not talking about people who just argue and decide to give up. We're talking about women who are emotionally and physically beaten, and at risk of death in some cases. Trying to compare the two is apples and oranges, yet you're trying to make it all the same.
So before you start judging me, without knowing anything at all about me except my stance on abusive marriages, and telling me i always take 'the easy way out' (you say that too much by the way, getting old) when in reality you don't have a clue how i live my life or what kinds of choices i make in my life. And if you did know me you'd know i am not known for taking the easy way out. So stop your pharisee judgment crap and stop pretending you know anything about me.
I just wanted to add a comment regarding you not wanting to tell the church about your husband's abuse, and that is to remember that one of the things that a body of believers is for is accountability. Also, you've already mentioned that your husband has isolated you from your friends and family. So my suggestion is not to help him isolate you more, by keeping this away from the church. You need support, prayer, spiritual guidance, and love from your local body of believers. Let them help you, dear sister!
C
chuinchoy
Guest
Well its up to you. you have the right of opinion so as me. But let me remind you that everyone of us would have to accountable to God during JUDGEMENT DAY. Well hope to see everyone in HEAVEN.
I hope nobody takes this as provoke but honest guestion:
What if abused says that he/she have only two optios to kill him/herself or divorce? Because the state of her mental health and abuse that occurs?
continuing the previous post:
How you would adice or help if
The mentioned person says that she/he regrets getting married with person 2 who have altered the behaviour after the marriage by getting abusive and totally different type of person he/she used before that. The person 1 says he/she had no idea of what would become and never believed that person 2 would make him/her wishing so greatly to die because of guilt of getting this mess.
How you would adice or help if
The mentioned person says that she/he regrets getting married with person 2 who have altered the behaviour after the marriage by getting abusive and totally different type of person he/she used before that. The person 1 says he/she had no idea of what would become and never believed that person 2 would make him/her wishing so greatly to die because of guilt of getting this mess.
What your husband needs to see is the love of the truth. Leaving him is not wrong if it is done in a way that encourages and supports fruitfulness and edification. My advice is to gently tell him what you are doing, then tell him it is a temporary situation intended to give him time to read the new testament no less than three times before you'll consider moving back in with him. It's clear that your husband is under the power of an evil spirit motivating him to do what he is doing. The root cause is not hard to fix. Your husband is starving spiritually from lack of nourishment. First he needs water and milk, and plenty of it through reading the Bible, but definitely encourage him to read the NTestament first at least 3 times before he goes back to reading the OT. You should do the same that way you can always include God in the topics you talk about when you do see him at church. I fasted for 40 days and nights, and so I am well aquainted with starving, and many today are starving from lack of the Bread of Life. If he will agree to do this, then he is trying and needs love and your forgiviness. Don't divorce him, just wait patiently for the Word of God to change him while you pray the will of God concerning him. If he is born again, then part of him has never sinned and is a holy spirit by measure. Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is born of God.Help him by being sly as a serpent but harmless as a dove. Living with Romans 8:1 in mind will keep you in remembrance of the fact that there is an everlasting perspective that we can receive from God. No greater love has any man than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends. Jesus died for us, so I know that even if you have to wait 10 years (which is around 10 minutes with God), then you should wait for him in prayers and in faith.I keep you in my prayers.
To the OP, let me relate two incidents of a marriage (from where I come from )that did not start off well but ends well due to the perseverance and faith of one of the spouse. I don't know if you can relate to it or not but going through your post, I felt for you and as a believing Christian I would not want you to opt for a divorce either. I believe everything is possible in and with God's help. So, just wanted to relate this incident to let you know that you are not alone and at the same time, wanted to remind you of the hope we have in Christ if we persevere as the two marriages in the testimony will reveal.
1) The first testimony is about a man who became a God fearing evangelist now. This man in his youth days was a nominal christian and an alcoholic. After getting married, he did not change his ways but became even physically abusive towards his wife after a couple years of marriage. His wife was helpless and did not know what to do and so, sought the counsel of other Christians. The wife after seeking counsel from other fellow Christians realised that only God could change/transform her husband (as divorce is not an option) and so, she started praying for him every day and night and she would also wake up regularly at midnight and pray for her husband with sorrowful heart and tears while her husband sleep soundly like a log. This continue for about a little more than a year and by then they already had two kids. Then one night, her sorrowful prayer and tears woke her husband up and he was convicted of all his ill-behavior and ill-treatment towards his wife. To quote him, "I woke up hearing her soft cry in the death of night and listen to her praying for me. I was like, why did she prayed and cryed for a loser like me and why didn't she left me despite me ill-treating and abusing her? Then, it pierced my heart to see the depth of her love and sacrifice she has put up for our family and I just didnt know (at the time) what made me to kneel besides her and pray along with her (a man who hardly remain sober and prayed before) but I was full of tears repenting that night itself and vow never to drink, gamble, smoke and physically abused her again." From then on, their marriage life began to change for the better and he became involved in church ministry wholeheartedly, became a full time evangelist later on. Its been about thirty years now since that incident and they are now one of the most admired Christian couple serving the Lord.
2) The second testimony is about a Reverend and his estranged wife. This reverend is a well known figure in my home state for his faithfullness in the Lord. After almost twenty years of marriage, his wife (who was otherwise perceived as faithful in the Lord) eloped with another man out of the blue, leaving behind not only her husband but also her children. The whole town was shocked and the incident became the talk of the Christian community in the state. Then, after a lapse of about 3-4 months, the wife finally repented and returned back to her husband who welcomed her back into their marital life (insiders had it that the reverend constantly prayed for his wife during all these time). Everyone was again shocked by the forgiveness attitude displayed by the reverend in welcoming back his wife. It seems the reverend told people close to him that if Christ could forgive his filthy sins, who was he to condemn his repentant wife? It seems the reverend didnot blame his wife rather he blame the devil that took control of her over a moments weakness. This incident took place in the mid 1990's and their marriage still remain strong to be seen.
I am relating this two story in the hope that it in some way might help in elevating your burden that you seems to be going through at the moment.
1) The first testimony is about a man who became a God fearing evangelist now. This man in his youth days was a nominal christian and an alcoholic. After getting married, he did not change his ways but became even physically abusive towards his wife after a couple years of marriage. His wife was helpless and did not know what to do and so, sought the counsel of other Christians. The wife after seeking counsel from other fellow Christians realised that only God could change/transform her husband (as divorce is not an option) and so, she started praying for him every day and night and she would also wake up regularly at midnight and pray for her husband with sorrowful heart and tears while her husband sleep soundly like a log. This continue for about a little more than a year and by then they already had two kids. Then one night, her sorrowful prayer and tears woke her husband up and he was convicted of all his ill-behavior and ill-treatment towards his wife. To quote him, "I woke up hearing her soft cry in the death of night and listen to her praying for me. I was like, why did she prayed and cryed for a loser like me and why didn't she left me despite me ill-treating and abusing her? Then, it pierced my heart to see the depth of her love and sacrifice she has put up for our family and I just didnt know (at the time) what made me to kneel besides her and pray along with her (a man who hardly remain sober and prayed before) but I was full of tears repenting that night itself and vow never to drink, gamble, smoke and physically abused her again." From then on, their marriage life began to change for the better and he became involved in church ministry wholeheartedly, became a full time evangelist later on. Its been about thirty years now since that incident and they are now one of the most admired Christian couple serving the Lord.
2) The second testimony is about a Reverend and his estranged wife. This reverend is a well known figure in my home state for his faithfullness in the Lord. After almost twenty years of marriage, his wife (who was otherwise perceived as faithful in the Lord) eloped with another man out of the blue, leaving behind not only her husband but also her children. The whole town was shocked and the incident became the talk of the Christian community in the state. Then, after a lapse of about 3-4 months, the wife finally repented and returned back to her husband who welcomed her back into their marital life (insiders had it that the reverend constantly prayed for his wife during all these time). Everyone was again shocked by the forgiveness attitude displayed by the reverend in welcoming back his wife. It seems the reverend told people close to him that if Christ could forgive his filthy sins, who was he to condemn his repentant wife? It seems the reverend didnot blame his wife rather he blame the devil that took control of her over a moments weakness. This incident took place in the mid 1990's and their marriage still remain strong to be seen.
I am relating this two story in the hope that it in some way might help in elevating your burden that you seems to be going through at the moment.
C
chuinchoy
Guest
Dear fellow brothers and sisters in christ who are in the US, having heard my personal testermony and sharing of a brother who is in India, are you convinced that marriage can be RECONCILED if both party are willing?
H
Hava91
Guest
IF both are fullheartedly willing and God is helping.
the problem is that MOST abusers would sat they are willing, even go to counceling, and not really care. many wud use it as another lie to coninue control and abuse =(
the problem is that MOST abusers would sat they are willing, even go to counceling, and not really care. many wud use it as another lie to coninue control and abuse =(
U
Ugly
Guest
Yeah, IF both are willing. The part you seem to keep skipping over is that rarely, rarely rarely do abusers ever consent to help. And most often when they do, its more of a pacifying gesture than a true belief they need to change. Or they go with the expectation that they counselor will 'fix' their spouse, and that they are totally blameless themselves. You keep removing the abuse element and make it seem as though this is just petty arguments and shes not even trying. She gets beat. Wake up, stop trying to deny the dynamics of the situation every time you respond.
Though i can't say i'm surprised by your attitude, growing up in a country where women are property to be beat and killed for not doing what they're told or dressing wrong or speaking their mind. Of course you think a woman should stay in an abusive relationship, and be kidnapped if she doesn't.
C
chuinchoy
Guest
i understand your point and it shows that you do not understand /aware how counselling by phychiatrist work. i would suggest that you try it. really, you won't regret doing it. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, the phychiatrist might prescrib medication to help you to remain cool eventhough under tough situation.